Monday Night Football

  • Blogs

    April 4, 2014

    Brendon Ayanbadejo Claims Dolphins May Have Traded Him For Taking Paternity Leave

    During the 2005 offseason the Dolphins traded Brendon Ayanbadejo to the Bears. he went on to have three consecutive Pro Bowl seasons and would eventually win a Super Bowl with the Baltimore Ravens. The Dolphins meanwhile would endure a season of mediocrity under Nick Saban. Well, Ayanbadejo seems ... More >>

  • News

    February 20, 2014
  • Blogs

    February 18, 2014

    Michael Sam Follows a Long Line of Gay Athletes

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke talks about gay football players in the NFL. As much of America knows, All-American University of Missouri defensive end Michael ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 4, 2013

    Monday Night Football Murder: Man Gets High, Tells Friend "Game Over," And Shoots Him In The Head

    Few things arouse a man's anger like American football. When the Dolphins lose, a thousand dudes across South Florida launch their remotes in unison at their TV screens. Road rage rises and bar fights break out. But murder? That's exactly what happened earlier this week in North Miami Beach, howeve ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 11, 2013

    Reports: Joe Philbin and Jeff Ireland Likely to Be Fired

    According to several reports, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross is all but ready to hand both general manager Jeff Ireland and head coach Joe Philbin pink slips by the end of the season in the wake of the Richie Incognito controversy. The only hope the two have of keeping their jobs: somehow making ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 31, 2013
  • Blogs

    September 30, 2013

    Monday Night Football: Five Keys to Dolphins at Saints Tonight

    Your Miami Dolphins enter tonight's showdown between two 3-0 teams primed for an opportunity to show the world these are not the same old Dolphins limping into a primetime NFL matchup only to play like a paper bag full of shit. No, these Dolphins are coming into the Big Easy to win this fucker and b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2013

    Dan Marino Made His Dolphins Debut 30 Years Ago Today

    It's September 19, 1983. Scarface had yet to premiere in theaters. The Heat, Marlins and Panthers didn't even exist. The Miami Hurricanes had yet to win a national championship. LeBron James hadn't even been born. So many icons associated with modern day Miami had yet to exist. On that night, the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 16, 2013

    Man Cave Mondays at Rec Room: "A Place Where Boys Can Be Boys"

    Fellas, sometimes you just wanna do manly things like crush empty beer cans with your forehead and not get an earful about "growing up" from your girlfriend. Especially during Monday Night Football. That's why the NFL, booze, Nintendo, scruffy beards, and a whole lotta testosterone take precedence ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 31, 2012

    Dolphins Shut Out By Patriots 28-0, Go 7-9 Again

    Sunday's action featured the incredible story of an extraordinary athlete's return from a horrific injury to come back against all odds, put his team on his back and lead that now playoff-bound team to victory just as the hero himself nearly broke one of the most coveted records in NFL lore. That wa ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 20, 2012

    Hank Williams Jr. on Obama: "Muslim President Who Hates U.S. and We Hate Him"

    See also "Hank Williams Jr. and Five Other Tea Party Musicians." Over the weekend, Hank Williams Jr. exercised his constitutional right to speak out of his ass, making some outlandish statements about President Barack Obama. According to the Huffington Post, the 63-year-old country boy was nearin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 30, 2012

    The Ten Sexiest Super Bowl Commercials Of All Time

    ​At the end of this week, two hordes of men who have suffered, bled, and fought for five months will meet on a neutral site to bash each others' heads in, to test the limits of their physical strength and stamina, all in the name of sport, conquest, and achieving the status of legend.But who cares ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 22, 2011

    Miami Hurricanes' NFL Touchdown Streak Ends After 149 Weeks

    ​For almost the past nine years, at least one former player for the Miami Hurricanes has scored a touchdown in a regular season NFL game. That historic streak came to an end last night. After U alums went scoreless on Sunday, the sole Cane playing in Monday Night Football, nose tackle Vince Wilfor ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 18, 2011

    Miami Dolphins: The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked A Suck

    ​Watching the Miami Dolphins is like opening a gift and expecting something other than a box full of dicks. And that box full of dicks is now 0-5 after a 24-6 loss to their hated rival New York Jets on Monday Night Football.So the bad news is, the Dolphins remain winless and are in last place ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 11, 2011

