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Blogs
May 10, 2012
LeBron James and the Heat Extinguish Knicks, Move on to Eastern Conference Semis
After losing Game 4 in New York, and after the Knicks celebrated with streamers and threw a parade down the Canyon of Heroes after winning their first playoff game in 4,024 days, the Miami Heat reminded everyone that they, in fact, are the better team and finally extinguished the Knicks from the pla ... More >>
Blogs
May 9, 2012
Three Reasons the Miami Heat Will Knock Out the Knicks Tonight
In Game Four between the Heat and the Knicks, LeBron and D-Wade seemed to decide their buddy 'Melo needed at least one win to save face in New York, so they downed some Quaaludes and let the Knicks have their way with them. How else to explain Wade missing seven of 11 free-throws? They are free, Dwy ... More >>
Blogs
May 4, 2012
LeBron Scores 17 in the Fourth, Chris Bosh Is a New Dad, Heat Takes 3-0 Lead Over Knicks
In the annals of human history, people discuss three seminal events: the discovery of fire, the invention of the submarine, and LeBron James always punching the entire city of New York in the asshole. It seemed as if Madison Square Garden would be James's undoing last night. His first three quarters ... More >>
Blogs
May 3, 2012
Amar'e Stoudemire's Fight With a Fire Extinguisher Given Taiwanese Animation Treatment
Your favorite Taiwanese animators, the folks at Next Media Animation, have created a faithful take on the last game in the Heat vs. Knicks series.Yes, we do recall LeBron James literally being on fire and jumping off the backs of Knicks players. That is exactly how it happened.
Blogs
May 1, 2012
Heat Takes 2-0 Lead Against Knicks
Game 1 of the Eastern Conference quarterfinals between the Miami Heat and the New York Knicks was all about LeBron James smashing people's faces with his giant ball sack. Last night's Game 2 was more of a team effort, with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh turning in big-time performances worthy of their a ... More >>
Blogs
April 29, 2012
LeBron James Leads Heat in Blowout Over Knicks In Game 1 of Eastern Conference Quarterfinals
For all the regular season ups and downs, accolades and drama, people celebrating in the streets with pots and pans when the Miami Heat won, people setting themselves on fire when they lost, the real NBA games that count finally got kicked off yesterday. And with everyone saying that the season will ... More >>
Blogs
April 17, 2012
LeBron James Scores 17 in the Final Five Minutes To Lead Win Over Nets
Up until the last 50 seconds of last night's 101-98 win over the New Jersey Nets, the Miami Heat were flat out refusing to give a single fuck. Oh they had fucks. Had them stored away somewhere. Perhaps in a box inside a FedEx truck marked "playoffs." But they just weren't going to be giving any away ... More >>
Blogs
April 11, 2012
Heat Loses to the Celtics at Home, Falls Three Games Behind Number One Seed
LeBron James scored a game-high 36 points last night, while the rest of the Miami Heat stood and watched as the Boston Celtics shot 60 percent from the floor in yet another listless-shit-the-bed-let's-all-go-outside-and-punt-a-litter-of-kittens-loss by the Heat.Rajon Rondo once again had his way aga ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2012
Chris Bosh Returns to the Heat, Proceeds to Destroy the Nets
Sure, it was the Nets. And sure, they're amongst the worst defenses in the NBA. But holy shitsnacks, it was awesome seeing Chris Bosh back in the Heat fold, dropping his silky smooth jumpers in honor of his dearly departed GloJean and turning Kris Humphries into a human-sized lump of coal in the ... More >>
Blogs
May 11, 2011
Miami Heat Say Celtics Set the Big Three Blueprint
The Boston Celtics are just a single game away from playoff elimination at the hands of the Miami Heat, and LeBron James would just like to say "thank you." Not for proving to be a pretty beatable team, but for providing the inspiration that three superstar players all suiting up for one team cou ... More >>
Blogs
May 10, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Heat Take Down Celtics in Overtime
