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Blogs
March 13, 2012
Mitt Romney Wants You To Know He's Really Good Friends with Dolphins Owner Stephen Ross
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has a habit of reminding everyone just how very, very rich he is, and lately, just how very, very rich and powerful all of his friends are.About a month ago while discussing NASCAR, he mentioned how he was friends with several team owners. This morning, ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2012
Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?
Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>
Blogs
January 11, 2012
Tony Sparano Employable After All, Hired By the New York Jets As Offensive Coordinator
An educated guess.Despite being canned after the Dolphins fell to a miserable 4-9 record in December, former head coach Tony Sparano is once again employed in the National Football League.No, it's not selling concessions like we speculated on our cover two weeks ago -- it's even worse. He's with ... More >>
Blogs
January 3, 2012
Judge in Case of Man Who Tried to Bribe Cop with Tickets: "Miami-Jets Tickets Aren't Worth a Damn"
Maybe he should have tried to sweeten the deal with Heat tickets?Eric Scott Topalian, 23, of Boca Raton, was charged with possession of a controlled substance on Saturday, but tried to get out of the charges by bribing the arresting officer with a pair of tickets to Sunday's Jets vs. Dolphins game. ... More >>
Blogs
December 30, 2011
Ten Best Things to Do This Weekend in Miami
It's the last weekend of 2011/first weekend of 2012. If you haven't already spent your Christmas bonus on a gaudy pair of Tory Burch flats (ladies) or bulky Air Jordan XI Concords (fellas), there are plenty of ways to burn through a couple hundred bucks over the next few days. From New Year's E ... More >>
Blogs
October 5, 2011
Trent Edwards and Brodie Croyle Latest Leftover QBs Given a Look by the Dolphins
With Chad Henne probably out because of his injury, someone else will become the Dolphins' 16th starting quarterback in the 13 years since Dan Marino's retirement. The job will most likely go Matt Moore, barring a miraculous Henne recovery, but the Fins are still on the hunt for other backups. ... More >>
Blogs
September 26, 2011
Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves
The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>
Blogs
August 12, 2011
Chad Henne Is the Worst-Ranked Starting QB in the NFL
Lest you think Miami Dolphins fans were being overdramatic in their disappointment that the team couldn't get a starting quarterback better than Chad Henne, we now have cold, hard rankings to back our whining. USA Today ranked all 32 teams' starting quarterbacks, and Henne came in 31st out of 32. ... More >>
Blogs
August 9, 2011
Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>
Blogs
August 1, 2011
Jason Taylor Returns to Miami Dolphins, Again
Football's greatest on-again, off-again team-player love affair is officially back on. Jason Taylor is coming back to the Miami Dolphins for his third stint. The 36-year-old is expected to fill the team's need for a depth pass rusher. So does this mean he's officially the most popular guy on ... More >>
Blogs
July 22, 2011
Jason Taylor Doesn't Rule Out Return to Dolphins
Rumors abound that former Dolphins legend Jason Taylor is about to hang up his cleats for good and enter the broadcasting booth. Well, Taylor says he's not ready to retire from the gridiron just yet, and isn't ruling out another return to the Miami Dolphins. But after the ugly way his last tenure ... More >>
Blogs
March 2, 2011
Cut from Jets, Jason Taylor Won't be Rejoining Dolphins
The strange and winding relationship between the Dolphins and Jason Taylor is, like any good romantic thriller, full of betrayal, back stabbing and reunions. Though, now that Taylor has been cut from the New York Jets (should have known better JT), it doesn't appear that there's chance at one final ... More >>
Blogs
February 22, 2011
Top 5 Miami Sports Choking Acts of All Time
Mission FAIL.Last Friday, FIU shortstop Garrett Wittels stepped up to bat with a near record 56-game hitting streak on the line against Southeastern Louisiana. He whiffed, ending the game 0-4.It was a painful choking act for the 6'2" junior, who waited an entire off-season only to blow it in his ... More >>
Calendar
January 27, 2011
Dophin-Free Basketball
Mission FAIL.Last Friday, FIU shortstop Garrett Wittels stepped up to bat with a near record 56-game hitting streak on the line against Southeastern Louisiana. He whiffed, ending the game 0-4.It was a painful choking act for the 6'2" junior, who waited an entire off-season only to blow it in his ... More >>
Blogs
January 17, 2011
ESPN: Brian Daboll to Be Dolphins Next Offensive Coordinator
Will Brian Daboll be the man to turn around the Miami Dolphins' faulty offense? According to ESPN, he's just been hired as the new offensive coordinator. He's spent two years in the same position with the Cleveland Browns, but before that spent time on the staffs of the Dolphin's two biggest riva ... More >>
Blogs
December 15, 2010
Jets' Alosi Did Order "Human Wall," Suspension Extended Indefinitely
