Ryan Tannehill

Five Players the Dolphins Should Take in Tonight's NFL Draft (and How They'll Screw It Up)

With the NFL's annual tradition of wealthy, white-haired men selecting young, able-bodied (mostly) black men to perform physical endeavors for comparatively negligible pay aimed at aggrandizing the wealthy men's financial station, we're taking a look at who the Dolphins SHOULD pick -- and how they'l ... More >>

Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Recap: The Highs, the Lows, the Ireland

Now that we're firmly entrenched in another playoff season without the Miami Dolphins and the pain of Stephen Ross's absurd season-ending press conference on Monday has faded, it's the perfect time for a cold, hard, slightly inebriated look back at the 2012 season.Ultimately, it was yet another disa ... More >>

Dolphins Shut Out By Patriots 28-0, Go 7-9 Again

Sunday's action featured the incredible story of an extraordinary athlete's return from a horrific injury to come back against all odds, put his team on his back and lead that now playoff-bound team to victory just as the hero himself nearly broke one of the most coveted records in NFL lore. That wa ... More >>

Dolphins Fans Disappointed With Season, Satisfied With Prime Seating Package

The Miami Dolphins ended another disappointing season Sunday, once again missing the playoffs.Rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill did his best in his first season, though nothing near fellow playoff-bound rookies Washington's Robert Griffin III, Indianapolis' Andrew Luck and Seattle's Russell Wilson. ... More >>

Mayan Calendar Predictions vs. Miami Reality

Dolphins Rout Bills 24-10, Are Knocked Out of the Playoffs Anyway

The Miami Dolphins trounced the Bills yesterday behind a 3 TD day from Reggie "LaMontelle Pussyhammer" Bush, a balls-up performance from Reshad Jones and an efficient day from Ryan Tannehill that saw the rookie join the 3,000-yard club for the season. However, a few hours later the Fins found out th ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Five Keys to Victory Versus Buffalo

Last week, the Dolphins managed to put their season on life support with a strong performance against a terrible Jags team. With a 6-8 record, the Dolphins have a roughly .0000000000081% chance of getting into the playoffs if certain scenarios play out. JOY!

Dolphins Throttle Jaguars 24-3 As Tannehill, Bush Thrive

Oh hooray! The Dolphins beat a pathetic two-win team to prolong our chances for an evenly average season. Fantastic. Ryan Tannehill played flawlessly, Reggie Bush threw down his anaconda sexual organ and the Dolphins trampled a pathetic Jaguars team 24-3. Woooooooooooo!

Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Jaguars

Ah, the Battle for Florida.Former Dolphin Chad 'The Robot' Henne vs. Ryan 'Tanny Boyeee' Tannehill! Revenge for 62-7! Vindication for the loud, smelly fart that 2012 has proven to be! A chance to avoid a fourth losing season in five years! Tough-nosed, physical ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dolphins Fall to Niners 27-13

The Miami Dolphins have shown a knack all season for hanging with good teams only to vomit into their own pants when the game is on the line. It happened last week against the Patriots and it happened again yesterday against the 49ers as the Dolphins lost 27-13, despite being a field goal away from ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus 49ers

So it comes to this: your Miami Dolphins take that loooong west coast flight to face the 8-3 San Francisco 49ers. A few weeks ago this looked like a great matchup: a rising Dolphins team with playoff hopes facing the one-time object of our affection, Jim Harbaugh, and the team he turned us down for. ... More >>

Patriots Top Dolphins 23-16 As Tannehill Struggles

Going into Sunday's contest there was a feeling the Patriots' offense could easily drop 60 points on the Dolphins' atrocious secondary. Instead, Tom Brady had probably his worst game of the season, the defense kept the Fins in it for most of the game and rookie QB Ryan Tannehill had the kind of up-a ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Patriots

Let's not kid ourselves.There's a very good chance Tom Brady and Co. are going to come in to Sun Life on Sunday and absolutely destroy the living crap out of our football team. However, the one thing we have going for us is that (hopefully) no one on our team will ever look like as much of a dork as ... More >>

Stinky Phins

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Bills

After a 37-3 drubbing at the hands of a lackluster Tennessee Titans team, your Miami Dolphins try to turn things around quickly during a shortened week and salvage what once seemed like a promising, surprising season that had Dolphins fans everywhere singing hymns, hugging one another and seeing TRI ... More >>

You Can Rent Ryan Tannehill for $5,000 an Hour

Looks like Ryan Tannehill could use some extra cash. He's renting himself out for the low, low price of just $5,000-an-hour. Of course, all money exchanged between consenting adults is for time and companionship only. Whatever happens during the time, happens.

