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Miami New Times

  • Blogs

    November 7, 2012

    Victoria Jackson Is Not Taking Obama's Reelection Well: "America Died"

    Miami's own SNL star turned Tea Party Queen Victoria Jackson is not having a good day. After all, a communist remains in the White House. While it may not have been quite as ridiculous as Donald Trump's now infamous Twitter meltdown, Jackson vented her emotions on social media and proclaimed America ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2012

    Flo Rida Donates Insane Football Uniforms to Carol City High

    The Miami Carol City Senior High football team will definitely be making a fashion statement next year.The school's 50th anniversary is coming up, and one of its most famous alumni, rapper Flo Rida, has decided to celebrate by donating the gift of Native American-print football leggings to the Carol ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: South by South Pointe

    Today's photo comes from Keylargo_divers' Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    October 25, 2012

    Hurricane Sandy Brings Soggy Weather, Probably Won't Ruin Your Halloween Weekend

    Hurricane Sandy isn't expected to make landfall in Florida, but the storm will still be annoying as the outer bands hit the southeastern part of the state throughout the day.Miami-Dade is under a tropical storm warning, meaning a lot of rain and wind are expected. The conditions are forecasted to la ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 24, 2012

    Nearly 10 Percent of Florida Voters Have Cast an Absentee Ballot So Far; Republicans Hold Edge

    Just under one million Floridians have already cast their ballots in the presidential elections, and the number is closing in on the 10 percent total mark of all Florida registered voters. So far, though, Republicans have turned in more absentee ballots than Democrats, but their absentee advantage i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 8, 2012

    Miami Man Sets Himself on Fire, Demands "Just Let Me Die"

    A Miami man who reportedly set himself on fire started chanting "just let me die" when a family member tried to help. The man had attempted to burn himself and his Toyota Camry in front of his father-in-law's home.

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Taking a Deuce

    Today's photo comes from Sean Was Here's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    September 21, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Hearts of Stone

    Today's photo comes from Keylargo_diver's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    September 18, 2012

    Homestead Elementary On Lockdown After Suspects Run Inside After Police Chase

    Leisure City K-8 Center, an elementary and middle school in Homestead, is on lockdown after a police chase ended nearby and a group of suspects ran into the school to escape police. Details on the situation are foggy at the moment, but police have set up a perimeter around the school.

  • Blogs

    September 18, 2012

    Floridians Warned Not to Interrupt Big Manatee Orgies

    If you see a large group of manatees suddenly show up in shallow water and start rubbing up against each other, there's a good chance they're humping, and you shouldn't try to interrupt them.Recently, such a group has appeared near Siesta Beach on Siesta Key, and wildlife officials have had to remin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 18, 2012

    The "Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say" Video Is Finally Here

    So, we've had "Shit Miami Girls (and Guys) Say" and "Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say," and now finally we have "Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say." Yeah, the guy behind the Miami Heat video has finally applied his magic to the Canes Nation. And it is totally true: No, we don't want to drive 30 minutes to ou ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 13, 2012

    County Commissioners Pepe Diaz And Sally Heyman Want To Expose Horrible Dog Owners

    Forget about absentee ballot brokers stealing elections! Forget about county officials stealing from the public till! Forget about the Miami Marlins ball park boondoggle! Irresponsible dog owners are clearly the greatest menace facing our community.A pair of Miami-Dade County commissioners are pushi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 12, 2012

    University of Miami Drops in College Rankings, But Still Best In Florida

    The University of Miami has dropped out of the top 40 of US News and Colleges Reports' widely cited college rankings, reversing years of slowly trudging up the rankings. The school dropped from 38th, its highest ranking ever, to 44 this year. Despite that, UM still remains the highest ranked school ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 11, 2012

    Obama-Hugging Florida Pizza Maker Facing Boycott, Yelp Abuse

    Scott Van Duzer made headlines around the world on Sunday when he lifted President Obama off the ground in a back-cracking bear hug that amazingly didn't result in a swift Tasering by Secret Service agents.The hug has resulted in Van Duzer's business becoming the most politically debated pizza shop ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 5, 2012

    DNC 2012: Julian Castro Speech Makes for Some Awkward Signs

    Republicans are pros at pandering. When they come to Miami, they always appear at Versailles Café and rage about the Cuban regime. And, of course, they held their convention in Tampa last week in an effort to court curmudgeonly Florida voters.Democrats? Not so much. They are sure to have lost some ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 5, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Lightning Strikes

    Today's photo comes from __Dori__'s Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here, join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    August 31, 2012

    UMiami Study: Heavy Drinkers Work Out Harder Than Non-Drinkers

    You really want that six pack? Maybe you should down a six pack every night. According to a new University of Miami study, people who report heavy drinking habits work out harder than moderate drinkers and non-drinkers. This also might explain why the University of Miami gym is so damned packed all ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 31, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Tromboning

