Miami Heat

Pepe Billete Releases "Welcome to Dade County" Music Video, Miami Continues to S#!* on Lil Wayne Lame

First, it was a three-page open letter directed at some shitty rapper who said extraordinarily heinous things about a city that has unconditionally and inexplicably embraced his sorry ass. Now, Pepe Billete has rallied the troops yet again to continue the public shaming of a has-been MC in his lat ... More >>

Heat Pull Out 11th Straight, Beat Cavs 109-105

No Oscars were awarded for Dwyane Wade's fourth-quarter performance Sunday night. Just another Miami Heat win, that's all. With his team down seven with just under four minutes to go, the man they once called "Flash" played the role of superhero, scoring 11 of his 24 in the game's final five minutes ... More >>

Pitbull To Lil Wayne: Stop Eating "Pinga," Drops "Harlem Shake" Freestyle

Con los terroristas Cubanitos... Get it straight, when it comes to Miami-Dade County, Pitbull will "ride for [his] motherfuckin' clique, die for [his] motherfuckin' clique," and "bust heads with [his] motherfuckin' clique." And if you "talk shit, watch [his] shit go click." He's not kidding. It's ... More >>

Heat Wins Ninth Straight, Spanks Bulls 86-67

Chicago might be best known for its deep-dish pizza, but Thursday night in Miami, it was their turnovers that the Heat found delicious. Mmmmmm! Capitalizing on 27 Chicago mistakes, Miami was able to breeze to a 86-67 victory over the Bulls for its ninth straight win.Hollywood as hell, bro.

Travis Porter, Kirko Bangz, Ca$h Out, and Rizinstar Tour Cancel Miami Stop

Who in the 305 "want[s] to get up close and personal with your favorite #RizinStar artist?" Well, sorry. It ain't gonna happen 'cause the Rizinstar Tour with Travis Porter, Kirko Bangz, Ca$h Out, and others has nixed its show at the James L. Knight Center in downtown Miami. The venue and Ticketm ... More >>

Heat Trade Dexter Pittman: His Greatest Heat Hits

In a shocking move that should surely rile the Miami fanbase, Pat Riley has decided to trade certified superstar Dexter Pittman to the Memphis Grizzlies. The legendary center will be dealt away with a second round pick. The Heat will gain a trade exception the "draft rights of forward Ricky Sanchez" ... More >>

Dadgum Good Hoops

Lil Wayne on War With Miami Heat: "I Don't Apologize"

Lil Wayne ain't sorry. Just a few minutes ago, the Young Money maniac called up 99 Jamz's Felisha Monet to discuss his war with the Miami Heat and his now-infamous taunt: "Fuck LeBron! Fuck She-Wade! ... And, and, and, I fucked Chris Bosh wife!" But when Ms. Monet confronted Weezy about dissing th ... More >>

It's Time Miami Stops Being Lil Wayne's Bitch

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why Lil Wayne is a dick.Miamians are mad as hell at rapper Lil Wayne because he said fuck the Heat, LeBron James, Dwyane ... More >>

West Edges Heat-Dominated East All-Stars 143-138 As Bosh Has a Game to Forget

Chris Paul and the West All-Stars edged a East team featuring three Miami Heat starters 143-138 Sunday Night. Even though LeBron and Wade combined for 40 points and were good for a few of their typical "Flying Death Machine" highlight finishes, it was Paul who snagged the game MVP with 20 points, 15 ... More >>

Miami Heat Fans Attack Lil Wayne: "Nah, Meng! We Declare War on You! Go Home!"