Following the biggest scandal involving a trip since that Linda woman was involved in the Lewinsky affair, the Jets announced that they had fined and suspended strength training coach Sal Alosi. Though, they said their was no formal instruction to create a "human wall" of sorts against the sideline. ... More >>
Blogs
October 20, 2010
Dolphins' Fan Base Ranked 19th for Enthusiasm, But They Do Know How to Party
viaInsane Dolphan PosseJust because we'd rather sit on the beach listening to the Dolphins game on the radio or checking the score on our iPhone doesn't mean we aren't real Fins fans, right? OK, the Miami sports fan stereotype of a bandwagoner who'd rather spend their Sunday afternoon watching th ... More >>
Blogs
September 20, 2010
Dolphins Defense Leads the Way in Big Win Over Vikings
Everyone had the Miami Dolphins going into Minnesota and getting their asses handed to them by Brett Favre and the Vikings. But when it came down to it, the Fins executed a simple two-part game plan against the supposed Super Bowl contenders to perfection. For the offense: No screw ups by Chad He ... More >>
Blogs
September 10, 2010
Your Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview
TARGET ACQUIRED!Are you ready for our completely meaningless and arbitrary predictions for the upcoming Dolphins season? Well this is it. The Riptide 2.0 Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview. Are you ready to get your ass blown off with some seriously capricious and utterly subjective prog ... More >>
Blogs
September 1, 2010
The Monday Night Football Guys Think Highly of the Miami Dolphins
ESPN's Monday Night Football analysts Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden held a conference call today to preview the upcoming season and both think the Miami Dolphins are going to beat the odds and play well into January. While pretty much the rest of the planet thinks Miami will finish third in the AFC ... More >>
Blogs
August 25, 2010
Marc Anthony, Enrique Iglesias and Fergie Scheduled to Perform at Dolphins Home Opener
To quote Hank Williams Jr., "are you ready for some football?" True, that line may not be the most original. But the temptation is simply too great to pass up when the rare opportunity to intone the venerable Monday Night Football open arises for a music writer who's also a lifelong DolFan, a foo ... More >>
Blogs
August 12, 2010
Dolphins Rank Near Bottom of "Most Successful" NFL Franchises for 2009
via KillustrationsSad dolphins. What makes an NFL team successful? For the coach, players and fans it means winning games. For the owner and front office it also means making lots of money. According to a new analysis from Portfolio.com, your Miami Dolphins ranked near the bottom in both&nbs ... More >>
Blogs
May 25, 2010
Miami Will Probably Lose Out on Hosting Super Bowl XLVIII Today
Miami has hosted the Super Bowl ten times, more than any other city, and we do a pretty good job of it if we do say so ourselves. Today at the NFL owner conference the site of the 2014 Super Bowl will be determined, and along with New York and Tampa, Miami is in the running. We probably won't get ... More >>
Blogs
May 21, 2010
Jason Taylor Says Jets More "Calm," "Positive" Than Dolphins
via Sports MonarchIs Big Tuna the boss from hell?In 1997, when Bill Parcells was engineering a turnaround of the New York Jets, the New York Times said he was a man of two sides. One that was "loyal, brilliant, passionate, caring and uncomplicated," and another that was "bullying, manipulative, n ... More >>
Blogs
April 22, 2010
ESPN Says Dolphins Made Jason Taylor an Offer, His Agent Says Otherwise
Fans are the biggest losers in Jason Taylor's decision to head to the Jets, but we're still not sure exactly with whom to be angry: Taylor for heading out of town or Bill Parcels and company for apparently not caring too much that Taylor was packing his bags. This morning, ESPN r ... More >>
Blogs
April 15, 2010
Miami Prepares to Worship Brandon Marshall for the Next Five Years
It's official, the Dolphins signed talented but sometimes controversial Brandon Marshall to a $50 million, five season contract making him the highest paid receiver in NFL history. We were hoping the Fins would have some big trick under their sleeves this off season, and this apparently ... More >>
Blogs
April 13, 2010
The Jets Are Going to Slaughter the Dolphins Next Year
ViaThis is what happens when you Google Image Search "Dolphin Jet." Whatever this is, it should be killed with fire.With a lot of luck and a bit of tenacity the Jets made it deep into the playoffs last year, and they are stocking up on talent this off-season like it's an arms race. They've already ... More >>
Blogs
April 7, 2010
Jason Taylor Meets with The Jets, Even Though He Hates Their Fans
Jason Taylor, we're not sure if Sparano and Parcells share in it, but the city of Miami loves you. We understand Big Tuna and Lil Tony don't seem pumped on the idea of bringing you back for another season with the Dolphins, but why you got to play with our emotions by reportedly meeting with the Jet ... More >>
Blogs
January 22, 2010
Who Do We Want Coming To Miami: Colts vs. Jet; Vikings vs. Saints