Titans Obliterate Dolphins 37-3 for Worst Home Loss Since 1968

So how good do you feel about Jeff Ireland and the Dolphins' talent level today?Two weeks after a convincing victory over a floundering Jets team, the Dolphins are 4-5 and facing "must win" scenarios for most of their remaining seven games in order to salvage the season after getting completely blow ... More >>

Think Positive

Colts' Luck Sets Rookie Passing Record To Beat Dolphins 23-20

On Friday, we stressed that the Dolphins pass defense needed to show up on Sunday if the team had any hope of taking down the Colts. Clearly, Defensive Coordinator Kevin Coyle needs to start reading our posts along with his morning coffee because the Dolphins pass defense was absolute refried pig-pl ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Colts

This Sunday the Dolphins travel to Indianapolis to play the Colts and Andrew Luck -- the girl many Dolphins fans wanted to take to the prom, but she was too unattainable so she laughed in our faces in front of the whole cafeteria as chocolate milk sprayed out of our nostrils in embarrassment.Let's l ... More >>

Special Teams, Defense Fuel Dolphins 30-9 Romp Over Jets

With the SUPER COLOSSAL ZOMG! CYCLO-SNOW-FRANKEN-PERFECT-MEGA-SUPER-BLABLAZO STORM OF THE MILLENIUM bearing down on the Northeast, the Dolphins crushed the hated Jets 30-9 and rode out of town just before the storm stranded them. Bad. Assssss.

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys To Victory Versus Jets

Your Miami Dolphins, fresh off their bye week, travel to New Jersey to take on the dirty, stinkin' Jets in that cesspool of filth they call a stadium in the Meadowlands. Let's look at five keys for this Sunday's matchup:

Dolphins Beat Rams 17-14 Despite Rushing for Only 20 Yards

The Miami Dolphins are 3-3 today in spite of absolutely listless performances by both teams in a boring game, a second straight game of questionable (read: crappy) officiating and the Dolphins only rushing for a total of 20 yards all game. However, the continued influence of Ryan Tannehill's burgeon ... More >>

Cram the Rams

Dolphins Pull Out Win Against Bengals Despite Abysmal Officiating

In a game that featured absolutely putrid calls on the field by the recently-returned "professional" refs, the Dolphins managed to hold off the Cincinnati Bengals for a 17-13 win. An overall sloppy game for both teams was sealed when safety Reshad Jones intercepted Andy Dalton with 1:22 left in the ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to Cardinals 24-21 in Second OT Loss In A Row

For the second week in a row, the Dolphins failed to capitalize on opportunities to close out a game and lost an overtime game they should have won. Given the "Cardiac Cards" moniker Arizona has earned as of late, you had to figure this game would get wild towards the end despite three quarters of r ... More >>

Dolphins Lose to Jets 23-20 After Missed Field Goals, Reggie Bush Injury

There was a time when kicker Dan Carpenter was responsible for the majority of the points the Dolphins scores, and could be relied upon to line up and bang out a field goal -- from seemingly any distance -- with a twirl of his flowing locks. That time is gone now.The Miami Dolphins lost to the New Y ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Let The Countdown Commence!

Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland's mismanagement of the Fins -- comically whiffing on everything from prospective free agents to current players to young college kids whose mothers were probably not crack-smoking prostitutes -- has been well-documented. He's quite the controversial, talen ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Obliterate the Oakland Raiders 35 - 13

Facing a below-average Oakland Raiders yesterday, it was generally believed the Dolphins had a very good chance of beating their former AFC rival and notching the first victory for both Head Coach Joe Philbin and QB Ryan Tannehill. Then Reggie Bush came out of nowhere and decided to show everyone hi ... More >>

Texans Picked Up Dolphins' "Snap Count" From Hard Knocks

Did the Miami Dolphins give away valuable secrets by appearing on HBO's Hard Knocks? Well, linebacker J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans told NBC Radio's Pro Football Talk that he was able to pick up Ryan Tannehill's snap count from watching the game.The snap count! Dear God no, not the snap count! Wai ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to Texans 30-10 In Season-Opening Flop

