Subject:

National Basketball Association

  • Blogs

    March 20, 2014

    Celtics Broadcasters Made an Unfortunate Joke After Udonis Haslem's Game of the Year

    The lone bright spot in just a terribly annoying Miami Heat 101-96 loss to the Boston Celtics Wednesday night was the return of your boy Udonis Haslem. With LeBron James sitting out the game with back spasms, and Greg Oden sitting out on a scheduled day off, UD got the start and played pretty damn w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 20, 2014

    Timon Balloo Big Winner at JWU's Zest Awards

    Miami's finest chefs and most enterprising restaurateurs gathered at Johnson & Wales University last evening for the third annual Zest Awards. The awards, which were created in 2012 by the university to recognize leaders in the Miami culinary industry. The awards were presented in six categories ... More >>

  • Calendar

    March 20, 2014
  • Blogs

    March 19, 2014

    The Cavaliers Scoreboard Welcomed "LaBron James" Last Night, So He Dropped 43 Points

    LeBron James returned to his old home last night, and he didn't bother knocking. No, no, he kicked in the door, walked directly to the Cavs' refrigerator, ate their last snack pack, took a massive Hiroshima dump in their bathroom, asked for their Wi-Fi password, and downloaded a bunch of Bang Bros v ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 17, 2014

    Jesus Shuttlesworth Saved the Heat on Sunday

    Who do you turn to when you've lost your way? Jesus. Because Jesus Shuttlesworth saves. It was Sunday after all. Ray Allen, AKA "Jesus Shuttlesworth," held a come to Jesus meeting Sunday afternoon, scoring 14 of his Miami Heat career high 25 points in the decisive fourth quarter of the Miami He ... More >>

  • Calendar

    March 6, 2014
  • Blogs

    March 5, 2014

    LeBron's Hangover: James Outscored by Beasley One Day After Record Performance

    Welp, that wasn't as fun as Monday. The Heat lost a total setup of a hangover game 106-103 to the Houston Rockets Monday night. Asking the Heat to follow LeBron's 61 point game less than 24 hours later felt a lot like the camera panning from Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons to Kacey Musgraves at ... More >>

  • News

    February 27, 2014
  • Blogs

    February 27, 2014

    Caron Butler Could Be This Season's Birdman For the Heat

    It's that time of year again. The time of year where the Miami Heat pick up a player for next to nothing, insert said discounted player in the perfect role, and a few months later ask that about player what ring size he prefers. It's a Miami Heat summer tradition, like barbecue, burgers, hot dogs, a ... More >>

  • Calendar

    February 27, 2014
  • Calendar

    February 20, 2014
  • Blogs

    February 19, 2014

    Birdman Got a Lady's Phone Number Last Night After Raining Points on the Mavs

    LeBron James came out of the All-Star break dropping bombs on your moms, assists on your sis, and dunks on your uncs on his way to a season high 42 points in the Heat's 117-106 win over the Mavs. LeBron added nine rebounds and six assists to the 50th 40-plus game of his career. After the game he off ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 19, 2014

    The "Lelbron": A Complete History of the Internet's Greatest LeBron James Meme

    It's hard to believe it's been four years since LeBron James chose to take his talents to South Beach, but here we are. These Big 3 Miami Heat teams have been more entertaining, than any of us could have imagined -- and not just because they've dominated on the court. From Chris Bosh's run as an ani ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 12, 2014

    LeBron Won the NBA Dunk Contest Last Night

    Oh, so it's a dunk contest you want America? Well then, by all means, a dunk contest you shall have! LeBron followed up a day of butt hurt talking heads bashing him for not participating in their silly, outdated, doesn't count, nobody will remember in a week exhibition with a real live in-game disp ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 11, 2014

    Eats N Beats Caters To Locals During SoBeWFF; Short Order Readers Get Discount

    Anyone who has spent any significant amount of time in Miami knows what areas to avoid during certain times of the year. Unless you are in the mood to dodge obnoxious tourists and pay exorbitant amounts of money, South Beach is a no-no during the upcoming SoBe Wine and Food Festival February 20-23. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 7, 2014

    Orlando and Miami MLS Teams Already Bickering Even Though They Don't Exist

    Despite the fact that Orlando's soccer team is still more than a year away from playing in the MLS and the fact that Miami's MLS team doesn't even exist yet (to the point that it doesn't even have a name), the two future franchises are already bickering. Orlando City SC took the first shot with a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 6, 2014

    Heat Outdunks Clippers: Blake Griffin Pretends to Godhood, Fails

    Good morning! While you were asleep last night, the Miami Heat and the Los Angeles Clippers played future basketball, where people can fly, only dunks count, and playing defense is frowned upon. The Dunk counter ran out of batteries in this one, because all of the dunks happened, all shapes and size ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 30, 2014

