Michele Bachmann

The Ten Weirdest Members of Congress

Barack Obama's "Ballsy" Victory: A Single-Word Review of What Happened On Election Night

Unless you're stuck in some Jack McKeon-like time warp in which Twitter relies on actual messenger pigeons, you've probably heard by now that Barack Obama punched yesterday's election in the crotch. And unless your name is Mitt Romney and you've permanently foregone alcohol and caffeine, your brain ... More >>

RNC Madness: Scenes From a Week Among the GOP Faithful in Tampa

RNC Madness: Scenes From a Week Among the GOP Faithful in Tampa

Amid the sound, fury, and heated arguments between 82-year-old actors and empty chairs at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, I stopped briefly to listen to Mommy Lobby President Cindy Chafian argue with a French blogger. "All I'm saying is that there should be a 48-hour cool-off period an ... More >>

New Times' Five Best RNC 2012 Videos: High-Fives, Welsh Cake, and the H-Word

All last week, New Times' own Jacob Katel and Victor Gonzalez dove headfirst into the $75 million dollar lake of fire that was the Republican National Convention in Tampa, all so they could ask the tough questions the rest of the media wouldn't. Should Jesus be on the dollar bill? What the F is a We ... More >>

Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann Hugging All Up On Each Other While Talking About Cake (Video)

Yesterday, New Times' correspondent Victor Gonzalez caught up with none other than former GOP presidential hopefuls (and, hence, rivals) Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann. The primary battle apparently didn't come between their friendship, because the two caressed each others' Republican backs with ... More >>

America's Petro-Terrorists

Wall Street and Washington conspire to destabilize the U.S. economy, one barrel of oil at a time.

Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann Choose Different Sides in Florida Republican Senate Primary

If you're the kind of Republican voter who finds yourself easily swayed by some of the more deafening but dimmer voices in your party, well then boy do we have a quagmire for you. Two of your favorite also-rans from the GOP presidential primary have chosen different sides in the Florida battle betwe ... More >>

Michele Bachmann Tells Florida Blog That Obama Is "Waving a Tar Baby"

Michele Bachmann sure loves talking, but after her flameout in the Republican primary, no one really wants to talk to her so much right now. So she's apparently just giving interviews to random Florida conservative blogs such as the Shark Tank.During that interview, she accused President Obama ... More >>

Victoria Jackson's excellent Tea Party adventure

Mitt Romney Retakes Big Lead in Florida, Floridians Really Don't Like Ron Paul

​After a brief spell where Florida Republicans seemed to favor Newt Ginrgrich as their GOP flavor of the month, Mitt Romney is firmly back on top in the Sunshine State after his Iowa caucus victory. Gingrich remains second, while Rick Santorum has seen his fortunes rise somewhat but is still a dis ... More >>

Mitt Romney Takes the Slightest of Leads in Latest Florida Poll

​The story of the 2012 presidential primary seems to be one of surging candidates quickly falling down to earth, with one, Mitt Romney, remaining consistently stable. It's beginning to look like Newt Gingrich might join Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain as a discarded frontrunner. Aft ... More >>

Paint by Numbers

Could Jeb Bush Still Enter the GOP Presidential Primary?

​The Confederacy of Dunces that emerged to vie for the GOP presidential primary certainly must have some could-have-been candidates rethinking their decision. After the swift, and often surreal, rises and eventual falls of Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain, the race is pretty much down ... More >>

Herman Cain Heading To Versailles This Week To Pretend He Cares About Cuban Issues

A candidate making a pit stop for cafecitos at Versailles isn't exactly hot news, even for a guy improbably still leading the GOP after a month fending off more sexual harassment accusations than Gene Simmons' tongue. The Cuban landmark is such a de facto stopover for White House wannabes, the regul ... More >>

After Missing Almost a Month of Votes, Frederica Wilson Returns to DC Today After Minor Surgery

Today, The New York Times tallied up the list of U.S. Representatives who have missed the most votes so far this year. A local name popped up at 6th on the list: Frederica Wilson. The first term congresswoman from District 17 hasn't cast a vote since October 3rd. 