It's Conference Championship weekend, meaning the teams that get to pack their bags for Miami are decided on Sunday. For a depressing 16th year in a row our Miami Dolphins aren't in the running, and as Gus mentioned yesterday we could really care less about who wins. But we will have to ... More >>
Blogs
January 19, 2010
Report: Mike Nolan Signs as Dolphins Defensive Coordinator
After being turned down by their first two picks, the Miami Dolphins have signed Mike Nolan as their new defensive coordinator, according to FoxSports.com. Nolan resigned Monday from the same position with the Denver Broncos and was previously DC under Bill Parcells when he was general man ... More >>
Blogs
December 28, 2009
Texans vs. Dolphins Recap: A Tale of Two Halves
That Dolphins halftime speech must have been some kind of fire and brimstone sermon. Something along the lines of Henry V's Saint Crispen's Day address. The pre-game speech, meh, not so much. It was probably more along the lines of, "Okay men, we're gonna go out there and we're gonna pull down ou ... More >>
Calendar
November 12, 2009
He’s as Scary as the Other Jason
That Dolphins halftime speech must have been some kind of fire and brimstone sermon. Something along the lines of Henry V's Saint Crispen's Day address. The pre-game speech, meh, not so much. It was probably more along the lines of, "Okay men, we're gonna go out there and we're gonna pull down ou ... More >>
Blogs
November 7, 2009
Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go
When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his o ... More >>
Blogs
October 26, 2009
Miami Dolphins Implode Against New Orleans Saints
When a team leads 24-10 at the half while having forced three turnovers, combined for five sacks and rushed for 128 yards and four touchdowns, that team will, more often than not, end up the victor. But this is the Miami Dolphins. Normal rules need not apply. This is Suck Country. The Fins could ... More >>
Blogs
October 26, 2009
Top Ten Ways Ted Ginn Can Repay the City of Miami
For a more thorough and humorous review of every Miami Dolphins player who shat himself during yesterday's 46-34 loss to the New Orleans Saints, see Chris Joseph's post from this morning. I care only about my boy, Ted Ginn, Jr., who managed to sneak past Darrelle Revis two weeks ago against the Jets ... More >>
Blogs
October 9, 2009
Flyer of the Week: ¡Mayday! and Last Rights Clothing Hustle Into the Hotel Victor for Monday Night Football October 12
You know, media mogul and notorious big baller Ted Turner was totally right when he said: "Sports is like a war without the killing." And that's why our Miami Dolphins should immediately suspend their punk-bitch-porpoise-in-a helmet logo in favor of Last Rights' Mac-10 redesign. For one, this mur ... More >>
Blogs
December 29, 2008
News Roundup
Your Miami Dolphins did it! Some how! Some way! They took their division, are heading to the play offs, and made the greatest season to season turn around in NFL history. Not only that but to get their they beat the Patriots, who last year came ridiculously close to joining the '72 Dolphins in per ... More >>
Blogs
December 16, 2008
Two Dolphins Headed to Pro Bowl, but Not Pennington
So the Pro Bowl selections were announced and your Miami Dolphins snagged two spots on the AFC team. Beloved trash talker Joey Porter will be one of the starting outside linebackers, while Ronnie Brown will serve as a reserve running back. One of the biggest snubs? Chad Pennington, who has been havi ... More >>
Blogs
December 15, 2008
News Roundup
Dodging this shoe was like the most awesome thing President Bush has done in years. It kind of makes you remember why so many Americans wanted to have a beer with him in the first place. [AFP]Myriam Marquez wrote this horribly mean thing about Charlie Crist's wedding, and failed to make even one ... More >>
Blogs
September 5, 2008
Drama on the Gridiron: Dolphins vs. Jets
Dodging this shoe was like the most awesome thing President Bush has done in years. It kind of makes you remember why so many Americans wanted to have a beer with him in the first place. [AFP]Myriam Marquez wrote this horribly mean thing about Charlie Crist's wedding, and failed to make even one ... More >>
Calendar
September 4, 2008
A New Beginning
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
Calendar
August 21, 2008
Rooting for the Laundry
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
Blogs
April 17, 2008
Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
Blogs
February 22, 2008
Combine Talk: A Trade With Atlanta?
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
Blogs
January 8, 2008
The Party Crasher - Sanaa Lathan and Ex-Dolphin Wale Ogunleye with Meagan Good and Thomas Jones at Karu & Y
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
Calendar
October 13, 2005
Stormin' the Ship
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
News
August 18, 2005
Letters from the Issue of August 18, 2005
Dolphins squeaking, nurses freaking, readers shrieking
Diversions
May 15, 2003
BEST TRADE (SPORTS TEAM)
Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams
Culture
October 12, 2000
"Look! I Made This!"
Robert Altman wants your attention, if not your affection
More >>

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