A warning: Don't fuck with the Heat. Unless you wanna get burned. And then chased outta town by a rabid mob of hard-core Dade County sports fanatics, led by a freakish orange-haired mascot with a miniature green basketball for a face. Of course, Lil Wayne don't listen to nobody. So ever since getti ... More >>

Heat Win Seventh Straight Game, Dominate Thunder 110-100

It turns out LeBron James is nothing like a box of chocolates, because you always know what you're gonna get: no caramel, no coconut, just COBRADICK. LeBron James topped 30 points for the seventh consecutive game (all Heat wins) Thursday night, leading the Heat to a 110-100 win over the Oklahom ... More >>

Heat Pull Away With Late Run, Win Sixth Straight 117-104 Over Blazers

Down 102-101 with four minutes left, with danger knocking at the door of the Heat's five-game winning streak, the Miami Heat collectively reminded everyone -- they are the ones that knock. Miami bested the Blazers 117-104 Tuesday night, once again led by LeBron James and his 30 points, six rebounds, ... More >>

Heat Hold Off Rockets 114-108 Thanks To 63 Points From James, Wade

Facing a high scoring Houston Rockets team without Chris Bosh, the Miami Heat found themselves thrust into a good old fashioned cock fight. Unfortunately for the Rockets, even without Bosh - the Heat bring two Big Swinging Dicks to the scrum. LeBron James and Dwyane Wade combined for 63 po ... More >>

Crappy but Dangerous

Sun Life Stadium Upgrade: Miami-Dade Taxpayers Should Fund It

LeBron James, Heat Shut Up Smack-Talking Nets with 105-85 Win

During shootaround prior to last night's game, Brooklyn's pedestrian, no-rings, Dopey-headed fool of a starting power forward, Reggie Evans, ran off his mouth about how the Heat's championship "didn't count" because of the lockout and how LeBron James was no different then a lot of other players in ... More >>

Super-Bad Bobcats

Best Balls

The Miami Dolphins Deserve Our Help

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke comes to the defense of the Miami Dolphins.I'm with Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross on this one. The county and state should gi ... More >>

Miami Heat Worth $625 Million: Sixth Most Valuable in the NBA

The Miami Heat are worth a cool $625 million, according to the latest NBA team valuations by Forbes.com. That's up 307 percent since last year, or almost $200 million since 2012 when the team was valued at $427 million. Apparently that championship made a big difference.

Defeat Detroit

Heat Top Lakers 99-90 As LeBron, Wade Score 66 Combined

We cool now, Heat fans? LeBron and Wade came into the Staples Center last night, dropped their shorts and proceeded to Danza-slap every Lakers player, coach and fan in attendance with a 99-90 victory that was ALL D-Wade and Cobradick.The Heat were the real stars in attendance despite the presence of ... More >>

Kings of Calle Ocho

Miami Lawyer Sues San Antonio Spurs For Resting Star Players On Nov. 29

Despite winning it all last year (suck it Thunder), doubts remain about the Miami Heat. The team has lost three of its last four games, Dwayne Wade is currently cranky about playing time, and our most devoted fans remain of the blow-job-giving variety.On top of all that, a local lawyer is now suing ... More >>

Heat Fall to Pacers 87-77 As Rebounding Woes Continue

Before last night's game, LeBron James said the Heat would 'be ready' to face a Pacers team that had done a ton of trash talking against the Heat dating back to last year's Eastern Conference Semifinals when the Heat started that series down 2-1. Then the Pacers came out and dominated the boards en ... More >>

Biting The Bulls

Poll: Sports Fans Felt Miami Heat's Win Was Only Fourth Best Championship This Year

What the what? LeBron James, perhaps the most recognizable athlete on the planet, won his first NBA championship after two years of non-stop media and public scrutiny. But, America didn't think it was that big of a deal. According to a new Marist poll of sports fans, the Heat's win was only the four ... More >>

Bad Blood

Holiday Heat

Borscht Film Festival Returns December 13 to 16

Shoddy Defense, Turnovers Lead Warriors to 97-95 Victory Over Heat

Most Heat fans probably went in to last night's game thinking we'd make a delicious ass souffle out of the Golden State Warriors but instead the Heat faced a young, feisty, and just very, very good Warriors team looking to go 5-0 on their road trip. OH, HOW THE TABLES WERE TURNED!