Justin Bieber, Steve Jobs, Spock: How to Make Ten Celebrity Pumpkins

Heeeere's Johnny!​Halloween is almost here and you have a dilemma. There's a pumpkin on your doorstep ready to be carved, but what do you do? Sure you can do the standard Jack O' Lantern, but how boring is that? Why not turn that giant orange gourd into a work of art?  It's actually easy sinc ... More >>

Rick Perry: Awful politician, genius campaigner

Republican Univision Debate: Fear, Not Rubio, the Driving Factor

Five Republican candidates -- iincluding Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman and Rick Perry -- have pulled out of a Univision debate in January. Why? Allegedly it is because of a comment the head of the blockbuster Spanish language channel's made to Florida Sen Marco Rubio's people attempting to blackmail him ... More >>

Americans Think Miami is Only the Third Most Decadent City

​If Miami does not have its glam and vice, than really what else is there? Yes, yes, we're actually a complicated, cultured city but don't tell the rest of America that. Our entire tourism industrial complex is based on the the rest of America thinking we're a shallow, glamorous, sun drenched ... More >>

After Straw Poll: Romney Retakes First Place, Cain Surges, Perry Falters in Florida

​The first poll of Florida voters taken after Herman Cain's surprise win in the Florida Presidency 5 straw poll is out, and combined with his crazy straw loss and fumbling performances in two debates Texas Gov. Rick Perry's campaign seems to have hit a snag in the state. He's fallen to a distant t ... More >>

Michele Bachmann Makes Up Second Cuban Missile Crisis Based on No Evidence

​In a major development, Cuba went to the United Nations yesterday and announced it wanted it to normalize relations with the United States. However, Michele Bachmann won't have it. Not because of anything like "prove facts" or a "rationale and informed understanding of the issue," but because she ... More >>

Herman Cain Comes One Step Closer to Becoming America's First Black Vice President With Florida Straw Poll Win

​A bunch of the state's Republican activists gathered this weekend at the Presidency 5 conference and held one of those crazy, meaningless straw polls of which they're so fond. Of course, with a wide-open and ever-changing Republican field, the contest did take on extra meaning. Texas Gov. Rick Pe ... More >>

Poll: Perry Leads Romney in Florida, but Only Romney Beats Obama

​Texas Gov. Rick Perry's quick shot to the front of the GOP-primary pack certainly has a lot of conservatives pleased. But liberals have a reason to be happy too. The general thinking right now is that Perry appeals less to general-election voters than his main rival, Mitt Romney, and thus would d ... More >>

Twitterview Two: Chef Michael Bloise of Sushi Samba

Bloise' bright cuisine now has a space to match.As explained in yesterday's introductory Michael Bloise Twitterview part one, the following "twitterview" is an unedited back and forth between the Sushi Samba chef and me in queries and answers of 140 characters or less.It's sort of like a regular int ... More >>

Rick Perry Gets Endorsement of Florida's Top Anti-Gay Crusader Because Mitt Romney "Wasn't Mormon Enough"

John Stemberger, the top dog of Florida's religious right and the man who spearheaded the amendment that banned gay marriage and civil unions in Florida, has officially endorsed Texas Gov. Rick Perry in the presidential nomination. Though Stemberger is chummy with Michele Bachman ... More >>

Rick Scott Supports Oil Drilling in Everglades

​What the hell sort of strange Pandora's box did Michele Bachmann reopen by suggesting she'd support drilling for oil in the Everglades. Now, Governor Rick Scott is dipping into the Tea Party's hive mind, and has said he's support some drilling for oil in the Everglades as well. Its ludicrous ... More >>

Michele Bachmann Sticks By Crazy Everglades Oil Drilling Plan

​While passing through Florida last week, Tea Party queen and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann made waves by suggesting she'd be open to drilling for oil in the Everglades. Never mind the fact that scientists claim there's very little oil lying under river of gross, and even fell ... More >>

A Boy Named Barbara, Flattop Moustache, And What You See When You Die

​Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Republican Presidential Candidates As Foods

J. Kenji Lopez-AltLadies and Gentlemen, meet Governor Rick Perry!​Barbara Walters once infamously asked Katherine Hepburn: "If you were a tree, what kind would it be?" It is in that spirit that we attempt to figure out: If each Republican Presidential candidate were a food, what kind would he or s ... More >>

Poll: Mitt Romney Leads Rick Perry in Florida

​Despite Michelle Bachmann's recent Iowa straw poll victory, don't be surprised if the GOP field eventually winnows to Rick Perry and Mitt Romney. If the latest Florida poll numbers from McLaughlin & Associates are any indication, the two are at the top of the pack. Plus, both are showing tra ... More >>

Michele Bachmann Can't Win Florida, Let Alone the Presidency; Here Are Five Reasons Why

David Shankbone via Wikimedia CommonsWould you vote for this woman, Florida?​The nation is all atwitter over Michele Bachmann. Not only did she thoroughly corn-poll Iowa this past Saturday -- winning the state's straw poll over Smucker's jam spokesman Ron Paul -- but also the congresswoman claimed ... More >>