    Hank Williams Jr. and Five Other Tea Party Musicians

    ​For the better part of 20 years, Hank Williams Jr.'s popularity has ranked somewhere between wallpaper and push-pins. Aside from the Monday Night Football theme, dude's done little to wow us. But then he compared President Obama to Adolf Hitler last week, and we couldn't help but say, "Wow, wha ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 5, 2011

    Miami Dolphins Are the 13th Most Popular NFL Team, Highest Ranking in Years

    Despite the weekly disaster show on the field, the Miami Dolphins are at their highest level of popularity in years. That's according to a Harris Interactive poll that ranks the 32 NFL teams from America's most favorite to least. The Dolphins are America's 13th favorite team. Unlucky number as ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 2, 2011

    Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 1, 2011
  • Blogs

    February 22, 2011

    Top 5 Miami Sports Choking Acts of All Time

    Mission FAIL.​Last Friday, FIU shortstop Garrett Wittels stepped up to bat with a near record 56-game hitting streak on the line against Southeastern Louisiana. He whiffed, ending the game 0-4.It was a painful choking act for the 6'2" junior, who waited an entire off-season only to blow it in his ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 14, 2011

    2011 Miami Hurricanes Schedule Released

    Will the 'Canes open their first game against Randy Shannon? ​The 2011 Miami Hurricanes Schedule has been released, and despite some rumors, they won't be opening the season against Florida State. Though the opener could be even more interesting as they'll travel up to Maryland for a Monday night ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 26, 2011

    Univision Wants to be The Number One Network in America in Five Years

    ​In five years the most watched shows in America could emanate from a massive television studio in Doral. No CBS, Fox, ABC or NBC isn't looking to relocate production from Los Angeles. Univision hopes to make those networks irrelevant, and wants to be the number one network in America. That may no ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2011

    Rev. Gaston Smith, Felonious Pastor, Is Now Hawking Menswear in Liberty City

    ​Rev. Gaston Smith, the hugely-popular but a lil' bit felonious pastor of Friendship Missionary Baptist Church in Liberty City, is a man of the cloth. Very fine cloth, often tailored into three pieces with a classy handkerchief jutting from a breast pocket and accompanied by some gators on his fee ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 1, 2010

    Hurricanes: No Coaching Announcement Today

    According to Photoshop, this guy is the next coach of The U​Breaking news: Nothing happened in a meeting between University of Miami Athletic Director Kirby Hocutt and ESPN Monday Night Football analysts Jon Gruden this morning.The Miami Herald is reporting that The U will not be making any head c ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 26, 2010

    Will the Dolphins Replace Tony Sparano With Jon Gruden?

    ​With the Miami Dolphins apparently in the midst of a total implosion, it was only a matter of time before someone began whispering about the future of head coach Tony Sparano. Well, today Greg Cote dropped the bomb that a source tells him Sparano's job might be in trouble, but only if Jon Gruden ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 4, 2010

    Dolphins Host the Patriots Tonight: Keys To Victory

    Last week, it was against the Jets on Sunday Night Football. Tonight, it's the Patriots on Monday Night Football. That's two straight weeks the Dolphins face an AFC East rival in the national spotlight. Also, it's two straight weeks they face a team with an insufferable fanbase. So tonight is a must ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2010

    Dolphins Fall to the Jets

    ​As losses go, last night's 31-23 defeat at the hands of the New York Jets was particularly painful. Not just because it was a crappy way for the Fins to open their season at home. But also because the floodgates of troglodytic hubris have now been opened as Jets fans will surely begin to beat the ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 23, 2010
  • Blogs

    September 21, 2010

    Bulldog Barbecue Offers Touchdown Menu Deal

    If you're not a subscriber to our weekly Café Bites dining newsletter, here's a taste of what you're missing. Click here to subscribe.Chef Howie Kleinberg​Howie Kleinberg's Bulldog Barbecue makes worshipping at the church Howard Cosell built more convivial with an economical roster of hearty, mas ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 16, 2010
  • Blogs

    September 1, 2010

    The Monday Night Football Guys Think Highly of the Miami Dolphins

    ​ESPN's Monday Night Football analysts Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden held a conference call today to preview the upcoming season and both think the Miami Dolphins are going to beat the odds and play well into January. While pretty much the rest of the planet thinks Miami will finish third in the AFC ... More >>

