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Blogs
April 27, 2012
Miami Dolphins Draft Texas A&M Quarterback Ryan Tannehill
It only took 29 years, but the Miami Dolphins finally grew a pair and used a first round pick to select a quarterback. And that quarterback is Ryan Tannehill of Texas A&M.After getting stiffed by Peyton Manning during the offseason, and feeling pretty meh about Matt Flynn, the Dolphins went ahea ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2012
Miami Dolphins: The Worst Franchise in the NFL
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be. In this special edition, Luke laments the epic fall of Miami's storied NFL team.It is a tragedy what is going on with the Miami Dolphins. One of the most suc ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2012
Steeler's Ryan Clark Says "No One" Wants to Play for the Miami Dolphins
While most of America was belligerently chanting about the luck of the Irish this weekend, one Ireland was having what might have been the worst weekend of his professional life: Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland. He officially lost Peyton Manning, and then he missed out on Matt Flynn too.Now, S ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2012
Tim Tebow to the Dolphins? Please, Everyone, Shut Up
So, Peyton Manning has chosen to play for the Denver Broncos, which officially ends the reign of Tebowmania in Colorado.What does that mean for the Dolphins? The sports media has already cued up the Tebow-to-Miami talks. We'd rather they hit the kill button. Nothing about that makes sense.
Blogs
March 16, 2012
Peyton Manning Won't Be a Dolphin: So, Um, Who Is Available in the 2013 Draft?
Peyton Manning has officially told the Miami Dolphins he won't be suiting up in aqua and orange next season. It's another embarrassing failure for owner Stephen Ross and GM Jeff Ireland, and there's even some suggestions that Manning only took the meeting with the Fins as a favor to Dan Marino. O ... More >>
Blogs
March 16, 2012
Yep, Manning Only Talked to Dolphins as a Favor to Marino
How pathetic are the Dolphins' front office? They couldn't even secure a meeting with Peyton Manning on their own and had to enlist the help of Dan Marino. Yep, despite not having played for the 'Fins for 13 years and not having any official affiliation with the team, Marino continues to be just ... More >>
Blogs
March 13, 2012
Mitt Romney Wants You To Know He's Really Good Friends with Dolphins Owner Stephen Ross
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has a habit of reminding everyone just how very, very rich he is, and lately, just how very, very rich and powerful all of his friends are.About a month ago while discussing NASCAR, he mentioned how he was friends with several team owners. This morning, ... More >>
Blogs
March 13, 2012
Brandon Marshall Just Got Traded to the Bears
Bye, bye, Brandon Marshall? FoxSports.com's NFL Insider has Tweeted that the Dolphin's Brandon Marshall just got traded to the Chicago Bears in exchange for a pretty paltry two third round pics. Well, this is pretty huge. Especially considering Peyton Manning was said to be wary of working with M ... More >>
Blogs
March 12, 2012
Manning to Miami Rumors: No One Knows What the Hell They're Talking About, But It's Not Looking Good
How big of a mess is the Manning mania rumor mill? Well, depending on who you ask, the Miami Dolphins are either still very much in the running to land Peyton Manning's services or completely out. Let's run down the rumors. Updated!
Blogs
March 9, 2012
ESPN on Peyton Manning: "The Dolphins' Chances are Dwindling"
Could Miami be too big of a market for Peyton Manning? ESPN's NFL Insider Adam Schefter, citing several "sources," says that the media frenzy that greeted Manning as he arrived in South Florida may have scared him off. Schefter suggests that like Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Fisher before him, Manning m ... More >>
Blogs
March 8, 2012
Peyton Manning Arrives In Miami, Plays DolFans Like a Crappy Secondary
Peyton Manning is one fickle football bastard. Just hours after leaving the Indianapolis Colts in a teary press conference, the quarterback arrived in Miami on a private jet yesterday evening. But just as Dolfans and local media thought they had their hands on the NFL veteran, Manning called ... More >>
Blogs
March 8, 2012
LeBron, Wade and Udonis Publicly Recruit Peyton Manning, Also Beat the Hawks
After struggling for most of last night's game against the Atlanta Hawks, the Miami Heat finally decided to stop dicking around and began to hit their shots and play their anaconda-style defense just in time to comeback from as much as 10 points and beat Atlanta 89-86.More importantly however, be ... More >>
Blogs
March 8, 2012
Sorry Dolfans, Peyton Manning Is Not Your Next Dan Marino
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special edition, Luke says Peyton Manning will not win a Super Bowl with the Miami Dolphins.Now that the Indianapolis Colts have ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2012
Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?
Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>
Blogs
February 21, 2012
The Chad Henne Era is Over for the Miami Dolphins
The Miami Dolphins will have no more Chads hanging around next season. According to the Sun-Sentinel, the Dolphins are expected to part ways with quarterback Chad Henne officially next month. He now joins the long list of Dolphins QBs who've failed to live up to the legend of Dan Marino.
Blogs
February 8, 2012
Peyton Manning "Not Throwing Like an NFL Quarterback," Which, Let's Be Honest, is Good Enough for the Dolphins
So apparently Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, along with a growing number of Dolphins fans, are "infatuated" with the idea of bringing Peyton Manning to Miami next season. Which is ridiculous when you consider that Manning hasn't even cut ties with the Colts yet, and there's no guarantee he'll fully ... More >>
Blogs
February 3, 2012
Peyton Manning Likes the Idea of Retiring in Miami, Already Has a South Beach Condo
It sure sounds like Peyton Manning is going to end up in Miami eventually one way or another. The only question is whether it will be in a Dolphins jersey or a pair of board shorts lounging at his condo at the Continuum in the South of Fifth area of Miami Beach.
Blogs
January 23, 2012
Miami Dolphins Eyeing Peyton Manning, Really?
The Miami Dolphins have not had a consistent quarterback since Dan Marino, who retired at 38. Twelve years later, the Dolphins are still fumbling around trying to land a franchise quarterback even half as good as he was. Signing a 35-year-old injured player probably won't to help much, but don't ... More >>
Blogs
January 3, 2012
Cam Newton Could Become the Black QB Role Model That Michael Vick Never Had
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell addresses why African-American NFL quarterbacks don't have any heroes to look up to. In baseball, African-American play ... More >>
Blogs
December 12, 2011
Dolphins Pummeled By Eagles, Still Need A Quarterback, Possibly a New Coach Too
The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>
Blogs
November 16, 2011
Dolphins Apparently Still Think They Have a Chance at the Playoffs
Most Dolphin fans are still in "Suck for Luck" mode, but with two straight wins under their belt, some members of the team apparently still have playoff hopes alive. Which isn't exactly impossible, just largely improbable. Then again, with a 2-7 record they are only 5 games behind the leaders in the ... More >>
Calendar
October 13, 2011
Suck for Luck
Most Dolphin fans are still in "Suck for Luck" mode, but with two straight wins under their belt, some members of the team apparently still have playoff hopes alive. Which isn't exactly impossible, just largely improbable. Then again, with a 2-7 record they are only 5 games behind the leaders in the ... More >>
Blogs
October 3, 2011
Dolphins Fall To 0-4: It's Suck For Luck Time!
