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Blogs
March 7, 2012
Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?
Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>
Blogs
December 19, 2011
Dolphins Take Down Bills, Still In Last Place
The Dolphins took down the Buffalo Bills 30-23 in a snowy Orchard Park yesterday. Reggie Bush ran for a career-high 203 yards. It was also their first win without Tony Sparano.With just two games left to play, the Fins victory brings their record to 5-9, putting the team on track for yet another ... More >>
Blogs
December 5, 2011
Dolphins Take Down Raiders, Have Four Wins Now
Amazingly and infuriatingly, the Miami Dolphins have come tromping out of the depths of a shitty season like a reanimated zombie and have suddenly started kicking opponents asses and eating their brains.The Dolphins defense stabbed the Raiders in the face with their ferociousness, while the offen ... More >>
Blogs
November 25, 2011
Dolphins Lose On Thanksgiving Day
Your Miami Dolphins played in yesterday's Thanksgiving Day game against the Dallas Cowboys and lost, ending their three-game winning streak and putting their playoff hopes on life support with someone standing by ready to smother it with a pillow. The Dolphins defense did what it could, intercepting ... More >>
Blogs
November 21, 2011
Dolphins Party Like It's 2008 With a Three-Game Winning Streak
The Miami Dolphins beat the struggling Buffalo Bills yesterday 35-8, with help from a defense that hasn't allowed a touchdown in 12 consecutive quarters. Miami's defense created turnovers, set up touchdowns for the offense, and scored a special teams touchdown, suddenly making the Dolph ... More >>
Blogs
November 14, 2011
Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!
Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>
Blogs
November 7, 2011
The Miami Dolphins Even Suck at Sucking
Finally, just when it mattered the least, when a win couldn't possibly do anything to change the fortunes of this season, this coaching staff, or this fan base's hopes, the Dolphins FINALLY pulled off a victory.Somehow, someway, led by one of the marionette puppets from Team America QB Matt Moore ... More >>
Blogs
October 31, 2011
The Dolphins Nearly Pulled It Off This Time. Honestly!
The Flying Bag of Penis that is the Miami Dolphins nearly went and fucked things up by almost winning a game yesterday. But Suck For Luck is alive and well after the New York Giants woke up from their zombie-like state and handed Miami their seventh loss of the season in a 20-17 final.Understandably ... More >>
Blogs
October 27, 2011
Yeremiah Bell Disses Reggie Bush: "He Stinks"
There's something rotten in Dolphinville. With the team trudging along winless, fans resorting to a "Suck for Luck" mindset, and a soon-to-be-fired Tony Sparano putting his house on the market, players on the team are understandably frustrated and lashing out like angry kids during a long car rid ... More >>
Blogs
October 18, 2011
Miami Dolphins: The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked A Suck
Watching the Miami Dolphins is like opening a gift and expecting something other than a box full of dicks. And that box full of dicks is now 0-5 after a 24-6 loss to their hated rival New York Jets on Monday Night Football.So the bad news is, the Dolphins remain winless and are in last place ... More >>
Blogs
September 26, 2011
Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves
The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>
Blogs
September 13, 2011
Just When Chad Henne Finally Gets His Shit Together, the Fins D Gets Reamed
TAWMMY BRADY IS FACKIN' GAWD!! LET'S GO SAWX!!All the talk before this season began was how Chad Henne and the Miami Dolphins offense was just a massive pile of deer shit. But when Henne started things off last night's season opener against the New England Patriots by leading the Fins on a 12-pla ... More >>
Blogs
September 12, 2011
Dolphins to Get Hammered Tonight: Check the Record
The Dolphins home opener is tonight at Sun Life Stadium.Everybody in the world is talking about the keys to the game. Can Chad Henne pass? Can Reggie Bush run? Can that damn defensive line get to that damn pretty boy...um, what's his name...Brady?Well, forget about it. Brady has beat us the ... More >>
Blogs
August 10, 2011
Is Reggie Bush Sabotaging Kim Kardashian's Wedding?
