The Miami Heat may be entering the NBA playoffs as a second seed, but they're tops in another set of standings. For the sixth time, LeBron James' jersey was the top seller in the league. The Miami Heat, meanwhile, sold more merchandise this season than any other team.
Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade is no stranger to fashion provocation, but gauging by the reaction from his stroll into Chicago's United Center last night in a tailored Gucci suit that featured ankle-flashing capri pants, you would have assumed he'd shown up in a rainbow Speedo and glittery suspenders. ... More >>
If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his stupid diet meals.Miami can' ... More >>
Your Miami Heat overcame a 17-point deficit, a 43-point game from Russell Westbrook, a relentless Oklahoma City Thunder attack, and LeBron James losing a leg in the fourth quarter to pull off the 104-98 Game 4 win, and are now just one more victory away from being crowned NBA Finals champions.SOMEBO ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the future of the Miami Heat's biggest star.Whether the Heat wins or loses the NBA Finals, everybody should stop talkin ... More >>
The Miami Heat shot 37 percent from the field last night. They turned the ball over nine times in the fourth quarter. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook both shot over 50 percent. Dwyane Wade's performance was once again pure ass. Chris Bosh finished 3-for-12 from the field. LeBron James failed to ... More >>
Holy assballs it almost happened again.After the Miami Heat held the lead from the opening tip, just like in Game 1, and held a double-digit lead, just like in Game 1, the Oklahoma City Thunder almost rallied back to steal Game 2, just like Game 1.But thanks to LeBron James hitting a slap-yo-momma-a ... More >>
Last year, we made some rather foolhardy predictions about the NBA finals and ended up with a tattoo of Jason Terry indelibly inked on our pale white ass. So this year, we are avoiding any claims of clairvoyance and appealing to a baser emotion: pure, unbridled hatred.Yes, the Miami Heat are the mos ... More >>
Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Finals was a tale of two halves.The Miami Heat shot out of the gate strong, hitting shots, making threes and getting a huge game from *record scratch* Shane Battier!But the second half was a whole other bag of salted cock n' balls as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook did to t ... More >>
Free Metta World Peace.
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke stands up for Metta World Peace.I have a message for NBA overlord David Stern: Free Metta World Peace. The seven game suspension ... More >>
Everybody can unclench their assholes now.The Miami Heat are fine.LeBron James decided to remind the world once again that he does, in fact, have the biggest dong of them all. Behind a 34 point, 10-assist performance, James led the Miami Heat to a 98-93 win over the Oklahoma City Thunder last night, ... More >>
The Miami Heat's big three are reportedly ready to pack their bags and head on a six-city international tour with a host of other NBA superstars during what would have been the first two weeks of the NBA season. Plans are still being worked out, but between October 30 and November the 9, the ... More >>
Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh haven't played together since the last game of the NBA Finals, and with the lockout in full effect we weren't sure when it would happen again. That's about to change. The trio is expected to announce plan for a charity All-Star game at FIU on Octobe ... More >>
WikicommonsDear Chicago, please trade us Derrick Rose for Michael Beasley...Dear Memphis, please trade us O.J. Mayo for Michael Beasley...Dear New Jersey, please trade us Brook Lopez for Michael Beasley...Dear Minnesota, please trade us Kevin Love for Michael Beasley...Dear L.A. (no, the other L.A.) ... More >>