Ozzie Guillen

If You Build It, They Still Won’t Come

Miami Marlins Refuse Venezuelan Team a Moment of Silence for Hugo Chavez

You could trace the Miami Marlins' tailspin to last April, when new manager Ozzie Guillen pissed off the most important exiles in town by praising Fidel Castro. Surely the team had that fiasco in mind when news of the death of Miami's second-most-hated strongman, Hugo Chávez, was announced shortly ... More >>

Miami New Times' Dirty Dozen 2012

Mayan Calendar Predictions vs. Miami Reality

Miami Marlins Hire Former Player Mike Redmond as Manager

The Miami Marlins have hired a new manager to replace the ousted Ozzie Guillen, and he's no stranger to the club. Mike Redmond made his major league debut as a catcher for the Marlins back in 1998 and played with the team through 2004. He'll now return as the team's new manager according to reports.

Halloween Costumes to Avoid at All Costs

Ozzie Guillen Fired as Miami Marlins Manager

Ozzie Guillen came to Miami as the new Marlins manager just over a year ago. What followed was a Fidel Castro controversy, a lot of odd outbursts, and yet another season of typical Marlins disappointment. Now, with three years and $7.5 million left on his contract, the Marlins have officially fired ... More >>

Bikini Basketball and Other Florida Sports You Can Get Excited About

Miami Marlins Keep Lying About Stadium

Marlins "Aggressively Seeking" Manager to Replace Ozzie Guillen

Is Ozzie Guillen's time in Miami over? It's hard to imagine a more disastrous season for a manager. Not only did the man manage to piss off half of his fan base by declaring his "love" for Fidel Castro, but he also sunk a promising start into a prolonged team meltdown that saw the Fish end up at the ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen: I Don't Respect Heath Bell "As a Person"

It's never a good sign when a baseball team's locker room drama is so much more interesting to follow then their on field efforts.The fish fight between Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen and pitcher Heath Bell continues with Guillen throwing the latest bomb. It's not that he's lost respect for Bel ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Might Get Fired Over Terrible Marlins Season

The Miami Marlins first season in their taxpayer-funded Little Havana palacio has been nothing short of a catastrophe; the team was out of contention by August and so boring and terrible that the Franchise -- the Showtime series chronicling the club's season -- ended early after star Hanley Ramirez ... More >>

Heath Bell: It's "Hard to Respect" Ozzie Guillen

Things aren't looking good for Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen. With rumors that his job may be on the hot seat, the team's reliever Heath Bell told WQAM host Dan Sileo today that he's been having a hard time trying to respect the controversial and often outspoken Guillen.

Miami Marlins Take Timeout From Sucking To Dress Up As Water Polo Players In Times Square

When it comes to sports, there is a long and storied tradition of punking rookies. First-year professional ballers have being forced to wear Justin Bieber backpacks or had their SUVs filled with popcorn, for example. Some high school sports teams even make their rookies dip their genitals in Icy Hot ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Is Back On Twitter, Forgot How To Use Periods

After announcing that he was sending his last Tweet ever back in May, Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen is officially back on the social networking and giving his period key a workout. Like, we seriously are wondering if Guillen has forgotten the correct way to type in his months-long Twitter abse ... More >>

Ninety-Five Strikes

The Franchise Will End Early Because The Marlins Suck So Much

Wednesday night's episode of Showtime's baseball docudrama The Franchise, which this season is following the Miami Marlins, will be its last. At least two more episodes were originally planned, with the option for others, but the Marlins and Showtime have decided to pull the plug early, because, wel ... More >>

The No-Name Fish

The Marlins Gave Up Hanley, but There's Plenty Left to Trade

The Franchise Episode 2 Recap: LoMo Meets His Hero & Lo Viste

It's fitting that the same day big trade rumors involving Heath Bell and Hanley Ramirez surface, episode two of The Franchise is pretty much framed around a trade deadline discussion roundtable with Jeffery Loria, Larry Beinfest and their DERP lackeys (or maybe the Marlins PLANTED those rumors as a ... More >>

