Oakland Raiders

Vanilla Ice on "Ice Ice Baby" and Suge Knight: "He Never Hung Me Over No Balcony, Man"

Yo, VIP! Let's kick it! Remember when former Death Row Records CEO Suge Knight (AKA Big Suge, Big Simon, Marion Knight Jr.) grabbed pioneering Caucasian pop-hopper and South Florida native Vanilla Ice (AKA Robert Van Winkle), then dangled his pasty ass from a 15th-floor balcony till he forked over ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Let The Countdown Commence!

Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland's mismanagement of the Fins -- comically whiffing on everything from prospective free agents to current players to young college kids whose mothers were probably not crack-smoking prostitutes -- has been well-documented. He's quite the controversial, talen ... More >>

Jeff Ireland Called a Dolphins Fan an Asshole

Jeff Ireland, the Miami Dolphins general manager best noted for asking Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute, has let his mouth get him into more trouble. During Sunday's game, a fan informed Ireland that he should "fire himself." (Of all the things angry sports fans usually tell others to do to ... More >>

Tailgaters Go All Out After Dolphins Win (Photos)

So the Dolphins won their home opener yesterday for the first time since 2005: a 35-13 shellacking of the Oakland Raiders.Short Order wasn't disappointed at the Miami Dolphins first home game Sunday against the Oakland Raiders. Why haul a grill off the back of a truck when you can make the grill the ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Obliterate the Oakland Raiders 35 - 13

Facing a below-average Oakland Raiders yesterday, it was generally believed the Dolphins had a very good chance of beating their former AFC rival and notching the first victory for both Head Coach Joe Philbin and QB Ryan Tannehill. Then Reggie Bush came out of nowhere and decided to show everyone hi ... More >>

Dolphins Home Opener Sunday: Tailgate The Right Way

Let's be honest, this season is not exactly hopeful for your Miami Dolphins. With a rookie quarterback and coming off a 6-10 campaign in 2011, the oddsmakers aren't exactly worried you'll hit the 200-1 sweepstakes that the Dolphins win Super Bowl XLVII. That won't stop belligerent Dolphins fans from ... More >>

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Dolphins Fall to Texans 30-10 In Season-Opening Flop

With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tan ... More >>

Jeff Fisher Picks Rams Over Dolphins

​After a diva-like and dramatic decision period that a so-so coach really didn't deserve, Jeff Fisher has decided he'll be the coach of the Los Angeles St. Louis Rams instead of the Miami Dolphinsnext season . This, of course, means the Dolphins' search for a new coach is basically back to sq ... More >>

Dolphins Take Down Raiders, Have Four Wins Now

​Amazingly and infuriatingly, the Miami Dolphins have come tromping out of the depths of a shitty season like a reanimated zombie and have suddenly started kicking opponents asses and eating their brains.The Dolphins defense stabbed the Raiders in the face with their ferociousness, while the offen ... More >>

Dolphins Lose On Thanksgiving Day

Your Miami Dolphins played in yesterday's Thanksgiving Day game against the Dallas Cowboys and lost, ending their three-game winning streak and putting their playoff hopes on life support with someone standing by ready to smother it with a pillow. The Dolphins defense did what it could, intercepting ... More >>

Desperate Dolphins

Dolphins Apparently Still Think They Have a Chance at the Playoffs

Most Dolphin fans are still in "Suck for Luck" mode, but with two straight wins under their belt, some members of the team apparently still have playoff hopes alive. Which isn't exactly impossible, just largely improbable. Then again, with a 2-7 record they are only 5 games behind the leaders in the ... More >>

Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

NFL Investigating Club Play's Unauthorized Use of Players Images on Porn Party Ad

​Club Play is a relative newcomer on South Beach's party scene, but the Fifth Street hot spot has already hosted major events featuring sports and music stars. Unfortunately for them, they've just made a powerful enemy: the National Football League. The NFL is investigating a flyer for the club's ... More >>

Dolphins Lose to Browns, Fall to 1-5 at Home

Oh what could have been...​The Miami Dolphins fell to the Cleveland Browns 13-10 on Sunday in a game that was probably the worst-case scenario for making an argument that American football is exciting.While both teams' offenses did their darndest to lull you into unconsciousness, there was a palpa ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Offense Finally Shows Up

I don't see a difference, do you Dolfans?​Here is a shocker. The Miami Dolphins finally scored more than 30 points this season. It was an offensive explosion for 471 yards that featured two big play touchdowns by running back Ricky Williams and undrafted rookie wide receiver Marlon Moore. Watching ... More >>

Who Will Be The Miami Hurricanes Next Coach? Here's Every Rumored Candidate

We still have mixed emotions over the firing of Randy Shannon, but it's time to move on and start wildly speculating on who will be the next coach of the Miami Hurricanes. Athletic Director Kirby Hocutt has hired a firm to assist in the quest, and reportedly the 'Canes will be looking for someone wh ... More >>

Will the Dolphins Replace Tony Sparano With Jon Gruden?

