Shane Battier

  • Blogs

    September 1, 2014

    Dwyane Wade, Gabrielle Union Married at Redlands Castle

    While the security and secrecy surrounding Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union's wedding was tight, it turns out the pair got married at a moat-surrounded castle in the Redlands. Yet despite the signed confidentiality agreements, key details about #TheWadeUnion still managed to leak. See also: Castle ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2014

    Birdman Is Leaving: Where Each Heat Player's Future Stands Right Now

    And so it begins. Chris "Birdman" Andersen won't exercise his player's option next season and will enter free agency instead. That's according to a Yahoo! Sports story anyway. Granted, win or lose, some roster changes were to be expected, but after last night's humiliation, the future of the Heat ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 23, 2014

    Miami Heat's Shane Battier Pizza at MC Kitchen Tonight

    The NBA playoffs are in full swing, and that means fans are looking for places to grab a bite and watch the game. There are many sports bars and restaurants offering wing and beer specials while the game is on, but how many restaurants actually invite you to eat like Heat players, who face the Charl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2014

    LeBron's Hangover: James Outscored by Beasley One Day After Record Performance

    Welp, that wasn't as fun as Monday. The Heat lost a total setup of a hangover game 106-103 to the Houston Rockets Monday night. Asking the Heat to follow LeBron's 61 point game less than 24 hours later felt a lot like the camera panning from Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons to Kacey Musgraves at ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 28, 2014

    Battioke: Heat Organization Comes Out in Full Force for South Beach Battioke 2014

    What's it like watching professional basketball players step completely out of their comfort zone? No one would know better than legendary basketball guru and Miami Heat president Pat Riley. "Tomorrow is probably going to be the funnest day of the year at practice," the 68-year-old Riley said at th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 17, 2014

    Heat's Shane Battier Talks Battioke, Obama, and Multiple Championships

    As you might have guessed, Miami Heat players are a cast of characters. So when the Heat's Shane Battier asked his teammates to get onstage for a good cause, he didn't have to do much persuading. "It's hard to sell someone on getting onstage and putting themselves out there," Battier said during a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 8, 2014

    Watch LeBron Sing Ne-Yo and Shane Battier Sing "Baby One More Time"

    The Miami Heat are playing the Fillmore Miami Beach. No, not basketball, but actually singing. Shane Battier's annual charity fundraiser Battioke is going down January 27th at the concert hall, and of course there's a promo video featuring Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Battier himself taking on thei ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2014

    Heat Finally Unveils "Nickname Jersey" Monikers

    Sure, it's a blatant merchandising grab, but we've been pretty excited about the idea of Miami Heat players wearing special-edition nickname jerseys. We've already received news that Ray Allen would wear "J. Shuttlesworth" and that LeBron would sport "King James," but today the team unveiled the ful ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 18, 2013

    Ray Allen Will Wear "Jesus Shuttlesworth" Heat Jersey

    The most anticipated merchandising ploy of the NBA season is almost upon us: The Miami Heat will soon debut its "nickname" jerseys that will swap out, well, nicknames for the players' last names on the back of their jerseys. Knicks fan Spike Lee, of all people, apparently got one of the first looks, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 6, 2013

    LeBron Scores Season High 35, Heat Beat Raptors 104-95

    Minus new Papa Chris Bosh, the Miami Heat beat the Toronto Raptors 104-95 in Toronto Wednesday night. LeBron James led the Heat with a season high 35 points, eight rebounds, and eight assists, while Dwyane Wade looked the best he has all season, notching 20 points, six rebounds, and five assists in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 25, 2013

    Miami Heat Twitter Breakdown: LeBron Reigns, Haslem's Boring, Battier Only Follows 9 People

    The NBA season is still a month away but already Miami is bubbling with news about our back-to-back champion ballers. Michael Beasley has returned, hopefully minus the marijuana habit. Draft pick James Ennis is already king of the koalas. And you may soon be able to buy a jersey with "Jesus Shuttles ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2013

    Miami Heat Could Wear Jerseys With Nicknames Next Season

    Last names are so over. The NBA is reportedly entertaining the possibility of allowing the Miami Heat to display nicknames on the back of their jersey for at least one game against the Brooklyn Nets next season -- probably because finding an excuse to offer a new limited edition LeBron jersey is too ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 26, 2013

    Miami Heat Off-Season: Who Should Stay for a Three-Peat?

