Miami Heat

A Guide to the Most Despicable Florida Moguls on Forbes 500 Richest List

Forbes' bean counters have compiled their latest list of the 500 most shameless oligarchs richest entrepreneurs in all the land, and South Florida keeps gleefully riding the money train. Twenty-four of the magazine's wealthiest call the land of bath salts and condo busts home, and when they're not h ... More >>

The "Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say" Video Is Finally Here

So, we've had "Shit Miami Girls (and Guys) Say" and "Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say," and now finally we have "Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say." Yeah, the guy behind the Miami Heat video has finally applied his magic to the Canes Nation. And it is totally true: No, we don't want to drive 30 minutes to ou ... More >>

Celtics Coach Literally Brainwashing Team Into Hating the Miami Heat

Smarting from yet another season ending playoff defeat to the Miami Heat, Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers has unveiled his main focus for the offseason: installing pure hate for the Miami Heat deep inside the heart of every single member of the Celtics team.Uh, yeah, brainwashing your underlinings i ... More >>

Miami Heat Favorites to Repeat in Poll of NBA Coaches and Execs

Never mind the Lakers' new monster-like lineup. Don't worry about the maturing Thunder. According to a Sports Illustrated poll of NBA insiders, including head coaches, general managers and other executives, the Miami Heat are the early favorites to take home next year's Larry O'Brien trophy. Which, ... More >>

What Happens at Chef's Club Stays at Chef's Club

Chef's Club, an informal gathering of some of Miami's hottest talent, has been meeting about every other month since about 2006. This invitation-only gathering of chefs and industry-insiders has a pretty simple goal -- to build and nurture a sense of community among South Florida restaurant professi ... More >>

LA Lakers Take Back Crown of NBA's Most Hated Team with Dwight Howard Trade

Here's the good news, Heat fans: The LA Lakers are now probably once again the most hated team in the NBA, as it should be. Here's the bad news, Heat fans: The Lakers now have a super team with the addition of Dwight Howard that could rival the Heat. 

London 2012 Olympics: Introducing Your Florida Athletes

See also "Six South Florida Athletes To Keep Tabs On During the Games" and "London 2012 Olympics: South Florida Athletes (Photos)"Something called "the Olympic Spirit" is in the air, and suddenly, we're suppose to care about equestrian sports and whether or not China is sending 10-year-olds to destr ... More >>

Balls to the Wall

Forbes: Dolphins Are the 22nd Most Valuable Team in the World, Way More So Than Heat

The Miami Heat might be the most successful team in town right now, but the Dolphins still reign supreme in terms of most valuable franchise. Forbes.com has listed the world's most valuable sports teams. The Fins came in 22nd overall, but the Heat didn't even make the cut.

Miami Heat Will Play Two Games in China Against Los Angeles Clippers

It may not be the Miami versus Los Angeles series most of us are salivating for (Heat take Lakers in six games during next year's finals, right?), but that's OK, because we won't even get to see it anyway. The NBA has announced that the Heat will head over to China for two preseason games against th ... More >>

Report: Grant Hill Interested in Signing With Heat

Well, South Florida is a retirement hot spot, so maybe it makes sense that all of these NBA veterans are showing interest in joining the Heat. Plus, the pre-retirement package comes with a pretty good shot at a ring or two.Following 36-year-old Ray Allen's decision to jump ship and take his talents ... More >>

WSVN Falsely Reported Ray Allen Signed With the Heat Last Night Thanks to Fake Twitter Account

If you were watching WSVN's 11 p.m. newscast last night you were blasted with the news that Ray Allen had reached a 3-year, $11 million deal with the Miami Heat. You were also totally misinformed. Turns out WSVN got its scoop from a single source: a fake Twitter account.

