NBA Southwest

Bosh Hits Game Winner To Beat Spurs 88-86 in Game Without James and Wade

Backups? We ain't got no stinkin' backups! San Antonio seems like a good place to take a nap, and indeed rest is what the Miami Heat did while visiting the city on Sunday, sitting LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Mario Chalmers with various minor injuries. Throwing out a starting lineup of Mike Miller, ... More >>

Miami Man's Lawsuit Dismissed Against Spurs for Sitting Stars Against Heat

In today's "no shit" legal news, a lawsuit brought on by a Miami man against the San Antonio Spurs after the team decided to send its star players home during a road game against the Miami Heat has been dismissed.The lawsuit was filed by local lawyer Larry McGuinness, and he claimed the Spurs violat ... More >>

Oddsmakers Give Heat 1-in-6 Odds to Break NBA Winning Streak Record

Last night, the Miami Heat racked up its 23rd straight win and now stands alone as having the second-longest winning streak in NBA history. The team is ten wins away from tying the record with the 1971-72 Lakers, and 11 from owning it outright.Can they do it? An oddsmaker has given them 1-in-6 odds.

Second Time’s a Charm

Heat Hold Off Rockets 114-108 Thanks To 63 Points From James, Wade

Facing a high scoring Houston Rockets team without Chris Bosh, the Miami Heat found themselves thrust into a good old fashioned cock fight. Unfortunately for the Rockets, even without Bosh - the Heat bring two Big Swinging Dicks to the scrum. LeBron James and Dwyane Wade combined for 63 po ... More >>

Miami Lawyer Sues San Antonio Spurs For Resting Star Players On Nov. 29

Despite winning it all last year (suck it Thunder), doubts remain about the Miami Heat. The team has lost three of its last four games, Dwayne Wade is currently cranky about playing time, and our most devoted fans remain of the blow-job-giving variety.On top of all that, a local lawyer is now suing ... More >>

Bad Blood

Heat Edge Out Spurs' B-Team To 105-100 Win

The Heat managed to pull out a 105-100 victory last night despite the Spurs fielding a team without Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker or Tim Duncan -- all of which were sent home by Coach Gregg Poppovich to San Antonio after playing 4 games in the last 5 nights. Without San Antonio's own Big Three this figu ... More >>

Heat Rack Up $200,000 Tab at LIV (and LeBron Raps)

Last year we had to deal with the nauseating site of the Dallas Mavericks (along with front-runner fan supreme Lil Wayne) partying at LIV after their championship. This year it was finally the Heats turn to pop bottles at the Fontainebleau hotel's super club. Naturally, the Miami boy out partied the ... More >>

LeBron Goes Off, Heat Win, All is Well

It took three games and a half of shitty basketball, but the Miami Heat finally got their mojo working in the second half of last night's game, and eventually blew away the visiting San Antonio Spurs 120-98.With a hobbled Dwyane Wade unable to play on his birthday, it was up to LeBron James and Chri ... More >>

Mavericks charter schools don't live up to big promises

Heat to Take on Mavericks on Christmas Day as NBA Deal Tentatively Reached

​It's a holiday miracle! NBA players and owners have reached a tentative deal to save the NBA season. Training camp and the free agency period will begin on December 9, with the first games to start on Christmas day. That means that the previously scheduled December 25 match up of the Heat vs. the ... More >>

2011-12 Heat Schedule Released: Mavs Rematch Set For Christmas Day

​The NBA has released its 2012 schedule (assuming the lockout doesn't delay play), and the Miami Heat will kick off its season at Madison Square Garden against the Knicks. The team will also be working on Christmas Day this year in an NBA Finals rematch against the Dallas Mavericks in an away game ... More >>

J.J. Barea Open to Signing With The Heat

​Dirk Nowitzki may have walked away with the finals MVP award after the Dallas Maverick's drubbing of the Miami Heat, but he couldn't have done it without the explosive play of J.J. Barea. That fact was made all the more painful because Barea is a graduate of Miami Christian and a former Miami-Dad ... More >>

Mark Cuban Pastes Photo of Mavericks Hoisting Finals Trophy in Legal Argument

​Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has been sexin' his team's championship trophy every night. He said that Dallas fans "punked the shit out of" Miami Heat fans, using a phrase mostly unknown outside of the 12-year-olds-hangin'-at-Orange-Julius crowd. And now, as reported by our sister paper, ... More >>