    Today's photo comes from Amadeus' Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    August 30, 2012

    Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann Hugging All Up On Each Other While Talking About Cake (Video)

    Yesterday, New Times' correspondent Victor Gonzalez caught up with none other than former GOP presidential hopefuls (and, hence, rivals) Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann. The primary battle apparently didn't come between their friendship, because the two caressed each others' Republican backs with ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 29, 2012

    RNC 2012: Geraldo Rivera On "Slut Stamps," Swingers, and Drugs In The Bathroom

    When we ran into Geraldo Rivera broadcasting live from the Republican National Convention, we asked him what everyone wanted to know: whether he was among the nearly 6 million people who watched our recent "Girl Gets Butt Hole Tattoo" video. "Can't say that I have," he replied. "But I have plenty of ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 29, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Rising Sun

    Today's photo comes from __Dori__'s Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    August 29, 2012

    Here's RNC Delegates' Dance Moves Set to "My Neck, My Back" For Some Reason

    Have you been watching the Republican National Convention? If not you're missing out on learning all the latest white people dance moves like the "cowboy hat wave," the "granny clap and shuffle," and the "index finger shimmy." Get caught up with this video set to "My Neck, My Back" by rapper Khia, w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 28, 2012

    Ten-Foot-Tall Bloody Pig to Protest Miami Walmart

    There's a lot of sensory overload in Miami, so it takes something bold to get people to turn their heads. Mercy for Animals devised something that might make people stop and check out its display.A ten-foot-tall bloody pig in a cage outside Walmart.

  • Blogs

    August 28, 2012

    Appleton Rum Remixology Challenge at Blackbird Ordinary: Cocktails Set To Music

    What do you get when you ask some of Miami's best bartenders to set their cocktails to music? One entertaining evening filled with rum, costumes, music, and more than a little mayhem. We're talking about the Appleton Estate Jamaica rum remixology bartender challenge, held at Blackbird Ordinary last ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 24, 2012

    Florida Teen Accidentally Shot Himself In the Crotch

    A Florida teenager is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the dick. Obviously, all of Florida is hoping and praying that this genius will recover and one day be able to procreate.The incident happened early Thursday morning in Port St. Lucie. Police arrived at the local hospital to che ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 22, 2012

    Roger Goodell Is So Not Welcome at Jonathan Vilma's Miami BBQ Joint

    Miami's hottest new BBQ joint is Brother's Jimmy BBQ in Brickell. Short Order seems to love it, and it's owned by three former Miami Hurricanes players, including Jonathan Vilma. Everyone is welcome to try a bit of their Carolina-style barbecue. Everyone, that is, except for NFL Commissioner Roger G ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 21, 2012

    Bill Rose, ex-Tropic Magazine Editor, Remembers Hurricane Andrew 20 Years Later

    See a full slideshow remembering Hurricane Andrew here. Also read "Hurricane Andrew at 20: Miami Herald Reporters Remember."  In a column published today, I gathered memories of a bunch of ex Miami Herald reporters about covering Hurricane Andrew, which ruined Miami 20 years ago today. The news ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 16, 2012

    Feds Drop Charges Against Miami Doctor Because They've Got Too Much Evidence

    Back in 2007, the feds indicted a Miami doctor for allegedly writing bogus prescriptions for hydrocodone and other addictive medicines shipped across the country through an online pharmacy. The case was more than solid; in fact, prosecutors gathered more than 400,000 pages of records to bolster thei ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 15, 2012

    Five Hundred Canaries Stolen From 87-Year-Old Miami Man's Home

    Proving that thieves in Miami will steal just about anything if given the chance, two suspects stole 500 canaries from the home of an 87-year-old man. Yes, those tiny, chirping little pet birds.

  • Blogs

    August 13, 2012

    Chris Paciello, Former SoBe Kingpin, Beats DUI Charges

    Ever notice how some of Miami's most connected, bold-faced names always manage to get their DUIs reduced to reckless driving charges? It was a recurring theme in our rundown of celeb mugshots.Well, controversial South Beach nightlife icon Chris Paciello is the latest to join the club. He's escaped D ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 10, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Duck, Duck...

    Today's photo comes from Jorge Jane Photography's Flickr. If you'd like to see you photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    August 6, 2012

    The Five Worst Primary Candidates: Our Haters Guide To Next Tuesday's Election

    With Miami's primary elections rolling in on August 14, Banana Republican decided to do Dade a solid by tallying up the worst scalawags, scoundrels, and scumbags who weaseled onto the ballot. Rock the vote, long live democracy, and all that jazz.But honestly, we'd rather you stay at home and watch D ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 6, 2012

    Florida Man Tried to Trade Baby for Food

    Police in Orange Park, Florida, a Jacksonville suburb, are on the lookout for a man they believe was trying to trade a child for food. On Saturday night, the man went door to door at a motel and asked several people if they'd like to make the despicable deal.

