Port St. Lucie

Study: Miamians Slightly Less Miserable Than in 2011

Congratulations, we're 119th!Gallup has once again released its annual Well-Being Index, and of the country's 189 metropolitan statistical areas, the Miami-Fort Lauderdale-Pompano area came in 119th. Which still isn't that great, but it's a stark improvement from our 146th ranking in 2011.

Florida Man Arrested for Assaulting Teen Relative With Taco Bell Burrito

The greatest damage a Taco Bell burrito can do to you is from the inside, but that didn't stop Erik Brown from using a burrito in a more traditional form of assault.The 36-year-old was arrested on February 15 in Port St. Lucie for the domestic dispute with a burrito as the weapon.

Florida Tampon Thief Found Stuffed in a Tight Box

To be a successful tampon thief, one must think like a tampon. Unfortunately, Alyson Strosser, 47, didn't prove to be a good fit for her hiding spot when police tracked her down. Strosser was caught by a CVS manager in Port St. Lucie trying to steal a host of items on December 14th. Accord ... More >>

Karlie Tomica "Is Not A Horrible Person," Says Former Co-Worker

Karlie Tomica is currently the most reviled person on Miami Beach. According to police, the Nikki Beach bartender and self-described "party princess" ran over chef Stefano Riccioletti outside his Collins Avenue eatery on Monday morning. As Riccioletti lay dying on the street, Tomica allegedly sped a ... More >>

Digital Domain: The Fall of a Movie Empire

Florida Man Accused of Pleasing Himself in Public Shows Deputy Rash on His Genitals to Prove He Was Just Scratching Himself

Usually flashing your junk at a police officer is a guaranteed ticket to jail, but this is Florida and our citizens can find the weirdest exceptions to any rules.Police in Port St. Lucie received a call that a man was masturbating in a CVS parking lot, but the man avoided jail time by showing the re ... More >>

Love & Vegetables Vegan Pop-Up: Beet-Red Quinoa and Blueberry Polenta in Little Haiti

When my little posse and I rolled up to the fence surrounding Earth N Us Farms in Little Haiti, I wore a confident face in an attempt to reassure my obviously skeptical guests.The truth is, though, that I was nearly as apprehensive about the vegan pop-up event we were about to attend as they were. A ... More >>

Florida Teen Accidentally Shot Himself In the Crotch

A Florida teenager is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the dick. Obviously, all of Florida is hoping and praying that this genius will recover and one day be able to procreate.The incident happened early Thursday morning in Port St. Lucie. Police arrived at the local hospital to che ... More >>

For-Profit Colleges Cheat Students and Get Away With It

Florida Man Threatened to Beat Neighbor, But Had To Take a Poop First

If you're neighbor yells at you, "When I get done taking a shit, I'm going to kick your fucking ass," maybe it's time to find a new neighborhood.Of course, this started in a Florida neighborhood, and the argument started when one man took exception to the other calling his own mother "a dirty whore. ... More >>

Couple Using PAM Cooking Spray as Lube Gets in Argument After Man Admits to Sleeping with Woman Named Pam

A 60-year-old woman in Port St. Lucie was arrested after sexy times with her 45-year-old boyfriend turned violent. She asked her beau to get olive oil from the kitchen to use as lube, and when he got back also asked if he brought the PAM cooking spray. The man misunderstood and admitted to having sl ... More >>

Florida Man Caught Masturbating in Front Yard, Left "Unknown Clear Liquid Substance" on Door Knob

Florida's public masturbation crises has now crossed over to the other gender. Jeffery Marriott, a 50-year-old resident of Port St. Lucie, was arrested late last month after being caught in the middle of an epic wank session in his own front yard. One neighbor who caught the display said that Marrio ... More >>

A Fetish for Girls' Used Socks Puts Florida High School Employee Behind Bars

Athletic socks are meant to to protect shoes by sopping up foot sweat. They are perhaps the most utilitarian and least sexy of all clothing, yet the freakier among us seem to get worked up at just the thought of them. Which is fine, as long as the fetish doesn't involve children. A Fl ... More >>

Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, and Kurt Cobain Onstage

Tupac's "Live" Performance Will Bring Back More Dead Artists

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke marvels at the technology that brought Tupac back to life. The lifelike image of Tupac Shakur performing onstage at Coachell ... More >>

Drunk Florida Woman Tells Deputies Her "Big Boobies" Prevented Her from Performing Sobriety Tests

​Maureen Raymond, 49, may admit she was driving under the influence of "big boobies," but that's about it. After being approached by police for driving over the speed limit and swerving over the double yellow line, Raymond refused to perform a field sobriety test because she claimed her big breast ... More >>

Real Estate Report: Miamians Want to Move to Other Parts of Florida, New Yorkers Want to Move to Miami

​Real estate listing supersite Trulia has compiled its first Metro Movers Report, based on data culled from page views of its site. The report shows where Americans are looking to move and where they're looking to leave.Apparently Miamians have no intention of departing our warm weather, but they ... More >>

9-Year-Old Boy Crashes Mini Van, Drunk Dad Arrested for Making Him the Designated Driver

Nathan Sikkenga was charged with child endangerment, but not for taking his son to Disney World​Florida has a knack of bringing out the best in people.Take the Sikkenga family from Gillete, Wyoming. In all-American fashion, 31-year-old Nathan Sikkenga had driven his wife and 9-year-old son cross-c ... More >>

78-Year-Old Kills 21-Year-Old Wife, Sets House on Fire

via Floerchinger's Facebook​Guenther Floerchinger, a 78-year-old man, is alleged to have shot his 21-year-old wife before setting his Port St. Lucie home on fire and then killing himself. Floerchinger made two phone calls before his suicide -- one asking a neighbor to take his wife's 4-year-old da ... More >>

Tyler Hadley Killed Parents With a Hammer So He Could Throw a Facebook Party, Police Say

via St. Lucie County Sheriff's OfficeTyler Hadley​As long as parents have been putting a stop to house parties, teenagers have been finding ways to throw them anyway. But if police are right about Tyler Hadley, never before has a thwarted kegger led to this kind of horrific solution.Port St. Lucie ... More >>

Florida Mom Threatened to Kill Son For Not Getting Haircut

Florida has something of a real life Serial Mom on its hands. ​Something about being a mother makes a woman want to make sure than her male offspring have the neatest, tidiest hair possible. Usually when a son forgoes regular barbering it usually results in sighs of, "Fine, just walk around town w ... More >>

Former Marlin Miguel Cabrera Charged With DUI

​Former Florida Marlins star Miguel Cabrera, who in his rookie season helped the Fish clasp a World Series, has been charged with a DUI and resisting arrest up near his home in Port St. Lucie. It's the latest downfall involving alcohol in the life of the gifted slugger.

Shocking Finding: Retirees Love Florida

​Florida really is Heaven's waiting room. According to a new study by Portfolio.com, the Sunshine State is by far the most popular destination for retirees, which has major implications as the gigantic baby boomer population continues to enter retirement age. The good news for Miamians who hate ol ... More >>

Florida Cities Dominate List of "Divorce Capitols;" Miami is Number 26

​Florida's constitution strictly forbids gays from marrying, but what about the Sunshine State's straights? They're obviously doing such a fine job of upholding the sanctity of marriage, right? Apparently not so. The Daily Beast has compiled a list of "the 50 cities with the worst divorce rates," ... More >>

Morons of the Week: The Foul-Mouthed Principal, the Dirty Detective, and the Cardboard Caper Masterminds

​This was the week Miami spent looking very hard at balls. First tar balls started showing up on our shores, sending scientists scrambling to determine whether we will soon be engulfed by a black goop monster courtesy of British Petroleum. The short answer: yes. Then, at a rate of 22 ... More >>

Vladimir Santos Shot By Landlord for Not Paying Rent, Leaves Behind Three Kids and Pregnant Wife

via WSVN​Twenty-five-year-old Vladimir Santos has been with his wife, Maria, since they were 13. Together the couple already had three sons under the age of five, with their first little girl on the way. The young family was renting a house in North Miami Beach, but Santos was told the house was i ... More >>