NBA Tries to Block Porn Stars Free BJs for Heat Fans Event

So, remember those two local porn stars who are planning on giving Heat fans free blow jobs in a big, messy, double mouthed gang bang? Yeah, well, apparently the NBA is none too pleased. Who would have thought?Because the two porn stars (well, OK, let's be honest, porn actresses) are using the term ... More >>

Ray Allen Signs With the Miami Heat

He's going from being part of one big three to backing up another. Ray Allen has decided to sign with the Miami Heat, according to Yahoo! Sports. The decision comes after Allen's two-day trip to Miami to meet with team execs. He'll be leaving the Boston Celtics, a team that has become perhaps Miami' ... More >>

Report: Ray Allen to Visit With Heat on Thursday

Are you ready to see the Celtics' Ray Allen in a Heat jersey? There's been mutterings that he may be interested in jumping from one Eastern Conference powerhouse to another for weeks, but now the Associated Press is reporting that Allen will visit with the Heat on Thursday.

Coldplay in Miami as Reviewed by Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop Newsletter, June 29

See the full 36-photo slideshow of Coldplay at American Airlines Arena. Coldplay With Robyn and Wolf Gang American Airlines Arena June 29, 2012 Better Than: The feeling you get from four hours of hot yoga and a good leeching I first learned of Coldplay two years ago while foraging for burgundy ... More >>

Ten Best Music-Related Things to Do in Miami This Weekend Under $10

A little over a week removed from the Miami Heat's NBA Finals victory against OKC (and just four days after taking to the streets of Downtown to watch D-Wade drive by on a double-decker bus), the celebration continues. Only this time, it's not a sports team we're praising; it's the Supreme Court. ... More >>

Ozzie Guillen Wishes He Was Erik Spoelstra

While the Miami Heat paraded down Biscayne Boulevard on Monday, hoisting their trophy from the top of double-decker buses, all Marlins Manager Ozzie Guillen could do was watch. He'd been there before. Once as a member of the coaching staff of the 2003 Marlins, and again as the manager of the Chicago ... More >>

Chris Bosh Out of the Olympics, Too

In a perfect world, the Team USA Olympics basketball squad would have just been some super version of the Miami Heat. In reality, this year LeBron James will be the only Heat member to travel to London. A day after Dwyane Wade announced he'd forgo the games to get surgery, Chris Bosh's agent tells t ... More >>

Luke's Gospel: Miami Heat Is Way Ahead of Dolphins, Marlins

Alonzo Mourning Speaks (Very Briefly) on Heat Repeat and Money Owed to Miami-Dade County

This week has been a big one for Miami. President Obama and Marc Anthony tag-teamed the Jackie Gleason Theater at the Fillmore; the Heat took a much-deserved victory lap around downtown; and someone from the team finally granted New Times an interview. Well, kind of.We caught Alonzo Mourni ... More >>

Local Porn Stars Will Make Good on Offer to Give Anyone a BJ After Heat Championship

During the NBA finals, local porn stars Angelina Castro and Sara Jay made a bet with two of their Oklahoma City counterparts: If their team won, they'd give the team's fans free blowjobs. Now, Castro and Jay are making plans to keep their word. Yes, a free blowjob for anyone. The event is set for Au ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Needs Knee Surgery, Will Skip Olympics

In bad news for the USA Basketball team (but sort of good news for next season's Miami Heat), Dwyane Wade has announced that he'll be undergoing knee surgery this summer and will not be traveling with the team to the London Olympics.

