S---, we're going to go out and beat that ass. Point blank. Period," - Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin on what would happen when the Bills played the Dolphins. Final score at Sun Life last night: Dolphins 22, Bills 9. More like LOLdis McKelvin, right? RIGHT?!
Does LeBron James' defection to the Cleveland Cavaliers mean the Miami Dolphins could regain the top spot in Miami fans' hearts? That's the question many have been asking this past week as the dust settles from the Miami Heat's loss of the best player in the NBA. Miami has always been considered a ... More >>
Here we go again. Welcome to Lebronapalooza 2014! LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh all have until June 29th to decide whether or not they will trigger the opt-in years in their contracts, and give this Big Three thing another go at it, and Heat Nation anxiously awaits their decisions. The s ... More >>
When you're up against Peyton Manning and the (no longer?) best offensive team in NFL history, the odds might seem slim when it comes to winning the Super Bowl. But not for the Seattle Seahawks. With a final score of 43-8, not even Manning, with his all-time touchdown skills (55 end-zone passes thi ... More >>
There's weather-induced chaos in Atlanta. Freezing weather in the plains. And the forecast at game time Sunday in New Jersey is 40 degrees and overcast. Three of the first five Super Bowls were played in Miami -- and 10 of the big games overall. And here, on Sunday night, it is supposed to be 75 d ... More >>
Yesterday came news that LeBron James would be starring in his very first movie. It's a basketball comedy co-starring comedian Kevin Hart, and not, to the dismay of nostalgic millenials, the sequel to the Michael Jordan and Loney Tunes '90s classic Space Jam that the world deserves. Dreams of a Spa ... More >>
Prior to the Monday Night game against the winless Buccaneers, Dolphins players swore up and down all this drama for your mamma would bring them closer together, and propel them to a statement win in front of a National audience. Loyal Dolphins fans pointed their loyal Dolphins finger in your chest ... More >>
Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland's sports legacy will always be that of the guy who asked a prospective player if his mom was a whore, and there's no evidence to suggest it will ever be anything more than that. The current Dolphins mess centering on race-baiting potato Richie Incognito, just th ... More >>
What the what? LeBron James, perhaps the most recognizable athlete on the planet, won his first NBA championship after two years of non-stop media and public scrutiny. But, America didn't think it was that big of a deal. According to a new Marist poll of sports fans, the Heat's win was only the four ... More >>
Sure, things might come together for the Miami Dolphins this year. Ryan Tannehill could quickly develop into a stud. Our offense may surprise. Joe Philbin might reveal himself as a true coaching genius in his first season. The team might make the playoffs. You might win the lottery. The polar ice ca ... More >>
The Dolphins lost the "suck for Luck" contest, and didn't even come close to winning the Peyton Manning, but boy they sure did come in first place in the David Gerrard invitational. And, that might not be the worst thing ever. Sports Illustrated writer Peter King claims that Gerrard is looking ... More >>
It only took 29 years, but the Miami Dolphins finally grew a pair and used a first round pick to select a quarterback. And that quarterback is Ryan Tannehill of Texas A&M.After getting stiffed by Peyton Manning during the offseason, and feeling pretty meh about Matt Flynn, the Dolphins went ahea ... More >>
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be. In this special edition, Luke laments the epic fall of Miami's storied NFL team.It is a tragedy what is going on with the Miami Dolphins. One of the most suc ... More >>
While most of America was belligerently chanting about the luck of the Irish this weekend, one Ireland was having what might have been the worst weekend of his professional life: Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland. He officially lost Peyton Manning, and then he missed out on Matt Flynn too.Now, S ... More >>
So, Peyton Manning has chosen to play for the Denver Broncos, which officially ends the reign of Tebowmania in Colorado.What does that mean for the Dolphins? The sports media has already cued up the Tebow-to-Miami talks. We'd rather they hit the kill button. Nothing about that makes sense.
Peyton Manning has officially told the Miami Dolphins he won't be suiting up in aqua and orange next season. It's another embarrassing failure for owner Stephen Ross and GM Jeff Ireland, and there's even some suggestions that Manning only took the meeting with the Fins as a favor to Dan Marino. O ... More >>
How pathetic are the Dolphins' front office? They couldn't even secure a meeting with Peyton Manning on their own and had to enlist the help of Dan Marino. Yep, despite not having played for the 'Fins for 13 years and not having any official affiliation with the team, Marino continues to be just ... More >>
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has a habit of reminding everyone just how very, very rich he is, and lately, just how very, very rich and powerful all of his friends are.About a month ago while discussing NASCAR, he mentioned how he was friends with several team owners. This morning, ... More >>
Bye, bye, Brandon Marshall? FoxSports.com's NFL Insider has Tweeted that the Dolphin's Brandon Marshall just got traded to the Chicago Bears in exchange for a pretty paltry two third round pics. Well, this is pretty huge. Especially considering Peyton Manning was said to be wary of working with M ... More >>
How big of a mess is the Manning mania rumor mill? Well, depending on who you ask, the Miami Dolphins are either still very much in the running to land Peyton Manning's services or completely out. Let's run down the rumors. Updated!