Morons of the Week: A Marijuana Grow House Robber, A Thieving Cop, and Dwyane Wade

Consider this blog post to be an ark of common sense with which you can safely navigate this week's moronic flood. Yep, the stupids really rained down on us since the last installment. Let's get started: 5. Caleyo Daryl Machado, alleged weed grow house robber So this upstanding Miamian is ... More >>

Miami Tops Forbes List of U.S. Cities in "Free Fall"

a piece by Li Wei​Forbes.com is always busy making their lists, and Miami has finally taken the number one spot on one. Unfortunately it's called "Ten U.S. Cities In Free Fall."Miami boasts a popular South Beach club scene, Art Deco Architecture, and perhaps the best Cuban food in the country ... More >>

New Times Broward-Palm Beach Picks Community Property as Beerfest 2010's Opening Act

No, YOU win, Community Property​It is with great pleasure -- and a bellyful of hops -- that we announce that Fort Lauderdale rock and soul masters Community Property will open up Beerfest 2010.As you may have heard, New Times Broward-Palm Beach teamed up with Revoution Live to host a Battle of th ... More >>

New Times Broward-Palm Beach Battle of the Bands 2010 Lineup is Set

​Let the jockeying officially begin! After carefully considering more than 20 local acts in the running, New Times Broward-Palm Beach can announce the roster for this year's Battle of the Bands. The show, judged by your loyal BPB Music Editor Reed Fischer and Revolution Live Marketing Manager/Tale ... More >>

Florida Lab Makes Potential HIV Breakthrough

A leading research lab in Port St. Lucie thinks it might have made a potential breakthrough in the treatment and eradication of HIV. Current medications suppress the virus to undetectable levels in patients' bodies, allowing them to live relatively normal, long lives. However, the crafty little ... More >>

State Champ David Thompson: From Boy to Man

Michael North Westminster Christian right fielder David Thompson can't legally drive or grow facial hair all that well. But the high school freshman is no longer a boy. He became a man when he led his team on May 26 to a state championship on a sprained ankle that required a cortisone shot the ... More >>

A Sad Story of "Smell Yo Dick"-Inspired True Crime

Ugh, I just made my "Favorite Songs of the Year" list because I feel the need to make those types of things, and how could I forget the masterpiece "Smell Yo Dick"? It would be the song of the year for this or any year. Sadly, I was reminded of the song by a real-life crime drama out of Port St. ... More >>

A Sandwich Makes The Perfect Murder Weapon

Ever since news broke that a Port St. Lucie man beat his girlfriend with a sandwich, we've been waiting...waiting...to learn exactly what was his weapon of choice. The Port St. Lucie Police Department is not about to give such clues away. But whatever the sandwich in question was, it failed to ach ... More >>

Q&A With Yngwie Malmsteen, Performing Tonight at Culture Room

Ex-North Miami Mayor Elton Gissendanner Is Back

A prison stay and bankruptcy can't keep him down.

Missing Person: Lilly Aramburo

She's one of 5,000 people a year reported gone without a trace in Miami-Dade County.

Kim Kardashian Inspires Boyfriend Bashing

Fraudsters Arrested For Selling Native American Tribe Membership To Illegal Immigrants

Weekly News Wrap - Iowa Caucus, Kenya, E. Coli and more

Cage Rage

It was outlawed. Now it's popular and one of the nation's best teams is just up the road.

BEST LOCAL BOY GONE BAD

Bill Kamal

Blood Money

Every time you donate, it's money in the pockets of two South Florida companies. Big money.

Saving Souls, Saving Lives

In the black church, treating the spirit doesn't always mix well with treating AIDS

Grand illusions

When a gutsy group of homegrown entrepreneurs tried to turn around the black Grove, they failed miserably

Road Show

Want to know more about Jeb Bush? The machinations of Florida's Republican party? Vomiting? Get on the bus.

Program Notes 47

Swelter