Subject: Miami Hurricanes

• The Real Reason the 'Canes are Blowing it

  October 31, 2006

• Canes vs. Gators, Wowza!

  September 5, 2008

• We Are All Lindsay Lohans Now

  September 8, 2008

• Escape Reality With Football

  September 26, 2008

• UCF Gives Miami A One-Finger Salute

  October 13, 2008

• Weekend Football: Make a Statement

  October 17, 2008

• Night & Day Events

  November 24, 2005

• Thursday Night Football: Canes vs Virginia Tech

  Virginia Tech Hookies @ Miami Hurricanes, 7:30 pm on ESPN The sports press has a crush on all the young, true freshman on University of Miami's footballing sports crew, but they aren't sure if they're ready to commit. Sure, the Canes have won four in a row and have an actual chance to take home their first ACC title, but their dreams about riding of into the sunset on green and orange Unicorns with the title in one arm and the sports pundits in the other will almost certainly be dashed. The

  November 13, 2008

• The U is in First Place, Jim Kelly Still an Insufferable Douchebag

  Don’t look now but the Miami Hurricanes are in first place in the ACC Coastal Division. Couldn’t decide between watching the Canes getting their mojo back or 30 Rock last night? That’s what the "previous channel" button on the remote is for (or, for those of you still living in a world where high-def DVDs are the next big thing, Britney Spears is on top of the charts, and our presidents are white, DVRs are a nice thing to get your hands on too). I was able to watch Robert Marve run in ci

  November 14, 2008

• Randy Shannon's Cryptic Punditry

  UM Coach Randy Shannon is clearly sending secret signals to the GOP about the path to redemption after a few years of stining defeat. Listen Republicans, Randy Shannon took the helms of Larry Coker's sinking ship and has turned it around. Whoever takes over your party in is going to face the same problem, but substitute Coker with Bush (who was also a coker back in the 70's). --Kyle Munzenrieder

  November 14, 2008

• Thursday-Night Football: Miami vs. Georgia Tech

  Miami Hurricanes @ Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, 7:30 tonight on ESPN The Kiddy Canes right now are fly like paper and high like planes, and the rest of the ACC Coastal division is at their total mercy. If they win the next two games, they're guaranteed a spot in the ACC title game. In fact there's a number of scenarios under which Miami could clinch the spot tonight, depending on which teams win and lose on Saturday. Tonight's matchup against the Yellow Jackets should be a close one, but -- ruh

  November 20, 2008

• File Under "Ass Beating"

  Old photo, same result Ah, the resurrected Miami Hurricanes football program. Ranked in the top 25 again! Headed to the ACC title game! Unable to stop some one-legged homeless guy from Atlanta from busting off a 15-yard run! There are many ways to prove that the AP voters have overranked your team. But it takes a special group of young men to bitch-slap voters in the face by giving up 475 yards of rushing to a so-so Georgia Tech team in a 41-23 meltdown on national television. Bye-bye ACC t

  November 21, 2008

• News Roundup

  Gunnery Sgt. Marcelo R. Velasco, 40, of Miami died in Iraq last week. He is the 4,202nd US Troop to be killed in this war. [Defense Link]Do these people have any sort of heart? Do they have any sort of sense of what's right for society beyond responding to their base level fears and ignorance? Plans are already underway to make challenges to preemptively ban domestic partnership benefits for same-sex couples in Florida cities that don't already have them. [Herald]Our invitation to Charlie Crist'

  November 24, 2008

• Pretty in the City: A Tale of Two Shopping Events

  As the economy has tightened, Pretty in the City has noticed a distinct correlation between crowds at high-end department stores and the rise of female-centric shopping events and trunk shows. As the crowds able to afford splurges at Neiman-Marcus and Nordstrom's continue to shrink, more of these fun "girls just wanna have fun" retail discount parties have been popping up. Just this year, there has been Gen Art's Shop Miami, Splurge's O' What a Night at Jungle Island, and New Times' own Thread/

  November 24, 2008

• Weekend Football: The Doldrums

  Cold, hard reality set in last week for Miami's two most notable football squads. The Fins lost their rematch to the Pats, and the Canes saw their ACC title hopes evaporate. Hopefully they'll be able to put their disappointment behind them and not squander seasons that are, by last year's standards, pretty damn successful. Miami Dolphins @ St. Louis Rams, Sunday 1 p.m. on CBSThe Rams are a two-win team, but the Fins were upset earlier in the season by the then-winless Texans. Joey Porter and c

  November 28, 2008

• News Roundup

  What to do about these Miami Hurricanes? Even during their darkest hours they've always had a respectable defense. This season could have been a statement, but in their last two games that reliable defense faltered, culminating in a fall from a brief stay in the rankings, a chance at the ACC championship game, and Saturday's loss to the team that for all season was ranked last in their division. Its not so great to be a Miami Hurricane. [AP]The Canes will likely play in the Dr. Scholl's Deodoran