They had to overcome overtime, bad officiating, the national media's sudden infatuation with a one-armed man, "retarded-gate," Chris Bosh's supposed "softness," LeBron James' inability to close out games, a losing streak in Boston that's lasted since 2007, and a building full of obnoxious fans, b ... More >>
Blogs
May 8, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Celtics Strike Back
The Douche Strikes Back!After roughly 5,836 days in between games, the Miami Heat finally resumed their Eastern Conference semi-final series against the Celtics in Boston. The end result wasn't as awesome as Games 1 and 2, in that the Heat got creamed pretty badly.But the good news is Erik Spoels ... More >>
Blogs
May 8, 2011
"That's Retarded": LeBron's Latest Flub
The word "retard": America just doesn't know what to do with it. True, we should probably retire it for good from our vocabulary, but lets be honest: Many of us normal, untelevised folk still use it pretty regularly. And the Black Eyed Peas had a hit song with "retarded" in the title, for chr ... More >>
Blogs
May 6, 2011
Seven Reasons the Miami Heat Deserve to Finish off the Boston Celtics
The Miami Heat travel to Boston tomorrow to try and begin finishing off the Boston Celtics in round two of the NBA playoffs. Yet, the team still can't shake it's perception of the villains, and lots of Heat haters will be rooting for the Celtics to pull off a comeback out of spite. Yet, the histo ... More >>
Blogs
May 4, 2011
Heat Playoffs: LeBron & D-Wade Take Over, Heat Take 2-0 Lead Over Celtics
Dwyane Wade did a vicious Euro-step crossover on Kevin Garnett that transcended all time and space, and left KG a smoking heap of charred douche. Moments later, Wade crossed over Ray Allen so badly, Allen simply crumpled onto the court like his spine was removed from his body.Later on, LeBron Jam ... More >>
Blogs
May 4, 2011
The Celtics' Team Bus Was Robbed in Miami
Some whiny Celtics fans are complaining that their team got robbed in the first two games of their playoff series against the Heat. Whatever. They're Boston sports fans. They're apt to whine. Though, the team did literally get robbed in Miami last month. According to reports, someone had boarded ... More >>
Blogs
May 2, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Wade Drops 38 as Heat Take Game 1 Against Boston
And in other news.... Dwyane Wade is still pretty amazing.The Miami Heat took the 99-90 Game 1 win over the Boston Celtics in their Eastern Conference Semi-final hoedown.D-Wade dropped 38 points, James Jones added a career playoff high 25 off the bench, and Paul Pierce was ejected with seven minu ... More >>
Blogs
April 28, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Heat Close Out 76ers, On To Boston
Dwyane Wade scored 26, Chris Bosh added 22 and LeBron James finished two assists shy of a triple-double in last night's 97-91 win over the Philadelphia 76ers.But, more importantly, we finally have the answer to the who should have the ball in his hands with the game on the line at crunch time? qu ... More >>
Blogs
April 25, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Heat Fail to Sweep 76ers
The Miami Heat shot 39 percent from the floor, went 5-for-23 from the three-point line, got only 16 total points from their bench, zero points from their starting point guard, and 1 point from their starting center.But all everyone is going to remember from their 86-82 Game 4 loss to the Philadel ... More >>
Blogs
April 22, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Late-Game Rally Gives Miami 3-0 Edge
The Philadelphia 76ers jumped to an early lead, keeping the Miami Heat at bay for much of Game 3.And then the Heat said enough of that already and rallied their way to a 100-94 comeback win to take a commanding 3-0 series lead.The Heat should know that, although we fans like it when they win, we' ... More >>
Blogs
April 19, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Big Three Combine for 64 Points
It's one thing to get obliterated by the Miami Heat's Big Three and their skull crushing offense. But when they rock an opponent's face off with some suffocating defense, well then you really got something.The Heat used their smothering D, combined with their usual badass O and took down the visi ... More >>
Blogs
April 16, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Miami Holds Off Pesky 76ers, Take Game 1
