NBA Playoffs

Road To the Finals: Your Miami Heat White Hot Playoffs Primer

If you're anything like me, you already have butterflies. The Miami Heat are ready to defend the throne, in what should be another fantastic few weeks of some of the best sports entertainment this town has ever witnessed. The Miami Heat enter the NBA Playoffs as the clear-cut favorite to repeat as c ... More >>

Super-Bad Bobcats

Barack, LeBron, and Trayvon: That Was 2012

Barack Obama, LeBron James, and Trayvon Martin Gave Us Two Wins and a Travesty

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke looks back on the year the Apocalypse didn't happen.The world won't end in 2012. Why? Because LeBron James still has more NBA cha ... More >>

Ray (Allen) of Hope

Miami Heat's 2012-13 Schedule Released: Boston Opens The Year, OKC Comes At Christmas

Last season, the Miami Heat tied with San Antonio to capture the best home record in the league, and next season they'll be playing 14 of their first 22 games at home. So hopefully they'll have no trouble getting off to a quick start. In addition to playing the first game of the season at home ... More >>

Florida Couple Busted Sneaking Into Heat Finals With Bogus, Homemade Media Passes UPDATE

Forget LeBron. We're going to go ahead and call James and Ruth Kauff the true heroes of the Miami Heat's NBA Finals run. The Deerfield husband and wife were arrested at the Finals Game 4 against the since-vanquished Oklahoma Thunder after American Airlines Arena security busted them trying to use h ... More >>

"Whereas... LeBron James Decided to Take His Talent to South Beach": The Awesome Congressional Resolution Congratulating The Heat

It seems that Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen went all fan girl when drafting up a Congressional resolution to congratulate the Miami Heat on their NBA championship, because the thing is actually the rare Congressional measure that's a pleasure to read. It's basically a manifesto on why the Heat are just s ... More >>

Miami Heat Take Game 4, Are One Win Away From Title

Your Miami Heat overcame a 17-point deficit, a 43-point game from Russell Westbrook, a relentless Oklahoma City Thunder attack, and LeBron James losing a leg in the fourth quarter to pull off the 104-98 Game 4 win, and are now just one more victory away from being crowned NBA Finals champions.SOMEBO ... More >>

Heat-OKC Game 4: Head to db Bistro Moderne for Free Drinks, Game-Long Happy Hour

So the Heat won again last night and you are preparing for Game 4 tomorrow at 9 p.m.. When Shane Battier make his next three-pointer, and he will, you will want to shout. HELL YEAH DRINKS ON ME. Wait, you didn't mean that. Now you owe everyone in earshot a Red Bull and vodka.This scenario will be le ... More >>

Miami Heat Win Ugly, Take 2-1 Series Lead

The Miami Heat shot 37 percent from the field last night. They turned the ball over nine times in the fourth quarter. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook both shot over 50 percent. Dwyane Wade's performance was once again pure ass. Chris Bosh finished 3-for-12 from the field. LeBron James failed to ... More >>

Miami Heat Withstand Thunder Rally, Tie Series 1-1

Holy assballs it almost happened again.After the Miami Heat held the lead from the opening tip, just like in Game 1, and held a double-digit lead, just like in Game 1, the Oklahoma City Thunder almost rallied back to steal Game 2, just like Game 1.But thanks to LeBron James hitting a slap-yo-momma-a ... More >>

Miami's NBA Finals Tickets: Only $6000 to Sit Near the Stars

Tickets for game 5 of the NBA Finals here in Miami next Thursday went on sale online at noon today. By 12:01 p.m., the only tickets available were standing-room. By 12:04, even those spots -- which started at $150 each -- were gone.Finals tickets at American Airlines Arena aren't easy to come by; se ... More >>

Win Free Tickets for the Miami Heat vs. Oklahoma City Thunder in the 2012 NBA Finals

See also New Times' recap: "Heat Let First Half Lead Slip Away, Lose Game 1 ." Still got a little tenderness between the legs? On Tuesday night, the Miami Heat took a thunderous pounding to the crotch in Oklahoma City, losing Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Finals by a score of 105-94. But that's OK. 'Cau ... More >>

Miami Heat Let First-Half Lead Slip Away, Lose Game 1

Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Finals was a tale of two halves.The Miami Heat shot out of the gate strong, hitting shots, making threes and getting a huge game from *record scratch* Shane Battier!But the second half was a whole other bag of salted cock n' balls as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook did to t ... More >>

Heat Are Eastern Conference Champions, Will Face Oklahoma City in NBA Finals

After blowing up the Boston Celtics Big Three Era (for the second straight season) in last night's 101-88 Game 7 triumph, the Miami Heat are headed to their second-straight NBA Finals. The Big Three known as LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh scored Miami's final 31 points, including all ... More >>

Miami vs. Boston Trash Talk: Our Heat Homer and Celtics Fanatic Get Ugly

Tonight, at last, it ends: Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals starts at 8:30 p.m., and it may well destroy the world as we know it. Okay, the game may only result in the destruction of a few TV sets and cars in the greater Boston and Miami areas, but it'll still be a clash of teams that aren't ... More >>

LeBron James' 45 Points Lead Heat Over Celtics, Force Game 7

Brilliant.Extraordinary.Artist.Devastator.Maestro.Cobradick.

