Sarasota

A 44-Year-Old Grandma in Sarasota Took Her Granddaughter to a Drug Deal

There are few descriptors more woebegone than "44-year-old Sarasota grandma," and yet this tale is sadder than that even suggests.Michelle Sears, the 44-year-old Sarasota grandmother in question, was stopped on Monday by a local sheriff's deputy for driving with a suspended license. Sears' six-year- ... More >>

Floridian Steals Neighbor's Obama Sign Because It Tells Burglars Unarmed "Half-Wits" Live There

When a man in Sarasota repeatedly took Obama signs off his neighbor's lawn, he wanted to let her know it wasn't just vandalism. See, he was looking out for everyone's safety by not letting burglars know that weak-kneed, Second Amendment-hating liberals lived there. He even sent her a postcard helpfu ... More >>

Most Ridiculous Anti-Obama Ad Ever Runs in Major Florida Newspaper

According to an ad running today in The Sarasota Tribune-Herald, Barack Obama is basically going to come down to your place of work and fire you, and then give it to an illegal immigrant. He's then going to reach into your pocket and steal all your cash to pay for gay babies and abortions. Go ahead ... More >>

Haitian Beer Prestige Takes Gold Medal at World Beer Cup Competition

"Local" import Haitian beer Prestige won a gold medal yesterday for Best American-Style Cream of Ale. It took category #42 at the winners banquet for the World Beer Cup competition in San Diego.Miami is not considered part of the Caribbean, but Prestige was as close Florida got to receiving any awar ... More >>

Drunk Florida Grandparents Tow Granddaughter Behind SUV in a Plastic Hot Wheels Car

Two Sarasota grandparents found themselves behind bars after hitching their 7-year-old granddaughter's plastic Hot Wheels car to the back of their SUV and taking her for a ride. We could totally understand how, to a 7-year-old, this would seem like an awesome idea. But two adults probably should hav ... More >>

Sarasota's Tackiest Landmark Slammed Into By 62-Year-Old Driver

Miami has a ton of public art eyesores, notably a 

Rum Renaissance Ends Today: Try These Brands

So many rums, so little time!If you attend today's wrap-up of 2012 Rum Renaissance at the Deauville Beach Resort, (starting at noon for VIP, 1 p.m. for regular admission). Short Order has you covered. Yesterday we squirmed our way through the many vendors and tasted the finest of the bunch. Here is ... More >>

Florida Teacher Anne Wampole Suspended for Being at School Super Drunk

​There are only a handful of jobs where working under the influence of alcohol may be a benefit: stripper, news blogger, game show host. High school teacher certainly isn't one of them, as Bayshore High School's Anne Wampole has found out the hard way.

Buju Banton is innocent

Weird Wives and Luma Junger Square Off Against Alligator Alley, Wise Wizards, and Gulf Coast Fauna (Plus Free Music!)

Fear, loathing, and boiled peanuts in Sarasota, Florida.​Alligator Alley, the artery connecting lower Southwest Florida with the Gulf Coast b/w The Everglades, is so flat, straight and strikingly unremarkable that it takes on the vertiginous qualities of the most hypnogogic labyrinths. That is to ... More >>

FDLE Paid Employees to Get Drunk on Whiskey for Possibly Worthless Study

​The Florida Department of Law Enforcement spent $330 back in October on Jim Beam whiskey, mixers and some Doritos. Fifteen employees then proceeded to get drunk on company time. Sounds like the makings of an office party, no? Not so much. The ill advised plan was part of a makeshift study to ... More >>

George W. Bush Wishes Jeb Would Have Ran for President This Year

​George W. Bush has remained relatively quiet throughout the Republican primary race. That's not unusual for former presidents, and, perhaps, most candidates may not have been rushing for his support anyway. But it seems that none of the current candidates were Bush's favorites. He much would have ... More >>

Homeless Florida Man Decapitates Another Over Spilled Food

​An unidentified homeless man knocked over a grill and ended up losing his head early Tuesday morning in Sarasota.Ricky L. Leer, 48, another homeless resident of Sarasota, now stands charged of second-degree murder after allegedly lopping off the man's head with a machete-like knife.

