OK, it's been established the Heat are crappy on the West Coast during the regular season. We get it.The Miami Heat fell 107-100 to the Los Angeles Clippers last night on a night where Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were nowhere to be found and very little fucks were to be given after the first half.
Well, South Florida is a retirement hot spot, so maybe it makes sense that all of these NBA veterans are showing interest in joining the Heat. Plus, the pre-retirement package comes with a pretty good shot at a ring or two.Following 36-year-old Ray Allen's decision to jump ship and take his talents ... More >>
A gorilla walks into a bar...
Actually, it was a Dave & Buster's in Arizona. And technically, it wasn't a real gorilla. But the Phoenix Suns' back-up mascot did leave the arcade with a bloody nose after Miami Heat fan Timothy Austin decked him the face.
According to the Arizona Republic, Robe ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking
madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech,
gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke
stands up for Metta World Peace.I have a message for NBA overlord
David Stern: Free Metta World Peace. The seven game suspension ... More >>
For pretty much the entirety of last night's game against the Phoenix Suns, the Miami Heat played basketball like old people fuck. Winners of their last four games, the Suns came in shooting lights-out and playing suffocating defense. Dwyane Wade was shut down by Grant Hill, while LeBron James wa ... More >>
After last night's game against the Kings, Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra joked that Udonis Haslem will "eventually ...be mayor of this town." Turns out that Haslem has actually given some thought to a political future, and may someday actually run for mayor of Miami. Watch out, Tomas Regalado.&nbs ... More >>
Shaquille O'Neal is officially retired from the NBA, but the former Miami Heat star may not have exhibited his last feat of athleticism in Miami-Dade just yet. Today, O'Neal confirmed rumors from a few months ago that he's thinking about wrestling in a match when the WWE brings Wrestlemania to Su ... More >>
As the Miami Heat are on the hunt for the second NBA Championship, the big man who helped them secure their first has announced his retirement from professional basketball. After 19 seasons in the NBA, four championships rings, 15 trips to the All-Star Game, an MVP award and six teams, Shaquille ... More >>
It's a weird week for the word "faggot," ain't it? The Chicago Bull's Joakim Noah just got fined a discounted $50,000 for addressing an unruly Heat fan as such during game three of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals in Miami on Sunday. Meanwhile, Goblin, the proper debut album of Tyler, the Creato ... More >>
miamidolphins.comBrandon Marshall, just the latest athlete to get injured under strange circumstances."If you prick a baller, does he not bleed?" -- William ShakespeareProfessional athletes are finely tuned machines: millions of dollars' worth of ESPN-highlight-generating speed, torque, power, an ... More >>
The Miami Heat may be the most talked about NBA team this season, but they aren't the most valuable. However, the signing of LeBron James and Chris Bosh saw the team's value increase by 17 percent since last year, according to Forbes.com. That's the biggest increase in value over one year in the ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke recommends Pat Riley pull a Stan Van Gundy on Erik Spoelstra.Pat Riley needs to stop wasting time writing love poems to h ... More >>
Sorry haters, the Miami Heat very much is the three-headed monster you all feared. Following a viral video poking fun at his lake of success so far in Miami and some commentators wondering how long it will be until he's traded, Chris Bosh had an absolute monster of a game last night against the P ... More >>
Former Miami Heat star Shaquille O'Neal has been hit with an explosive lawsuit filed in Miami-Dade court alleging that the hard court legend planted child pornography in an attempt to frame a former employee, and hacked into various personal accounts of the employee and a former mistress. We've b ... More >>
The NBA's free-agency period began at midnight, which means we can finally start getting some facts to go with all of the insane rumors and mindless speculation. Our Miami Heat, which has basically put all of its eggs in this year's free-agency basket, is already hard at work trying to woo big na ... More >>
Some say it's the heat that causes it. Others blame Jimmy Buffett. Whatever the reason, South Florida is Mecca for this hemisphere's most devoted morons. Let's see who took the pilgrimage this week:
Sorry, Ron, you've been overdue in this column for a while.5. Ron Book, who apparently thoug ... More >>
Udonis Haslem will rock your face off. It's just that simple.Last night, the Heat overcame a 17-point deficit to defeat the visiting Toronto Raptors 97-94. Haslem led the team with 23 points, with the help of some guy named Dwyane Wade. With Wade doing all the heavy lifting for the Heat (we know, ... More >>
by Keith Allison via WikiCommons cc2.0With the NBA trade deadline less than an hour away, it seems that Phoenix Sun star Amar'e Stoudemire will not be making a mid-season move to Miami. Our brethren at the Phoenix New Times report that any Stoudemire trade is "unlikely. ... More >>
by Keith Allison via WikiCommons cc2.0The Dwyane Wade situation is pretty clear: he wants to stay in Miami, but also demands the Heat commit to making another championship run by signing another superstar. Now, just about everyone in the world, except for Cleveland fans and whoever is in cha ... More >>
In order to move forward on that wonderful "Slot Machines in the Airport" idea, the County Commission ok'd the Airport's pursuit of getting a horse racing permit. [SFBJ]Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan traveled to Tallahassee yesterday to ask that the government facilitate the filming of more televi ... More >>
via TwitPicSo far, it has to have been a strange week for Shaq. Perhaps not as weird as the first week shooting Shazam, but strange nonetheless. Scheduling has forced the man to do an impromptu tour of his former teams. On Saturday, Shaq and the Suns beat Kobe and the Lakers at home; then last night ... More >>
Every year, the New Times staff picks the 12 people who have managed to disgrace themselves and, guilty by association, the city. This year's Dirty Dozen included everyone from former Heat, current Phoenix Suns player Shaq to possibly hairy-puss aficionado Alberto Carvalho. Check out our Dirty Dozen ... More >>
Rich Sanchez and his CNN show certainly have caught the twitter bug, and now another former Miami fixture is twittering his thumbnails off, too. Our New Times brethren in Phoenix report that the 7'1 superstar has his own twitter account, and apparently it's legit.
Shaq is really into twitter, bu ... More >>