The Minnesota Timberwolves are apparently some sort of semiprofessional basketballing concern located in South Canada that someone has generously allowed to play on the same level as the Miami Heat. Their 20-37 record puts them in dead-last place in the Western Conference, but that apparently hasn't ... More >>
Down 102-101 with four minutes left, with danger knocking at the door of the Heat's five-game winning streak, the Miami Heat collectively reminded everyone -- they are the ones that knock. Miami bested the Blazers 117-104 Tuesday night, once again led by LeBron James and his 30 points, six rebounds, ... More >>
In a move that's a longshot to fix the Miami Heat's rebounding woes but is a surefire, lead pipe lock to fix the lack of hilarious people on the Heat to write about on local blogs, the team has signed Chris "Birdman" Andersen, the heavily tatooed big man last seen leaving Denver amidst a federal pro ... More >>
OK, it's been established the Heat are crappy on the West Coast during the regular season. We get it.The Miami Heat fell 107-100 to the Los Angeles Clippers last night on a night where Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were nowhere to be found and very little fucks were to be given after the first half.
If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his stupid diet meals.Miami can' ... More >>
Last year, we made some rather foolhardy predictions about the NBA finals and ended up with a tattoo of Jason Terry indelibly inked on our pale white ass. So this year, we are avoiding any claims of clairvoyance and appealing to a baser emotion: pure, unbridled hatred.Yes, the Miami Heat are the mos ... More >>
You don't get much different than Seattle and Miami. The differences are as big as Northwest and Southeast, orcas and alligators, Starbucks and cafecitos, and, very literally, apples and oranges. Yet, might Seattle be the only city in America, outside of South Florida, that will be rooting for the H ... More >>
The political world has come down with a crippling case of Rubio-mania. A junior member of the glee club United States Senate, Marco Rubio is Latino, has Tea Partiers in his pocket, and represents Florida, the most important state in the 2012 presidential election. Name him as Mitt Romney's veep, th ... More >>
In a game that was billed as Lob City East vs. Lob City West, the Heat lost mostly thanks to their inability to hit free throws, as well as some pretty shitty officiating, giving them their second overtime loss in two nights as they fell to the LA Clippers 95-89. It was also the second straight n ... More >>
Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh haven't played together since the last game of the NBA Finals, and with the lockout in full effect we weren't sure when it would happen again. That's about to change. The trio is expected to announce plan for a charity All-Star game at FIU on Octobe ... More >>
Last week, the Minnesota Timberwolves' Kevin Love, perhaps eager to have anyone paying attention to him, said that pretty much every player in the NBA was celebrating the Miami Heat's NBA Finals loss and LeBron's collapse. Well, turns out that LeBron still has some defenders in the league outside ... More >>
Wikimedia Commons user steenslagA clown cries after getting mocked for asking what time the Celtics game was on.The Heat are down 3-2. Dwyane Wade has a busted hip. LeBron James had a triple-double and still, somehow, looked horrible. It was a bad night.But it doesn't have to be a bad day, too. C ... More >>
The good news is, since their infamous crying episode over the weekend, we finally have found a nickname for the revamped Miami Heat.
The bad news is we're starting to wonder whether these John Boehner Boys will ever win a game again.
"Oof! You like granite countertops, CP3?"Big Z demands that you pay him two months in advance if you want to come into his house. That's not some strangled And 1 axiom. Zydrunas Ilgauskas-- the 7-foot-3 totem pole at the end of the Miami Heat bench-- has a beautiful townhouse he wants to re ... More >>
via SF WeeklyDavid Banner wilding out at SXSW.First off, I want to congratulate David Banner (featured in this week's episode of PrunkTV after the cut) on his induction into the Mississippi Musicians Hall of Fame, alongside Elvis, B.B., and Muddy!
David Banner was one of my favorite i ... More >>
Known for his creative Pistol Pete Maravich playing style, shaggy haired Spanish phenom Ricky Rubio was the youngest player to play for the Spanish ACB League when he debuted at the age of 14. Then in June of 2009, when Rubio was 19, he declared himself eligible for the NBA Draft where the Minne ... More >>
The Miami Heat suited up against Denver last night without LeBron James and his karma-fucked ankle. This was also the last game before the Heat return to the east coast where when it's 7:30, it's not actually 10:30. Mix in a dash of Mario Chalmers bricks and a Mike Miller who suddenly treats the ... More >>
The Miami Heat overcame a raucous Salt Lake City crowd and a few relentless Utah Jazz rallies and came away with the 111-98 victory against the vaunted Jazz last night. It was the team's sixth straight victory after their much ballyhooed loss to the Dallas Mavericks three weeks ago when LeBr ... More >>
"It's reality now. The chemistry isn't at the level of these good teams." So said LeBron James following the Heat's 112-107 loss the Boston Celtics Thursday night at the American Airlines Arena. The Heat have now dropped 13 of the last 14 regular season meetings to the Celtics, have fallen t ... More >>
Let's hate these three with everything we got. Ready? 1, 2, 3... HATE!!!The Miami Heat host the Boston Celtics tonight at the American Airlines Arena. But did you know Miami is 5-3 eight games into the 2010-11 NBA season? They are! And because they've turned into The Most Irrationally Reviled Tea ... More >>
The NBA regular season kicks off tonight with the Miami Heat taking on the Boston Celetics. Those 82 games seem to be just a formality for the Heat, because AccuScore's jocky computers have declared that without even 0.1 percent of a doubt, the team will make the playoffs. Though AccuScore&n ... More >>
Slapping Kat Stacks has become America's new national past time. Now Denver Nuggets basketball star Carmelo Anthony apparently wants in on the action.
Aventura resident Kat Stacks has made a bizarre career out of allegedly sleeping with Z-list rappers with Muppet names (think Gudda Gudda) and then ... More >>
Brandon Marshall probably would have been the biggest accusation of the off season for a Miami team if it wasn't for that whole LeBron thing. Maybe he was worried we forgot about him, so he decided to say something ridiculous to garner some attention. See Marshall thinks there'll definitely be an ... More >>
via Wiki CommonWhile his ex-fiance Evelyn Lozada is living it up on the hit show Basketball Wives, former Heat star Antoine Walker has filed for bankruptcy. The forward helped the Heat secure their 2006 NBA championship, but his professional life has faltered ever since.The bankruptcy was filed last ... More >>
Hurricane Ida is heading for the Gulf of Mexico. [CBS4]A pilot is dead after crashing his small plane in the Everglades last night. [NBCMiami]PoliticsMarco Rubio's record in the State House isn't nearly as conservative as he'd have you believe. It's almost like it's difficult to be a true conservati ... More >>