Melanie Ratcliff: Feathers, Suede, and Skin

​Fashion Breakdown: Feather vest from Sarasota boutique Simply Spoiled; dress -- "no idea"; BCBG boots; Anthropologie necklace; earrings a Christmas gift from her boyfriend.

Opa-Locka Sgt. German Bosque: Sarasota Herald-Tribune's Epic Takedown of Florida's Dirtiest Cop

Facebook​When a Sarasota daily newspaper went looking for Florida's dirtiest cop, they landed in our very own Middle Eastern-themed, bullet-riddled, corruption-crazy backyard. The most surprising aspect of the Sarasota Herald-Tribune's epic exposé of Opa-Locka Sgt. German Bosque's history on th ... More >>

Eight-Foot-Tall Lego Man Washes Up On Florida Beach

​In Florida we're used to things like whales, cocaine and various human body parts washing up on our beaches, but sun seekers on Siesta Key were in for something of a surprise this morning when they discovered an eight-foot-tall Lego man had mysteriously wound up sitting in the sand.

Sarasota Youth Football Team's Beatdown of Referee Caught on Video

​Remember when the University of Miami and Florida International University football teams got into a giant brawl? Yeah, well, at least everyone involved was an adult and they all managed to keep the punches directed at just players.It's nothing compared to the shocking video that has emerged ... More >>

Sarasota Principal Hypnotized Three Students Before Their Strange Deaths

Remember Dr. George Kenney, the hypnosis enthusiast/principal of North Port High School in Sarasota, who was suspended after a student he hypnotized suffered a fatal drug overdose the next day? Well turns out that isn't the only student Kenney hypnotized who later turned up dead. An investigation fo ... More >>

Key Biscayne Beach Named One of America's Top Ten Beaches

​Sure, saying you're taking your talents to Cape Florida State Park Beach doesn't have much of a ring to it, but the stretch of sand on Key Biscayne is apparently the best Miami-Dade has to offer, and one of the best in the country. The annual list put out by Stephen Leatherman, director of Florid ... More >>

Murder of Two British Men in Sarasota Isn't the Best Tourism Ad for Florida

James Cooper and James Kouzaris were found dead in a public housing project near Sarasota.​Residents of "Knifecrime Island" might become increasingly wary of traveling to the "Gunshine State." The brutal murder of two British tourists in Sarasota has shocked the United Kingdom, and now the country ... More >>

Florida Newspaper Looking to Employ the Slightly Mentally Deranged

​The thing about really good journalists is that they aren't like normal people. They're slightly touched in the head. They're generally well educated, clever and capable people who could be making a lot more in some other industry, but for whatever reason don't. While most of us would respond to ... More >>

Stephen King: "Maybe My Next Horror Novel Will Star Rick Scott"

​It takes a lot to scare Stephen King, the master of horror fiction, but apparently the author is plain old terrified of our new governor, Rick Scott. King, who spends his winters in Casey Key near Sarasota, spoke at an "Awake the State" rally yesterday and joked, "Maybe my next horror novel will ... More >>

Password Protect Your Wireless Router or Risk Child Porn Charges

​Malcolm Riddell, a 58-year-old married resident of Sarasota, never got around to password protecting his wireless router. That led to the FBI knocking on his door, holding him up against a wall, and searching his computer for images of child porn according to The Sarasota Herald-Tribune. Riddell ... More >>

Buju Banton Rides Drug Trial Up the Charts As Fans Demand His Release

​Just ask Tupac, Lil' Wayne, or, hell, even Jim Morrison: sometimes a good stint behind bars is just what the spin doctor ordered for selling a ton of records. You may as well add Buju Banton to that list, because even as the reggae star languishes in a Tampa-area jail awaiting retrial on federal ... More >>

Online News Startup The Florida Independent Launches

​Print's death rattle has birthed a new online start-up based here in Florida. The Florida Independent launched earlier this week with a focus on original, daily reporting on state and local issues. But what's notable about the start-up is its place in a growing list of news organizations that ar ... More >>

Concert Review: iLa Mawana at Purdy Lounge, May 20

​iLA MawanaPurdy Lounge, Miami BeachThursday, May 20, 2010Better Than: Another predictable round of classics with The Wailers. Yea, I said it. The Review: A city drenched in dubstep could always use a breather. Thursday night, Lance O. and the kids from Kulcha Shok welcomed Boston-based reggae oct ... More >>