Miami Ink

"Whereas... LeBron James Decided to Take His Talent to South Beach": The Awesome Congressional Resolution Congratulating The Heat

It seems that Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen went all fan girl when drafting up a Congressional resolution to congratulate the Miami Heat on their NBA championship, because the thing is actually the rare Congressional measure that's a pleasure to read. It's basically a manifesto on why the Heat are just s ... More >>

Rush Limbaugh Is Pissed Obama Referred to Miami "Heats"

"It would be incomplete if I did not congratulate the City of Miami for having the world champion Miami Heats here in town," President Obama said last night at his event with Marc Anthony at the Fillmore Miami Beach.Yes, Miami "Heats."Rush Limbaugh, obviously, is really, really pissed abou ... More >>

Jeffrey Loria and Stephen Ross Can Learn a Lot From Micky Arison

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Heat is the number one franchise in Miami.Jeffrey Loria and Stephen Ross need to set up a powwow with Micky Arison and P ... More >>

Miami Heat Championship 2012 Parade in Animated GIF! We Got the Weirdest Fans

See also "The Best Photos From the Miami Heat Victory Parade" -- plus the full 80-photo Miami Heat Championship Parade 2012 slideshow. Yesterday, the city's air traffic controllers and plastic surgeons called in sick to get their party on at the Miami Heat championship parade. Braving the white ho ... More >>

Miami Heat Dunkin' Donut, La Moon, Food Trucks, and Area 31 Celebrate Today

When you walk out the door today, you might get hit with a bout of humidity from Tropical Storm Debby, but today Miami's all about the Heat.Miami will be celebrating in the streets today when the Miami Heat parade kicks off at 11 a.m. today. Starting at the corner of SW Eighth Street and Second Ave ... More >>

The Best Photos From the Miami Heat Victory Parade

The Miami Heat stormed through the streets of Miami this morning in a double-decker bus to celebrate their championship. It was their biggest public celebration since that welcoming party that for some reason seemed to piss a whole lot of people off, except this time no one can say it wasn't well ea ... More >>

Miami Heat Parade on Monday: Area 31 Throws Watch Party

The city of Miami is throwing the Miami Heat a parade on Monday morning, which gives this lousy weather a few more days to play itself out.  Either way, it's going to be a lonely day at Miami-area workplaces, as thousands of fans suddenly call in sick at the start of the work week. Heck - even ... More >>

Heat Fans Go Nuts As LeBron, Wade and Bosh Clinch A Title (Video)

All across the Magic City this Thursday night, pots are getting wrecked by spoons, more car horns are getting leaned on than rush hour on the Dolphin and every half-decent bar is passing around shots of Jameson in honor of Bron Bron. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA Champions. We'll keep this post ... More >>

MIAMI HEAT ARE 2012 NBA FINALS CHAMPIONS

Get your pots and pans out, Miami. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA World Champions!

Heat Fans Go Crazy In Animated Gifs

Early this morning on Biscayne Boulevard, a hot chick in a fully packed SUV stuck her head out the window and screamed "Who wanna get me pregnant tonight!"Let's just say, it was a wild way to start a Friday.Now that everyone in the world knows we're the best, here's a massive Cobradick slap to Charl ... More >>

Ten Best Music-Related Things to Do in Miami This Weekend Under $10

We heard about Lil Wayne begging Drake to squash the beef between him and Chris Brown earlier this week, but there's still no word as to whether or not Drizzy's extended an olive branch. Needless to say, if the New York City scuffle's really affecting Young Money's business that bad, the crew shou ... More >>

Miami Heat Win NBA Championship, Rick Ross Skips the Victory and Gets High in Jamaica

Last night, Rick Ross sold out Miami, choosing to get high in the Caribbean over the Magic City and foregoing an opportunity to watch his Miami Heat win the NBA title. "I'm in Jamaica relaxing," Rozay tweeted just three hours before tip-off. "Smoke one." While puffing Kingston kush and kicking i ... More >>

Miami Heat Celebrate NBA Championship at LIV, Pop $75,000 Bottles of Champagne, "Party Rock" with LMFAO (Videos)

For the Miami Heat, failure was not an option last night. And not because taking the title would've proved that much more difficult in Oklahoma City, but because the post-victory celebration would've likely gone down at an Applebee's and ended at midnight. Instead, the Heat closed the series out ... More >>

Heat Rack Up $200,000 Tab at LIV (and LeBron Raps)

