NBA Playoffs

Heat Stomp Bulls 115-78, Even Series

Back up in your ass with the resurrection, Chicago. The Miami Heat got some sweet revenge Wednesday night beating the Bulls 115-78 -- their worst ever playoff defeat, and at the same time the Heat's all-time biggest playoff win -- so that went well. Miami shot 50 percent from three point land and 60 ... More >>

Miami Loses Home Court, Game One to Bulls 93-86

Welcome to the 2013 NBA Playoffs, Miami Heat. Oh by the way, you just lost home court advantage. The Chicago Bulls came into Miami last night and shocked the Heat 93-86, taking Game 1 and at the same time putting the Heat on notice that this series will be anything but a cake walk. Once again Nate R ... More >>

Heat Take Commanding 3-0 Series Lead on Bucks With 104-91 Victory in Milwaukee

The Miami Heat overcame a dismal first half Thursday night to defeat Milwaukee 104-91 to take a commanding 3-0 lead in this best of four series. Ray Allen came off the bench to score 23 points, hitting five of eight threes, while LeBron James finished with 22 points, six assists, and five rebounds. ... More >>

Chris Bosh Out of the Olympics, Too

In a perfect world, the Team USA Olympics basketball squad would have just been some super version of the Miami Heat. In reality, this year LeBron James will be the only Heat member to travel to London. A day after Dwyane Wade announced he'd forgo the games to get surgery, Chris Bosh's agent tells t ... More >>

Miami Ink

MIAMI HEAT ARE 2012 NBA FINALS CHAMPIONS

Get your pots and pans out, Miami. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA World Champions!

Miami Heat Win NBA Championship, Rick Ross Skips the Victory and Gets High in Jamaica

Last night, Rick Ross sold out Miami, choosing to get high in the Caribbean over the Magic City and foregoing an opportunity to watch his Miami Heat win the NBA title. "I'm in Jamaica relaxing," Rozay tweeted just three hours before tip-off. "Smoke one." While puffing Kingston kush and kicking i ... More >>

Pitbull, Lil Wayne, and Other "Miami" Rappers Who Don't Give a Shit About the Heat Win

Here in the 305, we're not about those fair-weather fans who just jumped on the Heat train in time to pop bottles. But there are some Miami music icons we really thought would be all over this win. But they haven't made so much as a tweet. Some of these people claim to rep Miami. Or even be Miami ... More >>

Dwyane Wade's Ex-Wife Arrested After Barricading Herself in Home With Sons

The latest episode in Dwyane Wade's personal saga with his ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches-Wade couldn't have come at a worse time. In the midst of the NBA finals, Wade's lawyers have filed a petition to suspend Siohvaughn's right to visitation with their two sons following an incident this weekend that ... More >>

Ace Hood's Miami Heat Tribute: "Team Heat, All Day, Back It Up With 20 Grand"

See also "Ace Hood's Fisker Karma and Seven Other Hip-Hop Eco-Whips." Get ready for the Heat's return to Miami for the NBA Finals' Game 2 tonight by listening to Broward's own Ace Hood and "Elite," his tribute to El Fuego. The video consists of a bunch of playoff highlights (and at 27 seconds in, ... More >>

Ray Allen Considering Signing with the Heat

From being part of one big three to backing up another?Boston Celtics shooting guard Ray Allen's contract is up. If he doesn't end up back in green, ESPN New York reports that the ten-time All Star would heavily consider signing with the Heat. Apparently there aren't hard feelings that his team just ... More >>

Celtics Fans Planning Masked Protest of NBA Referees

Do you think Boston fans are blaming Wednesday's Celtics loss on the weak play of team's veteran core? No, of course not. They're blaming it on the refs. That's just what Boston Celtics fans do. They may have a long list of rivalries with other actual teams, but everyone knows the uniform they despi ... More >>

Heat Overcome Rajon Rondo, Take Game 2 in OT

The Miami Heat aren't going to make this easy. Assholes. The Heat overcame a sluggish start, a dickload of missed free throws, a motivated undead Celtics team, and an All-World epic playoff performance from Rajon Rondo to get their 115-111 overtime win over Boston and take a 2-0 lead in th ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Implodes as Heat Fall Into 2-1 Hole Against the Pacers

