Ocala

Florida Moms Arrested for Ditching Kids to Go on Mother's Day Booze Cruise

What is going on down here? First we got newlyweds getting arrested for trying to meet a hooker on their honeymoon, and now we've got moms abandoning their kids at bars to go on a drunken boat trip on Mother's Day. Special occasions: You're doing it wrong, Florida. Billie Jean Williams, 27, and Ma ... More >>

Florida Leads Nation in Foreclosures, Miami Tops All Cities

You're first in the nation, Miami! Sadly we are not talking about the Miami Heat, we are talking foreclosures. Florida, during the first quarter, has been America's foreclosure capital, while Miami leads all cities in Florida with a terrifying one in every 79 residences being involved in some sort o ... More >>

Florida Teen Cut a Hole in a Store's Roof to Steal Four Loko

Clerks at the Kwik King Food Store in Ocala, Florida, locked up for the night on March 19, and returned the next morning to discover that a hole had been cut in the store's ceiling and that several bottles of Monster energy drink and Four Loko were missing.Turns out they'd been hit by the teenage bo ... More >>

Rep. Dennis Baxley, Author of Florida's Stand Your Ground Law, Wants Guns In Schools

Florida's Stand Your Ground law has been a catastrophe, a Wild West throwback that's let killers justify everything from shooting an unarmed teenager for playing loud music to murdering a pizza store customer for complaining about a slice taking too long. So really, if there's one man we should cons ... More >>

Miami Ranks Fifth in Foreclosures As Florida Reigns As Underwater Real Estate Capital

With Miami's luxury market going bananas again and Indian Creek mansions hawking for $47 million a pop, it's easy to forget that the average Dade homeowner is still deeper underwater than James Cameron's submarine. In fact, a new report out this morning says Miami now has the fifth highest rate of f ... More >>

Frog in Your Salad? Five Gross Things Discovered in Florida Foods

If the South is the Bible Belt, Florida is the Bizarre Belt. With entire blogs and news sites devoted to the oddities that often occur in our little piece of paradise -- few would argue that we reign supreme as far as freakishness. And this weirdness, of course, also applies to food. Read also: - D ... More >>

Publix Now Accepts Digital Coupons in Florida, but Not in Miami

Publix customers in Florida can now redeem paperless coupons for small discounts on store items, but the technology is not available in Miami -- yet. Only Publix stores in Ocala are equipped with new technology that can accept the digital coupons.

Topless Florida Woman Leads Police On Sexiest Chase Ever

Ladies: If you want to surprise your boyfriend by popping into their house topless, by all means, don't let us stop you. There's a proper procedure to pulling off such a surprise, however, and that's to remove your upper garments in a hallway, on a front porch, or perhaps behind a strategically plac ... More >>

London 2012 Olympics: Introducing Your Florida Athletes

See also "Six South Florida Athletes To Keep Tabs On During the Games" and "London 2012 Olympics: South Florida Athletes (Photos)"Something called "the Olympic Spirit" is in the air, and suddenly, we're suppose to care about equestrian sports and whether or not China is sending 10-year-olds to destr ... More >>

Rick Scott's "Docs vs. Glocks" Law Struck Down

Another month, another one of Rick Scott's controversial laws struck down by a federal court. This time around it's a strange NRA-backed provision that banned doctors from asking patients about owning a gun. A Miami-based federal judge had already placed an injunction on the law, and last week struc ... More >>

Zombie Virus Hoax Is the Work of Florida Webmaster Alfred Moya

For the past week, rumors regarding the Miami Zombie attack have been going bananas on the Internet. In one version, face-eater Rudy Eugene was infected with something called the LQP-79 virus. A website and YouTube video devoted to the supposed outbreak racked up over 10,000 views in less than 24 ho ... More >>

Woman Arrested for Masturbating on the Side of a Florida Highway

Talk about an exhibitionist streak. Ashley Holton, 35, was arrested this weekend after she was masturbating on the side of Highway 484 in Ocala, Florida. Her self-pleasuring antics even slowed down traffic on the roadway.Holton didn't seem to mind. She was enjoying herself so much that when a police ... More >>

Birther Florida Rep. Cliff Stearns Also Wants to Sell National Parks (And is Accused of Bribery)

