New England Patriots

Dolphins on Path to Winless Season

The '72 Dolphins Will Drink Their Champagne. And You Will Like It!

Let's Talk Free Agents: Defense

Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule

The Dolphins Would Like to Invite the Naysayers to Eat a Dick Sandwich

One Of These Things Looks Like The Other

Pigs Fly, Dolphins Hailed as Innovators of the NFL

Dolphins Manage to Beat Back Old Crappy Self, Win Fourth Straight

Holy crap. That was close. For a while there, it seemed as if we were witnessing the return of the Shitphins. With just 4:30 remaining in a game that the Dolphins had been leading in all day, Oakland’s John Lee Higgins ran a Miami punt back 93-yards to pay dirt, giving the Raiders their first ... More >>

Don't Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England's offense totaled 530 yards -- the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. ... More >>

Weekend Football: Three-Ways and 49ers

San Francisco 49ers @ Miami Dolphins, 1 p.m. on Fox.Your Miami Dolphins are involved in a hot, sexy three-way with the New York Jets and the New England Patriots, but no one can decide who's going to be on top ... of the AFC East division. The menage-a-trois may very well climax when Miami meet the ... More >>

More Dumb Dolphins Rumors: Could They Sign Mangini as an Assistant?

Talk about burying an explosive detail. CBS Sports correspondent Mike Freeman has a column up today theorizing that recently fired Jets Coach Eric Mangini won't find himself with another NFL head coaching job anytime soon thanks to wide spread speculation that he ratted New England Coach Bill Belich ... More >>

It Was Fun While It Lasted: Dolphins Have the Hardest NFL Schedule in 2009

All the naysayers (me included, often) think the Dolphins' roller coaster 2008 season ought to come with a few caveats: "Yeah, yeah, but Tom Brady was out the entire season... Sure, but the Jets had that old guy... Well, the wildcat won't be as effective next year... Whatever, you had an easy schedu ... More >>

Next Stop: Carnage

The suddenly resurgent Dolphins take on the hated Patriots.

Wildcat Dolphins

New-look Miami Dolphins take on the Ravens.

Holy Crap! They Won?

The Dolphins beat the Pats! Now it’s the Chargers’ turn.

Fashion for the Ass-tro Turf

We’re jonesing for Jockstarzz tonight!

Swim for the Win

We’re jonesing for Jockstarzz tonight!

Gridiron Generosity

We’re jonesing for Jockstarzz tonight!

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Two Chefs

News Roundup

A county program that helped low-income people pay their utility bills will be shut down because the county was overwhelmed by the amount of applications that came in. [CBS4]Whiney Fidel Castro says America is infecting Cuba with swine flu, but not intentionally. [CBS4]For the 21st time this year, a ... More >>

News Roundup

Manny Diaz on the "breather" citizens apparently wanted by elected Regalado: "We are now competing with the rest of the world. If we take a breather, the rest of the world will pass us by." [CBS4]A Miami native who spent 17 years in jail for stealing Rolexes got out of jail in 2007 and is headi ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go

​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his o ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Lose: Hauntingly Familiar

​When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that th ... More >>

The Guys From the Gah-den

​When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that th ... More >>

Dolphins Choke on Thanksgiving Weekend

​Four things you must have to be a Miami Dolphins fan:A total lack of surprise when they lose to a 3-7 team.An understanding that when they're presented with a golden opportunity scenario they, more often than not, blow said opportunity.An expectation that things can and eventually will implode.Bo ... More >>

One if by LandShark, Two if by Sea

​Four things you must have to be a Miami Dolphins fan:A total lack of surprise when they lose to a 3-7 team.An understanding that when they're presented with a golden opportunity scenario they, more often than not, blow said opportunity.An expectation that things can and eventually will implode.Bo ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Win: Never Say Die!

​Just when you thought they were good and dead, the Miami Dolphins pull off one of the most satisfying, Scarlett-Johansson's-knockers-in-your-face awesome victories of the 2009 season. It came thanks in large part to Chad Henne, Vontae Davis, and a Dolphins team that simply won't die.On their firs ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Tony Sparano is a conservative coach who takes huge risks

​Just when you thought they were good and dead, the Miami Dolphins pull off one of the most satisfying, Scarlett-Johansson's-knockers-in-your-face awesome victories of the 2009 season. It came thanks in large part to Chad Henne, Vontae Davis, and a Dolphins team that simply won't die.On their firs ... More >>

Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

Dolphins Rank Near Bottom of "Most Successful" NFL Franchises for 2009

via KillustrationsSad dolphins. ​What makes an NFL team successful? For the coach, players and fans it means winning games. For the owner and front office it also means making lots of money. According to a new analysis from Portfolio.com, your Miami Dolphins ranked near the bottom in both&nbs ... More >>

Your Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview

TARGET ACQUIRED!​Are you ready for our completely meaningless and arbitrary predictions for the upcoming Dolphins season? Well this is it. The Riptide 2.0 Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview. Are you ready to get your ass blown off with some seriously capricious and utterly subjective prog ... More >>

Patriot Massacre

TARGET ACQUIRED!​Are you ready for our completely meaningless and arbitrary predictions for the upcoming Dolphins season? Well this is it. The Riptide 2.0 Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview. Are you ready to get your ass blown off with some seriously capricious and utterly subjective prog ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to the Jets

​As losses go, last night's 31-23 defeat at the hands of the New York Jets was particularly painful. Not just because it was a crappy way for the Fins to open their season at home. But also because the floodgates of troglodytic hubris have now been opened as Jets fans will surely begin to beat the ... More >>