With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tan ... More >>

President Obama Was Nearly Crushed By A Power-Benching Florida Pizza Shop Owner

In an early contender for the campaign trail photo of the year, a power-lifting pizza shop owner in Fort Pierce nearly pulverized President Obama's ribs yesterday when he stopped in during his bus tour of the Sunshine State. Did we mention the owner is a Republican? Amazingly, the Secret Service did ... More >>

Mugshots Friday: The Canes Fan, the Dolphins Fan, and Future Guy Fieri

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that ... More >>

Your Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Drinking Game: Drink the Pain Away

Sure, things might come together for the Miami Dolphins this year. Ryan Tannehill could quickly develop into a stud. Our offense may surprise. Joe Philbin might reveal himself as a true coaching genius in his first season. The team might make the playoffs. You might win the lottery. The polar ice ca ... More >>

Dolphins Releasing David Garrard: Still Have Three Whatever Quarterbacks Left

Kind of like the last-place finisher in a footrace between a tortoise, a sloth, a three-legged pug and a snail, David Garrard is officially the loser in this season's Dolphins QB contest. According to multiple sources, including Fox Sports' Jay Glazer, Garrard will be officially released by the team ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 30-13 To End Preseason Winless, Then Crash The Team Plane

In what is typically the most uninteresting and uneventful of all preseason games, the Dolphins conducted business-as-usual by falling to the Dallas Cowboys 30-13 last night, completing the 2012 preseason with only their third winless effort in franchise history.The Fins followed up in the most appr ... More >>

Dressing Up The Fins

Lucky 13

Hard Knocks Episode One: Thank God For Chad Johnson

Thank God for Chad Johnson. Last night, the "Look At Me" wide receiver was the star of the first episode of Hard Knocks: Training Camp With The Miami Dolphins on HBO. You get the feeling the Dolphins brain trust of General Manager Jeff Ireland and Head Coach Joe Philbin picked up the boisterous play ... More >>

Dolphins' David Gerrard Is Apparently Better Than Peyton Manning

The Dolphins lost the "suck for Luck" contest, and didn't even come close to winning the Peyton Manning, but boy they sure did come in first place in the David Gerrard invitational. And, that might not be the worst thing ever. Sports Illustrated writer Peter King claims that Gerrard is looking ... More >>

Lauren Tannehill Reportedly Shot Dolphins-Themed Maxim Photo Spread

We might have been a bit grossed out by the amount of borderline-pervy attention Lauren Tannehill, the wife of Dolphins' first-round pick Ryan Tannehill, received after draft day, but apparently she wasn't. She may or may not have already shot a photo spread for Maxim. However, as far as Maxim photo ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Will Star in HBO's Hard Knocks Reality Show

What does a celebrity do when they need a quick jolt of publicity to revive a fading career? Reality TV, of course. What does a sports team desperately in need of some public goodwill and attention do when they're being overshadowed in their own city? Apparently, the exact same thing.The Miami Dolph ... More >>

Lauren Tannehill Still Causing Sportswriters to Have Embarrassing E-Boners

It's been more than a week since Ryan Tannehill officially became the Dolphins QB of the future. The pick was supposed to inspire excitement in the Dolphins fan base, but so far it has mostly caused excitement in the pants of geeky sportswriters across the web. That is, of course, thanks to his wife ... More >>

For Miami Dolphins, Drafting Miami Hurricanes Is Too Little, Too Late

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives an F to the Miami Dolphins and the Miami Hurricanes underclassmen who left school for the NFL draft.As much I've put t ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Draft Texas A&M Quarterback Ryan Tannehill

It only took 29 years, but the Miami Dolphins finally grew a pair and used a first round pick to select a quarterback. And that quarterback is Ryan Tannehill of Texas A&M.After getting stiffed by Peyton Manning during the offseason, and feeling pretty meh about Matt Flynn, the Dolphins went ahea ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Cornerback Vontae Davis's Brother Arrested, Suspected in D.C. Murder

After 29 years of questionable first-round draft picks, the Miami Dolphins picked up Texas A&M Quarterback Ryan Tannehill at yesterday's NFL Draft.  For fans and players alike, the day should've been a celebration, a glimmer of hope that the Dolphins' upcoming season wouldn't end miserably. ... More >>

Peyton Manning Won't Be a Dolphin: So, Um, Who Is Available in the 2013 Draft?

​Peyton Manning has officially told the Miami Dolphins he won't be suiting up in aqua and orange next season. It's another embarrassing failure for owner Stephen Ross and GM Jeff Ireland, and there's even some suggestions that Manning only took the meeting with the Fins as a favor to Dan Marino. O ... More >>