Classless DeShawn Stevenson Arrested For Being Drunk and Lost

Stevenson reportedly could not bail himself out with the stupid $5 bill tattooed on his stupid throat.​Dallas Maverick and all-around shitty person DeShawn Stevenson done got himself arrested. What a pity.Stevenson, who called the Miami Heat "classless" after game 6 and then showed up in Dallas th ... More >>

The Wonderful Dallas Fans: Highlights from the Comments Section

"We won the championship! That means we get to threaten people on the Internet!"​It was an innocent post: Mavericks guard DeShawn Stevenson got arrested when he was found drunk in an apartment complex. If he hadn't called the Heat "classless" earlier this week, there probably wouldn't have been a ... More >>

Dallas Mavericks Go Clubbing on South Beach With Championship Trophy

Terrence JenkinsA man who appears to be Mavs owner Mark Cuban hoists the Larry O'Brien Trophy at a Miami Beach nightclub. Shit.​Well, insult has been definitively added to injury. After they stomped the Miami Heat 105-95 in game 6, the NBA champion Dallas Mavericks -- and owner Mark Cuban -- went ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 6: Kaput

​After winning Game six 105-95, the Dallas Mavericks are NBA champions. Meanwhile, the Miami Heat are left with a shitload of questions, LeBron James will continue to be haunted by his Finals failure, and Heat fans everywhere are walking around feeling like their favorite uncle just placed his wie ... More >>

Las Vegas Odds Makers: Heat Favored to Win 2012 Finals

​Let's hope you didn't burn any of your Miami Heat championship party decorations last night, because according to Las Vegas odds makers, Dwyane Wade and company are already the frontrunners for the 2012 finals. Apparently winning last night hasn't made Dirk Nowitzki and his Dallas Mavericks favor ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 5: On The Brink

​After the giant mound of ostrich shit that was LeBron James' 8-point performance from Game 4, he called Game 5 the biggest of his career. The world then waited for LeBron to come out in Game 5 and serve the Mavericks a can filled with ass whoopin'. Instead, Heat fans got served a can filled with ... More >>

Four Facts To Help You Fake Your Way Through an NBA Finals Conversation

Wikimedia Commons user steenslagA clown cries after getting mocked for asking what time the Celtics game was on.​The Heat are down 3-2. Dwyane Wade has a busted hip. LeBron James had a triple-double and still, somehow, looked horrible. It was a bad night.But it doesn't have to be a bad day, too. C ... More >>

Jason Terry's tattoo shows he has more balls than brains

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 4: LeTurd

​Well, shit. The Miami Heat must really love blowing fourth-quarter leads, because the team did it again last night in Game 4 of the NBA Finals, allowing the Dallas Mavericks to win the game 86-83 and tying the finals.Meanwhile, LeBron James had the worst performance of his playoff career. Dwyane ... More >>

Dirk Nowitzki Is Hollywood as Hell Too

Dirk Nowitzki​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Luke explains how the NBA commissioner is assisting Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki.The Heat hater brigade loves to h ... More >>

"Udonis Haslem," O'Grime, and Metro Zu Say: "F%$# the Mavericks, Bitch!"

A friendly message for the Mavs.​The last time Crossfade got weird with the O'Grime boys, we bumrushed a Taco Bell, scrubbed ourselves down with Mexican meat, and wasted $400 on 15 minutes with a stripper slathered in nacho cheese. In a word, it was awesome. And really, there's only one scenario ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 3: MV3

​Nothing screams "I Am A Righteous Ass Kicking Machine" quite like overcoming one of the NBA Finals worst collapses, an officiating crew that absolutely refused to call any fouls for you but insisted on blowing the whistle if you so much as breathed on the giant German, and having one of your team ... More >>

The Dallas Mavericks: Hometown Heroes of the Most Backward State in the Union

Jason Kidd, circa 1987​For game 3 of the NBA Finals against the Mavericks, the Miami Heat will be going on the road and into unpleasant territory. Not just unpleasant for opposing professional sports teams -- we're talking bad for everybody.There has been plenty of good-natured trash talk bouncing ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks: We're Going to Grill Them (In Barbecue) UPDATE