    Heat-Thunder: Dwyane Wade Disappears Again, Team Loses 112-95

    If Kevin Durant was looking to send a message, message received loud and clear. Durant continued his streak of lighting the NBA on fire, scoring 33 points in a 112-95 stomping of a mistake-prone Miami Heat team Wednesday. Durant scored 30 or more for a career best 12th straight game, in leading th ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 30, 2014
  • Blogs

    January 28, 2014

    Battioke: Heat Organization Comes Out in Full Force for South Beach Battioke 2014

    What's it like watching professional basketball players step completely out of their comfort zone? No one would know better than legendary basketball guru and Miami Heat president Pat Riley. "Tomorrow is probably going to be the funnest day of the year at practice," the 68-year-old Riley said at th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 28, 2014

    Bamboo Miami Beach Closed for Renovations

    "We are not open." And that's the bottom line at Bamboo Miami Beach, the sixth best hip-hop club in the 305. Over the last year, the Washington Avenue club's become a mandatory stopover for rap's most famous jetsetters, from longtime MIA residents Rick Ross and Lil Wayne to out-of-towners like Snoo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 27, 2014

    LeBron CGI Enhanced vs. Spurs; Next Up: Durant and Thunder

    In their first meeting since last years epic NBA Finals, the Miami Heat blew the doors off the San Antono Spurs 113-101. In contrast to last years seven-game craziness, this one had very little drama, as the Heat pushed their lead to nearly 30 -- with the starters sitting on the bench most of the fo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 23, 2014

    Police Searching for Suspect in Burger King Armed Robbery

    Miami Police are on the lookout for a suspect involved in an armed robbery at a Miami Burger King restaurant. According to NBC 6, a gunman walked into the fast food restaurant at 3051 Coral Way this past Monday evening around 9:30 p.m., jumped the counter and headed straight for the back area. The ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 23, 2014
  • Blogs

    January 22, 2014

    Heat Beats Celtics: Joel Anthony Makes Tough Guys Cry

    In what is becoming a trend, the Heat once again Tuesday night played a game you would like to punt into a canal, jump in after it, drag it to the bottom, and put it under a rock like an alligator. Except they won this time, 93-86. Yeah, the Celtics are sucky, but a win is a win, right?

  • Blogs

    January 21, 2014

    Michelle Obama Stars in Heat's Most Epic Video Bombing Ever

    Miami Heat players' tendency to video bomb each other during post-game interviews has become the stuff of meme legend. So when the Heat visited the White House last week, none other than First Lady Michelle Obama decided to get in on the fun. Naturally, it was to help promote her Let's Move campaign ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 17, 2014

    Heat's Shane Battier Talks Battioke, Obama, and Multiple Championships

    As you might have guessed, Miami Heat players are a cast of characters. So when the Heat's Shane Battier asked his teammates to get onstage for a good cause, he didn't have to do much persuading. "It's hard to sell someone on getting onstage and putting themselves out there," Battier said during a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 16, 2014

    LeBron Fails, Anthony Departs, Heat Loses Again!

    The guys who run the the Heat superstore secretly replaced the regular Miami Heat with the generic brand. They wanted to see if we noticed. Yeah, we noticed. The Washington Wizards came out of the gate wizarding harder than they have ever wizarded before, scoring 43 points in the first quarter, ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 16, 2014
  • Blogs

    January 10, 2014

    Miami Heat: Justin Bieber of the NBA

    The Heat kicked off their annual circus road trip with a craptastic effort against the New York Knicks, losing 102-92. The Heat really wasted your time Thursday night, They laughed off terrible miscues all night, played awful defense, and overall just looked like the game was unimportant to them. Yo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 9, 2014

    Speed Rack Miami: Female Bartenders Mix it Up for Charity

    Speed Rack, the all-female bartender competition, is coming to Miami this Monday, January 13.

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2014

    Heat-Toronto: A Dunk Like No Other (Video)

    While you were watching the NFL playoffs all weekend, the Miami Heat players were busy getting the taste of that Warriors ass-kicking out of their mouths by gargling with the Orlando Magic and Toronto Raptors on back-to-back nights. Following a 110-94 win in Orlando Saturday night, the Heat held o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2014

    LeBron James Walks Into a Bar... and Gets Carded

    Did you hear the one about how a LeBron James walks into a bar? The punchline is he got carded. Despite being one of the most famous athletes in the world, despite his beard, and despite (sorry, sorry) that hairline, James was still asked for ID to prove he was over 21 this past Friday while tryin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2014

