New Hampshire

Suze Orman May Leave Florida Over Gay Marriage and Taxes

Financial guru Suze Orman may be packing up her partner and her jacket collection and moving to a state that recognizes gay marriage if the Supreme Court overturns DOMA.Orman currently lives in Fort Lauderdale with partner Kathy Travis, but the tax breaks that could come with federally recognized ma ... More >>

In Admission, Tina Fey Is Great but Doesn't Have the Marks

Marco Rubio Says He Could Run for President, Discusses Tupac

In further a effort to prove he's totally hip and with it, Sen. Marco Rubio sat down with Buzzfeed, a .GIF site with some political reporters, to discuss a wide ranging series of topics over beer with editor Ben Smith. Rubio discussed a number of issues, including his belief that gay right can ... More >>

Floridians Drink 27.8 Gallons of Beer on Average Each Year (Which Actually Isn't a Lot)

If you're an average Floridian, you would have consumed exactly 27.8 gallons of beer in the 2011. That sort of sounds like a lot, but it turns out that compared to other states, Florida only ranks 33rd when it comes to per capita beer consumption according to a new report from the Beer Institute.&nb ... More >>

Fake-Pot Industry Comes Down From a Three-Year High

Our Favorite RNC Delegate Says California Republicans "Are Like Tits On a Boar Hog. Worthless."

Judge Will Matthews from Dothan, Alabama, was settling into a meal of hot dogs loaded with ketchup and mayonnaise inside the Tampa Bay Times Forum amidst the third day of the Republican National Convention when he noticed a Republican from Southern California to his left. She had puffy blonde hair, ... More >>

Best Coast Names Florida "The Death Metal Place," Dodges Racist Bikers in Indiana

See also "Best Coast Ranks Other Coasts, Survives Slayer Riot, Can't Punch Out Glenn Danzig." As one half of Best Coast, Bobb Bruno loves California and stands by his band's designation of it as "The Only Place." That's the title of the album and single they'll be touring at Grand Central tonight, ... More >>

Marco Rubio Used to Throw Up Drunk on People, Go to Foam Parties

Before he was a Tea Partier, Marco Rubio was just a plain old hard partier. His new memoir, An American Son, is out today, and while reviews seem to indicate it's what you might call sort of boring and politically safe, Florida's junior Senator does admit to drinking and partying in his past. In fac ... More >>

Food Stamps Traded for Drugs and Cash, Welcome Crackdown Coming

Florida is notorious for Medicare fraud, and we also have more than our fair share of food stamp fraud. At least Miami residents can console themselves with the fact that our food stamp defrauders are not as shameless as those in other states.EBT cards, modern-day food stamps, are being traded for c ... More >>

South Florida Survivalists Prepare for the Apocalypse

Mitt Romney must be destroyed: 15 reasons to stop the Mormon cyborg

Mitt Romney Is a Flip-Flopping Racist Cyborg (And 14 Other Reasons Florida Must Destroy Him)

Rick Perry has dropped out of the race and returned to Racial Slur Hideaway, Herman Cain is now making unwanted advances on his housecats, Rick Santorum's last name is a synonym for booty juice, and Newt Gingrich is an angry, sexed-up troll with facial hemorrhoids. Even with Newt's victory in Sout ... More >>

Rick Santorum Invites Ex-Yahweh Member Michael The Black Man To Open Rally (Video)

via You TubeMichael the Black Man rallies for Santorum on Sunday.​After stinging losses in New Hampshire and South Carolina, Rick Santorum came to Florida this weekend hoping to reboot his push toward the White House. But the ex-senator may want to vette his opening acts a bit better: At a Coral S ... More >>

Gingrich, Romney Ramp Up Florida Campaigning Ahead of State Primary UPDATED

​UPDATE: Turns out Rep. Ron Paul is dumping us -- though it looks like he has mailers going out to voters, Politico reports his campaign is skipping the Florida primary to concentrate on caucuses in February, a decision likely informed by Paul polling horribly&nb ... More >>

Coral Morphologic: Aquatic Ambassadors

Mitt Romney Firmly Back On Top of Cain in Latest Florida Poll

​Florida has apparently stopped gorging itself on pizza man Herman Cain, and ol' reliably boring Mitt Romney has taken a giant lead in the latest poll conducted by Time and CNN. Romney leads the pack with 30 percent, while Cain is now a distant second with 12 percent. Compare that to an American R ... More >>

Jon Huntsman Ditches Crazy Mistress Florida, Returns to Classy Ol' New Hampshire

Ditching that crazy b*tch Florida.​Sunshine or granite? Sex on the beach or maple syrup on hotcakes? "Welcome to Miami" or "Live Free or Die"?It's been fun Florida, but you're just too damn crazy for Jon Huntsman.After a three-month flirtation, the Republican presidential hopeful is ditching the n ... More >>

Robert Ruggeiro, One of Golden Beach's Finest, Caught On Tape Being An Ass

Cop BlockRobert Ruggeiro​Golden Beach Police Officer Robert Ruggeiro proves eating too many doughnuts kills brain cells. A few days ago, during a traffic stop of a dude who was using a cellphone camera to video record him and another officer, Ruggeiro claimed it was a felony in Florida to film cop ... More >>