Last year we had to deal with the nauseating site of the Dallas Mavericks (along with front-runner fan supreme Lil Wayne) partying at LIV after their championship. This year it was finally the Heats turn to pop bottles at the Fontainebleau hotel's super club. Naturally, the Miami boy out partied the ... More >>

The Heat Celebrated at LIV With $200,000 Tab: Here Are Two More Affordable Spots To Party

After the Miami Heat won the championships last night, the team celebrated  at LIV, where the boys ran up a $200,000 bar tab. If you want to celebrate the team's win (but are finding yourself a little short of funds to pony up the price of a one-bedroom condo on South Beach for a night of party ... More >>

Uncle Luke Coaches the Heat to NBA Title and Other Rappers' Celebratory Tweets

If you're truly reppin' the 305, you know the Miami Heat scorched it last night, stomping the OKC Thunder and seizing the title of 2012 NBA Champions. For the rest of the weekend, this whole city is going into crazed, half-conscious party mode. And since it's Miami, you know that means a lot of ra ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Hasn't Lost the Fire to Be the Best

29 Ways for Miami to Celebrate If the Heat Clinch the Title Tonight

If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his stupid diet meals.Miami can' ... More >>

Charles Barkley Says Miami Heat Don't Have Real Fans, Is Easily Proven Wrong by Math

Looks like its time to bring back the "Fuck you, Chuck" chants. While predicting that the Miami Heat will win tonight, and laying praise on LeBron James, professional loudmouth Charles Barkley took a swipe at Miami fans this morning on a D.C. sports radio show by claiming that the Heat don't ha ... More >>

Miami Heat Take Game 4, Are One Win Away From Title

Your Miami Heat overcame a 17-point deficit, a 43-point game from Russell Westbrook, a relentless Oklahoma City Thunder attack, and LeBron James losing a leg in the fourth quarter to pull off the 104-98 Game 4 win, and are now just one more victory away from being crowned NBA Finals champions.SOMEBO ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Hasn't Lost The Fire To Be The Best

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the future of the Miami Heat's biggest star.Whether the Heat wins or loses the NBA Finals, everybody should stop talkin ... More >>

Here's a Video of a Young Thunder Fan Crying and Screaming "I Hate Miami" After Game Three

Are we really going to do this? Are we really going to all post and watch a video of young Oklahoma City Thunder fan crying and screaming after the Heat beat his beloved team in Game 3? We guess his weird parents decided it would be cool to upload it to the Internet, and we guess NBA.com decided it ... More >>

Miami Heat Win Ugly, Take 2-1 Series Lead

The Miami Heat shot 37 percent from the field last night. They turned the ball over nine times in the fourth quarter. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook both shot over 50 percent. Dwyane Wade's performance was once again pure ass. Chris Bosh finished 3-for-12 from the field. LeBron James failed to ... More >>

Miami Heat Withstand Thunder Rally, Tie Series 1-1

Holy assballs it almost happened again.After the Miami Heat held the lead from the opening tip, just like in Game 1, and held a double-digit lead, just like in Game 1, the Oklahoma City Thunder almost rallied back to steal Game 2, just like Game 1.But thanks to LeBron James hitting a slap-yo-momma-a ... More >>

Miami's NBA Finals Tickets: Only $6000 to Sit Near the Stars

Tickets for game 5 of the NBA Finals here in Miami next Thursday went on sale online at noon today. By 12:01 p.m., the only tickets available were standing-room. By 12:04, even those spots -- which started at $150 each -- were gone.Finals tickets at American Airlines Arena aren't easy to come by; se ... More >>

Michael Jordan Predicts Heat Will Win After Watching Game Two on South Beach

OK, it's not just A-Rod in LeBron's corner anymore. None other than Michael Jordan thinks the Heat are going to win the championship this year. The legend didn't make any sort of public pronouncement, but apparently that's what was overheard last night when he took in the game at Haven Lounge on Mia ... More >>