​With the Miami Dolphins apparently in the midst of a total implosion, it was only a matter of time before someone began whispering about the future of head coach Tony Sparano. Well, today Greg Cote dropped the bomb that a source tells him Sparano's job might be in trouble, but only if Jon Gruden ... More >>

Dolphins Pummeled, Shutout by Bears

​On a night where the NFL Network previewed an upcoming documentary on Bill Parcells and his football genius, the Dolphins team he built was busy rushing for 39 total-yards and throwing for 187 on their way to their first shutout loss in three seasons. The Dolphins were manhandled and dominated in ... More >>

Dolphins Won't Get Randy Moss, Didn't Even Put In Claim For Him

Straight Cash, Homie ​Remember those rumors and reports saying the Miami Dolphins were interested in acquiring Randy Moss after the Minnesota Vikings released him? There were even reports the Dolphins contacted Moss earlier this week. LIES! ALL LIES!!

Dolphins' Fan Base Ranked 19th for Enthusiasm, But They Do Know How to Party

viaInsane Dolphan Posse​Just because we'd rather sit on the beach listening to the Dolphins game on the radio or checking the score on our iPhone doesn't mean we aren't real Fins fans, right? OK, the Miami sports fan stereotype of a bandwagoner who'd rather spend their Sunday afternoon watching th ... More >>

'Canes Coach Shannon Orders All Players To Shut Down Their Twitters

No longer will we get to read the inner thoughts of Damien Berry or follow the sartorial misadventures of Jacory Harris. Miami Hurricanes football coach Randy Shannon has heard of this thing called "Twitter," and he simply does not care for it. Apparently he thinks it's distracting the team 140 char ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

The Miami Caliente shows blood, sweat, and lace in the Lingerie Football League

One Down; Last Man Standing

Chicano Joe Kapp lead Vikings to the Super Bowl​Remember Joe Kapp? The famous Latino quarterback long before the NFL was courting Latino viewers? With the Jets and Mark Sanchez out of the picture, Latinos won't have much  to root for come Super Bowl Sunday.  Colts wide receiver Anthony G ... More >>

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets: 10 Predictions

​Despite winning the last two meetings against the New York Jets, the Dolphins enter Sunday's rematch as 3-point underdogs. This is mainly because the Jets are coming off a big win against the Raiders (which is basically the equivalence of beating a team made up entirely of organ grinders and thei ... More >>

News Roundup

LocalGosh darn it, when this town decides it wants to build its airport a people mover, it's going to happen. It may take 20 years, but it's going to happen. [Herald]Giant mulch fire up in the NE part of the county. [Herald]You've heard this, but the county has backed off on the stadium deal. [CBS4] ... More >>

Dolphins Manage to Beat Back Old Crappy Self, Win Fourth Straight

Holy crap. That was close. For a while there, it seemed as if we were witnessing the return of the Shitphins. With just 4:30 remaining in a game that the Dolphins had been leading in all day, Oakland’s John Lee Higgins ran a Miami punt back 93-yards to pay dirt, giving the Raiders their first ... More >>

Weekend Football: Any Given Friday Afternoon Post

Every weekend the local professional and college level football player-type people assemble on the field to play their games. Every weekend we write things about it, because it is an easy Friday afternoon post. We also post something dumb holding a football. This week is no exception. Anyway, we ar ... More >>

Waiting for the Sky to Fall

It’s okay to admit it: These Miami Dolphins are pretty good!

Dolphins Hold Off Seahawks

Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule

Let's Talk Free Agents: Offense

Let's Talk Free Agents: Defense

Howie's Kid a Dolphin?

The Party Crasher – NFL Players Get Loose In B.E.D.

The Party Crasher - SoBe New Year's Eve 2007: Jennifer Hudson, Adrian Grenier, Ashlee Simpson, and more...

Will the Fins Get Raided?

Not if you wear your lucky underwear and support the team

Letters from the Issue of June 1, 2006

"I offered the guy probation and his attorneys flipped my life upside down"

Defensive Block Party

The Tesseract

In: Sasha and Digweed, the Sagamore, public transportation. Out: DJ Irie.

Letters from the Issue of September 1 , 2005

Killing sports, dumping Dolphins, and some Miami history

Letters from the Issue of August 18, 2005

Dolphins squeaking, nurses freaking, readers shrieking

Dump This Dolphin!

Basel Breakfast

BEST DOLPHINS PLAYER

Patrick Surtain

News of the Weird

Bugged!

Ever wanted to rub out every single insect in your home? Rent a tent!