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Blogs
April 23, 2012
"Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say" Video Finally Exists
Apparently, the "Shit ____ Say" video meme is still trudging along. Which means at this point in a meme's lifespan we wouldn't be drawing attention to any new entries unless they were pretty good. And this "Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say" video is pretty good.
Blogs
March 26, 2012
Watch Orlando's Old Amway Arena Get Blown Up By 600 Pounds of Dynamite
Say bye, bye to the Double A. Amway Arena, the original home of the Orlando Magic, was imploded this weekend. Naturally, everyone loves the site of a 367,000-square-foot building being blown up by 600 pounds of dynamite, so watch the video below.
Calendar
March 15, 2012
Magic Formula
Say bye, bye to the Double A. Amway Arena, the original home of the Orlando Magic, was imploded this weekend. Naturally, everyone loves the site of a 367,000-square-foot building being blown up by 600 pounds of dynamite, so watch the video below.
Blogs
March 12, 2012
Big Four? Dwight Howard Interested in Miami Heat, Reportedly
It's not a secret that Magic Center Dwight Howard won't be staying in Orlando much longer, and the saga of where he ends up may be the NBA's most dramatic decision since, well, LeBron landed in Miami. Could Howard's tale have the same ending? A Sports Illustrated reporter says that Howard has rea ... More >>
Blogs
February 20, 2012
Heat Win Sixth-Straight, Bill Clinton is Impressed
Dwyane Wade blew the ass off of the Orlando Magic's defense yesterday, dropping 27 points on them and leading the Miami Heat to the 98-71 victory while former President Bill Clinton watched courtside doing that white-man's overbite thing he does when he sees something impressive. When these ... More >>
Blogs
February 9, 2012
Heat Lose to Magic in a Barrage of Threes
Opponents have been raining three pointers down on the Miami Heat all season long, and last night the Orlando Magic decided that was a good idea too, and hit 4,000 17 three pointers, taking the 102-89 win over Miami.Dwight Howard, who has apparently checked out and doesn't give a shit about baske ... More >>
Blogs
February 8, 2012
Heat Beats Cavs, Kendrick Perkins is Mad at LeBron
Dwyane Wade led the way with 26 points, while LeBron James added 24 as the Miami Heat took down the Cleveland Cavaliers 107-91 last night.The Heat will now embark on a five-road-games-in-seven-nights-palooza beginning in Orlando tonight and ending when all the players die from severe fatigue.But ... More >>
News
September 22, 2011
Shaquille O'Neal wages war against a Miami computer geek
Dwyane Wade led the way with 26 points, while LeBron James added 24 as the Miami Heat took down the Cleveland Cavaliers 107-91 last night.The Heat will now embark on a five-road-games-in-seven-nights-palooza beginning in Orlando tonight and ending when all the players die from severe fatigue.But ... More >>
Blogs
September 15, 2011
Shaq's Wire-Wearing Mistress and the Extortion Claim
Extortion, espionage, mistresses, and Delonte West's penis. Just how crazy is Shaquille O'Neal's personal life? Last February, local prosecutors met with Vanessa Lopez, a woman claiming to be O'Neal's former mistress, about an alleged extortion plot, according to a Florida Department of Law Enf ... More >>
Blogs
June 9, 2011
Those Dirty LeBron James and Rashard Lewis Rumors
You might remember that last year, Fox Sports Radio personality Stephen A. Smith was the first guy to report that LeBron James indeed would be joining Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade with the Miami Heat. People laughed at him when he first Tweeted the assertion, but he looked pretty prescient after it ... More >>
Blogs
May 25, 2011
Kostya Kimlat Brings Magic to Cafe DaVinci
Laine Doss Kostya Kimlat brings his "bag of tricks" to Cafe DaVinciKostya Kimlat has been a magician for almost two decades, even though he looks barely out of high school himself. The Ukraine-born magician, based in Orlando, performs and teaches magic around the world. Named the basketbal ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2011
Camarena Food Truck Hits Miami Friday for WMC
Every March, Miami welcomes electronica-crazed masses eager to sweat and do drugs all over our Winter Music Conference. This year, Camarena Tequila will be feeding both the conference tourists, art walkers, and the food truck-crazed locals with tequila-infused tacos.You heard right. Tacos with ... More >>
Blogs
March 4, 2011
Miami Heat Blow 24-Point Lead, Lose to Magic
