As native Floridians, we've always viewed the Winter Olympics as some sort of weird arctic elf games we'll never truly be able to comprehend. As it turns out, there are not that many Floridians who go on to compete in these frigid competitions compared to northern states. Though, this year there a ... More >>
Only in Florida. Every week, so many Americans mutter those words while marveling at the latest insanity to come from our state that Tallahassee really ought to put the phrase on license plates. At Miami New Times, at least a third of our work is done by those crazies. Although it helps that Flori ... More >>
If you start digging into the origins of that sale-priced Butterball turkey at your local Publix, you probably won't like what you find. Turkeys bred in factories are genetically engineered, pumped full of antibiotics, mutilated -- the list goes on. And even if you set aside the animal welfare iss ... More >>
This isn't a warm and fuzzy time for American turkeys. To provide fodder for millions of tryptophan comas, roughly 45 million birds meet their makers every November. But at Kindred Spirits Animal Sanctuary in Ocala, turkeys aren't for eating. Instead, they live out their lives in peace and comfort ... More >>
If your idea of a good way to spend a rainy south Florida afternoon was sampling dozens of small batch spirits and some really fine beers, then you weren't disappointed by the tasting gallery, held this past Saturday at Soho Studios in Wynwood. Distillers from all over the country came to introduce ... More >>
The number one rule of a robbery is never leave anything behind that could identify you, yet Florida thieves lately are having a hard time following that simple guideline. Anthony Thomas is accused of stealing from a gas station in Ocala. How did cops find him? Oh, he left behind a job application ... More >>
Pranking your co-workers can be fun and all, but do try and make sure that your prank victim is mentally stable. Or else things can go terribly wrong. Andrew Joseph Lobban, 31, was arrested and charged with three counts of first degree murder after gunning down three of his co-workers outside of a ... More >>
If shoplifting is on your list of things to do before you die, why not at least aim a little higher than Walmart bikinis? At least target the swimsuit section at Saks or something. Go big or go home. Andrea Mobley, 36, and Jennifer Denise Morrow, 38, now find themselves behind bars after attemptin ... More >>
What is going on down here? First we got newlyweds getting arrested for trying to meet a hooker on their honeymoon, and now we've got moms abandoning their kids at bars to go on a drunken boat trip on Mother's Day. Special occasions: You're doing it wrong, Florida. Billie Jean Williams, 27, and Ma ... More >>
You're first in the nation, Miami! Sadly we are not talking about the Miami Heat, we are talking foreclosures. Florida, during the first quarter, has been America's foreclosure capital, while Miami leads all cities in Florida with a terrifying one in every 79 residences being involved in some sort o ... More >>
Clerks at the Kwik King Food Store in Ocala, Florida, locked up for the night on March 19, and returned the next morning to discover that a hole had been cut in the store's ceiling and that several bottles of Monster energy drink and Four Loko were missing.Turns out they'd been hit by the teenage bo ... More >>
Florida's Stand Your Ground law has been a catastrophe, a Wild West throwback that's let killers justify everything from shooting an unarmed teenager for playing loud music to murdering a pizza store customer for complaining about a slice taking too long. So really, if there's one man we should cons ... More >>
If the South is the Bible Belt, Florida is the Bizarre Belt. With entire blogs and news sites devoted to the oddities that often occur in our little piece of paradise -- few would argue that we reign supreme as far as freakishness. And this weirdness, of course, also applies to food. Read also: - D ... More >>
Publix customers in Florida can now redeem paperless coupons for small discounts on store items, but the technology is not available in Miami -- yet. Only Publix stores in Ocala are equipped with new technology that can accept the digital coupons.
Ladies: If you want to surprise your boyfriend by popping into their house topless, by all means, don't let us stop you. There's a proper procedure to pulling off such a surprise, however, and that's to remove your upper garments in a hallway, on a front porch, or perhaps behind a strategically plac ... More >>
See also "Six South Florida Athletes To Keep Tabs On During the Games" and "London 2012 Olympics: South Florida Athletes (Photos)"Something called "the Olympic Spirit" is in the air, and suddenly, we're suppose to care about equestrian sports and whether or not China is sending 10-year-olds to destr ... More >>
Another month, another one of Rick Scott's controversial laws struck down by a federal court. This time around it's a strange NRA-backed provision that banned doctors from asking patients about owning a gun. A Miami-based federal judge had already placed an injunction on the law, and last week struc ... More >>
For the past week, rumors regarding the Miami Zombie attack have been going bananas on the Internet. In one version, face-eater Rudy Eugene was infected with something called the LQP-79 virus. A website and YouTube video devoted to the supposed outbreak racked up over 10,000 views in less than 24 ho ... More >>
We weren't all that familiar with U.S. Rep. Cliff Stearns -- a gray-haired motel magnate from Ocala -- until Tuesday, when he tried to revive the long-exploded birther movement by questioning President Obama's birth certificate at a town hall meeting. Well, that must have been one hell of a town ... More >>
Remember when actual elected Republicans were all jumping aboard the birther train and openly questioning whether President Barack Obama was actually a natural born U.S. citizen? Then the president presented his longform birth certificate, and that seemed to put an end to it? Well, apparently n ... More >>
It's that time of year again when we count down to New Times' Best of Miami 2012 issue in June. Until then, Short Order will serve up 100 of our favorite dishes in the 305. If you have any nominations of your own, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. The Lokal Burger at LokalWhen was ... More >>
Lokal, a new burger joint in Coconut Grove, opened Christmas Eve after much renovation to the space on Commodore Plaza.When Short Order spoke with owner Matthew Kuscher in September, he spun a tale of a small neighborhood restaurant featuring locally sourced food and drink. Kuscher described a mu ... More >>
To hear the story repeated from fine bastions of journalism like the New York Times, NPR, and CNN, you'd be lead to believe that the chimpanzee who played Cheetah, Tarzan's ape companion in the famed 1930s movie series, recently died in an animal sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Florida. Don't believe e ... More >>
via Ocala.comThe amazing news page at the Ocala Star-Banner this morning.The good citizens of Ocala have been mighty concerned lately about the man in the pointy-headed white hood waving at their cars from a downtown street corner. "Is the KKK back in Florida?" they naturally wondered.But no. Oca ... More >>
J-Lo, a chicken born in Florida with two-thirds of the butts of the Kardashian sisters (and maybe twice the brains) is dead. Though she may have been an extraordinary hen, her fate was typical for a chicken: two foxes jumped into her enclosure.