Just Perfect

Cure Your Art Hangover

Heat Edge Out Spurs' B-Team To 105-100 Win

The Heat managed to pull out a 105-100 victory last night despite the Spurs fielding a team without Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker or Tim Duncan -- all of which were sent home by Coach Gregg Poppovich to San Antonio after playing 4 games in the last 5 nights. Without San Antonio's own Big Three this figu ... More >>

Rydel Deed: Speed Demon

Wade, Bosh Disappear As Heat Downed By Clippers 107-100

OK, it's been established the Heat are crappy on the West Coast during the regular season. We get it.The Miami Heat fell 107-100 to the Los Angeles Clippers last night on a night where Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were nowhere to be found and very little fucks were to be given after the first half.

Heat Throttle Nets 103-73, Don't Care "Where Brooklyn At?"

Your WORLD CHAMPION Miami Heat took on the newly-relocated Brooklyn Nets last night and proceeded to obliterate those Brooklyn/New Jersey/Whatever fools 103-73, proving that even if you move from a shitty state to a less shitty city borough, it doesn't change the fact that your squad is infinitely i ... More >>

Hotter Than the Suns

Heat Beat Celtics 120-107 in Season Opener, Receive Championship Rings

Aqui lo que importa es el CASH! Oh my, that is pretty. Isn't that pretty, Celtics/Knicks/Lakers fans? Look at that beautiful thing. How fuckin' glorious.Your Miami Heat received these lovely, diamond-encrusted CHAMPIONSHIP rings last night just before their 120-107 dismantling of last year's Eastern ... More >>

Ray (Allen) of Hope

NBA GMs Predict Heat to Beat Lakers in Finals

Last year, the NBA's general managers picked the Miami Heat to beat the Oklahoma City Thunder for the championship in their annual preseason poll. These guys know their stuff, obviously.This year they're predicting the Miami Heat versus Los Angeles Lakers finals the world has been patiently waiting ... More >>

The Lakers Would Like LeBron James to Play For Them in 2014, According to ESPN Fan Fiction Report

LeBron James is only guaranteed to be a member of the Miami Heat for the next two seasons -- after that, he's got two year of player option left on his contract. So, of course today brought us a dramatic ESPN report that the Los Angeles Lakers are getting ready to lure James to Tinseltown in 2014 to ... More >>

Reader Mail: Marlins Park Has Screwed the City and Fans

Sushi Sake Opens New Location in the Hammocks

Miami likes its sushi like its women - sleek and sexy. Hence the popularity of Sushi Sake, a rapidly expanding South Florida sushi empire that just opened its seventh location.This chic local chain is known for late-night hours, an expansive menu and a dramatic, lounge-inspired atmosphere.The newest ... More >>

A Guide to the Most Despicable Florida Moguls on Forbes 500 Richest List

Forbes' bean counters have compiled their latest list of the 500 most shameless oligarchs richest entrepreneurs in all the land, and South Florida keeps gleefully riding the money train. Twenty-four of the magazine's wealthiest call the land of bath salts and condo busts home, and when they're not h ... More >>

The "Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say" Video Is Finally Here

So, we've had "Shit Miami Girls (and Guys) Say" and "Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say," and now finally we have "Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say." Yeah, the guy behind the Miami Heat video has finally applied his magic to the Canes Nation. And it is totally true: No, we don't want to drive 30 minutes to ou ... More >>

Celtics Coach Literally Brainwashing Team Into Hating the Miami Heat

Smarting from yet another season ending playoff defeat to the Miami Heat, Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers has unveiled his main focus for the offseason: installing pure hate for the Miami Heat deep inside the heart of every single member of the Celtics team.Uh, yeah, brainwashing your underlinings i ... More >>

Miami Heat Favorites to Repeat in Poll of NBA Coaches and Execs

Never mind the Lakers' new monster-like lineup. Don't worry about the maturing Thunder. According to a Sports Illustrated poll of NBA insiders, including head coaches, general managers and other executives, the Miami Heat are the early favorites to take home next year's Larry O'Brien trophy. Which, ... More >>

What Happens at Chef's Club Stays at Chef's Club

Chef's Club, an informal gathering of some of Miami's hottest talent, has been meeting about every other month since about 2006. This invitation-only gathering of chefs and industry-insiders has a pretty simple goal -- to build and nurture a sense of community among South Florida restaurant professi ... More >>