You're always at your most vulnerable when you're asleep. You never know who is going to come along and try to set you one fire. Jose Gonzales, 52, of Homestead, was taking a siesta in his truck while it was parked outside the Dog House bar in Marathon Key last night. This wasn't any truck either, ... More >>
Deer, what are you doing with that Doritos bag on your head? You're a deer. You're not supposed to eat Doritos. Silly deer, get it together. Slightly humorous situation aside, this is why, after you've polished off an entire bag of greasy corn chips, you should take the extra 30 seconds to make sur ... More >>
Monroe County Deputy Jaime Miranda pulled into a Winn-Dixie parking lot Saturday night and left with a whole lot of beef -- the kind of beef that will get you a crap load of time in the joint that is. Miranda is accused of buying drugs from an informant, all while in uniform in his police car like D ... More >>
It was a wild New Year's Eve for Florida Keys resident Deni Noa.According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, the 24-year-old Stock Island resident reached into a car and punched a woman in the eye as she was idling at a light on US 1 and Cross Street around 9: 30 p.m. He then fled the scene on f ... More >>
For two years now, William Britt has been subbing in classrooms around the Florida Keys, including inside a handful of local elementary schools. At home, Britt was stockpiling hundreds of images of child pornography.After a landlord spotted the illegal porn and called the police, Britt admitted he w ... More >>
Ever casually glance around the supermarket and wonder just how many folks loading milk into their cart are also secretly packing heat? The answer, based on new data from the state, is one in every 17 of them. Or at least that's how many Floridians now have valid concealed carry permits as the state ... More >>
Veronica Johnson is Riptide's kind of mail carrier. Mixed in with all the glossy fliers from pizza-by-the-slice places and the gas company bills, Johnson's mailbag often included some more intriguing packages. Police say they caught her on her route on Tuesday in Marathon with a 10-pound package ... More >>
Miami-area State Sen. Larcenia Bullard has fired up a big ol' blunt of legislative reform this morning, as her proposal to give Florida voters a chance to legalize medical marijuana was introduced in the Senate. Bullard's bill joins a similar proposal by Lake Worth Rep. Jeff Clemens in the House ... More >>
Parents, how much is your kid worth to you? For Kenia Bosque the answer is a cool seven grand, according to Monroe County Sheriffs agents.The now-front runner for the Hialeah mother of the year award had arranged to meet a man from Monroe County to trade her 8-month-old son for the money, but aut ... More >>
via Monroe County Sheriff's OfficeKenneshia Thurman wanted two slices of bread and ended up cutting a baby, cops say. We all know that times are tough, but in Marathon last night a scene straight out of Charles Dickens worst imagination played out when a brawl that erupted between neighbors over ... More >>
John Paul Garrido, a 26-year-old inmate, is on the loose in Miami after slipping out of police custody earlier today. Miami-Dade police officers are conducting a mass search for the man near the 1400 block of Northwest North River Drive -- and have enlisted the help of Photoshop in their effort t ... More >>
via Monroe County Sheriff's OfficeRyan PettitWondering if you've hit absolute rock bottom yet? Well, have you mugged your pregnant ex-girlfriend for a couple hundred bucks, laid low in the woods for a few hours and then gotten caught by police hiding next to a bait shack behind someplace cal ... More >>
The unemployment rate in Florida has fallen for the fifth straight month in May, mirroring a national trend. Unfortunately, there isn't much to celebrate in Miami-Dade. The local unemployment rate rose once again by 0.5 percent and is now the second highest unemployment rate of any county in Flor ... More >>
Courtesy of Monroe County CorrectionsCarl Dudley Crabtree (left) and Sir Lawrence Scipio Dixon.>The theft of chicken nuggets should always be taken very seriously as those things are just ridiculously delicious, and depriving someone else of those precious fried meat bits is as an un-American ... More >>
via Monroe County Sheriff's OfficeDeputies outside the house where they say 8o-year-old Glen Tucker killed himself and his wife.Saddest story of the morning: An elderly Keys man has shot and killed his wife and his cat before committing suicide.Just after noon yesterday, Monroe County sheriffs got a ... More >>
via Monroe County Sheriff's OfficeMitchell TiceIf only every case was this easily solved with a box of stolen dildos. Monroe County Sheriff's officers investigating the burglary of a trailer in Marathon caught a break when a woman turned over a box of sex toys and told them her ex-boyfriend had s ... More >>
US Coast GuardThe world's most famous tar ballsTwenty tar balls washed up on the shores of Key West today, but because sometimes tar balls occur naturally, and other times they're the product of those less dramatic, everyday ways we pollute our oceans (i.e., the shipping industry), it won't be kn ... More >>
Jacob KatelAs a countdown to New Times' "Best of Miami" 2010, Short Order is serving up 100 of our favorite dishes in the 305. Send your nominations to firstname.lastname@example.org.
What the Hell Is She Crab Soup? from Miami New Times on Vimeo.One of the greatest things about livin' in South Florida is our proximity to the Florida Keys. Calypso's Seafood Grill has been standing at mile marker 99.5 in Key Largo, Monroe County, for 14 years. It's not the cheapest place down sout ... More >>
Mount up for Petersons Key West Poker Run.
Tired of those pesky reptiles? Here's one answer.
A haywire hunting trip in the Everglades for an elusive oinker.
Sides square off over Christmas Tree Island
Check out a fruity celebration in Key West
How can someone with such a background be getting taxpayer money?
Shawn Beightol's education crusade is seeking believers
It costs a pittance and takes you to Margaritaville
Where your humble state legislators work hard by day and play hard by night
Card Sound Bridge
If the customs and legends of Loop Road seem strange, you probably don't live there
Ouch! INS prisoners claim they were tortured with electroshock riot shields.
A South Dade rehab center has a problem: How to care for 26 wild animals and still keep the neighbors happy
Tracking South Florida's endangered crocodiles is a business best left to experts and maniacs
Dade's shoddy builders beware: A new business regulation task force is looking to make some surprise visits
The Conch Coalition and Taras Lyssenko claimed environmentalists were out to destroy the culture and economy of the Keys. Voters listened.
Caught between depletion and regulation, Dade's commercial fishermen are becoming the latest endangered species
Creating an artificial reef is no longer a slam-dunk affair, despite an abundance of missile sites, water towers, and wanna-be philanthropists
After two years of litigation, a libel lawsuit against New Times is tossed out
As Miami Beach officials attempt to appoint a permanent top cop, anonymous critics try to stir up the selection process
When 350 trees fall in a protected North Key forest, they make a very loud noise
Scientist Brian LaPointe wants to tame the sugar barons, corner the cat food market, and solve the sewage problems of the Florida Keys
It wasn't quite the resolution he or his sister had hoped for, but John Popejoy's child-molestation case is finally closed