Subject: New York Jets

• I Hate the Jets

  December 26, 2006

• I Just Want a Dolphins Win

  November 30, 2007

• Today Crap Happened? No Shit!

  December 3, 2007

• The Party Crasher - Sanaa Lathan and Ex-Dolphin Wale Ogunleye with Meagan Good and Thomas Jones at Karu & Y

  January 8, 2008

• The Party Crasher – NFL Players Get Loose In B.E.D.

  January 24, 2008

• Combine Talk: A Trade With Atlanta?

  February 22, 2008

• Calvin Pace Will Break Windows With His Arm In New York

  March 4, 2008

• The Hobbit Has Gone North (And Other Crap)

  March 10, 2008

• Bill Parcells Is Good At Drafting

  April 9, 2008

• Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule

  April 17, 2008

• Drama on the Gridiron: Dolphins vs. Jets

  September 5, 2008

• Dolphins Lose, Pennington Sucks

  September 7, 2008

• Because Sometimes Winning Ugly Beats Not Winning At All

  Once again, the Miami Dolphins had to pull unicorns and rainbows out their asses to keep from losing to a two-win team. But pull the magic from their bottoms they did, as they took down the hapless St. Louis Rams 16-12, for their seventh win of the season. Drive killing penalties, a stagnant running game, dropped passes, and another serious injury to a key player would kill any team's chances at winning a football game. Fortunately, the Rams are just a tad more inept than the Dolphins. So, bull

  December 1, 2008

• The Dolphins' Ass-Kicking Prowess Has Gone International

  Holy sugartits is this a magical time to be a Dolphins fan! They're just displaying all kinds of dexterity in the ass-kicking department, as they did yesterday when they flew into Canada's Rogers Centre and delivered a beatdown to the rival Buffalo Bills. The Fins defeated Buffalo 16-3 in front of a crowd of Canadians that can only be described as moderé, which in French I think means, "I am unimpressed with your game of futbol, so I shall wave my genitals in your general direction, sacrebleu!

  December 8, 2008

• Weekend Football: Three-Ways and 49ers

  San Francisco 49ers @ Miami Dolphins, 1 p.m. on Fox.Your Miami Dolphins are involved in a hot, sexy three-way with the New York Jets and the New England Patriots, but no one can decide who's going to be on top ... of the AFC East division. The menage-a-trois may very well climax when Miami meet the Jets in the last game of the regular season, but our Fins have to finish off two other teams before we get there. Enter the 49ers. They surprisingly beat the Jets last week, which helped elevate Miami

  December 12, 2008

• News Roundup

  Dodging this shoe was like the most awesome thing President Bush has done in years. It kind of makes you remember why so many Americans wanted to have a beer with him in the first place. [AFP]Myriam Marquez wrote this horribly mean thing about Charlie Crist's wedding, and failed to make even one gay joke. Unless you count that part where she called it a "political fairy tale." Even still, I bet Charlie has no problem with keeping the honeymoon short. [Herald]Your Miami Dolphins kept the 49er

  December 15, 2008

• Two Dolphins Headed to Pro Bowl, but Not Pennington

  So the Pro Bowl selections were announced and your Miami Dolphins snagged two spots on the AFC team. Beloved trash talker Joey Porter will be one of the starting outside linebackers, while Ronnie Brown will serve as a reserve running back. One of the biggest snubs? Chad Pennington, who has been having a breakout year since joining the team. Not exactly unexpected, but a lot of Fins fans had reasonable hopes.Peyton Manning will be the the AFC's starting QB, but the real salt in the wound is that

  December 16, 2008

• Sad Pats Fans Will Have to Suck It Up and Root for the Jets

  Is there anything more annoying than Boston sports fans? No sir, there is not. Since 2004, their teams have won a Super Bowl, an NBA Championship, and two World Series, which I'm sure you know if you've talked to any Bostonian for more than five seconds. Now Bostonians are going to have to suck it up, and, dear God, give up all that is holy and root for a New York team. Not just any NY team, but the one coached by the guy who reported Belichick last year for illegally videotaping coach signal

  December 22, 2008

• Overly Optimistic Dolphins Already Selling Playoff Tickets

  The Miami Dolphins have put their fans in a weird spot. On one hand this really will go down as one of the best seasons for the Fins in recent history. Not that that's saying much. On the other, if they don't make the playoffs it will seem all for not. Maybe those expectations are a bit too high. Yeah the Jets have been playing like crap recently, but Miami has been pulling out narrow victories on overall crappy teams.It doesn't help matters much that post-season tickets are already on pre-sal

  December 23, 2008

• It Has Come To This: Dolphins vs Jets

  Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets, Sunday Dec 28th 4:15pm on CBSSomewhere on this very blog earlier in the season I quipped something about how betting against the Dolphins was a more sound investment than anything the stock market has to offer. Well, guess what? I took my advice and now I am a poor, poor man. Sorry family, all your Christmas gifts were found on the side of Biscayne Blvd. I mean, Look where these Dolphins are now! They are playing against this Jet team for a chance to take the

  December 24, 2008

• News Roundup

  Your Miami Dolphins did it! Some how! Some way! They took their division, are heading to the play offs, and made the greatest season to season turn around in NFL history. Not only that but to get their they beat the Patriots, who last year came ridiculously close to joining the '72 Dolphins in perfect season lore. Then this week we beat the Jets. The team that ditched Pennington for Brett Favre, a man whose broken many of Dan Marino's records. This was the weirdest season ever, but it feels so

  December 29, 2008

• Big Tuna Ready to Flee the Fins? For Detroit?!