Poll: Romney and McCallister Lead Florida GOP Primaries; Debt Deal Hurts Obama

​We're still in that uncertain season of the 2012 election cycle where every poll will show some different and somewhat surprising result. Quinnipiac is the latest to crunch the numbers and shows that Mitt Romney is the favorite to get the presidential nod from Republican voters in Florida. Meanwh ... More >>

Mitt Romney Cites Marco Rubio on Short List of Potential Running Mates

"Well, hey, Mitt. That's dandy."​"Vice President Marco Rubio."Sound a little strange? 2012 Republican presidential hopeful (and early Florida frontrunner) Mitt Romney said he's thinking about making it happen, according to conservative Virginia blog Bearing Drift.

Michelle Bachmann to Visit Florida to Speak to Anti-Gay Group

​The race for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination has barely just begun, and Florida has already seen numerous visits from moderate candidates such as Romney, Pawlenty, and Huntsman, but the candidates further to the right haven't made their presence known here. That's about to change when Michel ... More >>

Poll: Rick Perry Leads Florida GOP Primary, Even Though He's Not Running

​Florida Republicans don't seem to know what to make of the rag tag bunch seeking the Republican presidential nomination, so much so that a recent poll shows that the favorite nominee in the state is a guy that's not even running. Yep, apparently Florida GOPers can't get enough of various Governor ... More >>

Poll: Obama Leading All Republican Candidates in Florida, But Only Over 50 Against Palin

There's not many scenarios under which President Obama can win reelection in 2012 without winning Florida (especially considering we'll have two more electoral votes this time around). New numbers from Public Policy Polling show that while Obama is leading all Republican candidates right n ... More >>

2012 Poll: Mitt Romney Leads Republicans in Florida, Bachmann and Palin Tie for Second

​Mitt Romney is the man to beat in Florida as the 2012 Republican primary horse race heats up. Romney holds a ten-point advantage over second place finishers Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. Romney also benefits from incredibly low support for similar candidates like John Hunstman and Tim Paw ... More >>

Marlins Win! Marlins Win! Holy Sh*t, Marlins Win!

​It was an unlikely win, but a win all the same. The Marlins stopped their 11-game losing streak last night with a 5-2 win over the Angels.Javier Vazquez pitched a scoreless 5 1/3 innings, which is pretty awesome considering he entered last night's game with the worst ERA in the majors. Mike Stant ... More >>

Rick Scott for President? It's Possibly the Stupidest Thing We've Heard All Month

​"Rick Scott for president? It's possible," blares a headline for a non-story in today's St. Petersburg Times. Oddly, the third sentence in the story is a quote from Scott saying, "I'm not running for president," yet the Times political editor Adam C. Smith manages to drag the story on for 832 wo ... More >>

Mitt Romney is the GOP Front-Runner in Florida, Maybe

Mittens in guayabera. ​Back in 2008, Mitt Romney came in second place to John McCain in Florida's GOP primary, a loss that signaled the beginning of the end for his campaign. Perhaps though the Sunshine State could prove warmer to Romney's presidential hopes a second time around. A new poll from M ... More >>

Four(01K) Loko: A New Times Guide to Gaming the Recession

Can You Say, "Retirement Fund"?​These days, Miami is a steaming pile of ultra-high unemployment, corruption, and bullsh*t promises to "change the system" or "get rid of politics as usual."Yet, amid this chaotic crap heap there are opportunities for turning a serious profit. But you've got to act q ... More >>

The Tea Baggers Are Coming! The 5 Angriest Speakers At Doral's 'Taking America Back' Conference

via Huffingtonpost.comDo not be confused if this woman accosts your car in Doral today.​If your daily commute takes you through Doral -- and may god have mercy upon your soul for that -- you may notice some usual sights around the exclusive Doral Golf and Spa Resort this morning: grown men dressed ... More >>

Dumb Spring Breakers Flock to Pompano, Smart Spring Breakers Choose Miami

​Who comes to Miami during spring break? Driving around the beach the past two weeks would suggest it's mainly dumb post-pubescent kids in furry boots and microscopic bikinis. But maybe we're being too hard on our vacationers. The Florida Division of Alcoholic Beverages announced earlier this wee ... More >>

Arianna Huffington Not So Fond of Rick Sanchez, but Rednecks Love Him

The Miami New Times has a long history of disdain for former WSVN-er Rick Sanchez, but damn it if we're not warming up just a tiny bit to the overly enthusiastic, Twitter obsessed CNN anchor. Now, we don't love him nearly as much as the Red State Update guys in the video above. In fact, we'll pro ... More >>