If last night's Miami Heat's to-do list was:-Lose to yet another quality team at home-Go ten straight possessions without scoring a basket-Have their two best players combine for two points in the second half-Allow the opponent to go on a 40-9 run-Blow a 24-point lead -Miss another last seco ... More >>
Blogs
March 3, 2011
Heat Vs. Magic: Camarena Tequila Sides With the Disneyheads
LeBron James's Miami Heat takes on Dwight Howard's Orlando Magic at the American Airlines Arena tonight in a game likely to prove whether the Heat can actually play with the big ballers. The team lost to the Knicks this week and is developing a habit of losing to top teams. How can ... More >>
Blogs
December 30, 2010
Miami Heat Had the Best Month Ever
Back in October (when NBA championships are totally decided), ESPN columnist and consummate Heat Dick-Biter, Bill Simmons, wrote that the Big Three's biggest problem will be when they hit the road, because everyone hates them and that makes them all sad: I could see the Heat running the slate [ ... More >>
Blogs
December 6, 2010
Heat-hating Journalists Now Dumping on 8-Year-Old LeBron Fan
How much does the media outside Miami absolutely hate the Miami Heat? So much that they're raining on the parade of an 8-year-old boy who got to meet the players as part of a special birthday present. In fact, they're completely ignoring facts to paint this kid as a front-running fan with "terrible ... More >>
Blogs
November 11, 2010
As Heat Prepare for Celtics Tonight, Hater Schadenfreude Blows Up The Internet
Let's hate these three with everything we got. Ready? 1, 2, 3... HATE!!!The Miami Heat host the Boston Celtics tonight at the American Airlines Arena. But did you know Miami is 5-3 eight games into the 2010-11 NBA season? They are! And because they've turned into The Most Irrationally Reviled Tea ... More >>
Blogs
November 1, 2010
The Miami Heat Has a Secret Hand Signal; What Does It Mean?
viaAfter a rocky start against the Boston Celtics, the Miami Heat is off to an appropriately hot start with a three-game winning streak including Friday's domination of the Orlando Magic in the new Miami team's AAA debut. In addition to wracking up wins,they're also adding some new traditions, in ... More >>
Blogs
October 30, 2010
Heat Take Down Magic in Home Opener
How do you respond when one of your biggest rivals calls you a lap dog, arrogant and questions your competitiveness? By completely smashing them in the face with your awesomeness and beating the crap out of them by 26 points. That's one way to go about it. And, coincidentally enough, that's the r ... More >>
Blogs
October 29, 2010
Miami Heat Make Home Debut Tonight Against the Magic
You get a high-five! You get a high-five! You get a high-five! Everybody gets a high-five!Tonight is the Miami Heat's home opener against the Orlando Magic at the American Airlines Arena. The Heat are asking fans attending the game to dress in black. Boy do the Heat love doing that shit. But it'l ... More >>
Blogs
October 26, 2010
If Miami Heat Lose, Hollywood Bar Will Pick Up Your Tab
This woman is drunk. So too can you be-- for free.Hollywood's Whiskey Tango All-American Bar & Grill is betting that the Miami Heat don't lose a game all season. The bar has pledged to pick up your drinks tab -- up to $25 -- if the Heat lose. The only rule is that patrons have to sign in at the ... More >>
Blogs
October 26, 2010
Computers: Miami Heat Has 100 Percent Chance of Making Playoffs
The NBA regular season kicks off tonight with the Miami Heat taking on the Boston Celetics. Those 82 games seem to be just a formality for the Heat, because AccuScore's jocky computers have declared that without even 0.1 percent of a doubt, the team will make the playoffs. Though AccuScore&n ... More >>
Blogs
September 16, 2010
Dwight Howard Wants Baby Mama and Basketball Wives Star Royce Reed to Pay Up $500 Million
Royce Reed in her signature thrusting poseDespite the fact Royce Reed is a former Miami Heat dancer and current star of Miami based train wreck Basketball Wives, she's perhaps best known for being basketball star Dwight Howard's baby mama. The two haven't been on good turns since the birth of the ... More >>
Blogs
August 5, 2010
Miami Ranked Ninth Coolest City by Uncool Forbes Poll
via Robot AcademyForbes.com has decided to rank America's "coolest" cities (and they don't mean by temperature) using the decidedly square methods of polling. Miami made the top ten, so we're not exactly complaining, but somehow our Sunshine State sister Orlando came in three places higher, which ... More >>
News
July 22, 2010
