Kobe Bryant

Magic City Kitty - Yo! MCK Raps "Kobe, How Does My Ass Taste?"

NBA Free Agency Starts Today But Everyone Knows It Really Starts in 2010

The Best of Shaq

Sports World Horrified by New Sneaker

After Chanel debuted its "Miami Vice" shoe, which came complete with a mini pistol in place of the heel, at this summer's Cruise collection, Miami is starting to gain a reputation for debuting controversial footwear. While Kobe Bryant is no Karl Lagerfeld, he's following in the Kaiser's footsteps by ... More >>

News Roundup

Someone pinch me. Is this really happening? The Dolphins came back from a half-time deficit to eek out a win over the Chiefs in the coldest game in franchise history. [NFL]Even better, the Jets crashed to the lousy Seahawks. The Fins will still have to beat the Jets for a playoff birth nex ... More >>

Shaq Returns, Has Not Yet Twittered from Miami

via TwitPicSo far, it has to have been a strange week for Shaq. Perhaps not as weird as the first week shooting Shazam, but strange nonetheless. Scheduling has forced the man to do an impromptu tour of his former teams. On Saturday, Shaq and the Suns beat Kobe and the Lakers at home; then last night ... More >>

Man on Fire

via TwitPicSo far, it has to have been a strange week for Shaq. Perhaps not as weird as the first week shooting Shazam, but strange nonetheless. Scheduling has forced the man to do an impromptu tour of his former teams. On Saturday, Shaq and the Suns beat Kobe and the Lakers at home; then last night ... More >>

Gee, Wiz

If only Arenas could come every night

Nas

Street's Disciple Columbia

In Classy Show of Humility, Shaq Offers to Taste Kobe Bryant's Ass

Before the NBA Finals began, there were quite a few columns written about this Magic-Lakers series being haunted by the Ghost of Shaquille O'Neal -- you know, because the former Miami fixture played for both teams and has had such a contentious history with Kobe Bryant. Seemed like a bit of a reach ... More >>

News Roundup: Heat Rebound from Last Minute Loss to Lakers

Police have identified the woman who was shot by a high caliber rifle while driving her car in Miami Gardens, but aren't much closer to finding out how or why it happened. [CBS4]Saturday afternoon a 3 year-old girl in homestead found a family members gun and accidently fatally shot herself. [CBS4]A ... More >>

Feeling the Friendly Confines

Police have identified the woman who was shot by a high caliber rifle while driving her car in Miami Gardens, but aren't much closer to finding out how or why it happened. [CBS4]Saturday afternoon a 3 year-old girl in homestead found a family members gun and accidently fatally shot herself. [CBS4]A ... More >>

We’ll Call It Playground Redemption

Police have identified the woman who was shot by a high caliber rifle while driving her car in Miami Gardens, but aren't much closer to finding out how or why it happened. [CBS4]Saturday afternoon a 3 year-old girl in homestead found a family members gun and accidently fatally shot herself. [CBS4]A ... More >>

Concert Review: Furthur at Bayfront Park Amphitheater, February 5

via furthur.net​Furthur Bayfront Park Amphitheater, MiamiFriday, February 5, 2010Better Than: [Insert clever Grateful Dead song title] cover bandThe Review:With weather on my mind and 50 miles of Super Bowl-enhanced traffic in front of me, I departed home this past Friday with anticipation of what ... More >>

Teaching Warren Sapp and Michael Irvin To Avoid Dangerous Ladies

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Up this week, Luke dissects how superstar athletes fall for the pussy trap.I have to give credit to the Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office f ... More >>

Beat L.A.

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Up this week, Luke dissects how superstar athletes fall for the pussy trap.I have to give credit to the Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office f ... More >>

Steve Carell and Paul Rudd Spoof LeBron James's Decision

​LeBron James's ESPN special, The Decision, might have resulted in one of the biggest moments in Miami sports history. But let's not kid ourselves -- the whole thing was ridiculous. I mean, Jim Gray's questions such as "One hand or two?" and "Are you still a nail-biter?" were some of the most ridi ... More >>

Miami Heat To Start Season in Boston, Face Lakers on Christmas Day

​The Three Kings will start their quest to utterly destroy all other NBA teams with their awesomeness in Boston. The NBA leaked parts of its 2010-11 schedule last night, and it has the Miami Heat opening their season against the defending Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics. And, in a game ... More >>

The LeBron Burger Phenomenon at Oneburger

Photo by John ZurOne Burger's "The Bron" Burger. ​LeBron James might not be able to singlehandedly win an NBA championship, but the sentiment around Miami is that he'll save the local economy.Oneburger's "The Bron" burger is a tasty place to begin this crusade, although it's still unknown whether ... More >>

Miami Heat's Carlos Arroyo Releases Reggaeton Single

​NBA players attempting to make a second career out of music aren't exactly anything new. It's been tried before--repeatedly--and often to catastrophic results. Consider San Antonio Spurs' 2009 second round draft pick DeJuan Blair's appearance on the P.O.P. (Chicken and Young Meez) track, "2 Hard ... More >>

