NFC East

Jets Might Hire Dolphins Assistant GM Brian Gaine as Their New GM, Which Should Work Out Well For Them

If there was one silver lining to the NFL season for Dolphins fans this year, it was the fact that while our team might have been mediocre at best, at least we weren't the laughing stock the New York Jets became this year.They've fired their General Manager Mike Tannenbaum, and sort of surprisingly ... More >>

Poll: Sports Fans Felt Miami Heat's Win Was Only Fourth Best Championship This Year

What the what? LeBron James, perhaps the most recognizable athlete on the planet, won his first NBA championship after two years of non-stop media and public scrutiny. But, America didn't think it was that big of a deal. According to a new Marist poll of sports fans, the Heat's win was only the four ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 30-13 To End Preseason Winless, Then Crash The Team Plane

In what is typically the most uninteresting and uneventful of all preseason games, the Dolphins conducted business-as-usual by falling to the Dallas Cowboys 30-13 last night, completing the 2012 preseason with only their third winless effort in franchise history.The Fins followed up in the most appr ... More >>

Former Canes Star Clinton Portis Retires: Celebrate His Bizarre Multiple Personalities

In a loss for sports fans who enjoyed players who were funny, entertaining, and a little crazy, former Washington Redskins running back and ex-Hurricanes star Clinton Portis is calling it a career today. After nine seasons in the NFL, seven in the nation's capitol, Portis found himself with no job o ... More >>

W South Beach Condo Developer Sued by Four NFL Players

The W South Beach has to deal with four angry NFL players. The player have filed four separate lawsuits against the developers of the Residences at W South Beach. All four put down deposits on condos back in 2006 and 2007 but want that money back.

Miami Dolphins Will Star in HBO's Hard Knocks Reality Show

What does a celebrity do when they need a quick jolt of publicity to revive a fading career? Reality TV, of course. What does a sports team desperately in need of some public goodwill and attention do when they're being overshadowed in their own city? Apparently, the exact same thing.The Miami Dolph ... More >>

Jacory Harris Cut from Philadelphia Eagles

Quarterback U? Not anymore. It seems Jacory Harris' NFL fate is starting to look like a lot of other recent former University of Miami quarterbacks, as Harris was cut from the Philadelphia Eagles' roster just ten days after having been signed by the team.

Jacory Harris Signs with Philadelphia Eagles But Will He Ever Make It?

Detractors could point to the saga of Jacory Harris as a prime example of why prospective players shouldn't sign with the Miami Hurricanes. At one point he was a buzzed about potential superstar in the making. No one blinked an eye when terms like "Heisman dark horse" and "Future NFL QB" were b ... More >>

Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?

​Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>

ESPN's Skip Bayless is the king race-baiter

Skip Bayless is a Modern Day Minstrel

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke crowns ESPN talking head Skip Bayless the king of race baiting.I've got to hand it to Skip Bayless for articulating so we ... More >>

Who Should Miamians Root for in the Super Bowl: The Patriots or the Giants?

​Riptide has a now established tradition of mathematically (in the loosest sense of the word) deciding which team Miamians should root for the in the Super Bowl. This year the answer seems obvious: F*ck the Pats! But should we really f*ck the Pats? Lets run both the New England Patriots and the Ne ... More >>

Superagent Drew Rosenhaus should give back to Miami's black communities

Super Bowl XLVI: Miami's Top 10 Affordable Places To Watch It or Take Out

​​One of the teams competing for the holy grail of football is the New York Giants, who are really from New Jersey. That's pretentious. The other team, the New England Patriots, presumably represents all six states of the region. This is like the Miami Dolphins calling themselves the Southeaster ... More >>

Drew Rosenhaus Is the Gordon Gekko of Sports Agents

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke expresses his anger at the guy who inspired Jerry Maguire.So-called sports superagent Drew Rosenhaus has made millions of ... More >>

Dez Bryant Denies He Has a Problem with Lil Wayne, Sort Of

​So we know that Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant was in some sort of altercation outside LIV nightclub at the Fontainebleau on Saturday, and that's, well, about it. Rumors, aided by a Miami Herald reporter, suggested that the altercation somehow involved Lil Wayne. Though, this morning Bry ... More >>

On Wings of Poop

Dolphins Pummeled By Eagles, Still Need A Quarterback, Possibly a New Coach Too

​The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>

Dolphins Fan Knocked Out by Sucker Punch in Stadium Lot Fight (Video)

​We all know times are tough for Dolphins fans, but that's no reason to turn against each other. A brutal sucker punch unleashed by one Dolphins fan against another was caught on video in the parking lot of Sun Life Stadium after yesterday's loss against the Philadelphia Eagles. Way to keep it cla ... More >>

Igor Olshansky Arrested on Pot Charges a Day After Being Released from Dolphins

​Former Miami Dolphins defensive end Igor Olshansky was having a bad week. A calf injury forced him to miss the Thanksgiving Day game against the Cowboys, and the team rewarded him by releasing him on Wednesday. All the dude wanted to do was get a little high after a tough work week, but the ... More >>

Martorano's Meatball-Eating Contest at Seminole Hard Rock December 10 (Recipe Included)

Adrian Morgan, second from left, begins to chow down at a recent eating contest.​'Tis the season to be overeating --- and shamelessly stuffing your face with tasty meatballs. Maybe even putting some major jingle in your pocket. Fort Lauderdale's Café Martorano will hold a meatball eatin ... More >>

Dolphins Lose On Thanksgiving Day

Your Miami Dolphins played in yesterday's Thanksgiving Day game against the Dallas Cowboys and lost, ending their three-game winning streak and putting their playoff hopes on life support with someone standing by ready to smother it with a pillow. The Dolphins defense did what it could, intercepting ... More >>

Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

Fins or Skins

The Dolphins Nearly Pulled It Off This Time. Honestly!