Florida Looking at Early March Primary, Might Again Lose Half Its Delegates

​Republican leaders are still eager to host Florida's presidential primary election earlier than most states, but they're hoping to avoid a repeat of 2008's fiasco. Leaders plan to set the primary in early March, just days before the traditional Super Tuesday -- even if that means holding the ... More >>

Fat Boy Republican Presidential Contenders: Ranking 'em According To Girth

Let's face it: With Americans getting portlier by leaps and bounds, we need a President who reflects our food-obsessed values. That's right: It is time again for a fat person to inhabit the White House.It's been almost a century since our last obese leader, William Howard Taft, got stuck in the Whit ... More >>

Dispatch From the Biltmore: The Night Marco Rubio's Presidential Campaign Began

photo by Tim ElfrinkRubio in 2012: It started tonight.​Marco Rubio is running for president in 2012. It's not official, of course, and maybe even Rubio himself hasn't decided whether to seek the highest office in the land. But at the raucus party tonight at the Biltmore, it sure seemed like Rubio' ... More >>

Yuppie Rambo Richard "Kudo" Couto takes on the C-9 Basin, Miami-Dade's most lawless outpost

Sweat Records Celebrates Its 5th Anniversary With Sweatstock This Saturday

Coral Morphologic Sees Miami as One Big Reef Above the Surface

This is the fifth in a series of articles profiling the seven finalists for the New Times' Mastermind Awards, which will be presented to four local artists during Artopia at the Freedom Tower February 11.​It all started with a fish tank. Like many boys, Colin Foord had an aquarium his "whole life. ... More >>

Actually, Mr. Clucky Is Just Going on Vacation

On Tuesday, pretty much every local outlet -- including this one -- reported that code-violatin' gangsta poultry Mr. Clucky was fleeing the state in order to avoid a $50-a-day fine. But yesterday afternoon, the rooster's owner, Mark Buckley, phoned Riptide to let us know that, in fact, he ... More >>

We Won't Have Mr. Clucky to Cluck Around Anymore

Jacqueline CariniMr. Clucky and Buckley in 2007 Mr. Clucky, perhaps the most famous rooster since Foghorn Leghorn, is apparently leaving town. Clucky's owner Mark Buckley told Local 10 he's packing up the fowl, his girlfriend Wallflower, and all of their shared worldly posse ... More >>

Chef Tim Andriola Tells A Funny Kitchen Story From His Days At Chef Allen's

Chef Tim Andriola​Chef Tim Andriola has been lauded by food critic John Mariani in Esquire Magazine as a "chef to keep your eye on," going on to say that he "definitely has the touch of a master."He started as a kid in Lee, New Hampshire at his family's restaurant, the Gateway. In South Florida he ... More >>

Mr. Clucky Wants To Turn Media Spotlight into Something Positive

Jacqueline CariniMr. Clucky and Buckley in 2007 What started out as a simple blog post on Riptide bringing the bizarre news that local celebrity rooster Mr. Clucky may be getting the boot from his Miami Beach home because of code violations has turned into a full fledged media firestorm. A ... More >>

Church Fires Pederast Priest's Secretary

When Rev. Neil Doherty misbehaved, the archdiocese punished Theresa Gerstner.

Name Game

Strip mall magnate gets his own street in Sunny Isles Beach.

Who Would Jesus Vote For? - Hillary Clinton

Letters from the Issue of January 10, 2008

"How do you reconcile Thorp's catty comments with the original glowing review?"

See the World, One Couch at a Time

I didn't want a bunch of dudes who could beat me in my sleep.

The Life Aquatic

Brenda Lanzendorf's underwater excavations reveal Biscayne Bay's secret past

It'll End in Tears

Cool Kiddie Cats

A former Del Fuegos dares to make interesting music for kids for Miami Light

The Political Dance

What do Hillary Clinton, Bob Graham, and Dorrin Rolle have in common? They're all wooing helpful partners

Dirty Deeds

Someone oughta put a Capra in Sandler's behind

Outsider Baseball

The spring-training stadium nobody wanted hosts the league nobody knows

As the Shu Flies

About keeping rock simple

Here, There, Everywhere

This year's Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival is bigger and ... well, bigger

Creepy No More

The Haunted

You'll Laugh, You'll Cry, You'll Kiss $7 Goodbye

News of the Weird

Addicted to Addiction

University of Miami's Deborah Mash believes ibogaine could be the wonder drug to end all drugs. And she's ready to risk everything to prove it.

The Believers

Local UFOlogists bring a religious zeal to their tales of alien visitations. Delusions? For real? Whatever, they watch the skies and wait.

Tears of a Clown

Fredgie's quest for kids' show success hasn't exactly been a barrel of laughs -- but then again, it sure is a funny business

From Sassy to Tallahassee

A brash young environmental administrator is handed a pay cut and a ticket on a fast train out of South Florida

Chairman of the Bard

Letters