  • Blogs

    August 6, 2012

    Bal Harbour Shops Purse Thief Falls From Second Story Trying to Escape

    A woman who attempted to snatch a purse this weekend at the ritzy Bal Harbour Shops ended up falling from the mall's second story while trying to escape. The victim, who had $20,000 in cash in the purse, had attempted to chase after the would-be burglar.

  • Blogs

    August 2, 2012

    Man Arrested for Batman Theater Scare Says He Was Just Mad at Someone Texting Too Much

    David Martin Escamillo, the man arrested this week for causing a panic during a screening of The Dark Knight Rises at the Regal cinema in South Beach, says he never intended to scare his fellow movie goers and was just angry at a man who was texting too much during the screening.

  • Blogs

    August 2, 2012

    Marlins Facebook Account Hacked with Promise of "Free Pit Bull" Night

    Earlier today, someone hacked into the Facebook accounts of several Major League Baseball teams and the Marlins were not spared. For a brief moment, the Marlins Facebook page promised the first 10,000 fans in attendance at the next game that they'd receive a free "fighting pit bull."

  • Blogs

    July 30, 2012

    Marlins Firesale: Four More Creative Ways For Jeffrey Loria To Cash Out On The Team

    By the time you read this, your favorite Miami Marlin has probably been sent packing. For the third time in franchise history, a fire sale is raging. The face of the franchise, Hanley Ramirez, is now a Dodger; the last Marlin to throw a no-no, Anibal Sanchez, and the best infielder, Omar Infante, ar ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 24, 2012

    Florida Puppeteer Arrested for Plans to Kidnap, Rape, Cook, and Eat Children

    Robert Brown was about as successful a puppeteer as a puppeteer can be in Tampa Bay. He regularly performed in high schools, at kids' parties, and even for the Tampa Bay Rays.In his free time, though, he liked to log on to the Internet and discuss his fantasies about kidnapping, raping, cooking, and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 24, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Gator Bot

    Today's photo comes from KeyLargo_Diver's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here, join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    July 19, 2012

    Trailer for the Dolphin's Hard Knocks Season Looks Like Every Miami TV Show Opening Ever

    The Miami Dolphins foray into reality TV is almost upon us as HBO's Hard Knocks premieres on August 7, and the premium channel released the first footage in the form of a trailer today. It looks ... just about like the opening montage of every single television series set in Miami ever, except with ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 18, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Beakin'

    Today's photo comes from Jorge Jane Photography's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    July 16, 2012

    Miami Heat Will Play Two Games in China Against Los Angeles Clippers

    It may not be the Miami versus Los Angeles series most of us are salivating for (Heat take Lakers in six games during next year's finals, right?), but that's OK, because we won't even get to see it anyway. The NBA has announced that the Heat will head over to China for two preseason games against th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 12, 2012

    American Airlines Plane With Pressure Problems

    An American Airlines plane that took off from Fort Lauderdale is headed for Miami International Airport with cabin pressure problems, NBC reports. The flight took off at 9:15 a.m., but still hadn't arrived at 10:20. There are 147 people aboard.Five people were hospitalized yesterday after severe tur ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 12, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Sun House

    Today's photo comes from My Little Photo Album's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    July 10, 2012

    Coco Stabs Talks His First Piercing, Clitoral Hood (Video)

    Read also "Miami's Extreme Body Modifiers Brave Social Stigma and Legal Action to Pursue Their Passion."Picture 350 pounds of bearded, pierced, and tattooed flesh swinging from meat hooks shanked through back fat.That's a rough idea of what Coco Stabs does for fun.Coco is one subject of this week's ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 10, 2012

    The Secret to Marinating Meat

    The food universe is infinite, which makes learning about it a never-ending pursuit. For decades I've been marinating various meats, but it wasn't until I caught a rerun of America's Test Kitchen on the local PBS station that I gleaned the secret to getting a marinade to truly penetrate and add ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 10, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Deer in Camo

    Today's photo comes from 427Fan's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here, join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    July 5, 2012

    North Miami Church Burns After Kids Set Off Fireworks on Roof

    It wasn't a happy Fourth of July for the the Pilgrim Evangelical Church in North Miami. The place of worship caught fire and was practically gutted by fire yesterday, and kids playing with fireworks on the church's roof might be to blame.

  • Blogs

    July 5, 2012

    305 Photo of the Day: Go Boom

    Today's photo comes from Michael Pancier Photography's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

  • Blogs

    July 3, 2012

    Chad Ochocinco Invited Recently Widowed Twitter Fan to His Wedding

    The Dolphins' Chad Ochocino may be a bit of an oddball, but you can't say his heart isn't in the right place. After receiving a Twitter message from a fan in Ohio who had recently lost her husband of 30 years, the wide receiver decided to invite her to his upcoming destination wedding to reality TV ... More >>

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