  So is Bill Parcells a masochist, or what? This is the guy who voluntarily went to work for borderline-psychotic Dallas owner Jerry Jones, who left a cushy retirement to take over the staggeringly awful 1-15 Dolphins. For all Riptide knows, he's got a side gig involving a rubber ball mouth-gag, a basement trunk and Quentin Tarantino.That's the only conclusion we can reach after hearing the latest NFL whispers. Fresh off orchestrating one of the sweetest turnarounds in league history, sticking it

  December 29, 2008

• Well, There's Always Next Season

  With news today that Bill Parcells will stay with the Dolphins, it seems a good bet that the heart of the resurgent Miami Dolphins will stay put for next season. Yeah, yesterday's game was a heartbreaking thing to behold, but after the greatest season-to-season turnaround in NFL history, Dolfans have little to be disappointed with, and even if this season was made possible by a healthy dose of good luck, it might not be silly talk to speculate the Fins may get another shot at the playoffs next

  January 5, 2009

• It Was Fun While It Lasted: Dolphins Have the Hardest NFL Schedule in 2009

  All the naysayers (me included, often) think the Dolphins' roller coaster 2008 season ought to come with a few caveats: "Yeah, yeah, but Tom Brady was out the entire season... Sure, but the Jets had that old guy... Well, the wildcat won't be as effective next year... Whatever, you had an easy schedule." If somehow we come out atop the AFC East again next year (hey, it could happen), haters will have to keep their mouths shut. According to ESPN, the Fins have the hardest schedule in the entire NF

  February 3, 2009

• Swelter

  February 24, 1993

• A New Beginning

  The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.

  September 4, 2008

• Rooting for the Laundry

  August 21, 2008

• Go to the Gridiron

  November 29, 2007

• Stuff the Jets

  December 21, 2006

• Stormin' the Ship

  October 13, 2005

• Letters from the Issue of August 18, 2005

  August 18, 2005

• BEST TRADE (SPORTS TEAM)

  May 15, 2003

• In the Land of the Fickle Fan

  November 29, 2001

• "Look! I Made This!"

  October 12, 2000

• Gloria Estefan Is In Fact Ready For Some Football

  Gloria Estefan recently recorded a colabo with Hank Williams Jr. for the football classic, "Are You Ready For Some Football", which will open all three nationally televised games this year (two on ESPN and a Monday Nighter against the Jets on October 12). It should be fun to hear her legendary vocals, bearing that undeniable Miami Cuban lilt, alongside the venerable and iconic hillbilly's southern twang.The announcement comes hot on the heels of Gloria and her hubby Emilio's recently announc

  June 29, 2009

• News Roundup

  The reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for recent horse slaughterings has been raised to $5,000 [NBCMiami]The Heat is fine with the current rooster. Nope, not at all bitter it lost out on Odom. [Herald]Former UM player and current New York Jets defensive end Kareem Brown watched a friend die in a bizarre car accident in Miami. [NYDN]Dolphins: Could Jason Taylor be a starter again? [Fan House]

  August 5, 2009

• Gag Green

  October 8, 2009

• Flyer of the Week: ¡Mayday! and Last Rights Clothing Hustle Into the Hotel Victor for Monday Night Football October 12

  ​You know, media mogul and notorious big baller Ted Turner was totally right when he said: "Sports is like a war without the killing." And that's why our Miami Dolphins should immediately suspend their punk-bitch-porpoise-in-a helmet logo in favor of Last Rights' Mac-10 redesign. For one, this murder weapon with eyes looks certifiably badass on T-shirts, both teal and black. And, for another, I think it sends the right message to opposing squads, basically: "We've got a sense of humor and ever

  October 9, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Preview: Grudge Match

  ​Tonight is the Judgment Day, Hour of Reckoning, massively hysterical, Road to Armageddon, cats-and-dogs-living-together apocalyptic showdown between the Dolphins and Jets at Land Shark Stadium. Here are three key factors:1. Rex Ryan Knows How to Stop the Wildcat, Can Eat an Entire X-Mas Ham: Yes, Jets head coach Rex Ryan acts like that obnoxious fat kid you knew in high school who could recite The Phantom Menace word for word. And yes, he looks like the kind of guy who'd want yo

  October 12, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Win: Foes Vanquished, Obnoxious Fanbase Silenced, Everything's Beautiful!