    People already want to know how the Miami Heat will go from "Re-Heat" to "Three-Heat," something only three teams (L.A., Boston, and Chicago) have done. How will they keep the motivation at the same level it's been during the past three seasons? How do they circumvent salary cap restrictions enough ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2013

    How the Heat Celebrated: LeBron, Wade Partied With Drake at Story, Battier Went to Denny's

    You're a freshly crowned, back-to-back NBA champ. The world is your oyster, and you're in one of the greatest party cities on Earth. Where do you live it up? LeBron, D-Wade, Ray Allen, and Udonis Haslem all celebrated their new rings at Story Nightclub in South Beach, dancing onstage with Drake wh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 20, 2013

    Hottest Miami Heat Players, According to the Ladies

    There's something inexplicably sexy about sweaty men, especially the men of the Miami Heat. Just look at the way they run across the basketball court at the AAA with perspiration slowly dripping down their chiseled biceps, how aggressively they fight for the ball, and how smoothly they score. Mayb ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 23, 2013

    Shane Battier Got a Truck Full of Bud Light

    Recently, the Miami Heat's Shane Battier admitted that his only pregame superstition is sticking to drinking the same beer."I try to drink the same beer -- Bud Light -- but that's about it," Battier told an blog. "You never know. I don't want to chance luck and switch up brands, so I'm stayi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 19, 2013

    Heat Beats Boston in 105-103 Thriller to Stretch Win Streak to 23

    With the game tied at 103 and less than 20 seconds left, the basketball found itself exactly where Miami Heat fans would prefer it never leave: LeBron James's hands. Game. Blouses. It's a Miami Heat World right now, ladies and gentlemen, and we are just living in it.James rattled in a jumper with 10 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 18, 2013

    The Heat's Winning Streak Hits 22, the Second-Longest Ever, With Victory Over Raptors

    For a moment on this lazy Sunday afternoon in Toronto, it seemed as though it might all end for the Miami Heat exactly where it began. For a moment. With the game tied at 77 early in the fourth, the Heat turned on, well, the heat, blasting off on a 28-4 run to help secure a win for the 22nd straight ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 1, 2013

    The Miami Heat Make a Harlem Shake Video Because Why The Hell Not?

    When you're kicking ass on the court, you can pretty much do whatever you want off of it. The Chicago Bears had the "Super Bowl Shuffle" back in 1986. Now the Miami Heat have made their claim to this year's meme, the Harlem Shake.And a helluva claim it is, with King James prancing around in a crown ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 27, 2013

    Heat Holds Off Kings 141-129 in Double OT, Win Streak Hits 12

    It took 79 combined points from LeBron James and Dwyane Wade on this night to keep the Heat's win streak alive, but the streak lives: 12 straight and counting.LeBron dropped a stat line that hasn't been seen since the chain-saw scene in Scarface. He finished with 40 points, 18 assists, and eight reb ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 25, 2013

    Heat Pull Out 11th Straight, Beat Cavs 109-105

    No Oscars were awarded for Dwyane Wade's fourth-quarter performance Sunday night. Just another Miami Heat win, that's all. With his team down seven with just under four minutes to go, the man they once called "Flash" played the role of superhero, scoring 11 of his 24 in the game's final five minutes ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 13, 2013

    Heat Pull Away With Late Run, Win Sixth Straight 117-104 Over Blazers

    Down 102-101 with four minutes left, with danger knocking at the door of the Heat's five-game winning streak, the Miami Heat collectively reminded everyone -- they are the ones that knock. Miami bested the Blazers 117-104 Tuesday night, once again led by LeBron James and his 30 points, six rebounds, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2013

    Watch LeBron James and Dwyane Wade Sing "Rock With You" and "If I Ever Fall in Love"

    So, Shane Battier's annual celebrity karaoke event went down this weekend at the Eden Roc Hotel, and if you couldn't afford the $250 tickets to the charity event, don't worry. Of course some video evidence has leaked.

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2013

    Heat Top Lakers 99-90 As LeBron, Wade Score 66 Combined

    We cool now, Heat fans? LeBron and Wade came into the Staples Center last night, dropped their shorts and proceeded to Danza-slap every Lakers player, coach and fan in attendance with a 99-90 victory that was ALL D-Wade and Cobradick.The Heat were the real stars in attendance despite the presence of ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2013

    Here's a Video of Shane Battier Singing The Love Boat Theme Song in a Captain's Hat

    Shane Battier: great three-point shooter. Horrible singer.That didn't stop the Miami Heat forward from belting out the theme from The Love Boat on YouTube to promote his upcoming star-studded karaoke-themed charity gala.

