Let's imagine a terrible scenario in which the Miami Heat's five starters all magically develop some sort of injury that collectively keeps all five out until the playoffs, Would the team even make the playoffs? Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem thinks the bench players could get them there on their own ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man who made the U.S. Supreme Court Stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke has some relationship advice for a famous celebrity couple. Kanye West is arguably the most entertaining rap artist in the world. Even when you are hat ... More >>
The start of NBA season is just weeks away, and oddsmakers are rolling out the betting lines for who will win the championship. It shouldn't be much of a surprise then that the Heat are once again Vegas's favorites.
Justin Timberlake and Jay Z Legends of the Summer Tour Sun Life Stadium, Miami Friday, August 16, 2013 For a second-rate basketball team, there were a disproportionate number of Brooklyn Nets jerseys at Sun Life Stadium last night. Well, until you remember that Jay Z, the co-headliner of the evenin ... More >>
Damn, it (must) feel good to be a gangsta. And by gangsta, we mean the Miami Heat. After slaughtering the San Antonio Spurs and racking up the third NBA title in franchise history last night, Miami's best professional sports team celebrated its incredible victory till the wee hours of Friday morn ... More >>
Things began getting rowdy around 7:30 in anticipation of Game 7. Hordes of white-clad Miami Heat fans crossed Biscayne Boulevard en masse, pissing off the cops who tried in vain to control traffic outside the American Airlines Arena. Parents with strollers rolled up to outlandishly costumed men to ... More >>
Yo, bro! The Heat won! We are them big two-timers, and you know our boys are going to keep their strong up and come back for another title in 2014. How could it be any other way? But would you believe it? There are still a bunch of haters out there. No doubt, they're hiding their heads away today ... More >>
LeBron James' phone number has leaked on the internet, and this morning he woke up to a bunch of random voicemails from people named Drake, Warren Buffet, Dr. Dre, and Coach K. Or at least that's the conceit of his latest Nike ad.
Chris Bosh woke up last night and helped the Heat to a monster victory over the San Antonio Spurs, but it appears his flopping game is still a little rusty. NBA officials announced Bosh would be fined $5,000 for flopping during a play late in the first half.
As the official "food-service provider" for the Miami Heat, chef Michael Jacobs is an integral part of the team because, as everyone knows, what an athlete eats before a game is as important as training. After all, there'll be a big difference in performance if you stuff a player with double bean go ... More >>
The Indiana Pacers beat the Heat Tuesday night 99-92 in a game that provided Heat fans with enough testicular torsion to last a lifetime. With the Spurs already in the clubhouse, the NBA sent Joey Crawford his Verne Troyer penis-looking face out to throw his entire bag of fouls onto the Heat's ball ... More >>
Jason Collins mentioned his former teammate and current Miami Heat player Mike Miller yesterday in his big coming-out story in Sports Illustrated by hoping that Miller might react to the news by talking about how he enjoyed being his teammate and remembering fondly the time he sold him a dog. Toda ... More >>
It wasn't that long ago when it seemed like the entire world hated the Miami Heat, and during the worst of those times it seemed like people were attacking the fans almost as much as they were attacking LeBron James. "Miami doesn't deserve this team," they said. "They don't even show up on time. Do ... More >>
In a shocking move that should surely rile the Miami fanbase, Pat Riley has decided to trade certified superstar Dexter Pittman to the Memphis Grizzlies. The legendary center will be dealt away with a second round pick. The Heat will gain a trade exception the "draft rights of forward Ricky Sanchez" ... More >>
The Miami Heat are worth a cool $625 million, according to the latest NBA team valuations by Forbes.com. That's up 307 percent since last year, or almost $200 million since 2012 when the team was valued at $427 million. Apparently that championship made a big difference.
