New England Patriots

The Miami Fan Hater's Guide to the Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is here again and - will you look at that - the Dolphins weren't even close to it again! This is the 29th year in a row since the Dolphins were in the championship round and here we are: Watching two teams better than our own team that is endlessly run by people too incompetent to be ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Stadium Renovation: A Political Insider's Guide

Give Stephen Ross props. He stepped up to Norman Braman one billionaire to another and slapped him across the face with a clean white glove. With a full page ad undermining Braman's credibility in Tuesday's edition of the Miami Herald, Ross let Braman know he's got the cash to parry any attacks the ... More >>

Miami Hurricanes Will Have Most Alumni Playing In NFL Conference Championship Games This Weekend

In yet another bittersweet reminder that despite not having much success lately on the college level, the Miami Hurricanes are still a major NFL pipeline, it turns out that more former 'Canes will playing in the AFC and NFC championship games this weekend than any other school. Which shouldn't be to ... More >>

Bragging Rights

Patriots Top Dolphins 23-16 As Tannehill Struggles

Going into Sunday's contest there was a feeling the Patriots' offense could easily drop 60 points on the Dolphins' atrocious secondary. Instead, Tom Brady had probably his worst game of the season, the defense kept the Fins in it for most of the game and rookie QB Ryan Tannehill had the kind of up-a ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Patriots

Let's not kid ourselves.There's a very good chance Tom Brady and Co. are going to come in to Sun Life on Sunday and absolutely destroy the living crap out of our football team. However, the one thing we have going for us is that (hopefully) no one on our team will ever look like as much of a dork as ... More >>

The Beautiful People

Chad Ochocinco Signs With the Dolphins, Tweets in Spanish

In a serious bid to bolster their Hard Knocks reality show ratings -- and an outside chance to firm up the wide receiver position a little -- the Miami Dolphins reportedly signed hometown class clown Chad Ochocinco last night. Ochocinco celebrated the best way he knew how: Updating his Twitter avata ... More >>

Miami Super Bowl: Six Coolest Places to Watch the Big Game

​Watching the Super Bowl in Miami does not have to mean going to a sports bar and having your $700 Prada loafers stick to the floor. This is Miami, after all. The home of excess.Sure you want to pay attention to the game (you may even have a hefty sum riding on the Giants ... or the Patriots), but ... More >>

Who Should Miamians Root for in the Super Bowl: The Patriots or the Giants?

​Riptide has a now established tradition of mathematically (in the loosest sense of the word) deciding which team Miamians should root for the in the Super Bowl. This year the answer seems obvious: F*ck the Pats! But should we really f*ck the Pats? Lets run both the New England Patriots and the Ne ... More >>

Dolphins Apparently Still Think They Have a Chance at the Playoffs

Most Dolphin fans are still in "Suck for Luck" mode, but with two straight wins under their belt, some members of the team apparently still have playoff hopes alive. Which isn't exactly impossible, just largely improbable. Then again, with a 2-7 record they are only 5 games behind the leaders in the ... More >>

Just When Chad Henne Finally Gets His Shit Together, the Fins D Gets Reamed

TAWMMY BRADY IS FACKIN' GAWD!! LET'S GO SAWX!!​All the talk before this season began was how Chad Henne and the Miami Dolphins offense was just a massive pile of deer shit. But when Henne started things off last night's season opener against the New England Patriots by leading the Fins on a 12-pla ... More >>

Ready for Some Fraudball?

Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>

Dolphins Sign QB Kevin O'Connell

Well, the Miami Dolphins have signed another quarterback, and, in the process, delivered another disappointing development for fans starving for a decent QB. The latest man to join the Fins' roster is Kevin O'Connell, a free-agent who has done a tour of duty in the AFC East by warming the bench for ... More >>

UM Alum Brandon Meriweather Investigated In Shooting Of Two Men In Apopka

via New England Patriots​Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather -- a University of Miami star drafted in the first round in 2007 -- is under investigation in the shooting of two men at a house party in central Florida last week, according to a lawyer representing the victims.Meriweather allegedly pul ... More >>

Top Ten Sports Cheaters of All Time: From Steroid-Pumpers to Ball-Grabbers

Soccer player Vinnie Jones executing a clever "ball tackle"​For more than a week, Riptide has brought you the shady plays that have turned Krop High School into a basketball powerhouse: recruiting players, inventing addresses, changing official records, and -- of course -- threatening journalists. ... More >>

Dolphins Get Pummeled On Monday Night Football

​​On a night where the Miami Dolphins were supposed to make a statement, get things back on track, and show the rest of the NFL watching world that they had arrived as a force to be reckoned with, they were instead beaten senselessly in a 41-14 shellacking at the hands of the New England Patriot ... More >>