Heat Drop Two in Boston as Series Goes 2-2

The Miami Heat went into Boston over the weekend and promptly took a giant shit all over their season, as they allowed the Undead Celtics to fight their way back into the Eastern Conference Finals and knot things up at two games apiece. Games 3 and 4 were near mirror images of each other as the Heat ... More >>

Heat Take Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals

The Miami Heat are three wins away from their second consecutive trip to the NBA Finals after taking down the Boston Celtics 93-79 last night.And while the rest of the world seethes in furious anger in their unbridled and irrational hatred at this news, perhaps even blaming LeBron James for that guy ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Scores 41 as Heat Advance to Eastern Conference Finals

Remember when Dwyane Wade crapped the bed last week and we all wrote him off, like a bunch of assholes? Pffft.Wade dropped 41 points in Miami's 105-93 beatdown of the Indiana Pacers. MV3 scored 20 of his 41 in the second quarter, going 8-for-11 from the floor, and leading the Heat past what had bec ... More >>

LeBron Makes History and D-Wade Bounces Back as the Heat Tie Series 2-2

What's better than having one face-cleaving rim wrecking badass mother cow on your basketball team? TWO face-cleaving rim wrecking badass mother cows.In front of a capacity crowd of Indiana fans waving a golden shower of yellow towels, and a Pacers team that had gotten a little too cocky for its own ... More >>

Heat Drop Game 2 to the Pacers

Here's a stat that you can print out, crumble into a ball, and shove up your ass: No team has ever won an NBA playoff game when their third-leading scorer dropped five or fewer points. Last night, Mario Chalmers scored five points on 2-of-10 shooting, Shane Battier scored five points on 1-of-2 shoot ... More >>

LeBron, D-Wade Rally Heat Over Pacers After Bosh Leaves With An Injury

A lot happened before the Miami Heat and Indiana Pacers even got their Eastern Conference semifinals going. For one thing, Pacers head coach Frank Vogel put on a fancy hat and proclaimed himself captain of the SS Douchetanic, and started inexplicably bitching about how the Heat are a bunch of floppe ... More >>

LeBron James and the Heat Extinguish Knicks, Move on to Eastern Conference Semis

After losing Game 4 in New York, and after the Knicks celebrated with streamers and threw a parade down the Canyon of Heroes after winning their first playoff game in 4,024 days, the Miami Heat reminded everyone that they, in fact, are the better team and finally extinguished the Knicks from the pla ... More >>

Heat Takes 2-0 Lead Against Knicks

Game 1 of the Eastern Conference quarterfinals between the Miami Heat and the New York Knicks was all about LeBron James smashing people's faces with his giant ball sack. Last night's Game 2 was more of a team effort, with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh turning in big-time performances worthy of their a ... More >>

LeBron James Leads Heat in Blowout Over Knicks In Game 1 of Eastern Conference Quarterfinals

For all the regular season ups and downs, accolades and drama, people celebrating in the streets with pots and pans when the Miami Heat won, people setting themselves on fire when they lost, the real NBA games that count finally got kicked off yesterday. And with everyone saying that the season will ... More >>

They’re Baaa-aaack

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 5: On The Brink

​After the giant mound of ostrich shit that was LeBron James' 8-point performance from Game 4, he called Game 5 the biggest of his career. The world then waited for LeBron to come out in Game 5 and serve the Mavericks a can filled with ass whoopin'. Instead, Heat fans got served a can filled with ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 3: MV3

​Nothing screams "I Am A Righteous Ass Kicking Machine" quite like overcoming one of the NBA Finals worst collapses, an officiating crew that absolutely refused to call any fouls for you but insisted on blowing the whistle if you so much as breathed on the giant German, and having one of your team ... More >>

Dallas Mavericks vs. Miami Heat Game 1: Winning Time

​If you're a fan of low scoring games, low-percentage shooting and sleep depravity, then Game 1 of the NBA Finals was the game for you!LeBron James scored 24 while Dwyane Wade added 22 and Chris Bosh went for 19 as the Miami Heat took down the Dallas Mavericks 92-84 to take the first game of the b ... More >>

Shaq Finally Retires from Basketball

​As the Miami Heat are on the hunt for the second NBA Championship, the big man who helped them secure their first has announced his retirement from professional basketball. After 19 seasons in the NBA, four championships rings, 15 trips to the All-Star Game, an MVP award and six teams, Shaquille ... More >>

Interpreting LeBron James and Dwyane Wade's Post-Game Outfits

​First off: Is there any better evidence that the Miami Heat's Big Three is really a two-headed beast than the fact that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James always hold a tandem press conference with Chris Bosh later speaking to reporters alone? If this team is a circus, Wade and LeBron are the tight ... More >>

