Kim Kardashian

A Celebration of, Well, Ass

The Party Crasher – Kim Kardashian Hosts Stoli Hotel

Kim Kardashian Inspires Boyfriend Bashing

Over the Weekend - Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, Shine 3 Year Anniversary and Joe Jackson

What's up with the sudden chill? It ruined our plans to hangout poolside on Sunday with plenty of stiff drinks to go around. Well, the drinking still happened, but we were bundled up indoors. The biggest news this weekend, of course, was the reopening of the Fontainebleau Hotel. Plenty of celebriti ... More >>

Your Completely Shameless Celebrity Gossip Update

All of Riptide's usual channels of gathering topics for posts are clogged -- absolutely clogged -- by celebrity gossip coming out of the big Fontainbleau shindig and Vicky's Secret show this past weekend. So lest we be tempted to devote whole posts to each of these subjects, let's just get it over ... More >>

Kardashian Spinoff Set to Infect Miami

Does reality television even try anymore? Sorry we had to get Perez Hilton on this photo, just couldn't find a picture of just these two we could use. Let's see. Kim Kardashian got famous for being Paris Hilton's temporary Nicole Richie replacement, and then for her gross sex tape with Brandy's litt ... More >>

Miami Social Set to Debut Next Month

Possible cast for Miami Social: George French, Hardy Hill, Sorah Daiha, Katrina Campins, Michael H. Cohen, Maria Lankina, and Ariel Stein.Word around town is that an air date has finally been set for Miami's latest reality series (being billed as a "docu-drama"). Details from Bravo TV's Miami Socia ... More >>

Kim Kardashian Swoons for Fontainebleau Fried Oreos

Kim Kardashian Official WebsiteScrew the South Beach Diet!In case you didn't see last night's teaser on E! or weren't invited to the launch party, Kim and clan have arrived in Miami to open up the first satellite Dash boutique and chronicle their antics for "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami," a spin-of ... More >>

Meet the Cast of Miami Social, You May Want To Immediately Lose Their Number, But At Least Say Hi

Top row: Katrina, Ariel, Maria, George. Bottom row: Hardy, Sorah, Michael. Miami Social is everything you hate about Miami Beach. It is the reality television iteration of guest list culture, of egotistical 30 somethings who've mistaken a sense of self for being able to get a bottle of Goose co ... More >>

Miss California, Bruce Jenner Speaking at Florida Republican Youth Event

The Republican Party of Florida is hosting a big shindig for the youngins next month in Orlando called Drive the Discussion '09, and they have concocted one of the most spectacular three ring circus of speakers ever to grace a political stage. Olympian turned Village People musical co ... More >>

Jennifer Lopez, Most Evil NFL Owner Ever, Caught with Amateur Porn Star at LIV

via Kim Kardashian​As Congressman Steve King reminded us yesterday, Jennifer Lopez is a horrible, horrible human being who has amongst other crimes against humanity, promoted "the sexual abuse of women, ...the n-word, verbal pornography, [and] recreational drug use." King was absolutely irate that ... More >>

Kim Kardashian Floats Into the Sunrise...Mall

Photo via kimkardashian.celebbuzz.com​There are very few things that a Kardashian can't do. They can turn forgetting to take your bc pills and unprotected sex into an adorable anecdote! They can force you into the background of your own wedding picture! And now they can materialize in Sunris ... More >>

Food News Roundup: Paula Deen Ham, Kardashian Bikini, Celebrities Eat, Sobe Wine & Food, Ricky Williams and BK

Paula Deen hit in face with flying ham, "another bout of public humiliation after the Wine and Beach Festival at Miami, when her pants fell off in public." Yeah, we broke that story, but we can't find video of this one that's as good as that one. [ThaIndian] [HamVideo] [PantsFallDown]Kim Kardashian ... More >>

Video: Kim Kardashian Naked In Bath After Tossed Salad

We here at Short Order would like to thank the marketing geniuses over at Carl's Jr. for bringing us video of Kim Kardashian getting in a bath naked after a tossed salad.She really seemed to like it. The juice was practically running down her chin. This may be the best Kim Kardashian naked video ... More >>