The Miami Dolphins did that thing again where they play like their scrotums are stapled to their thighs, this time losing 26-16 to the San Diego Chargers. In the process, they lost Chad Henne to a shoulder injury, forcing backup Matt Moore to step in and do exactly what Henne's been doing: namely ... More >>
News
August 18, 2011
Student athletes suffer the stings of concussions while lawmakers fail to help
The Miami Dolphins did that thing again where they play like their scrotums are stapled to their thighs, this time losing 26-16 to the San Diego Chargers. In the process, they lost Chad Henne to a shoulder injury, forcing backup Matt Moore to step in and do exactly what Henne's been doing: namely ... More >>
News
March 24, 2011
NFL players should form their own teams
The Miami Dolphins did that thing again where they play like their scrotums are stapled to their thighs, this time losing 26-16 to the San Diego Chargers. In the process, they lost Chad Henne to a shoulder injury, forcing backup Matt Moore to step in and do exactly what Henne's been doing: namely ... More >>
Blogs
March 21, 2011
NFL Players Should Send The Greedy Owners To Hell
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times.This week, Luke advises professional football players to form their own league.When Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson likened ... More >>
News
September 16, 2010
Venus and Serena Williams suffer racism
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times.This week, Luke advises professional football players to form their own league.When Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson likened ... More >>
Blogs
September 14, 2010
Venus and Serena Williams Deserve The Best
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Williams sisters don't get their due.Venus and Serena Williams represent black people and female athletes in a po ... More >>
Blogs
August 16, 2010
Miami Dolphins Pre-season: A Sloppy Win
There are several things we can glean from the Dolphins 10-7 pre-season win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this past Saturday: Pat White is probably done, the Marlins infield is where football goes to die and Dolphins fans remain pretty irrational after just one meaningless game. What's that? Bran ... More >>
News
March 11, 2010
The Miami Caliente shows blood, sweat, and lace in the Lingerie Football League
There are several things we can glean from the Dolphins 10-7 pre-season win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this past Saturday: Pat White is probably done, the Marlins infield is where football goes to die and Dolphins fans remain pretty irrational after just one meaningless game. What's that? Bran ... More >>
Blogs
February 3, 2010
The Nuts and Bolts of the Indianapolis Colts
Dolphins fans owe two debts of gratitude to the Indianapolis Colts this year: (1) for dropping a regular-season game to ensure that the '72 Fins remain the only team in modern NFL history to complete a perfect season, and (2) for stopping the NY Jets, with classless coach Rex ... More >>
Blogs
February 2, 2010
Chad Ochocinco Adds Another Notch in His Career Belt: Media Day Hack
Photo by Tim Elfrink Is that Ron Burgandy? Nope. Ochocinco reports live from Sun Life Stadium.Chad Ochocinco hasn't yet accecpted New Times' informal offer to write a 10,000-word odyssey/cover story about wearing Snuggies at McDonald's and living a double life as Esteban the Most In ... More >>
Calendar
January 21, 2010
Super Sunday Strangeness
Photo by Tim Elfrink Is that Ron Burgandy? Nope. Ochocinco reports live from Sun Life Stadium.Chad Ochocinco hasn't yet accecpted New Times' informal offer to write a 10,000-word odyssey/cover story about wearing Snuggies at McDonald's and living a double life as Esteban the Most In ... More >>
Blogs
December 28, 2009
Dolphins Playoff Hopes Still Marginally Alive, But at Least '72 Remains Unmatched
Despite NBCMiami's sort of brilliant "Fin" headline this morning, the Dolphins playoffs hopes are still alive. Well, not really alive. Their playoff hopes are more zombie-like. It's as if the Dolphins are in a cheesy horror movie where the undead have taken over and bitten the Fins, and the team ... More >>
News
July 9, 2009
Dwyane's Disaster
The Miami Heat superstar sure picked a dubious business partner.
News
November 27, 2008
A Thanksgiving Ode to Chad Pennington, Our Meh-rino
A mediocre quarterback leads the Dolphins back to mediocrity.
Blogs
April 1, 2008
Picking First Sucks
A mediocre quarterback leads the Dolphins back to mediocrity.
Blogs
January 9, 2008
The Right Arm of God Crushes King Douche Into Fine Powder
A mediocre quarterback leads the Dolphins back to mediocrity.
Music
February 1, 2007
Chicago (vs. Indy): The Musical!
Why da Bears will spank the Colts come Sunday

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