After a sluggish start that undoubtedly had everyone jumping through plate glass windows and setting their pants on fire, the Miami Heat managed to get their shit together to beat the Philadelphia 76ers 97-89 and take Game One of their first-round series.The 76ers proved to be a scrappy bunch, mount ... More >>
Blogs
April 11, 2011
Heat Beat Celtics, Take No. 2. Seed
LeAss Beatin'Entering this season, the expectation for the Miami Heat was that they'd give the Boston Celtics a run for their money, and topple them as the best team in the Eastern Conference. But then the Celtics beat Miami three times, taking Suck to a whole other level. Expectations became so ... More >>
Calendar
March 31, 2011
Green with Envy
LeAss Beatin'Entering this season, the expectation for the Miami Heat was that they'd give the Boston Celtics a run for their money, and topple them as the best team in the Eastern Conference. But then the Celtics beat Miami three times, taking Suck to a whole other level. Expectations became so ... More >>
Calendar
March 10, 2011
New-Look Nuggets
LeAss Beatin'Entering this season, the expectation for the Miami Heat was that they'd give the Boston Celtics a run for their money, and topple them as the best team in the Eastern Conference. But then the Celtics beat Miami three times, taking Suck to a whole other level. Expectations became so ... More >>
Calendar
February 17, 2011
New York State of Mind
LeAss Beatin'Entering this season, the expectation for the Miami Heat was that they'd give the Boston Celtics a run for their money, and topple them as the best team in the Eastern Conference. But then the Celtics beat Miami three times, taking Suck to a whole other level. Expectations became so ... More >>
Blogs
February 13, 2011
Despite Late-Game Rally, Heat Lose to Boston for Third-Straight Time
The Miami Heat entered today's game against the Boston Celtics with a chance to take sole possession of first place in the East. They also entered the game riding a pretty nifty eight game-winning streak. But those things quickly turned to the proverbial mound of cat turd as the C's held off ... More >>
Blogs
January 27, 2011
Cold Fourth Quarter Sinks Heat
Dwyane Wade's magic goggles seemed to run out of awesome juice in the fourth quarter of Thursday night's 93-88 loss to the New York Knicks.Because after Wade started the game hitting pretty much every shot he threw up (except his free throws... hit those goddamn free throws, D-Wade!!), he missed ... More >>
Blogs
December 17, 2010
Spike Lee is "Gonna Kick LeBron's Ass" and Other Knicks Fans Delusions
Tonight, the Miami Heat travel to Madison Square Garden to face off against the New York Knicks, who are suddenly relevant again for the first time in years. Of course, New Yorkers are a hell of a lot more excited for the match than Miamians. They're still fuming over the fact that LeBron broke C ... More >>
Calendar
December 16, 2010
Knick 'em in the Knees
Tonight, the Miami Heat travel to Madison Square Garden to face off against the New York Knicks, who are suddenly relevant again for the first time in years. Of course, New Yorkers are a hell of a lot more excited for the match than Miamians. They're still fuming over the fact that LeBron broke C ... More >>
Blogs
November 12, 2010
Heat Fall to the Celtics, Drop to 5-4
"It's reality now. The chemistry isn't at the level of these good teams." So said LeBron James following the Heat's 112-107 loss the Boston Celtics Thursday night at the American Airlines Arena. The Heat have now dropped 13 of the last 14 regular season meetings to the Celtics, have fallen t ... More >>
Calendar
November 4, 2010
Home Advantage
"It's reality now. The chemistry isn't at the level of these good teams." So said LeBron James following the Heat's 112-107 loss the Boston Celtics Thursday night at the American Airlines Arena. The Heat have now dropped 13 of the last 14 regular season meetings to the Celtics, have fallen t ... More >>
Blogs
October 26, 2010
If Miami Heat Lose, Hollywood Bar Will Pick Up Your Tab
This woman is drunk. So too can you be-- for free.Hollywood's Whiskey Tango All-American Bar & Grill is betting that the Miami Heat don't lose a game all season. The bar has pledged to pick up your drinks tab -- up to $25 -- if the Heat lose. The only rule is that patrons have to sign in at the ... More >>