Big Fat Disappointment

Ozzie Guillen Goes on Profanity-Laced Tirade Against Nationals Teen Phenom Bryce Harper

Last night, the struggling Miami Marlins went down 0-4 against the Washington Nationals and 19-year-old phenom Bryce Harper. Harper actually wasn't much of a factor in the game, but Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen snapped at the wunderkind and accused him of using too much pine tar on his bat. What fo ... More >>

The Franchise Episode 1 Recap: Peaks, Valleys & F-Bombs

The first episode of The Franchise: Miami Marlins featured a shitload of F-bombs and was narrated by Don Draper, officially making The Franchise the greatest thing on TV ever.The first episode covered Ozzie Guillen's Fidel Castro comments, the team's blowing shit up in May, and their shit-the-b ... More >>

Foul Balls, Foul Mouth

Luke's Gospel: Miami Heat Is Way Ahead of Dolphins, Marlins

Stank Ball

Jeffrey Loria and Stephen Ross Can Learn a Lot From Micky Arison

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Heat is the number one franchise in Miami.Jeffrey Loria and Stephen Ross need to set up a powwow with Micky Arison and P ... More >>

Meanwhile, Marlins Manager Resorts to Booze and Pills as Team Continues to Suck

For the Marlins, June is the cruelest month. They've cemented a tradition in the past few seasons of starting off strong and seeing it all sink away in the sixth month. A revamped roster, new name, new stadium, and new manager couldn't stave off the June slump. They're 4-14 for the month after havin ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Ranked Least-Respected Manager in Poll of 100 Players

Much like Rodney Dangerfield, Ozzie Guillen gets no respect. A recent poll of 100 current MLB players by Men's Journal reveals that the Venezuelan loud mouth is the least respected baseball manager currently in the league. He ran away with the dishonor by a wide margin.

Video: Marlins' Giancarlo Stanton Almost Decapitated Logan Morrison Last Night

Last night's sloppy game between the San Francisco Giants and the Miami Marlins saw pitching so bad the score ended up in NFL territory. Naturally, the Marlins ended up as the sloppiest team on the field and lost the game 14-7. They also almost lost Logan Morrison's pretty little face too. Giancarlo ... More >>

Did Ozzie Guillen Just Announce His Retirement from Twitter?

Is one of baseball's biggest Twitter addicts calling it quits? Ozzie Guillen just posted a cryptic Tweet suggesting it was his last one ever. If true, it suggests that it really is a new era for Ozzie. One in which he'll be keeping his mouth closed more often and most of his thoughts to himself. Thi ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Heckled by Houston Astros Fans Dressed as Fidel Castro

It's been one month since Marlins skipper Ozzie Guillen infamously muttered his undying love for Fidel Castro. And even though Guillen apologized and the Marlins say the matter is done and dusted, the incident apparently remains pretty raw for the Marlins manager. Earlier this week, Guillen cus ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen on Backlash: "Fucking Grow Up, Motherfucker"

Miami Marlins coach Ozzie Guillen has been uncharacteristically quiet ever since he made those dumb comments about Fidel Castro. Even his Twitter has remained inactive for more than a month. However, you can't keep Guillen's mouth shut for long, even as he's trying to put the incident behind him. In ... More >>

The Creature from the Tacky Lagoon

Poll: Fidel Castro's Florida Approval Rating Is 4 Percent, Ozzie Guillen's Is 7 Percent

Are you ready for your morning dose of statistical overload? Good, because Public Policy Polling just unleashed a wide-ranging poll of Floridians that somehow asks about Fidel Castro, Major League Baseball, and the Trayvon Martin case. Some interesting highlights: Ozzie Guillen is only slightly more ... More >>

Marlins' Reality Show Trailer Shows Ozzie Guillen Being Suspended By David Samson

The second season of The Franchise, Showtime's baseball "docudrama" (a fancy word for reality series) isn't supposed to debut for months. Of course, this season the show is following the exploits of the Miami Marlins, and the season has already had its fair share of drama. So, Showtime is rushing a ... More >>