Kim Kardashian vs. Miami Cookie Doctor

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kim_Kardashian_LF.JPGKim Kardashian, 2007, in front of Slim Fast signage.​Kim Kardashian is an American sex symbol.Dr. Sanford Siegal is the Miami doctor who invented his own "cookie diet."The two are at war. Dirty, paper, legal war. And they're fighting over ... More >>

Kim Kardashian's Ass and Cupcakes Overshadow Ocean Drive Party

​Beloved luxury-porn mag Ocean Drive celebrated it's 17th anniversary by putting beloved amateur-porn star Kim Kardashian on its cover and invited her to host their big self-congratulatory party last Thursday at the Delano. Half the point of throwing these parties is to get publicity, but not ... More >>

WTF Florida: Orlando's Split Pants and Glitter Shine on American Idol, Real Life Batman Arrested

​There's more than enough weird things that happen here in Miami-Dade, but sometimes it seems we're downright sane compared to the rest of Florida. WTF Florida is our new weekly survey of all the weirdness our Peninsula has to offer. American Idol Comes to Mickey Mouse LandAmerican Idol skipped ov ... More >>

Super Bowl Pits Kim Kardashian Against Kendra Wilkinson

​You can't even host a Super Bowl in Miami anymore without it having some shallow reality teevee flair. Yes, two of the E! channel's favorite buxom bimbettes will almost assuredly be in the stands at Sun Life Stadium come February 7.That's because Saints star Reggie Bush has been notably tapping t ... More >>

Super Sunday Strangeness

​You can't even host a Super Bowl in Miami anymore without it having some shallow reality teevee flair. Yes, two of the E! channel's favorite buxom bimbettes will almost assuredly be in the stands at Sun Life Stadium come February 7.That's because Saints star Reggie Bush has been notably tapping t ... More >>

News Roundup: Hey, At Least We've Got a Team Still in the WNIT

Sherdavia Jenkins, a 9-year-old Liberty City girl who was killed be a stray bullet in 2006, has had a park named after her. [CBS4]A public health trust will vote on a restructuring plan for Jackson Memorial Health system today. [CBS4]Even in this crappy climate for media companies, Telemundo and Uni ... More >>

Kim Kardashian's Body Guard Accused of Attacking Paparazzi

photo via GQ​The Kardashian sisters aren't exactly known for being paparazzi-shy, but an incident with a photog yesterday on Miami Beach led to the police visiting Kim Kardashian's hotel room, TMZ reports.Kim and sister Kourtney were getting out of their car when a photographer claims he got a bit ... More >>

Kim Kardashian Caught Pooping in Hotel Pool

Todd Lashley​After she and Reggie Bush called it quits last week, Kim Kardashian needed a little post-breakup "me" time, so she spent the weekend relaxing at the Cinco Lunas hotel and resort in Miami Beach. As it turns out, the reality-TV starlet and Quick Trim pill pusher got a little too relaxe ... More >>

Jersey Shore Cast Arrives in South Beach -- With Angelina in Tow

​Yesterday we noted the pop-culture luminaries of the Jersey Shore have arrived in South Beach and are staying at the Catalina Hotel (until their full-time pad is ready, we hear), but TMZ reports there was a bit of surprise. Angelina "Jolie" Pivarnic, who lasted only three episodes during the ... More >>

No Pulitzers For the Herald, But Ex-Tropic Editor Gene Weingarten Nabs Another

The 2010 Pulitzers were announced earlier this afternoon. Shockingly, New Times was not recognized for excellence in Kim Kardashian poop jokes. Maybe next year, kids. ​The Miami Herald also went without any hardware this year after nabbing a breaking news photography win last year. ... More >>

Behind The Line: STK at The Gansevoort South Beach

Jacob KatelBite your screen.​STK at the Gansevoort South Beach is the nightlife answer to the steakhouse. A dark lit room, restaurant DJ, velvet ropes, a doorman, stilettos, and silicone all add up to black cards, bottles, and hot fired flesh from land and sea, truffle oil in the air, and the side ... More >>