Beef - it's not just a game.​UPDATE: City of Ate, our sister food blog over at the Dallas Observer, respectfully disagrees.Tonight's second Finals face-off between the Miami Heat and the Dallas Mavericks at the American Airlines Arena (ours not theirs, dummy) is the hottest ticket in town. M ... More >>

Pepe Billete's Top Five Reasons The Miami Heat Will Win The NBA Title

​Oye, Guanabacoa's most famous resident since Rick Sanchez is guaranteeing the Miami Heat will pick up its second Larry O'Brian trophy in the NBA Finals.In his latest YouTube video, Pepe Billete explains why the Dallas Mavericks suck ass while partaking in one of his favorite past times. We've loo ... More >>

Five reasons Miami is better than Dallas

Heat vs. Mavs: Joe's Stone Crab Better Than Cholesterol-Filled Beef

Stone crab at Joe's.​The Miami Heat obliterated the Dallas Mavericks last night, busting Dirk Nowitzki's finger and pretty much ending the series in the first game. But even more important: A bet between Joe's Stone Crab and the Dallas Chop House. A hundred pounds of fatty disgusting ribeye steak ... More >>

Dallas Mavericks vs. Miami Heat Game 1: Winning Time

​If you're a fan of low scoring games, low-percentage shooting and sleep depravity, then Game 1 of the NBA Finals was the game for you!LeBron James scored 24 while Dwyane Wade added 22 and Chris Bosh went for 19 as the Miami Heat took down the Dallas Mavericks 92-84 to take the first game of the b ... More >>

Prank Calling Six Miami Bars and Strip Clubs Where You Should Go Watch the Heat vs. Mavs

Photo by Mike Ehrmann via heat.comKick ass and get drunk with Udonis and the Heat.​Pour us another IPA. All this ass kickin' is making us thirsty. By ass kickin', we mean basketball. And by thirsty, we mean drunk. What can we say, Miami loves a team that wins, and right now The Heat are putting ... More >>

Heat-Mavericks Rivalry Getting Religulous

Archbishop Wenski, is going to wash down a Miami Heat victory with Dallas BBQ and pecan pie.​These days, everyone is weighing in on the rivalry between the Miami Heat and the Dull-ass Mavericks. Even God.As the Pope's duly appointed representative in South Florida, Archbishop of Miami Thomas Wensk ... More >>

Five Reasons Miami Is a Better City Than Dallas

The Dallas Mavericks earned a spot in the NBA Finals Wednesday night with their 100-96 win over the Oklahoma City Thunder, which means once the Heat finally put the Chicago Bulls out of their misery tonight, all that stands between Miami and a national title is a shaggy, horse-toothed German and his ... More >>

Heat Beat Rockets in Historic Fashion

​With the NBA playoffs just a few weeks away, it's that time of year when we get a whole lotta Dwayne Wade and his towering deeds of heroic awesomeness all up in our faces. And even though D-Wade has made his name around these parts as a pretty righteous ass-kicker, it's comforting to know he's go ... More >>

Blasting Rockets

Heat Avenge 30-Point Loss to the Spurs With 30-Point Win

​Just ten days ago, the Miami Heat were in the midst of a five-game losing streak that included a season sweep at the hands of the Chicago Bulls and a press conference where head coach Erik Spoelstra told everyone that his players were crying after a loss. In the mix was also a 30-point loss to th ... More >>

Spurs of the Moment

Mainstream Media is Free to Hate Again! Miami Heat's 12-Game Win Streak Snapped

​Apparently, the Miami Heat are only able to beat the Dallas Mavericks if the two are playing in the NBA Finals. Dirk Nowitzki dropped 26 points while Jason Terry scored all of his 19 late in the fourth quarter as the Mavericks ended the Heat's 12-game winning streak in a 98-96 final Monday night. ... More >>

Rivalry Renewed

Continued Heat

It’s Fall, Time to Ball

Curiouser and Curiouser

Bring your own subtext to Alice at The PlayGround Theatre.

Burning Questions

Will the fire return to the Heat?

That Really Stings

Paint Your Face

Sunday is for supporting your team

The Heat Times Three