  • Blogs

    November 8, 2012

    Brainy Shane Battier Would Challenge Any NBA Power Forward to Jeopardy

    With 34 years on his relatively skinny frame, the Miami Heat's Shane Battier may not be the most physically intimidating power forward in the NBA, but damn it if he's not one of smartest. The Duke-educated (it's the Harvard of the south, you know ...) Battier is so sure of his brains that he figures ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 5, 2012

    The Heat's Shane Battier Is Super Famous in China

    The Heat will travel to China next week for two preseason games against the LA Clippers, and fans in the country are basketball-crazy, perhaps even more so than in America. Hell, they worship Shane Battier. Seriously, dude's face is apparently plastered all over billboards, and he's nicknamed "Mr. P ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2012

    ESPN: Miami Heat Have Both NBA's Best and Worst Player

    I guess it's only fair that since the Miami Heat have the undisputed best basketball player in the world that they should also have the worst player in the entire league.To no one's surprise, ESPN's experts today put LeBron James atop their #NBARank listicle, which is kind of hilarious because ... More >>

  • Music

    July 12, 2012
  • Blogs

    June 26, 2012

    Three Loco's Riff Raff, Andy Milonakis, Dirt Nasty Bring Blog Rap to LIV Miami on July 18

    Curiously, LIV has become Miami Beach's epicenter of irony. Last week, the Miami Heat's LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Shane Battier reveled in their 2012 championship win at the megaclub, just 375 days after the Mark Cuban-owned Dallas Mavericks bought out the bar to celebrate beating LeBron and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2012

    Miami Heat Celebrate NBA Championship at LIV, Pop $75,000 Bottles of Champagne, "Party Rock" with LMFAO (Videos)

    For the Miami Heat, failure was not an option last night. And not because taking the title would've proved that much more difficult in Oklahoma City, but because the post-victory celebration would've likely gone down at an Applebee's and ended at midnight. Instead, the Heat closed the series out ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 18, 2012

    Heat-OKC Game 4: Head to db Bistro Moderne for Free Drinks, Game-Long Happy Hour

    So the Heat won again last night and you are preparing for Game 4 tomorrow at 9 p.m.. When Shane Battier make his next three-pointer, and he will, you will want to shout. HELL YEAH DRINKS ON ME. Wait, you didn't mean that. Now you owe everyone in earshot a Red Bull and vodka.This scenario will be le ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 18, 2012

    Miami Heat Win Ugly, Take 2-1 Series Lead

    The Miami Heat shot 37 percent from the field last night. They turned the ball over nine times in the fourth quarter. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook both shot over 50 percent. Dwyane Wade's performance was once again pure ass. Chris Bosh finished 3-for-12 from the field. LeBron James failed to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 15, 2012

    Miami Heat Withstand Thunder Rally, Tie Series 1-1

    Holy assballs it almost happened again.After the Miami Heat held the lead from the opening tip, just like in Game 1, and held a double-digit lead, just like in Game 1, the Oklahoma City Thunder almost rallied back to steal Game 2, just like Game 1.But thanks to LeBron James hitting a slap-yo-momma-a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2012

    Miami Heat Let First-Half Lead Slip Away, Lose Game 1

    Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Finals was a tale of two halves.The Miami Heat shot out of the gate strong, hitting shots, making threes and getting a huge game from *record scratch* Shane Battier!But the second half was a whole other bag of salted cock n' balls as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook did to t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 10, 2012

    Heat Are Eastern Conference Champions, Will Face Oklahoma City in NBA Finals

    After blowing up the Boston Celtics Big Three Era (for the second straight season) in last night's 101-88 Game 7 triumph, the Miami Heat are headed to their second-straight NBA Finals. The Big Three known as LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh scored Miami's final 31 points, including all ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 18, 2012

    Dwyane Wade Implodes as Heat Fall Into 2-1 Hole Against the Pacers

    Up until last night, the story of this Eastern Conference semi-final was Chris Bosh's abdominal strain and how much the Heat would miss him. But after last night's 94-75 blowout loss to the Pacers, the story is now how Dwyane Wade magically transformed into an amorphous blob of basketball shittiness ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 16, 2012

    Heat Drop Game 2 to the Pacers

    Here's a stat that you can print out, crumble into a ball, and shove up your ass: No team has ever won an NBA playoff game when their third-leading scorer dropped five or fewer points. Last night, Mario Chalmers scored five points on 2-of-10 shooting, Shane Battier scored five points on 1-of-2 shoot ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 7, 2012

