Sarasota

Roofless Records' Spring of Rites Florida Tour: Dim Past, Lambskin, Diamond Hymen

Who's in the mood for some "aphotic tekno/psychedelic noise"? Awesome. 'Cause local cult of experimental tuneage Roofless Records and its high priest Matt Preira is convening a kickoff ceremony for the Spring of Rites Florida Tour at Wynwood's Gramps tonight. Go forth. Descend into the eternal out ... More >>

Study: Miamians Slightly Less Miserable Than in 2011

Congratulations, we're 119th!Gallup has once again released its annual Well-Being Index, and of the country's 189 metropolitan statistical areas, the Miami-Fort Lauderdale-Pompano area came in 119th. Which still isn't that great, but it's a stark improvement from our 146th ranking in 2011.

Rat Bastard's International Noise Conference: Insane 135-Act Lineup, Celebrates 10 Years

According to the Internet, a ten year anniversary is to be celebrated with diamonds. Because "a marriage that lasts ten years is as durable and beautiful as a diamond."Now, "durable" and "beautiful" may not be the first words one associates with Frank "Rat Bastard" Falestra's annual International N ... More >>

The Year In Insane Florida Food Fights: From Picnic Decapitations to Pork Rind Stabbings

What is it about an empty stomach that leads to so much crime in the Sunshine State? Regular readers of Riptide already know that Florida is well known for its bizarre, sometimes incomprehensible news stories about bungled robberies, bizarre murders, and drug deals gone bad. But a bizarre number of ... More >>

Kratom Comes to Florida: Is the Next Big Drug Craze Dangerous?

Manatee Molester on the Loose in Tampa Bay

An unidentified woman was seen hitching a ride on the back of a manatee in the waters off Fort De Soto Park in the Tampa Bay area, which runs afoul of the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act.Now authorities are looking for the manatee molester.

Study: South Florida Isn't Actually a Good Place to Retire

Despite its reputation as America's premier retirement destination, a new study shows that South Florida actually isn't the smartest place for the elderly to retire. The Milken Institute's "Best Cities for Successful Aging" rankings put the South Florida tri-county area at 37th out of America's 100 ... More >>

London 2012 Olympics: Introducing Your Florida Athletes

See also "Six South Florida Athletes To Keep Tabs On During the Games" and "London 2012 Olympics: South Florida Athletes (Photos)"Something called "the Olympic Spirit" is in the air, and suddenly, we're suppose to care about equestrian sports and whether or not China is sending 10-year-olds to destr ... More >>

Angry Florida Man in a Mercedes Pulls a Gun at McDonald's Drive-Thru, Gets Arrested

Remember back in May when a Florida man got arrested for pulling out a gun in order to cut in the drive-thru line at a McDonald's? Yeah, well apparently John Widmann III didn't get the memo that pulling a firearm out at a fast-food restaurant is a quick recipe for arrest. He finds himself behind bar ... More >>

Underappreciated Butchers Want Your Appreciation

Whole Foods Market recently hosted a competition for butchers. Why? Many of us remember living in other parts of the country, and the world, where there was a butcher shop on every street corner. (Vegans: Reader discretion is strongly advised from here on in.)Rich, tender pieces of meat hung on stai ... More >>

Northbound Biscayne Boulevard Closed Thursday Through Monday for Ultra

​Ultra Music Festival is taking it to the streets. Literally. A few blocks of northbound lanes on Biscayne Boulevard will be closed starting Thursday night through early Monday morning. Plan your route accordingly, and as a favor to yourself and the drivers who can't avoid it, consider staying out ... More >>

Casino Bill Dies in Florida House

​If you were a betting man, hopefully you were betting that a bill to bring three full-service, Las Vegas-style casinos to South Florida wouldn't pass this year. You'd be cashing in right now.The bill has died in the Florida House, after Rep. Erik Fresen, the Republican from Miami who is sponsorin ... More >>

Ladies, Looking for a Sensitive Dude? Well Pompano Beach is Ranked America's Sensitive Man Capital

​Ladies, are you sick of meeting South Beach douchebags who are about as emotionally numb as their nostrils after snorting a line? Tired of those Hialeah pigs who don't even consider your feelings when they're hollering at you from their '97 Nissans? Fed up with those Brickell pricks who think all ... More >>

Everybody Sweat Now: MIA's Seafair Expo Sends Us Overboard

​In concept, staging an art fair on a snazzy, $40 million dollar yacht that only Google's Larry Page or Saudi Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud can afford seems like a grand idea. After all, who doesn't want to rub shoulders with the rich and snooty while checking out artworks in quarters as tight ... More >>

From Marcel Duchamp to the Negro League: Notable Miami art shows in January 2012

Duchamp Primer

Miami's Slashpine Makes the Pilgrimmage to Meet Olympia's Wolves in the Throne Room

Photo by Chris BeugThese are Wolves in the Throne Room.​Slashpine Travelogue Wolves in the Throne Room The Chop Shop, St. Petersburg, Florida Friday, September 23, 2011 It's hard to reckon the episode we experienced in Florida's backwater over the weekend. It was was meant to be a quick detour on ... More >>

Nevin Shapiro: Don't Believe a Word

​Scam artist Nevin Shapiro's allegations detailed in Yahoo! Sports might end the University of Miami football program. Or maybe not. As New Times showed this past December in a lengthy magazine-style piece, Shapiro is "the epitome of a Magic City con artist: a hard-partying, tasteless, statu ... More >>

Rick Scott Won't Kill Citizens Property Insurance, He Just Wants to Shrink It

​Gov. Rick Scott has denied a report in the Sarasota Herald-Tribune that his administration aims to kill Citizens Property Insurance during his first term. Scott claims he's merely sticking to his campaign promise to reduce the state-run home insurer and return it to its original intent ... More >>