  ​The Miami Dolphins coaching staff must be avid readers of Riptide. Because they pretty much ran down the checklist of our three keys for a Dolphins victory post and came out on top with a thrilling, last second 31-27 victory over the Jets on Monday Night Football. You're welcome, everybody!It was almost as if they shouldn't even have bothered playing the game. Every analyst, talking head, and odds maker swore that Rex Ryan and the Jets' vaunted Oh-My-God-My-Face-Done-Got-Melted!!! defense was

  October 13, 2009

• Jets Fans Whining on Wikipedia?

  As we know from the "Wikipedia" entry on Wikipedia, Wikipedia can be edited by anyone. And apparently a few select Jets fans have put down their stone tools and cave paint brushes and figured out a little basic HTML. How do I know? Just check out the Wikipedia entry on the Miami Dolphins and scroll down to the review of last Monday's 31-27 Dolphins victory. Here's the excerpt if you're a Jet fan and can't understand the concept of hyperlink:Chad Pennington recently suffered a shoulder injury aga

  October 16, 2009

• Wikipedia Entry: Buffalo Bills 16, New York Jets 13, by a Jets Fan

  via Wikicommons​On Sunday, October 18, 2009, the Buffalo Bills defeated the New York Jets 16-13 when Rian Lindell kicked a 47-yard field goal with 2:44 remaining in overtime. However, whoever had the ball last would have been victorious.The game, played at the Meadowlands in East Rutherford, New Jersey, was marred by high winds coming from the northwest. (Buffalo, NY, is northwest of East Rutherford, NJ.) Superstar QB Mark Sanchez was fantastic again, but threw five interceptions because of th

  October 19, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Preview: What Might Have Been

  ​For all the varied assortment of gargantuan shit stains Nick Saban left on the Dolphins' proverbial bed, no shit stain was as big a shit stain as the shit stain he left in the form of not signing Drew Brees when the Chargers made him available. Instead, Saban went with Daunte Culpepper. The rest is, of course, Dolphins shit stain history. Brees went to the Saints where he is currently demolishing every passing record known to man, while Culpepper was an utter trainwreck from day one. Saban ev

  October 24, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Implode Against New Orleans Saints

  ​When a team leads 24-10 at the half while having forced three turnovers, combined for five sacks and rushed for 128 yards and four touchdowns, that team will, more often than not, end up the victor. But this is the Miami Dolphins. Normal rules need not apply. This is Suck Country. The Fins could not hold their 21-point lead and ended up on the wrong end of a 46-34 beatdown courtesy of the New Orleans Saints.Yet even with New Orleans' fierce comeback, the Fins had a shot to win it. Down by six

  October 26, 2009

• Top Ten Ways Ted Ginn Can Repay the City of Miami

  For a more thorough and humorous review of every Miami Dolphins player who shat himself during yesterday's 46-34 loss to the New Orleans Saints, see Chris Joseph's post from this morning. I care only about my boy, Ted Ginn, Jr., who managed to sneak past Darrelle Revis two weeks ago against the Jets and run underneath the most perfect pass in the history of passes for a 53-yard touchdown, thereby fooling us momentarily into believing in him.As we now know, Ginn's catch was merely a ploy to get u

  October 26, 2009

• Miami Dolphins at New York Jets: 10 Predictions

  ​Despite winning the last two meetings against the New York Jets, the Dolphins enter Sunday's rematch as 3-point underdogs. This is mainly because the Jets are coming off a big win against the Raiders (which is basically the equivalence of beating a team made up entirely of organ grinders and their street-performing monkeys), while the Dolphins are coming off a heartbreaking loss to the Saints. Also because Ted Ginn sucks. As with all Dolphins-Jets match-ups, we're expecting a tough, physical

  October 31, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Win: Turns Out All That Trash Talking Will Get You a Nice Little Beatdown

  ​Coming into yesterday's rematch in the Meadowlands, Jets players called the Miami Dolphins a gimmicky team, called their Wildcat formation "nonsense," and called Chad Henne a clown. They said they couldn't wait to play Miami again, claimed they were the better team and threatened to take out Henne. DE Shaun Ellis sarcastically noted how the Fins acted as if they had won the Super Bowl when they scored the game-winning touchdown in that first meeting three weeks ago (and yet their quarterback

  November 2, 2009

• 305 Photo of the Day: Crushing the Jets

  ​We still don't know what to make of the Dolphins this year, but it's nice to know we're unequivocally better than those New York Jets (is that even saying much?). Flickr user Ed Yourdon has a nice series of photographs from the game.

  November 5, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go

  ​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his own about New York, and Ted Ginn Jr. - fresh off his redeeming record-setting 2 kickoff return touchdown performance - was compared to Jesus Christ by his offensive coordinator. Not too shabby.This wee

  November 7, 2009

• He’s as Scary as the Other Jason

  November 12, 2009