DJ Rony Seikaly, former Miami Heat center, spins the jams
via Robot AcademyForbes.com has decided to rank America's "coolest" cities (and they don't mean by temperature) using the decidedly square methods of polling. Miami made the top ten, so we're not exactly complaining, but somehow our Sunshine State sister Orlando came in three places higher, which ... More >>
Blogs
July 21, 2010
Miami Heat Lands the Prized Free Agent of 1996
Even after 14 long years, Pat Riley is a man who gets what he wants. Why? Because he's Pat Frickin' Riley, that's why. The Miami Heat signed free agent forward Juwan Howard yesterday to the veteran's minimum of $1.4 million. Back in 1996, and with much fanfare, Howard signed a $101 million deal ... More >>
Blogs
May 3, 2010
Basketball Wives: Love Means Throwing Water in a Bitch's Face
The concept of marriage predates recorded history, yet here it is, the year 2010 A.D., and we are still arguing over what it "means." Luckily, important socio-documentary Basketball Wives shed some light on the debate last night. What we learned: The definition of marriage should be left to each ... More >>
Blogs
April 26, 2010
Basketball Wives: Ochocinco Throws the Worst Parties Ever
There are a slew of talented NFL players from Miami we usually don't care too much about on Riptide unless they happen to play for the Canes or the Dolphins. Chad Ochocinco is the big exception. He is, after all, the most interesting football player in the world. He's practically a hero to us. Bu ... More >>
Calendar
April 1, 2010
Scrap Heat
There are a slew of talented NFL players from Miami we usually don't care too much about on Riptide unless they happen to play for the Canes or the Dolphins. Chad Ochocinco is the big exception. He is, after all, the most interesting football player in the world. He's practically a hero to us. Bu ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2010
News Roundup: Heat Loses to Magic in Overtime
Jackson Memorial Health System was granted an $80 million bailout from the city commission. [WSVN]A 19-year-old mother of two was shot in front of her children. Police are questioning the children's father and her brother. [Herald]South Florida lost nearly a third of its construction jobs ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2010
Miami Heat vs. Orlando Magic: Ten Points
Last night, the Miami Heat lost 108-102 to the Orlando Magic in overtime, inspiring the following ten observations about the state of our b-ball team.1. Outside of Michael Beasley (on the nights Erik Spoelstra actually lets the kid play), Dwyane Wade is all alone.2. The Magic out-rebounded Miami ... More >>
Calendar
March 4, 2010
Punch the Magic Dragon
Last night, the Miami Heat lost 108-102 to the Orlando Magic in overtime, inspiring the following ten observations about the state of our b-ball team.1. Outside of Michael Beasley (on the nights Erik Spoelstra actually lets the kid play), Dwyane Wade is all alone.2. The Magic out-rebounded Miami ... More >>
Blogs
March 1, 2010
Miami Heat vs. Orlando Magic: Behind the Eight Ball
Well, it's official. Dwyane Wade needs a crap-load of help. Sure it was great to see D-Wade back in action last night after being sidelined with a strained calf since February 17. But even with Wade doing his usual routine of denting asses in a single bound, the Miami Heat continued to suffer fro ... More >>
News
February 25, 2010
Fire Heat coach Erik Spoelstra
Well, it's official. Dwyane Wade needs a crap-load of help. Sure it was great to see D-Wade back in action last night after being sidelined with a strained calf since February 17. But even with Wade doing his usual routine of denting asses in a single bound, the Miami Heat continued to suffer fro ... More >>
Blogs
February 22, 2010
Luke's Gospel: Fire Erik Spoelstra
Image via Miami Heat/NBAEMiami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra.Luther Campbell, AKA Uncle Luke, has never been shy about sharing his opinion. The former frontman for Miami's wonderfully raunchy rap act, 2 Live Crew, made history in 1992 when the U.S. Supreme Court confirmed his right to be as horn ... More >>
Blogs
December 18, 2009
News Roundup: Heat Melts Magic
Turns out the Epic Hotel has not been completely cleared as the cause of Legionnaires' disease. [Herald]However, the disease might also be linked to the Liberty of the Seas cruise ship. [SFBJ]The Supreme Court of Florida has decided it's no longer legal to put shackles on kids in court. [JustNews]An ... More >>
Blogs
October 31, 2009
Former Heat Coach Stan Van Gundy Says F-You, Disembodied Voice!
