Go, raver. Go, raver. Go. Chug a Red Bull. Down a vial of Five-Hour elixir. Pop a packet of Jelly Belly energy beans. The Winter Music Conference and Miami Music Week marathon starts now. And it doesn't end till next month. Here are the 20 best parties during WMC and MMW 2014. See also: WMC and ... More >>
The first thing you experience when entering Semilla Eatery & Bar is the sweet aroma emanating from a wall of potted herbs. They're a welcome respite from the construction craziness on Alton Road. You'll also be relieved to hear "Wrecking Ball" sung by someone other than Miley Cyrus and see the la ... More >>
CoEd.com has unveiled their 20 trashiest Spring Break destinations for 2014, and Miami came in on the list at number 7. God damn it, we did not just build a brand new Herzog & De Meuron art museum to be branded as a trashy Spring Break destination with the likes of Panama City and Gulf Shores, thank ... More >>
With perfectly chiseled beach bodies, (mostly) sunny skies, and 80 degree weather in the middle of winter, Miami is like some sort of magical wonderland. And with never-ending music almost every night of the week, the 305 really is paradise. Here are the five best concerts to check out this week. ... More >>
After last night's Grammy Awards, everyone is talking about Daft Punk's appearance (and a most awkward display of white people dancing), not to mention Beyoncé's oh-so-very-hot performance, and Queen Latifah marrying everyone while Macklemore provided the music. But before all of that went down, w ... More >>
Another year, another Grammy show. This may have been the 56th run, but the Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences still can't work out the kinks. It certainly wasn't the worst Grammys that we've ever seen, but there was plenty to bitch about. Some of the performances were groundbreaking, and som ... More >>
Only in Florida. Every week, so many Americans mutter those words while marveling at the latest insanity to come from our state that Tallahassee really ought to put the phrase on license plates. At Miami New Times, at least a third of our work is done by those crazies. Although it helps that Flori ... More >>
This is Miami, and if there's one thing we can guarantee, it's that 2014 will come in like a wrecking ball. (Bereft of Miley Cyrus, however, since she ditched the 305 to wag her tongue in Times Square instead.) So when you wake up January 1 -- glitter lodged in every orifice, head pounding like EDM ... More >>
From Lil Wayne to Miley Cyrus to Spike Lee, quite a year!
Where all my ho ho hos at? Santa wants all the naughty girls and boys to drop it in his lap, because we're celebrating the most ratchet Christmas that the streets have ever seen. What makes a ho ratchet? Well, she's probably gold diggin' in a messy weave, twerkin' in her stockings, chewin' like s ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke looks back on 2013's best hits. A lot of folks get upset over the things I write, but I call 'em like I see em based on facts. T ... More >>
Well, would you look at that? It's already Hump Day. That means that in a few short days we'll be shredding our papers, cutting our phone lines, and getting blasted for the weekend. In the meantime, here are the six best bashes to crash on SoBe oozing with booze, celebrities, and beautiful party p ... More >>
So it hurt when Miley Cyrus ducked out of a planned party at Miami Beach's Fontainebleau to hang out with Ryan Seacrest on New Year's Eve. But now a company run by the emir of Dubai has sold a stake in the hotel that it bought for $375 million in 2008. Jeffrey Soffer, daytime gossip mag regular an ... More >>
New Times' Miami Web Awards is tonight, November 14, at Shots Miami in Wynwood -- and you're invited. The event has all the drama and pathos of a typical awards show -- but without Miley Cyrus twerking, sticking out her unnaturally long tongue, and lighting up a blunt! It all goes down from 7:30 t ... More >>
Ah, little Justin Bieber. He's little no more. Our heart Biebs with joy each time he makes a headline, and these days, each headline is dirtier than the last. Because he's a man, he can't twerk his way into adult hood. He could probably get Terry Richardson to rape him take his nudie photos, but th ... More >>
Every Monday, from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., Miami's airwaves -- historically reserved for the musical accompaniment to bumpin', shakin', grindin', twerkin', tweakin', and getting stuck in traffic on the 836 -- are regularly seized by sounds and scores typically reserved for marines fighting aliens, plumber ... More >>
Just because Miley Cyrus did it at the VMAs doesn't mean you should do it in front of a school bus full of young children. Valarie Dixon was arrested on Tuesday when she decided to put on a display of vulgar dancing in front of a school bus up in Lake County.