Republican Congressman Cliff Stearns of Ocala is very interested in his Democratic colleague Anthony Weiner's alleged bulge pictures. More specifically, he's interested in making sure that members of congress are safe from cyber attacks and hacking. Stearns was on Bill O'Reilly last night and sai ... More >>
This evening at the Biscayne Triangle Truck Round-up look for a different kind of vehicle. Seriously Organic, a foraging company that launched last summer with the mission of connecting farmers to chefs and consumers, will bring its refrigerated truck to the gathering. It will be packed with fres ... More >>
Marijuana production is at an all-time high in Florida and so are grow house busts. The local, state, and federal law enforcement weed eradication program has seen a 50 percent spike in the number of grow labs in less than four years. It's easy pickings for Johnny Law when you think about it. Gro ... More >>
US Marshals Service Wesley Snipes can learn a lot from Martha Stewart. He starts a three-year prison sentence tomorrow in Pennsylvania for tax-related infractions. But rather than accepting his punishment like a man, he bitched to Larry King last night on CNN about how "upset and disappointed tha ... More >>
Florida's constitution strictly forbids gays from marrying, but what about the Sunshine State's straights? They're obviously doing such a fine job of upholding the sanctity of marriage, right? Apparently not so. The Daily Beast has compiled a list of "the 50 cities with the worst divorce rates," ... More >>
C.StilesCharles "Krazy Horse" Bennett Seeks a title and an end to his madness.When it comes to second chances, Charles Daniel Bennett Jr. will take four, five, six, and however many more he can get. Nicknamed Krazy Horse, the Ocala native has been one of the most scandalous characters to step int ... More >>
Imagine winning half a million dollars from a lottery scratch off game, and then imagine the lottery telling you, "whoops, sorry this is a misprint, too bad." That's what happened to Ann Marie Curcio of Ocala. Her Gold Rush ticket told her she had won $500,000 in 2007. She drove all the way up to ... More >>
Photo by Andrew WamselyThe show was not sponsored by ADT Home SecurityA Day to RememberWith Veara, Enter Shikari, Silverstein, August Burns RedRevolution, Fort LauderdaleWednesday, March 31, 2010Touring acts tend to avoid South Florida because we are not on the way to anywhere -- except rehab. Th ... More >>
It's not exactly uncommon to hear someone floating around the political fantasy of South Florida becoming its own state. Not to say it'd ever actually happen, but c'mon, we all know the rest of Florida is holding us back. Well, a new political map that redraws the United States with the idea ... More >>
There's more than enough weird things that happen here in Miami-Dade, but sometimes it seems we're downright sane compared to the rest of Florida. WTF Florida is our new weekly survey of all the weirdness our Peninsula has to offer. American Idol Comes to Mickey Mouse LandAmerican Idol skipped ov ... More >>
Miami Police canine units attack first, ask questions later.
The horror. Ugly feet, greed, and Bon Jovi are enough to make anyone dump a mate.
LocalsThis was a depressing weekend full of sad news and pure evil. Like this guy who killed his estranged wife and three others at a party, and then himself. [Herald]Donte Stallworth, an NFL player, hit and killed a construction worker on 195. [AP] Got an exotic pet laying around you don't need any ... More >>
In terms of current political scandals, the one engulfing Florida Speaker of the House Ray Sansom has been pretty dull. He wasn't a batshit insane narcissist with crazy helmet hair talking about how Senate seats were "fucking valuable" things. He didn't conspire with the opposition party to install ... More >>
Stressed sellers scheme and dream.
"We are led by nonpark professionals in executing a $400 million bond issue"
"Your excellent article exposed the ugly truth."
Mad swag, flaunting felines, and Burger King as haute cuisine
A Southern-style church service is a magnet for eerie, heavenly harmonies
Collins Avenue's greatest hits