Michael Vick

John Cena, Lance Armstrong, Michael Vick, Tiger Woods: Stars Replace Mascots on Cereal Boxes

Is caveman Fred Flintstone following T-Rex and Twinkies into extinction? If you took a trip to your local supermarket cereal aisle, you might get that idea because instead of the usual beefy neanderthal on boxes of Post Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles, you might just see WWE star John Cena. As part of a pr ... More >>

Jacory Harris Signs with Philadelphia Eagles But Will He Ever Make It?

Detractors could point to the saga of Jacory Harris as a prime example of why prospective players shouldn't sign with the Miami Hurricanes. At one point he was a buzzed about potential superstar in the making. No one blinked an eye when terms like "Heisman dark horse" and "Future NFL QB" were b ... More >>

Trayvon Martin's Death Shows Justice is Not Equal

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke is tired of marching and rallying for justice.Last week, thousands of people, led by Rev. Al Sharpton, held a rally in Sa ... More >>

The Five Most Important Proposed New Laws for Florida Animal Lovers

​Florida is a pretty horrible place to be an animal. That's due at least in part to the great conglomeration of weirdos and cretins here, of course, but stone-age animal cruelty laws have a lot to do with it as well. A few Florida senators have done their part by proposing bills that would go a lo ... More >>

LeBron James Now Only America's Sixth Most Hated Athlete!

​Good news for LeBron James! He's now only the sixth most hated professional athlete in America! That's down from second place on Forbes.com's list last year. Hell, as we've previously noted, he's no longer the most hated player in the NBA. That title now belongs to that guy who had exclusive acce ... More >>

Forget the Puppy Bowl: Five Animal Showdowns We'd Rather See

​"What's the Puppy Bowl," you reluctantly ask? It's Animal Planet exploiting a bunch of cute puppies and forcing them to play their own brand of football on national television on Super Bowl Sunday. Yes, it's a thing.The fact that people even enjoy rugby's pussy little cousin football at all is su ... More >>

Chad Ochocinco Shops at Urban Outfitters; We Offer Our Styling Suggestions

​We at Cultist must confess a certain fondness for Urban Outfitters, purveyors of ironic tees, man-repelling women's attire, and hipster gadgets of all sorts. There's something comforting and innocent about the atmosphere inside the store, like being wrapped in a warm blanket of nonchalance and id ... More >>

Black quarterbacks have no role models in the NFL

Cam Newton Could Become the Black QB Role Model That Michael Vick Never Had

Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell addresses why African-American NFL quarterbacks don't have any heroes to look up to. In baseball, African-American play ... More >>

On Wings of Poop

Dolphins Pummeled By Eagles, Still Need A Quarterback, Possibly a New Coach Too

​The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>

Fuze Announces Michael Vick As Partner, Spokesperson; Is It Too Early?

​Michael Vick is now an equity partner in Double Eagle Holdings, which owns the Fuze beverage company. The company released a press release Wednesday announcing that Vick, "one of the most dynamic athletes in the National Football League," is its new spokesperson.Is it just me or is this just too ... More >>

Q Scores: People Don't Hate LeBron James Nearly as Much Anymore

Good news for LeBron James: he's not nearly as hated as he was following his infamous "decision." According to The Q Score Company, which tracks public perception of celebrities, brands and other entities, James' popularity has slowly bounced back in the months since. Though, he's nowhere near as po ... More >>

Orange You Glad There's Football

Rachel Goodrich Performs at Churchill's Open Mic

​So, Monday night was amazingly cold. There was a lunar eclipse. I needed to get out of my cave. And I got a ride to Churchill's from my Nigerian female friend because I had heard that Rachel Goodrich was going to be performing at the open mic. Soon, I was walking into the Pub and somebody grab ... More >>

Five ways LeBron should embrace his evil side

LeBron James Says Race Was a Factor in Public Backlash

LeBron James is now the sixth most hated athlete in America after his decision to ditch Cleveland and join a superteam in Miami. He now says that part of the backlash he endured stems from racial issues. James made the comments in an interview that aired on CNN yesterday and is not backing down from ... More >>

LeBron James Embraces His Evil Side: 5 Ways The King Can Become a Super-Villain

Like Hulk Hogan before him, LeBron needs to embrace his new evil identity: "Jefe Jaime"​All summer, everybody's been hating on LeBron and the Heat. First, some bitter buckeye called the team evil. Just last week, James was named the sixth most hated athlete in America. So what's a superstar t ... More >>

LeBron James Is Now the Sixth Most Hated Athlete in America

​It's pretty clear that everyone else in the nation hates LeBron James and the Miami Heat, but now we have cold, hard numbers to back it up. The Q Score company gauges favor-ability rankings of various athletes, and after reaching a peak high of popularity last year, James is now the sixth most ha ... More >>