The Flying Bag of Penis that is the Miami Dolphins nearly went and fucked things up by almost winning a game yesterday. But Suck For Luck is alive and well after the New York Giants woke up from their zombie-like state and handed Miami their seventh loss of the season in a 20-17 final.Understandably ... More >>

Once Undefeated

Chad Henne Is the Worst-Ranked Starting QB in the NFL

​Lest you think Miami Dolphins fans were being overdramatic in their disappointment that the team couldn't get a starting quarterback better than Chad Henne, we now have cold, hard rankings to back our whining. USA Today ranked all 32 teams' starting quarterbacks, and Henne came in 31st out of 32. ... More >>

Santana Moss' Miami Gardens Dry Cleaning Business Sued for $300K

​A Miami business wants to take former Hurricanes star and current Washington Redskin player Santana Moss to the legal cleaners. The owners of a Miami Gardens shopping center claim that a dry cleaning business, operated by one of Moss's relatives and partially owned by the football star, owes almo ... More >>

Letters from the issue of May 12, 2011

Leonard Hankerson is Super Pissed He Didn't Go Higher in the Draft

​For the third straight year not a single University of Miami player was selected in the first round of the NFL draft, which is a bit of a sore point for a team that still holds the record for most consecutive NFL drafts with at least one player taken in the first round. Especially considering tha ... More >>

Dolphins to Interview Former Canes Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski

​With Dan Henning out, the Dolphins' next order of off-season business is securing a new offensive coordinator. One of the names apparently on the shortlist is Rob Chudzinski, who should be no stranger to local sporting fans. He served as the offensive coordinator for two seasons with the Miami Hu ... More >>

Pressure on Dolphins to Draft First Round Quarterback For First Time Since 1983

​No team in the NFL has gone as many years without drafting a quarterback in the first round than the Miami Dolphins. The last time they did the year was 1983 and the man was Dan Marino, which, of course, made drafting a quarterback not much of a concern for much of the next two decades. Thoug ... More >>

Mary Sue Candies: Easter is Right Around the Corner

​Christmas is barely over and while most of us are recovering from a sugar rush food coma, the folks at Mary Sue Candies have their eyes set on Easter. For the next four weeks they will pump out candy-filled eggs by the tens of thousands every day to fill store shelves in time for the Easter bunny ... More >>

Tuna Melt

LeBron James Would Rather Watch Kenny Powers Than His Dallas Cowboys

​For reasons that probably make more sense than they should LeBron James' favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. He's a diehard, apparently. Thing is the Cowboys suck something fierce this season, to the point that they just fired their coach. In fact, James can't even watch them anymore. H ... More >>

Dolphins' Fan Base Ranked 19th for Enthusiasm, But They Do Know How to Party

viaInsane Dolphan Posse​Just because we'd rather sit on the beach listening to the Dolphins game on the radio or checking the score on our iPhone doesn't mean we aren't real Fins fans, right? OK, the Miami sports fan stereotype of a bandwagoner who'd rather spend their Sunday afternoon watching th ... More >>

Bill Parcells Says He's Not Retiring, May Not Stay With Dolphins

Just before the start of the season Dolphins vice president of football shocked fans by announcing he was handing over all of his duties to General Manager Jeff Ireland. While he still remains as a "consultant" to the Dolphins and his contract with the team runs through the 2011 season, comments he ... More >>

Canes Dominate, Dolphins Not So Much

​If Florida A&M's goal was to come out and get completely annihilated in the most humbling way imaginable, then mission accomplished because The U came out and crushed the Rattlers 45-0 last night. The defense recorded eight sacks, Jacory Harris tossed three touchdowns, Leonard Hankerson caugh ... More >>

Dolphins Rank Near Bottom of "Most Successful" NFL Franchises for 2009

via KillustrationsSad dolphins. ​What makes an NFL team successful? For the coach, players and fans it means winning games. For the owner and front office it also means making lots of money. According to a new analysis from Portfolio.com, your Miami Dolphins ranked near the bottom in both&nbs ... More >>

Dolphins Defensive Lineman Phillip Merling Is Out for the Season

​Miami Dolphins defensive end Phillip Merling's off-season of misfortunes has gone from bad to worse. Merling was arrested in May for punching his pregnant girlfriend, and just this week he was formally charged with felony battery for the incident. Now comes news that Merling suffered an ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

That's So Fandom

He’s as Scary as the Other Jason

Bet on Norman Braman

Miami's most cantankerous billionaire could win by TKO.

Defying Expectations

Riled

Heat coach wants to suit up? What if...?

It’s Not Even Monday Night Yet

Flapjack Flip-Off VI

A quintet of unwitting participants grapple for the Holy Grail of griddlecakes: the Mrs. Beeton Flapjack Flip-Off Trophy

Defensive Block Party