No, 70 People Were Not Trapped in an Airport Hangar Due to Central Florida's Crazy Weather

via Bay News 9​It's in the 80s and perfectly sunny here in Miami, but our state-mates in the central part of Florida aren't enjoying the same good weather. An apparent tornado that ripped through Tampa has left many areas in Central Florida in disarray. But a report carried by numerous national me ... More >>

Buju Banton: Dirty Dozen 2010

​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>

Shocking Finding: Retirees Love Florida

​Florida really is Heaven's waiting room. According to a new study by Portfolio.com, the Sunshine State is by far the most popular destination for retirees, which has major implications as the gigantic baby boomer population continues to enter retirement age. The good news for Miamians who hate ol ... More >>

Crist backer Gary Kompothecras bullies Florida health officials

Blast From the Past: The Jackie Papers - Uckfay Ooyay

​ The Jackie Papers Uckfay Ooyay (Stiff Pole Records) www.stiffpolerecords.com In honor of Richard "Big Stiff" Konwinski, who passed this past July in Tampa, I'll be juggling between the County Grind and Crossfade blogs doing my Blast From the Past thing on the record label that he founded, Stif ... More >>

Event Review: 10 X 10 at Miami Art Museum, May 13

Photo by Ben Thacker​Click here to view all the photos from this event.10 X 10 Miami MAM Contemporaries SocialMiami Art Museum, Miami Thursday, May 13, 2010Better than: Ben Stiller's Night at the MuseumThe Review:10 x 10 is a concept lecture series featuring ten up and coming local creative mind ... More >>

Betty White Stars in CSI: Sarasota as David Caruso's Aunt Vivian

​Our dream mashup of Miami-set TV shows would involve Burn Notice's Michael Western holding back CSI: Miami's Horatio Caine as Crockett and Tubbs take turns pistol-whipping him while screaming, "Yeah, you think your little puns are funny? How's this for funny, punk?"Golden Girls star Betty White g ... More >>

Backstage in South Florida: Who to Thank for Jimmy Buffett's Illustrious Career

​Music vet and New Times scribe Lee Zimmerman shares stories of memorable rock 'n' roll encounters that took place in our local environs. This week, Jimmy gets a hit and Lee gets the nod.Prior to May 1977, Jimmy Buffett was just another wannabe singer/songwriter who did his time in Nashville befor ... More >>

Roofless Records Just Won't Reveal Its Cinema Sounds Secrets Till Tomorrow

From the moment Cinema Sounds No. 6 was announced, there's been a serious swirl of secrecy surrounding the whole thing. And no matter how hard we batter him with questions, Roofless Rex exec Matt Preira refuses to reveal anything but the most basic details. He just smirks and says: "It's secret!' U ... More >>

Letters from the issue of February 18, 2010

Letters from the Issue of November 5, 2009

Be Organic's Takeover Tour Bike Rides Cooking Demos and Seminars Across the State of Florida

via organictakeover.comThe Be Organic takeover team are (left to right) Roosevelt Desir, Chad Cherry, Kirk Nelson, and Andre Walker​Be Organic (click) are four chefs whose mission it is to spread the gospel of the organic lifestyle, its health, emotional, and monetary benefits.September 2nd they e ... More >>

James Beard Nominations Confirm Our Secret Crushes

The James Beard Foundation has announced its nominees for the best chefs around the country, and two of our hunky, homegrown hubbas are among this year's picks: Chef Dean James Max (pictured left) of 3030 Ocean, in Fort Lauderdale; and Chef Zach Bell of Cafe Boulud in Palm Beach. It seems as th ... More >>

Florida Probably Doesn't Want New Hampshire's Leftovers

Considering most runners in the 2010 Senate race haven't held a position higher than congressman, it might behoove anyone with a stronger resumé to think about entering the fray, and what better job to have in your past when seeking a Senate seat than senator? Reportedly, former New Hampshire Sen. ... More >>

Mini-Madoff Turns Himself In

Much has happened with Art Nadel since we last wrote about him. For one, he has acquired a catchy new nickname: Mini-Madoff! How dignified. More important, though, he turned himself in to the FBI early this morning. Nadel ran six hedge funds out of Sarasota, and investors thought they were worth $30 ... More >>

Welcome to Florida, Can I Interest You in a Shady Hedge Fund?

Riptide is not much of an economist, then again who is these days? But, if I'm following the logic correctly, the reason we have so many tax cuts and loopholes for the über-rich is because theoretically they're supposed to inject their extra money directly back into the economy and create jobs and ... More >>

Florida Doctors Scared of Palin, Ask For McCain's Medical Records

Crist Loves McCain as Much as Ever

Tuner Chicks Pimp Their Rides

Women spend big money tricking out cars, too.

Escopazzo Going Greener

Escopazzo Going Greener

Metal Magic

Loud rock music, sleight of hand, and life in a trailer. What a combo!

1984 and Counting

Media attempts to find a face for terrorism -- and to fashion a response -- evoke George Orwell

Best Local Artist

Glexis Novoa

Marley's Mixed Message

Shoot the sheriff, shoot the breeze, stand up, get down, whatever

The Joy of Struggle

Dade Divided

One person won the job of county chief executive. But in the end, everybody lost.

The Bros. and the Sister

Can a little hippie chick with a big, big voice trample the bottom line?

Program Notes

Swelter

Pee-Wee Herman Needs Your Help

Kid-show creator Paul Reubens allegedly gets caught with his pants down. Only in America could this ruin a brilliant career.