  December 1, 2008

• Crosstown Rivals: FIU @ UM

  Oh, no! Your Miami Hurricanes basketball team has fallen out of the AP's Top 25 poll! They're currently 5-2, and both of those losses were to unbeaten teams, so there's not that much shame and a good chance for a resurgence. But tonight they get the chance to let off some steam and build up some confidence against cross-town rivals, the FIU Golden Panthers. The Panthers are currently 4-5, and Miami will get the home-court advantage. Tip-off is at 7:30 p.m. Don't expect a brawl, unless underdog F

  December 12, 2008

• The Emerald Bowl Ain't That Exciting

  Your weekly football fix won't come until this weekend, but since Riptide will be quite quiet the rest of the week we'll be doing our trademarked very informative Football previews today!The Emerald Bowl: Miami Hurricanes vs California Golden Bears, Saturday Dec 27th 8pm on ESPNThe last time anyone really got excited about a UM bowl game was the team's string of appearances in the Peach Bowl back in '04 and '05. The second of which resulted in an embarrassing loss to LSU, the first of which

  December 24, 2008

• Maybe the Hurricanes Don't Completely Suck at Basketball

  Up until last night, the '09 edition of the University of Miami basketball team had been acting more like a UM football squad circa the 1990s, in all its cocaine-fueled, felonious glory. Except without all the victories. Best of both worlds, really. The school tossed point guard Eddie Rios off the team last month after he admitted to hiding more than $3,400 in stolen electronics -- including a Sony laptop, an Xbox 360, and 12 DVDs -- in a white pillowcase under his dorm-room desk. The C

  February 5, 2009

• Canes Need a Winning Streak, Starting with FSU

  After a series of heartbreaking overtime losses, the Canes have fallen to 4-7 in ACC play and desperately need to rack up a few more conference wins to keep those NCAA tourney hopes alive. The good news for UM is that the remaining ACC teams left to play are more than beatable. Tonight at 7, the Canes will play rival FSU in Tallahassee, after beating the team earlier in the season. The Seminoles are coming off of their worst loss of the season against Wake Forest, and a loss by either might dama

  February 18, 2009

• News Roundup

  Well, gosh darn it, ya'll. Your Miami Hurricanes basketballing team lost pretty badly to FSU: 80-67. There goes hopes of finishing out ACC regular-season play with more wins than losses. [Democrat]One of the top producers at Stanford Group's Miami office says he raised red flags about something fishy going on. R. Allen Stanford is, of course, the latest mini-Madoff. [Herald]Speaking of, the feds raided that Miami office last night. [CBS4]Fewer people are moving to Florida. Apparently the cruddy

  February 19, 2009

• News Roundup

  Local Carlos Alvarez recommends that the county add 13 hybrid buses to its fleet. [SFBJ] The final words of the music teacher who killed his wife and two daughters: "I love you," spoken to the 16-year-old son he shot at but missed. [AP] Some British guy was having a marvelous time over here in Florida opening one fraudulent business after another until the feds indicted him today. [SFBJ] After a shutdown at Turkey Point, FPL demanded nuclear reactors be brought back online in 12 hours. The top

  March 12, 2009

• Well, The Hurricanes' Tournament Hopes Have Been Crushed

  Virginia Tech savaged your Miami Hurricanes Basketballing squad 65-47 in the first round of the ACC tournament. Which means their NCAA tourny hopes are dead. The 'Canes started the season regularly ranked in the top 25, but slipped off the rankings with in the first month and never really recovered. They proved they could hold their own against some of the ACC's top teams, but repeatedly failed to seal the deal. There's always next year I suppose, but Jack McClinton will be gone. So let's see Hu

  March 12, 2009

• Riptide's Guide on Who to Hate During Miami's March Madness

  By now you've seen the brackets so many times you know North Dakota State's mascot by heart and you'll break down in tears if another person mentions President Obama's picks. Via Syracuse Athletic Dept. Don't root for this guy.But are you really ready for Miami's first-round matchups tomorrow at the AA Arena? More important, do you know whom to mercilessly scream obscenities at every time they touch the hardwood? Well, fear not -- here at Riptide, we're ready to chug some haterade

  March 19, 2009

• Relive All the Magic of the Canes' 7-6 Season

  "Get your hot new DVDs of a franchise that used to be amazing and now is just kind of 'meh'! Right here! Only $20!" "Oh, you've got Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?" "No, it's the highlight DVD of the Miami Hurricanes' 2008 football season."Even AllCanes, the company hawking it, admits it's kind of a hard sell: "When you initially think of a 7-6 season, you assume there can't be too many highlights. On one level, I absolutely agree."But, y'know, some of these freshmen migh

  April 8, 2009

• Homecoming U

  October 23, 2008

• New-Era Canes

  The post-Orange Bowl age kicks off.

  August 28, 2008

• Canes Got Sugar

  June 19, 2008

• Cane Collapse

  How UM's March Madness came to an end.

  March 27, 2008

• Orange Bowl Adios

  October 25, 2007

• Get It While You Can

  October 11, 2007

• U Can Do It

  September 20, 2007

• Make Nice with the Noles

  August 31, 2006

• Grandmasters in Guayaberas

  May 4, 2006

• Dancing Is a Sport!