It's the weekend, so the best you're getting from the ole' Riptide sports desk is a repost of a repost.Check out this video of former Miami Heat coach Stan Van Gundy, a.k.a. The Master of Panic, showing complete disdain for his over-hyped, NBA-style introduction at the Orlando Magic's home opener. I ... More >>
Calendar
October 29, 2009
Three-Feat
It's the weekend, so the best you're getting from the ole' Riptide sports desk is a repost of a repost.Check out this video of former Miami Heat coach Stan Van Gundy, a.k.a. The Master of Panic, showing complete disdain for his over-hyped, NBA-style introduction at the Orlando Magic's home opener. I ... More >>
Blogs
June 15, 2009
In Classy Show of Humility, Shaq Offers to Taste Kobe Bryant's Ass
Before the NBA Finals began, there were quite a few columns written about this Magic-Lakers series being haunted by the Ghost of Shaquille O'Neal -- you know, because the former Miami fixture played for both teams and has had such a contentious history with Kobe Bryant. Seemed like a bit of a reach ... More >>
Blogs
June 11, 2009
Give Thanks -- You Almost Got Stuck Rooting for the Florida Flamingos
All team names are far from created equal. Some basic math: Celtics > Raptors; Red Sox > Devil Rays; Colts > Texans; and everyone on a field, rink, or pitch outside of Anaheim laughed their asses off at the Mighty Ducks until they wised up and lost the Disney adjective a few years ago.via Wikimedia ... More >>
Blogs
June 3, 2009
20-Cent Chicken Wings At 8-Oz. Burger Bar
During the NBA Finals between the Orlando Magic and LA Kobes, 8 oz. Burger Bar's Alton Road and Ocean Drive locations will be offering chicken wings for twenty cents apiece -- and $3 draft beers. Seems as though 8-oz. may be suffering from some sort of Susan Boyle Syndrome -- the place wins the New ... More >>
Calendar
April 9, 2009
It’s All About the Seeding
During the NBA Finals between the Orlando Magic and LA Kobes, 8 oz. Burger Bar's Alton Road and Ocean Drive locations will be offering chicken wings for twenty cents apiece -- and $3 draft beers. Seems as though 8-oz. may be suffering from some sort of Susan Boyle Syndrome -- the place wins the New ... More >>
Blogs
March 31, 2009
News Roundup
LocalThe Sun-Sentinel's Ray Sanchez, the last US Journalist working in Cuba, is being called home. [Pulp]Police Chief John Timony wants the world to know that crime doesn't necessarily get worse in a bad economy, but please don't lay off any of his officers. [Reuters] It was actually something ... More >>
Blogs
February 23, 2009
News Roundup
Oh, ZBT the UM frat caught up in another drug mess has been temporarily suspend. Police said pot and a pill for ADHD treatment (adderall?) were sold at the house. [JustNews]A Charlie Crist adviser, Alan Mendelsohn, is linked to one of these many, many ponzi schemes. [Pulp]Marc Sarnoff is the n ... More >>
Calendar
January 22, 2009
Streak Busters
The Heat hosts the red-hot Orlando Magic.
Blogs
January 16, 2009
Will the Heat's Turnaround Be as Miraculous as the Fins'?
There really is something in the water lately that makes our pro sports teams stop being such gawd-awful municipal embarrassments. Last year, the Heat had its worse season since its inaugural year, which didn't help to ease the pain we were experiencing after the Fins' 1-15 season. Things have turne ... More >>
Blogs
May 19, 2008
Last Night: The Police Can't Get Arrested
There really is something in the water lately that makes our pro sports teams stop being such gawd-awful municipal embarrassments. Last year, the Heat had its worse season since its inaugural year, which didn't help to ease the pain we were experiencing after the Fins' 1-15 season. Things have turne ... More >>
Calendar
March 13, 2008
Raiders of the Lost Season
The Heat keeps finding ways to lose.
Calendar
January 2, 1997
Calendar for the week
The Heat keeps finding ways to lose.
Film
February 23, 1994
A Shaq is Born
The Heat keeps finding ways to lose.
More >>

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