Heat-Bulls Game 4/Election-Results Live Blog-a-palooza

​Big night in Miami tonight. On one side, the Miami Heat hosting the Chicago Bulls in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals. On the other, the Miami-Dade elections. What's a good Miamian to do? Watch the game? Check on the election results?Well, don't fret, good citizen. Just stay with us t ... More >>

Don't Make Chris Bosh Angry

​The Miami Heat took down the tough Chicago Bulls 96-85 in an Eastern Conference Finals Game 3 that featured tough defense, gay slurs, Miami fans berating Charles Barkley, LeBron James obliterating Kyle Korver, and Chris Bosh exploding all over Chicago's face. The Heat now have a 2-1 lead in the b ... More >>

Udonis Haslem and His Amazing Feats of Awesome

​In Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals, the Miami Heat had zero answers for the Chicago Bulls and their insane rebounding prowess, sharp shooting, monster dunks and screamy faces. But in last night's Game 2, the Heat answered with the one-two punch of LeBron James and the ball obliterating re ... More >>

The Heat Still Can't Beat the Bulls, or Grab a Rebound

​Well that was rough. Apparently Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau screened Hoosiers for his team while Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra showed his guys Atlas Shrugged prior to their Game 1 Eastern Conference Finals showdown. Because the Heat were out muscled, and out-hustled by ... More >>

Seven Reasons the Miami Heat Deserve to Finish off the Boston Celtics

​The Miami Heat travel to Boston tomorrow to try and begin finishing off the Boston Celtics in round two of the NBA playoffs. Yet, the team still can't shake it's perception of the villains, and lots of Heat haters will be rooting for the Celtics to pull off a comeback out of spite. Yet, the histo ... More >>

Will Udonis Haslem (and Shaq) Return Tonight?

​The last time the Heat was in the second round of the NBA playoffs, Udonis Haslem and Shaquille O'Neal were a big part of the team. Will history, though a bit altered, repeat itself tonight in Game 2 against the Boston Celtics? Update: Nope. 

Heat Playoffs: Wade Drops 38 as Heat Take Game 1 Against Boston

​And in other news.... Dwyane Wade is still pretty amazing.The Miami Heat took the 99-90 Game 1 win over the Boston Celtics in their Eastern Conference Semi-final hoedown.D-Wade dropped 38 points, James Jones added a career playoff high 25 off the bench, and Paul Pierce was ejected with seven minu ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Heat Fail to Sweep 76ers

​The Miami Heat shot 39 percent from the floor, went 5-for-23 from the three-point line, got only 16 total points from their bench, zero points from their starting point guard, and 1 point from their starting center.But all everyone is going to remember from their 86-82 Game 4 loss to the Philadel ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Late-Game Rally Gives Miami 3-0 Edge

​The Philadelphia 76ers jumped to an early lead, keeping the Miami Heat at bay for much of Game 3.And then the Heat said enough of that already and rallied their way to a 100-94 comeback win to take a commanding 3-0 series lead.The Heat should know that, although we fans like it when they win, we' ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Big Three Combine for 64 Points

​It's one thing to get obliterated by the Miami Heat's Big Three and their skull crushing offense. But when they rock an opponent's face off with some suffocating defense, well then you really got something.The Heat used their smothering D, combined with their usual badass O and took down the visi ... More >>

The Heat's Road to the NBA Championship

​The day is almost here. After one of the most scrutinized regular seasons afforded to any team in just about all of NBA history the Miami Heat are set to platy their first play-off game with LeBron James and Chris Bosh joining Dwayne Wade in red and black tomorrow. They'll face off at home ag ... More >>

Miami Heat To Start Season in Boston, Face Lakers on Christmas Day

​The Three Kings will start their quest to utterly destroy all other NBA teams with their awesomeness in Boston. The NBA leaked parts of its 2010-11 schedule last night, and it has the Miami Heat opening their season against the defending Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics. And, in a game ... More >>

Florida Marlins Tank in Series With Texas Rangers

Denis Brancroft​Your Florida Marlins just finished their interleague series with the Texas Rangers last night. Good thing the World Cup and NBA Finals were on all week, because -- holy crap -- was it ugly. Here's how it all went down:Game 1 -- Rangers 3, Marlins 2: Matt Treanor's revenge! Former M ... More >>

It's Dwyane Wade vs. the Boston Celtics in Round One of the NBA Playoffs

Listen, if you've been stashing singles every day since the beginning of the regular season for some big playoff bet, it wouldn't be entirely ill advised to go against your hometeam Miami Heat instincts and take the Boston Celtics to win in the first round of the 2010 NBA Playoffs. Blasphemy? What? ... More >>

Top Ten of the Decade: Miami Sports Moments

Riptide 2.0's regular sports commentator and FinsNation blogger Chris Joseph looks back at the top ten Miami sports moments of the decade. Low points like the Miami Dolphins crappy performance and the after-thought known as the Florida Panthers didn't make the cut. Sorry. ​10. Canes BaseballCoach ... More >>

Dwyane Wade: International Purveyor of Awesomeness

Jaded Fan, Meet Dwyane Wade

Despite a season of horrors, his greatness is still worth watching.