Curiously, LIV has become Miami Beach's epicenter of irony. Last week, the Miami Heat's LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Shane Battier reveled in their 2012 championship win at the megaclub, just 375 days after the Mark Cuban-owned Dallas Mavericks bought out the bar to celebrate beating LeBron and ... More >>
If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his stupid diet meals.Miami can' ... More >>
photo by Jovie & Mayra Griffith via Wikimedia CommonsDez BryantScratch another notch onto the Fontainebleau, the high-rollin' hotel where Gloria James (allegedly) slapped a valet and where Lil Wayne lost his 305 cred by partying with the Dallas Mavericks after they topped the Heat in the NBA ... More >>
Shit ... We thought the Miami Heat was an $80-million professional basketball team. Turns out, though, The Big Three and company is actually a crappy boy band. Just check out King James, D-Wade, and Big Bosh's new music video, set to Kanye West's weenie anthem "All of the Lights," and co-starr ... More >>
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell looks back on the Year of the Booty Man.I had an exciting, productive 2011. I set goals for myself and accomplished quit ... More >>
So despite the fact that the Miami Heat are severely hurting in the point guard and center spots, their first signing priority this season was apparently the owner's son's college buddy.In the first indication of the team's signing decisions, Shane Battier has announced he'll be playing for the H ... More >>
Thanks to the lockout, there are 16 games fewer than usual, but the NBA has finally released the schedule for its shortened, 66-game season. As everyone already knows, the Heat will open with a Christmas Day rematch against the Dallas Mavericks. The Heat's home opener will go down two days la ... More >>
Alex IzaguirreUncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke doesn't like how Lil Wayne and DJ Khaled use Miami but don't give back to the Magic City. I've got a m ... More >>
Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh haven't played together since the last game of the NBA Finals, and with the lockout in full effect we weren't sure when it would happen again. That's about to change. The trio is expected to announce plan for a charity All-Star game at FIU on Octobe ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why Wiz Khalifa shouldn't settle for Kanye West's sloppy seconds.Wiz Khalifa needs to have his head examined. The b ... More >>
via skindoeshoopsJust another gigantic German shotgunning $80,000 worth of champagne.We'll give Mark Cuban this: After he ripped out Miami's heart, he at least put a little juice back into the Miami Beach economy Sunday night at LIV's back-stabbing Lil Wayne postgame bacchanalia. Fox S ... More >>
So Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban refrained from acting like Mark Cuban during these playoffs, which was refreshing because Mark Cuban is insufferable when he acts like Mark Cuban. But then the Mavericks won the Finals and Mark Cuban unleashed his Mark Cuban-ness by cursing on live TV and ... More >>
We will win. We WILL win.Alright, we didn't quite heat up the court on Tuesday night. Spirits are down, but the game was close. We just need a little collective faith and musical healing so that we can help our team actually win the Finals. We've already heard all those incredible fan-made ... More >>
The store's logo. LeBron James isn't just a businessman; he's a business, man. Yes, the Miami Heat superstar isn't just building a legacy in Miami; he's building a business here too. James today announced plans to open a high-end lifestyle store called "Unknwn."
Rich AbdillThe men were parked across the street from the arena, where they spent the evening being awesome.There were thousands of fans at Thursday night's watch party at the American Airlines Arena to see the Chicago Bulls fold like a fitted sheet in the final seconds and lose 83-80 to the Heat ... More >>
Fan favorite, Miami Heat co-captain, and only actual local boy on the team, Udonis Haslem has returned to practice after tearing a ligament in his foot this past November. ESPN reports Haslem took part in shooting drills during team practice yesterday and that a return to competition before t ... More >>
When Scottie Pippen sits down to watch TV, he doesn't see much difference between Two and a Half Men and a Miami Heat game. We guess LeBron is Charlie Sheen, Wade is John Cryer, and Chris Bosh is apparently that chubby kid who's awkwardly aged in front of America. In an interview with Slam Online ... More >>
Unless the Heat somehow manage to only drop two games the rest of the regular season, the hopes that the team can match the '96 Chicago Bulls 72-win season may have to wait until at least next season. Though, the streaking squad is already knocking on the door at meeting or beating another NB ... More >>
Photo by Ian WitlenSee the full Lil Wayne Welcome Home Party slideshow. It had been eight months since Weezy'd seen the streets. So he wasn't gonna waste his first weekend of freedom. On Friday, the Young Money Cash Money prince made a straight shot for New Orleans to see the Hornets vs. King ... More >>
NBA players attempting to make a second career out of music aren't exactly anything new. It's been tried before--repeatedly--and often to catastrophic results. Consider San Antonio Spurs' 2009 second round draft pick DeJuan Blair's appearance on the P.O.P. (Chicken and Young Meez) track, "2 Hard ... More >>
Naked Pizza. Short Order noticed the "coming soon" sign for Naked Pizza on the corner of 13th and Washington and we've been intrigued by the name ever since. Just what exactly constitutes a naked pizza? And why has it taken so long to come to South Beach, where most people parade around hal ... More >>
Dwyane Wade is It personified.
Were begging. Give us a win, Heat!
Its Tony Parkers world. We just buy his jersey.