SNL Takes on Trayvon Martin and Ozzie Guillen

Saturday Night Live dove full-on into the Trayvon Martin case this weekend. Of course, there's not a whole lot humor to be found in the specifics of the case, so instead the show lampooned CNN's Piers Morgan, Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen (played by host Josh Brolin), and Florida in general (" ... More >>

Everyone Defending Ozzie Guillen Needs to Shut Up and Respect Capitalism

Anyone familiar with Miami wasn't surprised that Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen's comments about Fidel Castro set off a fire storm. But certain folks in the sports world were off on the sidelines scratching their heads or muttering things about how baseball managers aren't diplomats. Some are even de ... More >>

Five Cubans Ozzie Guillen Should Praise at His Press Conference Today

Poor Ozzie Guillen. Baseball season just got started and already the Miami Marlins skipper has inserted his foot in his mouth.The controversial Venezuelan born manager had the audacity to praise Cuban dictator Fidel Castro in an upcoming issue of Time magazine and all hell has broken loose in Miami' ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Suspended for Five Games

Ozzie Guillen has only spent five games as the Miami Marlins' manager, and he'll spend the next five at home. The team has announced that Guillen will be suspended for the next five games following the controversial remarks he made about Fidel Castro.Update: We have live coverage of the press confer ... More >>

Protesters Outside Marlins Park Call for Ozzie Guillen's Firing (Video)

Inside Marlins Park, Ozzie Guillen apologized for "betraying his Hispanic community," but outside the front gates, a sizable crowd of Cuban-American protesters made it clear they were in no mood to forgive or forget his statements praising Fidel Castro."We never can forgive what he said," Blanco Gar ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Apologizes For Praising Fidel as Cuban Group Plans to Protest At Stadium

Yesterday, Ozzie Guillen backtracked quicker than Emilio Bonifacio evading a pickoff after Time magazine quoted him admitting he kinda respects Fidel Castro for not falling for the CIA's best exploding cigar tricks. Guillen now says he didn't mean to come off as a Fidelista, telling the Miami Herald ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Promises to Get Sh!t-Faced After Every Single Marlins Game

Ozzie Guillen is officially all of Miami's drunk uncle. He's the kind of guy who just mutters and complains and yells at your bratty cousins during the day on family trips, and spends the nights getting drunk by himself at the hotel bar.No, really, that's exactly who he is.

Logan Morrison is the Marlins' tweeter in chief

Miami Marlins May Get Their Own Reality TV Show on Showtime

​Given the amount of, shall we say, "strong personalities" that have so far been signed by the Miami Marlins for next season, we almost have to wonder if Jeffrey Loria has been assembling the cast of a guilty pleasure reality TV show or a playoff-caliber team. Turns out he might have been doing bo ... More >>

Carlos Zambrano Joins Ozzie Guillen In Miami, Giving Marlins 93 Percent of MLB's Crazy

The Miami Marlins inked a deal last night for once-explosive, possibly still insane Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano. With Ozzie Guillen already signed on to manage the club, the two most unhinged personalities in baseball will call Little Havana home next season.Scientists contacted by Riptide are stil ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Kissing Dog on ESPN Mag Cover (Sort of Like One of Our Most Notorious Covers)

​New Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen hasn't been in town for that long, but is it possible he's been looking through past Miami New Times covers for photo shoots? He's pictured on the cover of the newest edition of ESPN The Magazine in a full on kiss with his pet dog, and it looks quite simila ... More >>

Miami Marlins Real New Uniforms Leaked To Riptide

​Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>

Ten Fun Facts About Ozzie Guillén, The Marlins' Likely New Manager

​Well, it appears the timing of Jack McKeon's retirement announcement wasn't so random. An official announcement that  the Florida Miami Marlins have hired Chicago Whitesox Manager Ozzie Guillén as their new skipper seems imminent. The Sox have released Guillén from his contract, and h ... More >>

Riptide Presents the All-Asshole Major League Baseball Team

Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>