Miami Heat's Carlos Arroyo releases a reggaeton single

​NBA players attempting to make a second career out of music aren't exactly anything new. It's been tried before--repeatedly--and often to catastrophic results. Consider San Antonio Spurs' 2009 second round draft pick DeJuan Blair's appearance on the P.O.P. (Chicken and Young Meez) track, "2 Hard ... More >>

LeBron James Is Now the Sixth Most Hated Athlete in America

​It's pretty clear that everyone else in the nation hates LeBron James and the Miami Heat, but now we have cold, hard numbers to back it up. The Q Score company gauges favor-ability rankings of various athletes, and after reaching a peak high of popularity last year, James is now the sixth most ha ... More >>

Flash No More

​It's pretty clear that everyone else in the nation hates LeBron James and the Miami Heat, but now we have cold, hard numbers to back it up. The Q Score company gauges favor-ability rankings of various athletes, and after reaching a peak high of popularity last year, James is now the sixth most ha ... More >>

Everyone "Hates" LeBron, But His Sneakers Are Selling Like Hot Cakes

​LeBron James' decision to "take his talents to South Beach" seemed to be a marketing disaster, in the short run at least. For a while it seemed to be impossible to find a LeBron fan outside of South Florida. Surprisingly, though, his latest namesake sneaker, Nike's LeBron 8, is selling just fine ... More >>

LeBron and Kobe to Debut Kind of Festive, Kind of Ugly New Shoes on Christmas Day

​There's some hubbub over whether the NBA should schedule so many games on Christmas day. The Miami Heat's match-up versus the Los Angeles Lakers will undoubtedly be the most talked about sporting even of the holiday, but LeBron James himself says he'd rather be spending Christmas at home (in his ... More >>

Heat Dominate Lakers in Christmas Day Showdown

​It was hailed as the most highly anticipated NBA game in the history of everything ever! The NBA game of NBA games! The game that was going to blow your ass off with its sheer apocalyptic awesome! And, in the end, the Miami Heat took down the defending NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers 96-80 in the ... More >>

Dolphins Not Just Keeping Sparano, But Offering Him Contract Extension

Jeff Ireland: Finalist for NFL's Dick of the Year award? ​Well, according to ESPN, the Dolphins have not only decided to keep Tony Sparano on as head coach but now they're prepared to offer him a one year contract extension. Meaning not only will he be back in 2011, but 2012 as well. This is proba ... More >>

Awkward: Cavaliers Change Hotel Plans to Avoid Bumping into Heat

​How awkward and tense have things gotten between the Miami Heat and Cleveland Cavaliers? Apparently it's so bad that the Cavaliers have changed their hotel plans in order to avoid bumping into the Heat. Both teams are on extended road trips on the West Coast. Both teams will be playing mid-week g ... More >>

Mugshots Friday: The Clenchiest Jaw, AARP Kobe Bryant, and The Gehry 'Do

​Miami is a city of bubbles. We are currently in the midst of the Great Mugshot Bubble. One day, we'll sit down at our computer at 8 am on a Friday morning and find... nothing. Dimly-lit photos of regular-looking perps in prison scrubs. But while it lasts, let's do some reveling.

Eddie House's "Big Balls" Dance: The Origins

​It's pretty fun watching South Florida's daily newspapers try to describe the "crotch-related gesture" that got Miami Heat guard Eddie House fined this week. Or, more specifically, not try-- because the Herald can't get away with saying "testicles" unless it's a cancer-related story, and eve ... More >>

LeBron James Goes Off, Scores Rare Triple-Double In All-Star Game Loss

​It would seem, at first glance, that the people who decide who should be the All Star MVP were being sarcastic when they awarded it to Kobe Bryant instead of LeBron James last night. Mainly because James recorded himself a triple-double with 29 points, 12 rebounds and 10 assists -- joining Michae ... More >>

Heat Beat L.A., Snap Five-Game Losing Streak

​The Miami Heat beat the Los Angles Lakers Thursday night 94-88, snapping a season-high five-game losing streak.Everybody can unclench their assholes now.After what has been a nightmare week for Heat fans, and an absolute delight for Heat Haters everywhere, Miami not only beat the defending champs ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Comes First in Poll of NBA's Best-Dressed Players

​After last night's humiliating loss, it's hard to muster evidence that the Miami Heat is number one in much of anything right now, but it might be the best-dressed team in the NBA. No, we're not talking about the uniforms. Sports Illustrated polled 137 current NBA players as to who has the best o ... More >>

Serena Williams Is Now a Rapper, We Guess

​Between Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez, and Fergie, the Miami Dolphins owners' box has more musical talent than a Now! That's What I Call Music CD. In fact, besides Stephen Ross and Wayne Huizenga, the Williams sisters are the only "owners" without a musical connection. Apparently, ... More >>

"That's Retarded": LeBron's Latest Flub

​The word "retard": America just doesn't know what to do with it. True, we should probably retire it for good from our vocabulary, but lets be honest: Many of us normal, untelevised folk still use it pretty regularly. And the Black Eyed Peas had a hit song with "retarded" in the title, for chr ... More >>