  September 1, 2005

• Who Dat?

  May 27, 2004

• BEST HEAT HOMEBOY

  May 13, 2004

• BEST SPORTS COACH

  May 15, 2003

• Best Baseball Camp

  May 17, 2001

• Best Local Sports Coach

  May 11, 2000

• Riptide

  October 28, 1999

• News Roundup

  Local Father Cutié's special lady pal issued a statement to the press letting everyone know she did not set him up. [CBS4] Miami-Dade teachers have agreed to two unpaid days off in order to help balance the district's budget. [Herald] Ironically, teachers have to pay more to be certified. [CBS4] Miami Gardens Mayor Shirley Gibson is entering the race for Kendrick Meek's house seat. [SFLCN] An accused murderess on trial for taking part in killing her boss, a psychiatrist, and his son exe

  May 20, 2009

• Canes Falter in ACC Tournament

  Being a Hurricanes fan is a bit tough at the moment, but there's always baseball. Oh, there will always be the baseball team. One of the greatest programs in college baseball are perennial contenders, but things haven't worked out that well this year. A 36-20 record is nothing to sneeze at, but it's a far cry from last years showing when the Canes won their first ever conference championship and went into the NCAA tournament ranked number one. But for a team that graduated a

  May 22, 2009

• News Roundup

  MDC's Wolfson Campus will hold a public screening of the Michael Jackson Memorial today. [Herald]Someone went on a car vandalizing spree in Hialeah. [CBS4]Charlie Crist has a pretty humble net worth for a high-profile politician. [NakedPolitics]Meanwhile, Marco Rubio is $900,000 in debt. [NakedPolitics]A new park-and-ride lot will open in Cutler Bay. [SFBJ]Halle Berry is in town, y'all. [BuzzNet]Paris Hilton will be back in a Miami courtroom Thursday as part of her legal tangling with the pr

  July 7, 2009

• News Roundup

  A boat carrying about 200 Haitians capsized. Two are dead and about 85 are missing. [AFP]Found in Miami: Another dead horse, believed to have been killed for meat. [NBCMiami]"Can you tweet your way to a job?" Maybe, but it just sounds sad. [Herald]"Miami Hurricanes coach Randy Shannon: Top concern is winning games." Isn't that pretty much the top concern of just about everyone in sports? [Herald]

  July 28, 2009

• Cops Videotaped Pulling Guns on Innocent UM Student on His First Day of Class

  UMPD holds student at gunpoint in a case of mistaken identity from Miami Hurricane on Vimeo. Jordan Chusid, a transfer student who originally attended UCF, was just about to leave campus after his first day attending University of Miami. Then he got an ol' Miami-style welcome: a gun to the head. Last Wednesday, he was talking on his cell phone when cops ran up to him with guns drawn and ordered him to get down on the ground. Apparently, Chusid matched the identity of a suspect who stole a m

  August 31, 2009

• Weekend Football: Let the Band Play On

   FAMU Rattlers @ Miami Hurricanes, Saturday 7pm on ESPN 306 and WVUM 90.5 FMThe Fins will play Monday, but first will come the Canes vs. FAMU game this Saturday. Let's hope the latter doesn't turn into a notable matchup. There are a few story lines, but mostly "yawn." The most exicitng part could possibly be the fact that the FAMU band will play a 15-minute post-game concert. Above is their latest dance routine, and after the cut is a portion of their tribute to Michael Jackson. Spoiler ale

  October 9, 2009

• News Roundup

  Gerald Posner speaks about the ol' coke days of Miami-past: "You could go to a dentist and pay him with an eight-ball. You could rent a boat with cocaine. It sounds like a bad movie, but it's true." [WSJ] The Miami Hurricanes took easy care of the FAMU rattlers in a game of college football. It was then decided that they are now the 9th best college footballing team in the nation. They have future games scheduled where they'll have to prove that they are indeed worthy of that ranking. [AP]

  October 12, 2009

• The Week That Was: Full of Horrible Losses

  ​Your Miami Dolphins started the week off with a horibly embarrassing loss to the New Orleans Saints, only to get slaughtered by a bunch of angry Japanese people on this week's South Park. Ted Ginn Jr. made us lose our last nerve.The Hurricanes also had their own horrible loss most of their wildest hopes and dreams for the season dashed by the Clemson Tigers.Yes, even your Miami Herald had a horrible loss this week, except it was by means of circulation.Miami Art Museum lost their director, Te

  October 30, 2009

• News Roundup

  Surprise, surprise! Politicians who were in favor of easing sanctions on Cuba changed their mind once they got big donations from the U.S.-Cuba Democracy Political Action Committee. [Herald] City of Miami politics sucks so much, sort of like a vacuum. So now their is a vacuum of power, if you will, that new Mayor Regalado may be able to fill to his liking. [Herald]Here is a suggestion that Charlie Crist hires Heather Locklear to be a member of his campaign staff. [Herald]University of Miami

  November 16, 2009