Up until last night, the story of this Eastern Conference semi-final was Chris Bosh's abdominal strain and how much the Heat would miss him. But after last night's 94-75 blowout loss to the Pacers, the story is now how Dwyane Wade magically transformed into an amorphous blob of basketball shittiness ... More >>

Metta World Peace Got Screwed By David Stern

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke stands up for Metta World Peace.I have a message for NBA overlord David Stern: Free Metta World Peace. The seven game suspension ... More >>

Full Miami Heat Schedule Released, Celtics Coming to Town for Home Opener

​Thanks to the lockout, there are 16 games fewer than usual, but the NBA has finally released the schedule for its shortened, 66-game season. As everyone already knows, the Heat will open with a Christmas Day rematch against the Dallas Mavericks. The Heat's home opener will go down two days la ... More >>

Wade, James and Bosh to Host Charity All-Star Game at FIU

Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh haven't played together since the last game of the NBA Finals, and with the lockout in full effect we weren't sure when it would happen again. That's about to change. The trio is expected to announce plan for a charity All-Star game at FIU on Octobe ... More >>

Comparing Barack Obama to LeBron James Is the Latest Conservative Zinger

​Back in 2004, when Barack Obama allegedly compared himself to LeBron James, little did he know he'd be setting himself up for a string of conservative zingers that shows no sign of stopping. Former Florida Republican congressman turned MSNBC host Joe Scarborough became the latest right-winger to ... More >>

Juwan Howard blamed for water damage in his Brickell Key condo building

Bored, Locked-Out Dwyane Wade Tries His Hand at Selling Eye Surgery

courtesy of Millennium Laser Eye CentersMiami Heat guard Dwyane Wade with Dr. Cory Lessner, the self-proclaimed "eye surgeon to the stars."​The NBA lockout is making people do strange things: Heat players are beating on little kids at basketball camps, Chris Bosh went and got himself MARRIED, and ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 6: Kaput

​After winning Game six 105-95, the Dallas Mavericks are NBA champions. Meanwhile, the Miami Heat are left with a shitload of questions, LeBron James will continue to be haunted by his Finals failure, and Heat fans everywhere are walking around feeling like their favorite uncle just placed his wie ... More >>

Jason Terry's tattoo shows he has more balls than brains

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 4: LeTurd

​Well, shit. The Miami Heat must really love blowing fourth-quarter leads, because the team did it again last night in Game 4 of the NBA Finals, allowing the Dallas Mavericks to win the game 86-83 and tying the finals.Meanwhile, LeBron James had the worst performance of his playoff career. Dwyane ... More >>

Miami Heat and Food Trucks: Two Places to Watch and Eat

Watch the game at one of two food truck roundups tonight.​Game two of the NBA finals is tonight and chances are you don't have a ticket. But you can still buy some from various resellers (courtside seats were going for around $14,000 on StubHub), or you can save your hard earned cash and wat ... More >>

Heat vs. Mavs: Joe's Stone Crab Better Than Cholesterol-Filled Beef

Stone crab at Joe's.​The Miami Heat obliterated the Dallas Mavericks last night, busting Dirk Nowitzki's finger and pretty much ending the series in the first game. But even more important: A bet between Joe's Stone Crab and the Dallas Chop House. A hundred pounds of fatty disgusting ribeye steak ... More >>

The Philippines' Vice President is Praying the Heat Win

​The NBA Finals feels like Miami versus the World, but there's at least an entire other nation rooting wildly for the Heat: The Philippines. Yes, Coach Erik Spoelstra's mother is a native of the Pacific nation, and Spoelstra is the first Filipino-American head coach of any major North American pro ... More >>

LeBron James Defends Jim Tressel

​LeBron James may be on the brink of winning Miami an NBA Championship. Man that'll feel almost as good as that time the Miami Hurricanes beat Ohio State in the 2003 Fiesta Bowl to take home the BCS Championship. Oh wait...James is seriously testing our Miami sports fan heart strings by choosing t ... More >>

Eastern Conference Champions! F%$# Yea!