Wet Goddess: Florida Man Pens Human-Dolphin Romance Novel

​Last year in a slightly controversial cover story, New Times delved into the world of bestiality. We introduced you, whether you were prepared or not, to Malcolm Brenner, a Sarasota man who claims that a dolphin, named Ruby, was the love of his life. Now he's completed work on a semi-autobiograph ... More >>

Your Distortional Family

Your Distortional Family

Your Distortional Family

MP3 of the Day: "Cutting Teeth" by Diamond Hymen, Playing the American Legion This Saturday

Photo by Jeremy Harris​In this 21st century world where even your grandmother's getting busy with the Facebooks, MySpacies, and Ashley Madisons, there's something mysterious and exotic and enticing about a young lady who can't be found anywhere on the interweb. So when a fanboy asks Google, Who is ... More >>

News Roundup: West Miami Mayor Suspended for Gabbing; Cuban Ump Defects

West Miami Mayor Ceasar Carasa has been suspended for racking up a $70,000 cell phone bill on the City's dime. Carasa is not believed to be an actual teenage girl. [NBCMiami]The Miami Art Museum has named John Wetenhall as its interim director. Previously he's worked in museums in such cultural hotb ... More >>

Put your tall boys in the air

Two Divers Die During Lobster Mini-Season

photo via Miamism's Flickr​Every year divers start off lobster mini-season with the same thought in their head, "Let's have some fun. Their meat is sick. I wanna take a dive with my tickle stick." Unfortunately things always seem to take a turn for the deadly. Two divers have turned up d ... More >>

Sarasota Builder Dies Mysteriously While Lobster Diving in Haulover Beach

Vancityallie​Miami-Dade Homicide Detectives are investigating the death of a wealthy Sarasota building contractor found dead on the ocean floor this morning. Daniel Robert Pochedley went missing while diving for lobster near Haulover Beach just before 11 a.m. After a caller reported an abandon ... More >>

Court Orders Florida to Recognize Gay Adoptions From Other States

Gay penguin dads from a book called "And Tango Makes Three" Miami-Dade Judge Cindy Lederman's ruling that overturned the gay adoption ban in Florida is still working its way through the court system, but yesterday another Florida judge handed down another ruling in favor of gay adoptive parents ... More >>

Connie Mack IV Will Not Run for Senate in State He Barely Lives In

If Charlie Crist does not run for Senate, Marco Rubio is officially the luckiest man on Earth. Rep. Connie Mack IV (né Cornelius Harvey McGillicuddy IV), who pulled in decent numbers during early polling mainly because he shares a name with his father, former Sen. Connie Mack III, has decided not t ... More >>

Slow Foods Glades to Coast Dinner at Cafe Boulud

(sturgeon: It's what's for dinner)The Slow Foods Glades to Coast Chapter, which covers roughly the Palm Beach and Broward areas, is hosting a 5-course Growers' Discovery gourmet dinner at Cafe Boulud in Palm Beach this Thursday, December 11, from 7 to 9:30 p.m. The dinner, overseen by chef Zach B ... More >>

Kath & Kim Leaves Us Geographically Confused

The best thing about NBC's American version of Kath & Kim is its cast. Molly Shannon, Selma Blair and John Michael Higgins have all had flashes of brilliance in their careers, and occasionally have them here. The second best thing about it is that it comes on right before The Office, so it's pretty ... More >>

News Roundup

Letters from the Issue of May 24, 2007

"Any officer who deserts [his] soldiers is a coward"

Badi Assad

Another Prime Spot

Stone Soup

News of the Weird

Idiot Wind

After Hurricane Andrew destroyed Susan Alberti's home, county bureaucrats stepped in to finish off what was left of her life

Ten of Club's

Will the Last Hurricane Profiteer to Leave Miami Please Turn Out the Lights?

John Eugene Yoder arrived in Miami 30 days after the Big One. Three stray dogs, 48 pairs of tennis shoes, one girlfriend's college degree, seven hammers, 300 condos, and four years later, he's riding off into the sunset.

What's Sex Got to Do With It?