Gisele Bündchen Comes to Town to Root for Tom Brady's Hair

via JustJared​Normally, thanks to their semi-ridiculous effort to enlist B-listers as co-owners the Miami Dolphins have the biggest star power in their rooting section. That's not true when the New England Patriots come to town and Tom Brady brings his wifey Gisele Bundchen. The Brazilian sup ... More >>

Dolphins Host the Patriots Tonight: Keys To Victory

Last week, it was against the Jets on Sunday Night Football. Tonight, it's the Patriots on Monday Night Football. That's two straight weeks the Dolphins face an AFC East rival in the national spotlight. Also, it's two straight weeks they face a team with an insufferable fanbase. So tonight is a must ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to the Jets

​As losses go, last night's 31-23 defeat at the hands of the New York Jets was particularly painful. Not just because it was a crappy way for the Fins to open their season at home. But also because the floodgates of troglodytic hubris have now been opened as Jets fans will surely begin to beat the ... More >>

Federal Prosecutor Arrested for Indecent Exposure After Swimming in Boxer Shorts

It's surprisingly NSFW to search for images of "wet boxers"​Miami federal prosecutor Sean Cronin, 35, was arrested yesterday after deciding to take an impromptu dip in nothing but his boxer shorts at a bar's pool while watching the New England Patriots game. A young girl and her mother claimed to ... More >>

Patriot Massacre

Your Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview

TARGET ACQUIRED!​Are you ready for our completely meaningless and arbitrary predictions for the upcoming Dolphins season? Well this is it. The Riptide 2.0 Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview. Are you ready to get your ass blown off with some seriously capricious and utterly subjective prog ... More >>

Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Tony Sparano is a conservative coach who takes huge risks

Miami Dolphins Win: Never Say Die!

​Just when you thought they were good and dead, the Miami Dolphins pull off one of the most satisfying, Scarlett-Johansson's-knockers-in-your-face awesome victories of the 2009 season. It came thanks in large part to Chad Henne, Vontae Davis, and a Dolphins team that simply won't die.On their firs ... More >>

One if by LandShark, Two if by Sea

Dolphins Choke on Thanksgiving Weekend

​Four things you must have to be a Miami Dolphins fan:A total lack of surprise when they lose to a 3-7 team.An understanding that when they're presented with a golden opportunity scenario they, more often than not, blow said opportunity.An expectation that things can and eventually will implode.Bo ... More >>

The Guys From the Gah-den

Miami Dolphins Lose: Hauntingly Familiar

​When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that th ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go

​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his o ... More >>

News Roundup

Manny Diaz on the "breather" citizens apparently wanted by elected Regalado: "We are now competing with the rest of the world. If we take a breather, the rest of the world will pass us by." [CBS4]A Miami native who spent 17 years in jail for stealing Rolexes got out of jail in 2007 and is headi ... More >>

News Roundup

A county program that helped low-income people pay their utility bills will be shut down because the county was overwhelmed by the amount of applications that came in. [CBS4]Whiney Fidel Castro says America is infecting Cuba with swine flu, but not intentionally. [CBS4]For the 21st time this year, a ... More >>

It Was Fun While It Lasted: Dolphins Have the Hardest NFL Schedule in 2009

All the naysayers (me included, often) think the Dolphins' roller coaster 2008 season ought to come with a few caveats: "Yeah, yeah, but Tom Brady was out the entire season... Sure, but the Jets had that old guy... Well, the wildcat won't be as effective next year... Whatever, you had an easy schedu ... More >>

More Dumb Dolphins Rumors: Could They Sign Mangini as an Assistant?

Talk about burying an explosive detail. CBS Sports correspondent Mike Freeman has a column up today theorizing that recently fired Jets Coach Eric Mangini won't find himself with another NFL head coaching job anytime soon thanks to wide spread speculation that he ratted New England Coach Bill Belich ... More >>

Don't Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England's offense totaled 530 yards -- the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. ... More >>

Next Stop: Carnage

The suddenly resurgent Dolphins take on the hated Patriots.

Dolphins Manage to Beat Back Old Crappy Self, Win Fourth Straight

Holy crap. That was close. For a while there, it seemed as if we were witnessing the return of the Shitphins. With just 4:30 remaining in a game that the Dolphins had been leading in all day, Oakland’s John Lee Higgins ran a Miami punt back 93-yards to pay dirt, giving the Raiders their first ... More >>

Holy Crap! They Won?

The Dolphins beat the Pats! Now it’s the Chargers’ turn.

Pigs Fly, Dolphins Hailed as Innovators of the NFL

The Dolphins Would Like to Invite the Naysayers to Eat a Dick Sandwich

Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule

Fashion for the Ass-tro Turf

We’re jonesing for Jockstarzz tonight!

Let's Talk Free Agents: Defense

The '72 Dolphins Will Drink Their Champagne. And You Will Like It!

Dolphins on Path to Winless Season

Swim for the Win

Gridiron Generosity

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