Jersey Shore Star's Upcoming Single Yet Another Sign of the Pop Culture Apocalypse

via facebook.com/people/Angelina-Pivarnick/100000715887702​At least one member of every reality show has to come out with a token pop single after his or her 15 minutes are over. It's a rule. So cross this to-do off the Jersey Shore cast list with the latest painful announcement. Surpris ... More >>

Poop Bandits Arrested For Defiling St. Pete's Finest Swimming Pool

via Pinellas County Sheriff's DepartmentAndrew Harris and Michael Cline: Your smarmy mug shots will live in poop-related infamy.​Two teens in St. Petersburg, Florida evidently decided to while away their fading halcyon days of youth with a time-honored American tradition: Sneaking into the fancies ... More >>

LeBron James Embraces His Evil Side: 5 Ways The King Can Become a Super-Villain

Like Hulk Hogan before him, LeBron needs to embrace his new evil identity: "Jefe Jaime"​All summer, everybody's been hating on LeBron and the Heat. First, some bitter buckeye called the team evil. Just last week, James was named the sixth most hated athlete in America. So what's a superstar t ... More >>

Five ways LeBron should embrace his evil side

Like Hulk Hogan before him, LeBron needs to embrace his new evil identity: "Jefe Jaime"​All summer, everybody's been hating on LeBron and the Heat. First, some bitter buckeye called the team evil. Just last week, James was named the sixth most hated athlete in America. So what's a superstar t ... More >>

Welcome Back, Lil Wayne! Homecoming Party This Sunday at King of Diamonds

​It's not like you needed an announcement. But still ... Weezy F. Baby is free! After his eight-month stint on the big island, Mr. Dwayne Carter is now on another island -- a better, much prettier island called Miami Beach, where he claims residence and rules over the entire Cash Money Young Mo ... More >>

Five Reality Stars Who Should Stay a Billion Miles Away From the Recording Studio

Tila Tequila loves more than just the DJ....​We're not really sure what inspires reality TV cast members to think that a little airtime means they're qualified to belt it out for the masses. But we don't like it. They usually have no training, no stage presence and -- what's worse -- no talent.Rum ... More >>

Jamie Saffran Arrested, Charged with Murder in Grisly 'Hide & Seek' Body Part Mystery

Have Miami-Dade and Broward police solved the hide-and-seek storage container murder mystery?​For the past month, body parts have been piling up around Miami-Dade and Broward counties like extra pounds on Kim Kardashian come Christmas time.First there was the human stew discovered in a bucket behi ... More >>

LeBron James, Gerald Posner, and Rick Sanchez Make List of "50 Most Deplorable Americans"

via The Buffalo Beast​Every year we here at the Miami New Times humbly offer our Dirty Dozen of the worst locals of the year. Ever year, Buffalo's own alt weekly, The Beast, takes the concept a bit farther with the 50 most deplorable Americans of the year. Their edition this year, though, is rife ... More >>

Fake Out

via The Buffalo Beast​Every year we here at the Miami New Times humbly offer our Dirty Dozen of the worst locals of the year. Ever year, Buffalo's own alt weekly, The Beast, takes the concept a bit farther with the 50 most deplorable Americans of the year. Their edition this year, though, is rife ... More >>

Miami art this week: the wilderness and erotic art

via The Buffalo Beast​Every year we here at the Miami New Times humbly offer our Dirty Dozen of the worst locals of the year. Ever year, Buffalo's own alt weekly, The Beast, takes the concept a bit farther with the 50 most deplorable Americans of the year. Their edition this year, though, is rife ... More >>

Pulitzer-Winning Newspaper Publicly Congratulates Sex Tape Star on Engagement

​Today, The Miami Herald, a newspaper that has won 20 Pulitzer Prizes in its history for covering things such as voter fraud, the Haiti earthquake and U.S. Iran-Contra affair, took to its Twitter to publicly congratulate Kim Kardashian, a basic cable reality television star who rocketed to fame af ... More >>

Pippa Middleton's Rear Spurs Butt Surgery Craze, Claims Miami Plastic Surgeon

​It takes quite an ass to steal the show at a royal wedding, but the world's eyes couldn't help but steal a few glimpses at Pippa Middleton's rear during her sister's wedding to Prince William. So of course a Miami plastic surgeon is claiming her assets have created a collective craze for butt enh ... More >>

Is Reggie Bush Sabotaging Kim Kardashian's Wedding?