  • Music

    August 26, 2010
  • Blogs

    August 25, 2010

    Marc Anthony, Enrique Iglesias and Fergie Scheduled to Perform at Dolphins Home Opener

    ​To quote Hank Williams Jr., "are you ready for some football?" True, that line may not be the most original. But the temptation is simply too great to pass up when the rare opportunity to intone the venerable Monday Night Football open arises for a music writer who's also a lifelong DolFan, a foo ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 19, 2009
  • Blogs

    November 2, 2009

    Miami Dolphins Win: Turns Out All That Trash Talking Will Get You a Nice Little Beatdown

    ​Coming into yesterday's rematch in the Meadowlands, Jets players called the Miami Dolphins a gimmicky team, called their Wildcat formation "nonsense," and called Chad Henne a clown. They said they couldn't wait to play Miami again, claimed they were the better team and threatened to take out Henn ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 2, 2009

    Weekend Blog Watch: Ted Turner, 850 Bottles, Tailgaiting, Beer, and Key West

    Photo via albertoalerigi's Flickr / CC2.0Aaaah! A plate.​Some people are saying this recession is over. Maybe it started when "they" gave us back some time (sorry Arizona), literally. Fall Back dropped early Sunday morning. We're pretty sure that has something to do with farming. Here are some fre ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 22, 2009
  • Blogs

    October 16, 2009

    Jets Fans Whining on Wikipedia?

    As we know from the "Wikipedia" entry on Wikipedia, Wikipedia can be edited by anyone. And apparently a few select Jets fans have put down their stone tools and cave paint brushes and figured out a little basic HTML. How do I know? Just check out the Wikipedia entry on the Miami Dolphins and scroll ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 13, 2009

    Miami Dolphins Win: Foes Vanquished, Obnoxious Fanbase Silenced, Everything's Beautiful!

    ​The Miami Dolphins coaching staff must be avid readers of Riptide. Because they pretty much ran down the checklist of our three keys for a Dolphins victory post and came out on top with a thrilling, last second 31-27 victory over the Jets on Monday Night Football. You're welcome, everybody!It was ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 12, 2009

    Hank Williams Jr. Sings in Spanish Tonight

    The only way to make the Monday Night Football intro that will air tonight for the Dolphins-Jets game better (worse? more surreal? soulless?) is if Jimmy Buffett also sang in Spanish. But having Gloria Estefen beside Hank Williams Jr. as he belts out, "Estos listos para football?" is pretty damn clo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 9, 2009

    Flyer of the Week: ¡Mayday! and Last Rights Clothing Hustle Into the Hotel Victor for Monday Night Football October 12

    ​You know, media mogul and notorious big baller Ted Turner was totally right when he said: "Sports is like a war without the killing." And that's why our Miami Dolphins should immediately suspend their punk-bitch-porpoise-in-a helmet logo in favor of Last Rights' Mac-10 redesign. For one, this mur ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 8, 2009
  • Blogs

    October 2, 2009

    Weekly Wrap Up: The Friday Chispa

    Jacob KatelKitchen, spoon, plates.​Some broke American alcoholics drink "pink ladies," canned sterno filtered through a piece of bread or an old sock. It can get you drunk, and it can kill you. Cuba's version is called  "chispa de tren," so named for the hallucinations it causes that resemble ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 22, 2009

    Forget Marc Anthony, J.Lo, La Gloria, and Jimmy. We Need an Albanian!

    So now comes the news that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are gonna be celeb minority owners of the Dolphins, like Jimmy Buffett and the Estefans before them. (Follow the jump for the news release.) I get what Dolphins owner Steve Ross is doing. Pandering. That's what he's supposed to do. With ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 6, 2008

    Dan Marino on Dancing With The Stars?

    In Touch reports that legendary Hall of Fame Dolphin quarterback Dan Marino is going to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars this September. In a related story, I’m reporting that my childhood has been crushed into a fine powder. Former Fin Jason Taylor just got done wrapping up his adventure ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 16, 2004
  • Dining

    December 11, 2003

    Seeing Red and White at Wine-tasting Lab

    A long-running gathering trounces Monday Night Football and uncorks bonhomie

  • Calendar

    April 3, 2003

    Doctor Botox

    Get that war-frown off your face!

  • News

    October 20, 1993
  • Dining

    July 28, 1993
  • News

    September 23, 1992
  • More >>