Last week, we cautioned that the Dolphins needed to start fast, protect against Buffalo's legit pass rush and avoid the dreaded "trap game" at all costs. Well, the Dolphins did none of that and played about as well as a team that should have probably stayed in bed to catch up on the sleep they misse ... More >>
Holy fucking pumpkin seeds, that was crazy! The Dolphins did the most Dolphins-y thing ever by snatching a victory from the jaws of defeat just as they were setting up to yet again snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. On a 3rd and 10 and with the Bengals backed up against their own goal line, A ... More >>
VLAAAH!!! Guess what???!!! You get an extra special, ghoulish and scaaaaary Dolphins game on Halloween!! Will you stay home from going to the Grove and looking at countless women in sexy costumes to "enjoy" the game??? PROBABLY NOT. But the friiiiiiightening Dolphins will still be playing a gam ... More >>
The Dolphins are fresh off their bye week, players are relatively healthy, and they're playing a Buffalo team at home that has a homeless guy named "Jeff" that draws pictures for you outside of Churchill's starting at QB. What could go wrong?
Well, that fucking sucked. The fiery blaze you witnessed last night -- descending unto the Earth with inestimable velocity and indiscriminate violence -- was not the meteor that yielded the Chicxulub crater, but that previously sweet Dolphins high you were nursing. The Dolphins came into New Orlean ... More >>
Your Miami Dolphins enter tonight's showdown between two 3-0 teams primed for an opportunity to show the world these are not the same old Dolphins limping into a primetime NFL matchup only to play like a paper bag full of shit. No, these Dolphins are coming into the Big Easy to win this fucker and b ... More >>
Last week, the Dolphins managed to put their season on life support with a strong performance against a terrible Jags team. With a 6-8 record, the Dolphins have a roughly .0000000000081% chance of getting into the playoffs if certain scenarios play out. JOY!
Over the past decade, your Miami Dolphins have resembled a resident of Hiroshima that moved to Nagasaki during World War II to escape the likelihood of bombing. "It's probably much nicer and safer over there," your Dolphins say. Inevitably, they're pretty much screwed either way; it's always an emot ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives an F to the Miami Dolphins and the Miami Hurricanes underclassmen who left school for the NFL draft.As much I've put t ... More >>
It only took 29 years, but the Miami Dolphins finally grew a pair and used a first round pick to select a quarterback. And that quarterback is Ryan Tannehill of Texas A&M.After getting stiffed by Peyton Manning during the offseason, and feeling pretty meh about Matt Flynn, the Dolphins went ahea ... More >>
How big of a mess is the Manning mania rumor mill? Well, depending on who you ask, the Miami Dolphins are either still very much in the running to land Peyton Manning's services or completely out. Let's run down the rumors. Updated!
A South Beach parking lot gets papered in cash money