​We weren't all that familiar with U.S. Rep. Cliff Stearns -- a gray-haired motel magnate from Ocala -- until Tuesday, when he tried to revive the long-exploded birther movement by questioning President Obama's birth certificate at a town hall meeting. Well, that must have been one hell of a town ... More >>

Florida Rep. Cliff Stearns Still Questioning Obama's Birth Certificate

Remember when actual elected Republicans were all jumping aboard the birther train and openly questioning whether President Barack Obama was actually a natural born U.S. citizen? Then the president presented his longform birth certificate, and that seemed to put an end to it? Well, apparently n ... More >>

84. The Lokal Burger at Lokal

It's that time of year again when we count down to New Times' Best of Miami 2012 issue in June. Until then, Short Order will serve up 100 of our favorite dishes in the 305. If you have any nominations of your own, please send them to cafe@miaminewtimes.com.​84. The Lokal Burger at LokalWhen was ... More >>

Lokal: Clean Burgers, Brews, and Killer Tomatoes (Pictures)

​Lokal, a new burger joint in Coconut Grove, opened Christmas Eve after much renovation to the space on Commodore Plaza.When Short Order spoke with owner Matthew Kuscher in September, he spun a tale of a small neighborhood restaurant featuring locally sourced food and drink. Kuscher described a mu ... More >>

Cheetah the Chimp Died in Florida, But There's Little Evidence He Was Actually in Tarzan Movies

​To hear the story repeated from fine bastions of journalism like the New York Times, NPR, and CNN, you'd be lead to believe that the chimpanzee who played Cheetah, Tarzan's ape companion in the famed 1930s movie series, recently died in an animal sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Florida. Don't believe e ... More >>

Ice Cream Shop Owner Forced To Clarify That Mascot Is Not A KKK Member

via Ocala.comThe amazing news page at the Ocala Star-Banner this morning.​The good citizens of Ocala have been mighty concerned lately about the man in the pointy-headed white hood waving at their cars from a downtown street corner. "Is the KKK back in Florida?" they naturally wondered.But no. Oca ... More >>

J-Lo, Florida's Chicken with Two Butts, is Dead

​J-Lo, a chicken born in Florida with two-thirds of the butts of the Kardashian sisters (and maybe twice the brains) is dead. Though she may have been an extraordinary hen, her fate was typical for a chicken: two foxes jumped into her enclosure.

Florida Republican Congressman Wants to Investigate Rep. Weiner's Alleged Bulge Picture

​Republican Congressman Cliff Stearns of Ocala is very interested in his Democratic colleague Anthony Weiner's alleged bulge pictures. More specifically, he's interested in making sure that members of congress are safe from cyber attacks and hacking. Stearns was on Bill O'Reilly last night and sai ... More >>

Seath Jackson's Facebook Posts Shed Light on Events Surrounding His Brutal Murder

Seath Jackson's Facebook default. ​Several postings on the Facebook wall of 15-year-old Seath Jackson paint a picture of the heated arguments that may have set the stage for his brutal murder last Sunday near Ocala, Florida. Jackson had apparently been dating 15-year-old Amber Wright, but she brok ... More >>

Tonight: Seriously Organic Brings Florida Meat, Cheese & Produce To BTTR

​This evening at the Biscayne Triangle Truck Round-up look for a different kind of vehicle. Seriously Organic, a foraging company that launched last summer with the mission of connecting farmers to chefs and consumers, will bring its refrigerated truck to the gathering. It will be packed with fres ... More >>

Sustain's organic cuisine is the real deal

Top five Florida weed busts

Top Five Florida 420 Busts in 2010

​Marijuana production is at an all-time high in Florida and so are grow house busts. The local, state, and federal law enforcement weed eradication program has seen a 50 percent spike in the number of grow labs in less than four years. It's easy pickings for Johnny Law when you think about it. Gro ... More >>

Shocking Finding: Retirees Love Florida

​Florida really is Heaven's waiting room. According to a new study by Portfolio.com, the Sunshine State is by far the most popular destination for retirees, which has major implications as the gigantic baby boomer population continues to enter retirement age. The good news for Miamians who hate ol ... More >>