LeBron James' Clutch Balls

​LeBron James has taken a lot of shit this year. Mainly because he decided to exercise his perfectly legal right to join another team through free agency. SO EVIL! And then he went and celebrated his signing with the Heat in front of the local fans with a fire works show. SO IMPERIOUS!He's also ha ... More >>

LeBron James is the 10th Most Powerful Celebrity in the World According to Forbes

​Forbes has tallied up the world's most powerful celebrities, and the Miami Heat's own LeBron James comes in at number three. Though he's not that most powerful athlete (Tiger Woods somehow still takes that one), he is the most powerful celebrity athlete from a team sport. Besides Woods, only A-li ... More >>

Las Vegas Odds Makers: Heat Favored to Win 2012 Finals

​Let's hope you didn't burn any of your Miami Heat championship party decorations last night, because according to Las Vegas odds makers, Dwyane Wade and company are already the frontrunners for the 2012 finals. Apparently winning last night hasn't made Dirk Nowitzki and his Dallas Mavericks favor ... More >>

Odd Future Reignites The Perennial War Between Art and Feelings

Tyler, the Creator​The swag-hop absurdists of rap collective Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them are once again being called out for what critics decry as misogyny and homophobia in their lyrics. A few months ago, Sara, from Tegan and Sara, wrote a blog attacking Tyler The Creator, as well as his music ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Open to Possibility of Playing Overseas During Lockout

Dwyane Wade could be taking his talents across the ocean. The Miami Heat guard was in suburban Chicago with Chicago Bears (and former Miami Hurricanes) player David Hester while the two were hosting camps for kids. Wade told the AP he'd be open to playing for the foreign league if the NBA lock out d ... More >>

Kobe Bryant Sticks Up for LeBron: "Back off Him and Let Him Play"

​Last week, the Minnesota Timberwolves' Kevin Love, perhaps eager to have anyone paying attention to him, said that pretty much every player in the NBA was celebrating the Miami Heat's NBA Finals loss and LeBron's collapse. Well, turns out that LeBron still has some defenders in the league outside ... More >>

Shaquille O'Neal wages war against a Miami computer geek

​Last week, the Minnesota Timberwolves' Kevin Love, perhaps eager to have anyone paying attention to him, said that pretty much every player in the NBA was celebrating the Miami Heat's NBA Finals loss and LeBron's collapse. Well, turns out that LeBron still has some defenders in the league outside ... More >>

Watch Chris Bosh Make His Acting Debut on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

​It wasn't Michael Jordan in Space Jam (few things, unfortunately, are) but Chris Bosh made his network acting debut Wednesday night on an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Bosh was joined by Carmelo Anthony, and the two played former players of a legendary high school coach (playe ... More >>

James, Wade, and Bosh to Take Their Talents Overseas

​The Miami Heat's big three are reportedly ready to pack their bags and head on a six-city international tour with a host of other NBA superstars during what would have been the first two weeks of the NBA season. Plans are still being worked out, but between October 30 and November the 9, the ... More >>

Shaq Criticizes LeBron in Latest Autobiography Excerpt

​A second round of excerpts from Shaquille O'Neal upcoming Autobiography have hit the web. In the first round, Shaq detailed his near-fight with Pat Riley, but in the latest the first Miami Heat messiah criticizes our current one, LeBron James.

NBA Lockout! A Brief History of Players Moonlighting as Rappers, Rockers, and Queens

Shaq in drag!​Basketball fans are pissed. NBA Commissioner David Stern calls the lockout a "big charade," admitting that the 2011-2012 is in jeopardy because "the union is ratcheting up." Alex "Rube" Rubin, the YouTube rapper whose "NBA Lockout Anthem" has become a collective battle cry for seaso ... More >>

LeBron James Loses Title of Most Hated NBA Player to Kim Kardashian's Ex

​After last seasons' crushing NBA Finals, LeBron James has already lost one title in Miami, but the King may be pleased today to learn he's longer wearing one particular crown. The Heat star is no longer the most hated player in the NBA. Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be ex, has surpasse ... More >>

NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Win Championship, LeBron Has Good Shot at MVP

​It's tough to find a group of people who know the NBA more than the league's own group of general managers. For the tenth year in a row, NBA.com surveyed all 30 GMs to get their take on the state of the league, and 74.1 percent think the Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship. They also think L ... More >>

LeBron James Ain't Care: Battling the Flu, LBJ Dominates Lakers

​LeBron James told the flu to go fuck itself, and then promptly became a righteous wrecker of ass, as he led the Miami Heat to their 98-87 beatdown of the L.A. Lakers last night. James, who dropped 31 points, 8 rebounds and 8 assists, killed a baseball team owner, and made Kobe Bryant his own ... More >>

LeBron James Now Only America's Sixth Most Hated Athlete!

​Good news for LeBron James! He's now only the sixth most hated professional athlete in America! That's down from second place on Forbes.com's list last year. Hell, as we've previously noted, he's no longer the most hated player in the NBA. That title now belongs to that guy who had exclusive acce ... More >>