Federal Prosecutor Arrested for Indecent Exposure After Swimming in Boxer Shorts

It's surprisingly NSFW to search for images of "wet boxers"​Miami federal prosecutor Sean Cronin, 35, was arrested yesterday after deciding to take an impromptu dip in nothing but his boxer shorts at a bar's pool while watching the New England Patriots game. A young girl and her mother claimed to ... More >>

Gisele Bündchen Comes to Town to Root for Tom Brady's Hair

via JustJared​Normally, thanks to their semi-ridiculous effort to enlist B-listers as co-owners the Miami Dolphins have the biggest star power in their rooting section. That's not true when the New England Patriots come to town and Tom Brady brings his wifey Gisele Bundchen. The Brazilian sup ... More >>

Dolphins Host the Patriots Tonight: Keys To Victory

Last week, it was against the Jets on Sunday Night Football. Tonight, it's the Patriots on Monday Night Football. That's two straight weeks the Dolphins face an AFC East rival in the national spotlight. Also, it's two straight weeks they face a team with an insufferable fanbase. So tonight is a must ... More >>

Dolphins Get Pummeled On Monday Night Football

​​On a night where the Miami Dolphins were supposed to make a statement, get things back on track, and show the rest of the NFL watching world that they had arrived as a force to be reckoned with, they were instead beaten senselessly in a 41-14 shellacking at the hands of the New England Patriot ... More >>

Is Chad Henne In Danger of Losing the Starting Job?

​There's a lot being said this week about the Miami Dolphins quarterback situation. Mainly, is this it for Chad Henne? This comes largely thanks to a three-interception performance by Henne during Monday's gash-fest against the New England Patriots. On Tuesday, ESPN analyst Chris Mortensen reporte ... More >>

Rapper Birdman Says He's Close To Becoming Yet Another Minority Owner of the Miami Dolphins

​The Miami Dolphins are in the midst of a two-game losing streak. They just fired their special teams coach after they single-handedly lost the game against the New England Patriots. The starting quarterback position is in doubt. Their football czar is about to walk away, leaving a lot of question ... More >>

Top Ten Sports Cheaters of All Time: From Steroid-Pumpers to Ball-Grabbers

Soccer player Vinnie Jones executing a clever "ball tackle"​For more than a week, Riptide has brought you the shady plays that have turned Krop High School into a basketball powerhouse: recruiting players, inventing addresses, changing official records, and -- of course -- threatening journalists. ... More >>

UM Alum Brandon Meriweather Investigated In Shooting Of Two Men In Apopka

via New England Patriots​Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather -- a University of Miami star drafted in the first round in 2007 -- is under investigation in the shooting of two men at a house party in central Florida last week, according to a lawyer representing the victims.Meriweather allegedly pul ... More >>

Dolphins Sign QB Kevin O'Connell

Well, the Miami Dolphins have signed another quarterback, and, in the process, delivered another disappointing development for fans starving for a decent QB. The latest man to join the Fins' roster is Kevin O'Connell, a free-agent who has done a tour of duty in the AFC East by warming the bench for ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>

Chad Henne Is the Worst-Ranked Starting QB in the NFL

​Lest you think Miami Dolphins fans were being overdramatic in their disappointment that the team couldn't get a starting quarterback better than Chad Henne, we now have cold, hard rankings to back our whining. USA Today ranked all 32 teams' starting quarterbacks, and Henne came in 31st out of 32. ... More >>

Tom Brady Is the New Ugg Boots for Men Spokesman, Which at Least Gives Dolphins a Moral Victory

​As Miami Dolphins fans, our gut reaction to Tom Brady is "ugh," so we guess it's only fitting he's the new poster boy for Ugg for Men boots. Yes, Uggs, those horribly ugly sheepskin affronts to footwear decency favored by circa 2005 UM sorority girls (paired with miniskirts, naturally) and middle ... More >>

Just When Chad Henne Finally Gets His Shit Together, the Fins D Gets Reamed

TAWMMY BRADY IS FACKIN' GAWD!! LET'S GO SAWX!!​All the talk before this season began was how Chad Henne and the Miami Dolphins offense was just a massive pile of deer shit. But when Henne started things off last night's season opener against the New England Patriots by leading the Fins on a 12-pla ... More >>

Ready for Some Fraudball?

TAWMMY BRADY IS FACKIN' GAWD!! LET'S GO SAWX!!​All the talk before this season began was how Chad Henne and the Miami Dolphins offense was just a massive pile of deer shit. But when Henne started things off last night's season opener against the New England Patriots by leading the Fins on a 12-pla ... More >>

Dolphins Apparently Still Think They Have a Chance at the Playoffs

Most Dolphin fans are still in "Suck for Luck" mode, but with two straight wins under their belt, some members of the team apparently still have playoff hopes alive. Which isn't exactly impossible, just largely improbable. Then again, with a 2-7 record they are only 5 games behind the leaders in the ... More >>

Miami Super Bowl: Six Coolest Places to Watch the Big Game

Ritz-Carlton Key BiscayneCome on, isn't this better than a sports bar?​Watching the Super Bowl in Miami does not have to mean going to a sports bar and having your $700 Prada loafers stick to the floor. This is Miami, after all. The home of excess.Sure you want to pay attention to the game (you ma ... More >>

Who Should Miamians Root for in the Super Bowl: The Patriots or the Giants?

​Riptide has a now established tradition of mathematically (in the loosest sense of the word) deciding which team Miamians should root for the in the Super Bowl. This year the answer seems obvious: F*ck the Pats! But should we really f*ck the Pats? Lets run both the New England Patriots and the Ne ... More >>