​Every single person that has ever uttered or written or tweeted or thought the word "LeBrick" can help themselves to a dick chipotle. Because with 3:12 remaining in the game, and the Heat down by 12, LeBron James obliterated the Chicago Bulls' vaunted defense like an ass-kicking machine with the ... More >>

LeBron James Finally Apologizes to Cleveland

It was a long time coming, but LeBron James finally apologized to the city of Cleveland last night after the Miami Heat beat the Boston Celtics in round two of the playoffs. James must have been in a bittersweet mood after vanquishing the Celtics. Sure, he's made it to the conference finals a couple ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Celtics Strike Back

The Douche Strikes Back!​After roughly 5,836 days in between games, the Miami Heat finally resumed their Eastern Conference semi-final series against the Celtics in Boston. The end result wasn't as awesome as Games 1 and 2, in that the Heat got creamed pretty badly.But the good news is Erik Spoels ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: LeBron & D-Wade Take Over, Heat Take 2-0 Lead Over Celtics

​Dwyane Wade did a vicious Euro-step crossover on Kevin Garnett that transcended all time and space, and left KG a smoking heap of charred douche. Moments later, Wade crossed over Ray Allen so badly, Allen simply crumpled onto the court like his spine was removed from his body.Later on, LeBron Jam ... More >>

Miami Heat Deals at DB, Chophouse & Oceanaire -- Beans Are for Losers

Lesley ElliottDB's cavatelli with crispy pork belly. ​Tonight , the Miami Heat takes on the Celtics in game 2 of the NBA finals eastern conference semifinals (at 7 p.m.). Local restaurants DB Bistro Moderne, Chophouse and Oceanaire are hailing the team with high-end menu specials and freebies on g ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Heat Close Out 76ers, On To Boston

​Dwyane Wade scored 26, Chris Bosh added 22 and LeBron James finished two assists shy of a triple-double in last night's 97-91 win over the Philadelphia 76ers.But, more importantly, we finally have the answer to the who should have the ball in his hands with the game on the line at crunch time? qu ... More >>

A Short Heat History Lesson: The 2006 Championship Team Started at 6-4 Too

Do people not understand how the NBA works? What is with all these supposed fans throwing up their hands in disgust and haters flying onto proverbial supercarriers and hoisting a "Mission Accomplished" banner? Yeah, the Heat are sitting at 6-4. It's not a great record by any means, but it's not exac ... More >>

As Heat Prepare for Celtics Tonight, Hater Schadenfreude Blows Up The Internet

Let's hate these three with everything we got. Ready? 1, 2, 3... HATE!!!​The Miami Heat host the Boston Celtics tonight at the American Airlines Arena. But did you know Miami is 5-3 eight games into the 2010-11 NBA season? They are! And because they've turned into The Most Irrationally Reviled Tea ... More >>

NBA Playoffs: The Heat Takes a First-Round Exit

​Led by sharp-shooting Ray Allen's 24 points, the Boston Celtics put the Miami Heat away last night 96-86, closing out the series and ending the Heat's season and OH MY GOD, DWYANE WADE, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!It's the Heat's second straight first-round exit. In fact, the team hasn't taken a playoff ... More >>

Game Two of the NBA Playoffs: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics: Epic Fail

​In a game that could only described as "refried ass, " the Miami Heat were walloped by the Boston Celtics 106-77 in last night's game two of the first round NBA Playoffs. The Heat managed to keep things close in the first quarter, rebounding after a slow start and even managing to take the lead f ... More >>

Underdogging It

Woo the Bosh

Sequined Vests and Missing Teeth

20-Cent Chicken Wings At 8-Oz. Burger Bar

During the NBA Finals between the Orlando Magic and LA Kobes, 8 oz. Burger Bar's Alton Road and Ocean Drive locations will be offering chicken wings for twenty cents apiece -- and $3 draft beers. Seems as though 8-oz. may be suffering from some sort of Susan Boyle Syndrome -- the place wins the New ... More >>

Isiah Who?

From the Knicks to the Golden Panthers. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

What Really Happened at Isiah Thomas's FIU Press Conference

Berkman ushered in the new era with the words, "I'd like to personally welcome Isiah Thompson."

Those Who Can’t, Learn

Fingers Crossed

Green With Envy

This Is Why They’re Hot

A friendly reminder from your Miami Heat

The Bucks Stop Here