Could Miami be too big of a market for Peyton Manning? ESPN's NFL Insider Adam Schefter, citing several "sources," says that the media frenzy that greeted Manning as he arrived in South Florida may have scared him off. Schefter suggests that like Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Fisher before him, Manning m ... More >>
Peyton Manning is one fickle football bastard. Just hours after leaving the Indianapolis Colts in a teary press conference, the quarterback arrived in Miami on a private jet yesterday evening. But just as Dolfans and local media thought they had their hands on the NFL veteran, Manning called ... More >>
After struggling for most of last night's game against the Atlanta Hawks, the Miami Heat finally decided to stop dicking around and began to hit their shots and play their anaconda-style defense just in time to comeback from as much as 10 points and beat Atlanta 89-86.More importantly however, be ... More >>
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special edition, Luke says Peyton Manning will not win a Super Bowl with the Miami Dolphins.Now that the Indianapolis Colts have ... More >>
Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>
The Miami Dolphins will have no more Chads hanging around next season. According to the Sun-Sentinel, the Dolphins are expected to part ways with quarterback Chad Henne officially next month. He now joins the long list of Dolphins QBs who've failed to live up to the legend of Dan Marino.
So apparently Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, along with a growing number of Dolphins fans, are "infatuated" with the idea of bringing Peyton Manning to Miami next season. Which is ridiculous when you consider that Manning hasn't even cut ties with the Colts yet, and there's no guarantee he'll fully ... More >>
It sure sounds like Peyton Manning is going to end up in Miami eventually one way or another. The only question is whether it will be in a Dolphins jersey or a pair of board shorts lounging at his condo at the Continuum in the South of Fifth area of Miami Beach.
The Miami Dolphins have not had a consistent quarterback since Dan Marino, who retired at 38. Twelve years later, the Dolphins are still fumbling around trying to land a franchise quarterback even half as good as he was. Signing a 35-year-old injured player probably won't to help much, but don't ... More >>
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell addresses why African-American NFL quarterbacks don't have any heroes to look up to. In baseball, African-American play ... More >>
The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>
Most Dolphin fans are still in "Suck for Luck" mode, but with two straight wins under their belt, some members of the team apparently still have playoff hopes alive. Which isn't exactly impossible, just largely improbable. Then again, with a 2-7 record they are only 5 games behind the leaders in the ... More >>
The Miami Dolphins did that thing again where they play like their scrotums are stapled to their thighs, this time losing 26-16 to the San Diego Chargers. In the process, they lost Chad Henne to a shoulder injury, forcing backup Matt Moore to step in and do exactly what Henne's been doing: namely ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times.This week, Luke advises professional football players to form their own league.When Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson likened ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Williams sisters don't get their due.Venus and Serena Williams represent black people and female athletes in a po ... More >>
There are several things we can glean from the Dolphins 10-7 pre-season win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this past Saturday: Pat White is probably done, the Marlins infield is where football goes to die and Dolphins fans remain pretty irrational after just one meaningless game. What's that? Bran ... More >>
Dolphins fans owe two debts of gratitude to the Indianapolis Colts this year: (1) for dropping a regular-season game to ensure that the '72 Fins remain the only team in modern NFL history to complete a perfect season, and (2) for stopping the NY Jets, with classless coach Rex ... More >>
Photo by Tim Elfrink Is that Ron Burgandy? Nope. Ochocinco reports live from Sun Life Stadium.Chad Ochocinco hasn't yet accecpted New Times' informal offer to write a 10,000-word odyssey/cover story about wearing Snuggies at McDonald's and living a double life as Esteban the Most In ... More >>
Despite NBCMiami's sort of brilliant "Fin" headline this morning, the Dolphins playoffs hopes are still alive. Well, not really alive. Their playoff hopes are more zombie-like. It's as if the Dolphins are in a cheesy horror movie where the undead have taken over and bitten the Fins, and the team ... More >>
The Miami Heat superstar sure picked a dubious business partner.
So the Pro Bowl selections were announced and your Miami Dolphins snagged two spots on the AFC team. Beloved trash talker Joey Porter will be one of the starting outside linebackers, while Ronnie Brown will serve as a reserve running back. One of the biggest snubs? Chad Pennington, who has been havi ... More >>
A mediocre quarterback leads the Dolphins back to mediocrity.
Bill Parcells confirmed with the New York Daily News last week that he is, in fact, willing to trade out of the first overall pick. We all would like him to do this for a number of reasons -- mainly to get more picks so he can have more flexibility to fix our numerous problems. Also, because there i ... More >>
I've always liked ESPN's Jeffri Chadiha. He's what a sports anchor/writer should be. Intelligent, insightful, and, most importantly, not a douche. Unlike scrotum slapping jackals like Skip Bayless or Sean Salisbury, who like to yell and spit and play the role of the tough ornery guy without saying m ... More >>
Why da Bears will spank the Colts come Sunday