The answer to the question in the headline, depending on your outlook, is either "probably not" or "who the hell cares?" Yet, by virtue of the face that newly minted Miami Dolphin Reggie Bush used to serial-smoosh the crown jewel of the Kardashian empire, the team's media relations people better ... More >>
Blogs
August 9, 2011
Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>
Blogs
July 28, 2011
Reggie Bush Likely Headed to Miami
via FacebookNew Orleans running back Reggie Bush could be headed to Miami. A potential deal to bring Bush -- who won a Super Bowl ring during his most recent game in Miami -- was reportedly hammered out by Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland and agent Joel Segal. The final sticking point ... More >>
Blogs
July 28, 2011
Oddly, Saints Fans Don't Plan Mass Burning of Reggie Bush Jerseys
We were under the impression that any time a sports superstar decided to take his talents to South Beach, his former fans erupted in mass hysteria and jersey burning. Perhaps over-eagerly anticipating another LeBron-like situation, The New Orleans Times-Picayune decided to ask its readers if they ... More >>
News
January 6, 2011
Letters from the issue of January 6, 2011
We were under the impression that any time a sports superstar decided to take his talents to South Beach, his former fans erupted in mass hysteria and jersey burning. Perhaps over-eagerly anticipating another LeBron-like situation, The New Orleans Times-Picayune decided to ask its readers if they ... More >>
News
September 30, 2010
Five ways LeBron should embrace his evil side
We were under the impression that any time a sports superstar decided to take his talents to South Beach, his former fans erupted in mass hysteria and jersey burning. Perhaps over-eagerly anticipating another LeBron-like situation, The New Orleans Times-Picayune decided to ask its readers if they ... More >>
Blogs
September 27, 2010
LeBron James Embraces His Evil Side: 5 Ways The King Can Become a Super-Villain
Like Hulk Hogan before him, LeBron needs to embrace his new evil identity: "Jefe Jaime"All summer, everybody's been hating on LeBron and the Heat. First, some bitter buckeye called the team evil. Just last week, James was named the sixth most hated athlete in America. So what's a superstar t ... More >>
Blogs
August 17, 2010
Top 10 List of Whiteys Who Might Get Away With Using the N-Word
Pets 4 Dawn via flickr Oh no she didn't! The second the N word left Dr. Laura Schlessinger's mouth on her nationally syndicated radio show last week she must have known she started another N word related crap storm. Dr. Laura doesn't have near the street cred a white person needs to get a ... More >>
Blogs
April 1, 2010
Kim Kardashian Caught Pooping in Hotel Pool
Todd LashleyAfter she and Reggie Bush called it quits last week, Kim Kardashian needed a little post-breakup "me" time, so she spent the weekend relaxing at the Cinco Lunas hotel and resort in Miami Beach. As it turns out, the reality-TV starlet and Quick Trim pill pusher got a little too relaxe ... More >>
Blogs
February 2, 2010
Guide to Recognizing Your New Orleans Saints
"Who Dat Nation" has begun its descent on our fair city in advance of the Super Bowl, where the New Orleans Saints will take on the Indianapolis Colts. Fittingly, while the Colts will stay in Fort Lauderdale, the Saints will hang out at the InterContinental Hotel in downtown Miami, and last nigh ... More >>
Blogs
January 25, 2010
Super Bowl Pits Kim Kardashian Against Kendra Wilkinson
You can't even host a Super Bowl in Miami anymore without it having some shallow reality teevee flair. Yes, two of the E! channel's favorite buxom bimbettes will almost assuredly be in the stands at Sun Life Stadium come February 7.That's because Saints star Reggie Bush has been notably tapping t ... More >>
Blogs
January 18, 2010
Kim Kardashian's Ass and Cupcakes Overshadow Ocean Drive Party
Beloved luxury-porn mag Ocean Drive celebrated it's 17th anniversary by putting beloved amateur-porn star Kim Kardashian on its cover and invited her to host their big self-congratulatory party last Thursday at the Delano. Half the point of throwing these parties is to get publicity, but not ... More >>
Blogs
November 20, 2009
Kim Kardashian Floats Into the Sunrise...Mall
Photo via kimkardashian.celebbuzz.comThere are very few things that a Kardashian can't do. They can turn forgetting to take your bc pills and unprotected sex into an adorable anecdote! They can force you into the background of your own wedding picture! And now they can materialize in Sunris ... More >>
News
September 24, 2009
Halcyon Jets exec accused of sabotaging the company
Photo via kimkardashian.celebbuzz.comThere are very few things that a Kardashian can't do. They can turn forgetting to take your bc pills and unprotected sex into an adorable anecdote! They can force you into the background of your own wedding picture! And now they can materialize in Sunris ... More >>
Blogs
January 3, 2008
The Party Crasher - SoBe New Year's Eve 2007: Jennifer Hudson, Adrian Grenier, Ashlee Simpson, and more...
Photo via kimkardashian.celebbuzz.comThere are very few things that a Kardashian can't do. They can turn forgetting to take your bc pills and unprotected sex into an adorable anecdote! They can force you into the background of your own wedding picture! And now they can materialize in Sunris ... More >>

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