Pay Your Dues and Taxes, Snipes

US Marshals Service ​Wesley Snipes can learn a lot from Martha Stewart. He starts a three-year prison sentence tomorrow in Pennsylvania for tax-related infractions. But rather than accepting his punishment like a man, he bitched to Larry King last night on CNN about how "upset and disappointed tha ... More >>

Florida Cities Dominate List of "Divorce Capitols;" Miami is Number 26

​Florida's constitution strictly forbids gays from marrying, but what about the Sunshine State's straights? They're obviously doing such a fine job of upholding the sanctity of marriage, right? Apparently not so. The Daily Beast has compiled a list of "the 50 cities with the worst divorce rates," ... More >>

Charles Bennett Is Called "Krazy Horse" Because He's 100 Percent Normal

C.StilesCharles "Krazy Horse" Bennett Seeks a title and an end to his madness.​When it comes to second chances, Charles Daniel Bennett Jr. will take four, five, six, and however many more he can get. Nicknamed Krazy Horse, the Ocala native has been one of the most scandalous characters to step int ... More >>

Woman Wins $500,000 From Scratch Off Game, Florida Lottery Says It's a Misprint

Imagine winning half a million dollars from a lottery scratch off game, and then imagine the lottery telling you, "whoops, sorry this is a misprint, too bad." That's what happened to Ann Marie Curcio of Ocala. Her Gold Rush ticket told her she had won $500,000 in 2007. She drove all the way up to ... More >>

Concert Review: A Day to Remember, August Burns Red, Silverstein, Enter Shikari, and Veara at Revolution, March 31

Photo by Andrew WamselyThe show was not sponsored by ADT Home Security​A Day to RememberWith Veara, Enter Shikari, Silverstein, August Burns RedRevolution, Fort LauderdaleWednesday, March 31, 2010Touring acts tend to avoid South Florida because we are not on the way to anywhere -- except rehab. Th ... More >>

In a Democratic Wet Dream, We'd Belong to the State of the Everglades

​It's not exactly uncommon to hear someone floating around the political fantasy of South Florida becoming its own state. Not to say it'd ever actually happen, but c'mon, we all know the rest of Florida is holding us back. Well, a new political map that redraws the United States with the idea ... More >>

WTF Florida: Orlando's Split Pants and Glitter Shine on American Idol, Real Life Batman Arrested

​There's more than enough weird things that happen here in Miami-Dade, but sometimes it seems we're downright sane compared to the rest of Florida. WTF Florida is our new weekly survey of all the weirdness our Peninsula has to offer. American Idol Comes to Mickey Mouse LandAmerican Idol skipped ov ... More >>

Letters from the Issue of November 19, 2009

Dog Bites Man

Miami Police canine units attack first, ask questions later.

Deal Breakers

The horror. Ugly feet, greed, and Bon Jovi are enough to make anyone dump a mate.

News Roundup

LocalsThis was a depressing weekend full of sad news and pure evil. Like this guy who killed his estranged wife and three others at a party, and then himself. [Herald]Donte Stallworth, an NFL player, hit and killed a construction worker on 195. [AP] Got an exotic pet laying around you don't need any ... More >>

So Long, Speaker Sansom

In terms of current political scandals, the one engulfing Florida Speaker of the House Ray Sansom has been pretty dull. He wasn't a batshit insane narcissist with crazy helmet hair talking about how Senate seats were "fucking valuable" things. He didn't conspire with the opposition party to install ... More >>

Miami Wig Website Is The Luckiest Lil' Media Whore This Week

Boom & Bust, Part 2

Stressed sellers scheme and dream.

Letters from the Issue of June 14, 2007

"We are led by nonpark professionals in executing a $400 million bond issue"

Letters from the Issue of March 15, 2007

"Your excellent article exposed the ugly truth."

Luxury Lounge

Mad swag, flaunting felines, and Burger King as haute cuisine

Steel's the Show

A Southern-style church service is a magnet for eerie, heavenly harmonies

Tourist Trappings

Altcountry newcomers send a mint julep postcard from Holopaw

Letters to the Editor

From the week of February 13, 2002

The Return of Johnny Bev

Collins Avenue's greatest hits

In Prison and Online

The techno revolution has spawned a new program that unites incarcerated moms and their kids in cyberspace

Letters

Swelter