    Stephen Curry Is a Monster as Warriors Outgun Heat

    The Warriors unleashed a fury of unholy three-point terror on the Heat Thursday night, raining long balls aplenty in a 123 -114 win. Steph Curry was unconscious all night long, scoring 36 points on 8-15 from three, to go with his 12 assists. Former Florida Gator David Lee constantly killed the Heat ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 2, 2014
  • Blogs

    December 31, 2013

    New Year's Eve 2014: Miami's 14 Best Parties

    Only 13 parties? That's sooo last year. With the passing of NYE after NYE, it becomes necessary, if you're just as addicted to bubbly and ball drops as Crossfade, to increase the number of hotel galas, megaclub blowouts, and downtown throwdowns on your personal end-of-year itinerary. It's called se ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 31, 2013

    Ten Miami Restaurants We're Looking Forward to in 2014

    A fresh, new year is upon us. Time to make resolutions and plans. It's also a good time to anticipate new restaurants about to open in Miami. And there are a bunch of them. From food trucks continuing to go brick-and-mortar like Latin Burger & Taco, to celebrity chefs staking their claim under our s ... More >>

  • News

    December 26, 2013

    Luke's Best Columns of 2013

    From Lil Wayne to Miley Cyrus to Spike Lee, quite a year!

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2013

    A Christmas Story: Heat Beats Lakers 101-95

    It's Christmas every day for Heat fans, but Wednesday was the day it was scheduled for everyone else, so we were kind enough to share. The Heat coasted all game long to a 101-95 Christmas Day victory over the L.A. Lakers. Dwyane Wade led the way with 26 points, six rebounds, and seven assists; Bos ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2013

    Heat's Haslem, Birdman and Miller are Now Underwear Models

    Well, Miami is about to have a former Armani underwear model as a professional sports team owner, so we guess it only makes sense that some of our current athletes would model some mens' underthings. It's not quite Beckham on the beach in briefs, but the Heat's Chris "Birdman" Anderson, Udonis Has ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 24, 2013

    LeBron Scores 38, Heat Edge Hawks in OT 120-119

    The Heat sure do know how to turn a random Monday night game against the Hawks into some serious entertainment. LeBron James had 38 points, eight rebounds, and six assists in the Heat's 120-119 overtime, surprisingly eventful, Monday night win. With the victory, the Heat sweep their five-game home ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 24, 2013

    From Lil Wayne to Miley Cyrus: Ten Luke Columns That Stirred the Pot in 2013

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke looks back on 2013's best hits. A lot of folks get upset over the things I write, but I call 'em like I see em based on facts. T ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 23, 2013

    The Eleven Best South Florida Sports Moments of 2013

    The mere mention of a specific year can mean so much to a sports fan. Say 1986 to a Mets fan, they think Bill Buckner. In Boston, 2004 will always be the year the Red Sox broke the "Curse of the Bambino." Here in South Florida, 1972 might as well read "Undefeated." Good or bad, a memorable sports ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 23, 2013

    LeBron James Hates the Heat's Sleeved Christmas Jersey As Much as You Will

    On Christmas Day when you're wearing that ugly Rudolph sweater your great aunt knit LeBron James and the Miami Heat will be wearing something even uglier: basketball jerseys with sleeves. Ever eager to churn out new special edition jerseys to sell, the NBA is having all the teams playing on Christ ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 19, 2013

    Heat Nail Pacers, Who Suffer Indigestion After Courting Our Women

    The Indiana Pacers came into Wednesday night's game against the Miami Heat feeling real king shit about themselves, having beat the Heat 90-84 just eight days ago. They acted as if THIS GAME was no big whoop, after acting like the first meeting was the meaning of their entire life. They had the auda ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 19, 2013
  • Blogs

    December 17, 2013

    Heat Wins. LeBron's Ankle Loses. Pacers Tomorrow.

    It was the game before the game last night. It was sandwiched between LeBron's old team and the Heat's biggest threat in the East. It was the 117-94 Heat win Monday night game against the Jazz, because people had already bought tickets, and it was mandatory.

  • Calendar

    December 12, 2013
  • Blogs

    December 10, 2013

    Heat Blow Early Lead, Lose To Pacers 90-84

    The Indiana Pacers have had this one circled on their calendars for sometime now. They made no secret December 10th, 2013 would be a day of reckoning, a day where they would inflict revenge upon the Miami Heat's entire house for all the heart breaking defeats they have handed the "Golden Swag Nation ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 9, 2013

    Heat Whoops Pistons; Indiana Game on Tuesday

    The good news for the Detroit Pistons was the temperature at tip -- a brisk 25 degrees, meaning the big fat dish of revenge the Miami Heat served was cold. The bad news: The game was broadcast on television, and everyone saw what happens when the Heat gets another shot at an opponent that caught the ... More >>

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