In the 1920s, some intellectual turd purportedly told Earnest Hemingway that he couldn't write a compelling story in less than a few hundred words, and Hemingway was all, "Watch this." He drank something stiff, no doubt, and turned out a most heart-wrenching tale in six words: "For sale: Baby shoe ... More >>
Robin Thicke and Pharrell As part of the BleauLive concert series Fontainebleau Miami Beach Sunday, September 1, 2013 Better Than: Any typical Sunday funday that includes a concert and cocktails. Is there anything better than a long weekend spent at the iconic Fontainebleau Miami Beach? It hasn ... More >>
Can you smell it? That hot, sugary corn-flavor smell? Well, that's what we'd imagine the MTV Video Music Awards smell like. There's almost nothing as poppy, shiny or over-the-top commercialized at the VMAs, and its coming back Sunday, Aug. 25, to rear its star-studded head like the hydra of the Bi ... More >>
Praise the Fontainebleau Miami Beach for saving Labor Day. Had the oceanfront resort not booked two of the summer's biggest acts for its BleauLive performance series, you'd probably be stuck watching another Jerry Lewis-less MDA telethon. Vive la Lewis, as the French say! Thankfully, Pharrell and ... More >>
Psst... it's Friday. Before you let your imagination run wild with weekend plans that'll leave you with a fuzzy memory, huge headache, and an empty wallet, take a moment to realize that you can still have all that fun and save enough dolla bills to buy yourself a wad of cheese fries to help get ri ... More >>
Who could've guessed that Israeli dubstepper and Miley Cyrus collaborator Borgore's set would be cut short at Story Nightclub on South Beach this past weekend? Well, how about @BlakeMinto1, a local Twitter user and "DJ/Producer" who spent Friday night wondering: "Borgore sucks why do people wanna g ... More >>
Pitchfork just launched its newest project, Soundplay, and it's pretty awesome. A team effort with video game and culture mag Kill Screen, Soundplay is a series of beautiful and enigmatic online games based on the music of M83, Cut Copy, Matthew Dear, and others. They've done a wonderful job of mat ... More >>
With just a few days left in 2011, we can't help but predict what 2012 has in store. Will the world come to an end? Maybe. Will Barack Obama be re-elected? Hopefully. Will the Miami Heat dominate the NBA? Of course. But what about the music world? What changes will it see in 2012? What's going ... More >>
Ke$ha totally freaked out in 2011.The past 365 days have been packed with some seriously questionable pop star looks. Sure, most of them have been perpetrated by Lady Gaga and whatever little monster dresses her. But Ms. Germanotta isn't the only one who's played the fashion game and lost mis ... More >>
Via dollyparton.comDolly Parton is a freaking hero. Her quick wit, good manners, powerful look, and business savvy make her the Oprah of the Smoky Mountains. Or maybe Oprah is the Dolly of Chicago? Either way, both bitches are fierce, and Dolly's more fun. As the Queen of Country Music, her reig ... More >>
Miami-native turned internet scourge Perez Hilton will be back in town this weekend while hosting two different events to promote his new children's book. Apparently there are still people out there who want to meet Perez Hilton?Anyway, the Belen Jesuit grad also unleashed his latest website to t ... More >>
Despite NBCMiami's sort of brilliant "Fin" headline this morning, the Dolphins playoffs hopes are still alive. Well, not really alive. Their playoff hopes are more zombie-like. It's as if the Dolphins are in a cheesy horror movie where the undead have taken over and bitten the Fins, and the team ... More >>
photo by Michele SandbergTo view a full slideshow of photos from the concert, click here. The Jonas BrothersBankAtlantic Center, SunriseAugust 19, 2009Better Than: The Backstreet Boys, N Sync, and NKOTB put together.The Review:I felt a little ashamed as I slinked up to the BankAtlantic Center for ... More >>
You don't need a half-wit music critic to tell you it's been a remarkable year for America, one historians will be discussing and researching for centuries to come. War, financial collapse, politics, technology: All have been dinner-table topics for many Americans. Racial barriers in 2008 were demo ... More >>
This toon teaches you don't have to jump through hoops to be a hero.
Pray to the Ticketmaster gods for Hannah Montana tix.