​The answer to the question in the headline, depending on your outlook, is either "probably not" or "who the hell cares?" Yet, by virtue of the face that newly minted Miami Dolphin Reggie Bush used to serial-smoosh the crown jewel of the Kardashian empire, the team's media relations people better ... More >>

Lady Gaga's A Very Gaga Thanksgiving: Ten Celebrities That Should Never Do a Holiday Show

Will Lady Gaga wear a turkey dress?​Lady Gaga just announced her new holiday special, A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. The show will air on ABC on Thanksgiving day, November 24, and will feature Tony Bennett and Katie Couric. If that's not bizarre enough, Gaga is set to perform "White Christmas" and chef ... More >>

Five Really Old Rock Stars We'd Like to $#*%

We don't wanna be Robert Plant's groupie.​TMZ has got us playing a lil' game called, Who'd You Rather? Of course, the implied last half of that question is: "...do it with?" And by it, we mean da nasty. Yesterday, the gossip site asked us if we'd rather rub private parts with Led Zep shrieker ... More >>

Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

Kim Kardashian's Next Husband Is Gonna Be...

Luther "Luke" Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke has some relationship advice for Kim Kardashian.It shouldn't surprise anyone interested in celebrity culture that Kim ... More >>

Kim Kardashian's next husband: Justin Bieber?

Luther "Luke" Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke has some relationship advice for Kim Kardashian.It shouldn't surprise anyone interested in celebrity culture that Kim ... More >>

Join Cedric Gervais for Some F#$%ing and Dancing With the Stars on December 8

Cedric Gervais: So suave.​Yes, suave Frenchman and electronic stud Cedric Gervais is one of Planet Earth's top disc jockeys to the stars, especially the TV types, sports celebs, talking heads, professionally sexy people, and tabloid regulars who totally love to dance during prime time. He reg ... More >>

LeBron James Loses Title of Most Hated NBA Player to Kim Kardashian's Ex

​After last seasons' crushing NBA Finals, LeBron James has already lost one title in Miami, but the King may be pleased today to learn he's longer wearing one particular crown. The Heat star is no longer the most hated player in the NBA. Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be ex, has surpasse ... More >>

King Mango Strut Hits Coconut Grove On Saturday: Know Your Tailgating Options

This year's official Mango Strut poster.It's time for Coconut Grove's annual, end-of-year street party and parade, the King Mango Strut, with the 30th Anniversary Strut kicking off this Saturday, December 31st at 2 p.m. The satirical parade takes humorous shots at the year's biggest stories, with or ... More >>

Travis Barker's Nude Photos Leaked! Plus Five Other Famous Rock Star Cocks

​Travis Barker's in a bit of a pickle. According to TMZ, private photos of the Blink-182 drummer's penis have surfaced, arousing suspicion that MediaTakeOut has "unauthorized use of private photos." TMZ's source claims that the photographs were "private and never intended for public viewing or t ... More >>

Kardashians Looking to Expand Miami Beach DASH Boutique

​Oh, you thought Miami was done with the Kardashian plague ever since Kourtney and Khloe finished "taking" us? Not by a long shot. The klan's DASH boutique remains on Washington Avenue on South Beach, and apparently is doing so well the girls are looking to relocate it to a space twice the current ... More >>

LeBron James Now Only America's Sixth Most Hated Athlete!

​Good news for LeBron James! He's now only the sixth most hated professional athlete in America! That's down from second place on Forbes.com's list last year. Hell, as we've previously noted, he's no longer the most hated player in the NBA. That title now belongs to that guy who had exclusive acce ... More >>