    Heat Can't Sweep as Knicks Take Game Four

    The Miami Heat showed up to Madison Square Garden for Game 4 yesterday and, while they have plenty of fucks to give, they must have left them in their other jeans, because for three quarters the Heat played like they had none to give away. None fucks. And so the result was a 89-87 loss to the New Yo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 16, 2012

    Heat Sweep the Knicks, Win Southeast Division

    The Miami Heat went into Madison Square Garden yesterday for the first and only time this regular season, and proceeded to mash the spleens of the New York Knickerbockers to the tune of 93-85, snapping New York's nine-game home-winning streak, sweeping the season series against the Knicks and taking ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 13, 2012

    Heat Get Nothing From Bench, Lose to Bulls in OT

    Holy shit bananas, that was rough.The Miami Heat dropped a gut-wrenching loss to the Chicago Bulls 96-86 in overtime last night.And while the game is meaningless in terms of overall playoff importance, it still feels like Heat fans got their collective cocks slammed in a Metrobus door. WILL SOMEONE ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 11, 2012

    Heat Loses to the Celtics at Home, Falls Three Games Behind Number One Seed

    LeBron James scored a game-high 36 points last night, while the rest of the Miami Heat stood and watched as the Boston Celtics shot 60 percent from the floor in yet another listless-shit-the-bed-let's-all-go-outside-and-punt-a-litter-of-kittens-loss by the Heat.Rajon Rondo once again had his way aga ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 4, 2012

    Heat Clinch Playoff Berth With 16th Consecutive Home Win

    Weirdly enough, the Miami Heat only play like a bag of shit on the road, because they remain as dominant as ever at home. LeBron James dropped a season-high 41 points -- 15 in the fourth quarter -- as the Heat took down the Philadelphia 76ers 99-93 last night, winning their 16th straight home g ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 2, 2012

    Heat Turns In Worst Offensive Performance of Year, Loses to Celtics

    ​The Miami Heat has been unstoppable at home since the All-Star break. On the road, however, the team has been a big, heaping pile of ass. And that was certainly the case yesterday during their 91-72 gag reflex of a loss to the Boston Celtics.Rajon Rondo recorded a triple-double against Miami's de ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2012

    LeBron James Ain't Care: Battling the Flu, LBJ Dominates Lakers

    ​LeBron James told the flu to go fuck itself, and then promptly became a righteous wrecker of ass, as he led the Miami Heat to their 98-87 beatdown of the L.A. Lakers last night. James, who dropped 31 points, 8 rebounds and 8 assists, killed a baseball team owner, and made Kobe Bryant his own ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 17, 2012

    NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Win Championship, LeBron Has Good Shot at MVP

    ​It's tough to find a group of people who know the NBA more than the league's own group of general managers. For the tenth year in a row, surveyed all 30 GMs to get their take on the state of the league, and 74.1 percent think the Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship. They also think L ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2012

    The Best Revenge is Revenge: Heat Take Down Hawks in 3OT Without James or Wade

    ​Dwyane Wade, out with a sore left foot. LeBron James, out with a sprained left ankle. The Miami Heat, having to go into Atlanta undermanned, against a Hawks team that had just beaten them at home with James and Wade.Problem? Shit and no.Enter Chris Bosh. Bosh proceeded to trample any hopes Atlant ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 9, 2011

    James Jones and Mario Chalmers Will Return to the Heat (at a Discount)

    ​Today is finally the beginning of the NBA's free-agency period, and with the Heat's first game a little more than two weeks away, the team will have to work fast and furious to nail the roster down. We've already gotten news that Shane Battier and Eddy Curry will be new guys on the block, bu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 8, 2011

    Shane Battier Says He's Signing With the Heat UPDATE: And Eddy Curry Too

    ​So despite the fact that the Miami Heat are severely hurting in the point guard and center spots, their first signing priority this season was apparently the owner's son's college buddy.In the first indication of the team's signing decisions, Shane Battier has announced he'll be playing for the H ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 8, 2011

    Miami Heat Considering Grant Hill and Tracy McGrady

    ​Last season, the Miami Heat's roster included a few big superstar names and a lot of over-the-hill veterans. That worked out relatively fine, but wasn't quite enough. Maybe a few big superstar over-the-hill veterans could help? The team's top brass thinks it might be worth a shot, and is reported ... More >>

  • More >>