Crying 3-Year-Old Pushed in the Face by Horrible Man

Dealing with other people's crying kids is just a part of life. In the scheme of things, it's really nothing to get overly annoyed at. Well, a man in a Surfside Publix crossed the line.The man was in an elevator with a mother and her two young daughters. The woman's 3-year-old was crying, and the ma ... More >>

Memorial Day Weekend 2010 Friday Parties: Young Money, Diddy, Amber Rose, and More

Photo CC by 2.0, via antonfortunato on FlickrFabolous is scheduled to appear at Dream.​By tonight, the Memorial Day Weekend festivities on South Beach will kick into high gear. If you've got patience, cash to burn, and serious swagger, there's plenty to do tonight. Highlights include a Young Money ... More >>

Magic City Casino gets a big tax cut

The Miami Caliente shows blood, sweat, and lace in the Lingerie Football League

News Roundup: The Heat Finally Snaps Its Losing Streak

FIU professor Phillip Stoddard is the new mayor of South Miami; with 58 percent of the vote, he beat the incumbent. [CBS4]State welfare officials have decided to offer health insurance and other subsidies to the adopted teenage son of a gay man in Key West, despite Florida's gay adoption ban. [Heral ... More >>

Michael Vick Inspires Miami Children to Not Fund Big-Money Dogfighting Rings

Humane Society guy: "Remember: You hate dogfighting." Michael Vick: "I hate dogfighting."​On Monday afternoon, as part of his I Need to Stay in the NFL Because I Owe $20 Million Tour, quarterback/dogfighter Michael Vick showed up at the Overtown Youth Center to thoroughly confuse a gymnasium ... More >>

Miami 2009: Seven signs the End Times are nigh

Letters from the Issue of October 29, 2009

South Florida dogfighting rages on despite tough laws

South Florida According to Brooklyn: The Bubble is One of South Florida's Best New Venues

​To read past installments of South Florida According to Brooklyn, click here. While this blog has covered events there several times already, this week I want to talk about the Bubble in Fort Lauderdale. This place is what this town needs to bring back the D.I.Y. fist-raising of the late '80s and ... More >>

South Florida According to Brooklyn: I'm Still Not Down With Animal Cruelty

​A few months ago I wrote about the new anti-tether law that Joe Sanchez got approved in Miami-Dade County this past March. That was a step in the right direction to protect who can't speak for themselves. That was real progress. Which is why I'm even more pissed off, in contrast, at the return of ... More >>

The Week That Was: Sorry, Too Busy With Our Red Hot Pokers To Volunteer

via yrrek's FlickrDid you know a red hot poker is type of plant? We did not until we tried to find a photo for this post. ​Allegedly foul-mouthed Herald reporter Carol Rosenberg sure pissed off a Navy Commander Jeff Gordon with insinuations about shoving red hot pokers up his ass, for fun!, or som ... More >>

10 Music Stars Who Should Own a Piece of the Dolphins (Part 2)

​Read part one of this series here.The Miami Dolphins are for sale to the highest musical bidders. Gloria Estefan and Marc Anthony have both recently bought minority shares of the franchise, leaving us all wondering: Who's next? We've compiled a list of 10 most wanted musicians with a tie to Miami ... More >>

Dolphins Pass on Michael Vick, and Boy Is Greg Cote Upset

​The Miami Dolphins yesterday officially squashed any lingering rumors they had an interest in signing convicted felon Michael Vick, and boy, Miami Herald sports columnist Greg Cote sure is upset about it. In a column today, he calls the Dolphins "cowards," whose passing on Vick car ... More >>

Dog Bites Man

Miami Police canine units attack first, ask questions later.

News Roundup

Local Father Cutié's special lady pal issued a statement to the press letting everyone know she did not set him up. [CBS4] Miami-Dade teachers have agreed to two unpaid days off in order to help balance the district's budget. [Herald] Ironically, teachers have to pay more to be certified. [CBS4] ... More >>

Miami According to Brooklyn

Commish Joe Sanchez deserves a handshake.

Joey Porter Resurrects the Fins, Entertains the Nation

It's Peezy time in the city.

Don't Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England's offense totaled 530 yards -- the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. ... More >>

Joey Porter Cool With Pit Bull Fighting, Not Cocker Spaniel Brawls

Is there any extra duct tape lying around the Dolphins locker room? How about a ball gag? Because there are times when Joey Porter just needs to shut up. Porter was sharing his deep thoughts on the Michael Vick case and decided Vick should be given another shot in the NFL because he was abusing p ... More >>

Picking First Sucks

T.I. Still Behind Bars

The Lexus Leprechaun

Miami Police Chief John Timoney is just another lucky Irishman

Michael Vick is NOT Inhumane

The Bitch

Werewolves in the End Zone

Best Hurricanes Football Player

Ken Dorsey