Blogs
August 4, 2010
Miami Heat To Start Season in Boston, Face Lakers on Christmas Day
The Three Kings will start their quest to utterly destroy all other NBA teams with their awesomeness in Boston. The NBA leaked parts of its 2010-11 schedule last night, and it has the Miami Heat opening their season against the defending Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics. And, in a game ... More >>
Blogs
April 26, 2010
NBA Playoffs: Miami Heat Wins Big in Game Four
Greatness is forged through adversity: when one's back is against the wall, when one is faced with a do-or-die situation, or when someone keeps reminding everybody that WE JUST MIGHT BE WITNESSING HIS LAST GAME IN A HEAT UNIFORM!Dwayne Wade is greatness. Even when besieged with the burden of bein ... More >>
Blogs
April 22, 2010
Ten Possibly Immoral Ways The Heat Could Beat the Celtics
via Keith Allison/ Wiki Commons cc2.0Things aren't looking too good for our beloved Miami Heat in the playoffs right now. Especially after their disastrous 106-77 loss to the Celtics on Tuesday. Even an inspired performance by Dwyane Wade can't ensure a win. Sure, we'll get ho ... More >>
Blogs
April 21, 2010
Game Two of the NBA Playoffs: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics: Epic Fail
In a game that could only described as "refried ass, " the Miami Heat were walloped by the Boston Celtics 106-77 in last night's game two of the first round NBA Playoffs. The Heat managed to keep things close in the first quarter, rebounding after a slow start and even managing to take the lead f ... More >>
Blogs
April 15, 2010
It's Dwyane Wade vs. the Boston Celtics in Round One of the NBA Playoffs
Listen, if you've been stashing singles every day since the beginning of the regular season for some big playoff bet, it wouldn't be entirely ill advised to go against your hometeam Miami Heat instincts and take the Boston Celtics to win in the first round of the 2010 NBA Playoffs. Blasphemy? What? ... More >>
Blogs
April 12, 2010
Miami Heat vs. New York Knicks: Wade Beats the Knicks with One Hand
Other than Twitpics of Dorell Wright's dong, it's the worst thing a Miami Heat fan can ever see: Dwayne Wade, grimacing in pain with team doctors checking his wrist. It happened last night after the first half of Miami's 111-98 win over the New York Knicks. But with playoff seedings still up in t ... More >>
Blogs
April 8, 2010
Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers: That's Nine Wins, Baby
The Miami Heat squeezed past an awful Philadelphia 76ers team last night in a win that can only be described as "Eleanor Rooseveltian." But as unsightly as it may have been, a win is a win. Last night's 99-95 victory was Miami's ninth in a row. That makes nine straight wins and 10 games over .500 ... More >>
Blogs
March 29, 2010
Miami Heat vs. Toronto Raptors: It's All About the U
Udonis Haslem will rock your face off. It's just that simple.Last night, the Heat overcame a 17-point deficit to defeat the visiting Toronto Raptors 97-94. Haslem led the team with 23 points, with the help of some guy named Dwyane Wade. With Wade doing all the heavy lifting for the Heat (we know, ... More >>
Calendar
November 26, 2009
The Guys From the Gah-den
Udonis Haslem will rock your face off. It's just that simple.Last night, the Heat overcame a 17-point deficit to defeat the visiting Toronto Raptors 97-94. Haslem led the team with 23 points, with the help of some guy named Dwyane Wade. With Wade doing all the heavy lifting for the Heat (we know, ... More >>
Calendar
November 12, 2009
King Fishing
Udonis Haslem will rock your face off. It's just that simple.Last night, the Heat overcame a 17-point deficit to defeat the visiting Toronto Raptors 97-94. Haslem led the team with 23 points, with the help of some guy named Dwyane Wade. With Wade doing all the heavy lifting for the Heat (we know, ... More >>
Calendar
February 19, 2009
Beware the Midseason Jinx
The Heat faces the Sixers in pursuit of the postseason.
Calendar
January 1, 2009
Kicking the Nets in the Balls
It’s practically D-Wade’s hobby.
Calendar
January 31, 2008
Stop This Streak
We’re begging. Give us a win, Heat!
Calendar
November 29, 2007
Garnett in Green
One of the greats, finally relevant.
More >>

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