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Blogs
April 19, 2012
Naked Kim Kardashian Triggers Kanye West Domestic Violence: Is Yeezy the New Chris Brown?
Kanye West ... The dude's obviously troubled. And according to at least two exes, he's got an awfully violent temper. If the rumors are true, Kim Kardashian may be dating a physically abusive mental case with a dangerously short fuse and a celebrity porn obsession. Worst of all, she is partially t ... More >>
Blogs
April 13, 2012
Kanye West's Inevitable Kardashians Cameo and Five Other Predictions for His Downward Spiral
How adorable are Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, y'all? They're like the cutest rebound couple ever! But don't remind Kim's stepfather, former Olympian-turned-cosmetic-surgery-disaster Bruce Jenner, that they're dating. TMZ reports that Jenner was at a speaking engagement at Northeastern University ... More >>
Blogs
April 5, 2012
Kanye West's Dating Kim Kardashian, Threatens Chris Humphries on New Song
Yep, it's official. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are doing it, and they're in love. Or at least that's what West said on his new track, "Theraflu," produced by Miami's own DJ Khaled (We da best!). But that's not all the contro rapper revealed in his new spot. He also laid down a threatening ver ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2012
New Estiatorio Milos to Compete With Joe's and Prime One Twelve
So there's no more rumor-mongering, let's get all the facts straight, starting with the name of the new restaurant opening across from Joe's Stone Crab in mid-April: Estiatorio Milos. No, it's not in the former Au Pied de Cochon space. Yes, you have been getting the name wrong. But that's okay -- ... More >>
Blogs
February 8, 2012
LeBron James Now Only America's Sixth Most Hated Athlete!
Good news for LeBron James! He's now only the sixth most hated professional athlete in America! That's down from second place on Forbes.com's list last year. Hell, as we've previously noted, he's no longer the most hated player in the NBA. That title now belongs to that guy who had exclusive acce ... More >>
Blogs
February 6, 2012
Kim Kardashian Could Take Miami -- But We'd Rather She Didn't
Kim Kardashian's recent trip to Miami to scout locations for her store D-A-S-H has led some to speculate that a new version of her eponymous reality show could be headed this way. But Miami has already been taken! By Kardashians! We're specifically referring to 2009's Kourtney & Khloe Take Mi ... More >>
Blogs
February 3, 2012
Kardashians Looking to Expand Miami Beach DASH Boutique
Oh, you thought Miami was done with the Kardashian plague ever since Kourtney and Khloe finished "taking" us? Not by a long shot. The klan's DASH boutique remains on Washington Avenue on South Beach, and apparently is doing so well the girls are looking to relocate it to a space twice the current ... More >>
Blogs
January 30, 2012
The Ten Sexiest Super Bowl Commercials Of All Time
At the end of this week, two hordes of men who have suffered, bled, and fought for five months will meet on a neutral site to bash each others' heads in, to test the limits of their physical strength and stamina, all in the name of sport, conquest, and achieving the status of legend.But who cares ... More >>
Blogs
January 24, 2012
Six Other Public Figures Whose Tax Documents We'd Like To See
Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney released his tax returns this morning, the result of a long and whiny campaign by his opponents to counter his "I'm just an average dude" stance. Unsurprisingly, the documents show an income of $45 million, with $3 million paid in taxes and gifts of ove ... More >>
Blogs
January 23, 2012
Ten Couples We're Sad to See Split (But Not Really)
When you heard the news about Heidi Klum and Seal's separation this weekend, you probably felt kinda sad. But admit it: the twisted, schadenfreude-loving part of you was a teeny bit thrilled. They were just too perfect, weren't they? With their beautiful bodies and accents and adorable babies?And ... More >>
Blogs
January 18, 2012
Travis Barker's Nude Photos Leaked! Plus Five Other Famous Rock Star Cocks
Travis Barker's in a bit of a pickle. According to TMZ, private photos of the Blink-182 drummer's penis have surfaced, arousing suspicion that MediaTakeOut has "unauthorized use of private photos." TMZ's source claims that the photographs were "private and never intended for public viewing or t ... More >>
Blogs
December 29, 2011
King Mango Strut Hits Coconut Grove On Saturday: Know Your Tailgating Options
It's time for Coconut Grove's annual, end-of-year street party and parade, the King Mango Strut, with the 30th Anniversary Strut kicking off this Saturday, December 31st at 2 p.m. The satirical parade takes humorous shots at the year's biggest stories, with organizers this year promising to "keep yo ... More >>
Blogs
December 21, 2011
LeBron James Loses Title of Most Hated NBA Player to Kim Kardashian's Ex
After last seasons' crushing NBA Finals, LeBron James has already lost one title in Miami, but the King may be pleased today to learn he's longer wearing one particular crown. The Heat star is no longer the most hated player in the NBA. Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be ex, has surpasse ... More >>
News
November 17, 2011
Kim Kardashian's next husband: Justin Bieber?
After last seasons' crushing NBA Finals, LeBron James has already lost one title in Miami, but the King may be pleased today to learn he's longer wearing one particular crown. The Heat star is no longer the most hated player in the NBA. Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be ex, has surpasse ... More >>
Blogs
November 15, 2011
Kim Kardashian's Next Husband Is Gonna Be...
Luther "Luke" Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke has some relationship advice for Kim Kardashian.It shouldn't surprise anyone interested in celebrity culture that Kim ... More >>
Blogs
November 10, 2011
Five Really Old Rock Stars We'd Like to $#*%
We don't wanna be Robert Plant's groupie.TMZ has got us playing a lil' game called, Who'd You Rather? Of course, the implied last half of that question is: "...do it with?" And by it, we mean da nasty. Yesterday, the gossip site asked us if we'd rather rub private parts with Led Zep shrieker ... More >>
Blogs
November 4, 2011
Lady Gaga's A Very Gaga Thanksgiving: Ten Celebrities That Should Never Do a Holiday Show
Will Lady Gaga wear a turkey dress?Lady Gaga just announced her new holiday special, A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. The show will air on ABC on Thanksgiving day, November 24, and will feature Tony Bennett and Katie Couric. If that's not bizarre enough, Gaga is set to perform "White Christmas" and chef ... More >>
Blogs
August 10, 2011
Is Reggie Bush Sabotaging Kim Kardashian's Wedding?
The answer to the question in the headline, depending on your outlook, is either "probably not" or "who the hell cares?" Yet, by virtue of the face that newly minted Miami Dolphin Reggie Bush used to serial-smoosh the crown jewel of the Kardashian empire, the team's media relations people better ... More >>
Blogs
May 25, 2011
Pulitzer-Winning Newspaper Publicly Congratulates Sex Tape Star on Engagement
Today, The Miami Herald, a newspaper that has won 20 Pulitzer Prizes in its history for covering things such as voter fraud, the Haiti earthquake and U.S. Iran-Contra affair, took to its Twitter to publicly congratulate Kim Kardashian, a basic cable reality television star who rocketed to fame af ... More >>
Calendar
March 3, 2011
Fake Out
Today, The Miami Herald, a newspaper that has won 20 Pulitzer Prizes in its history for covering things such as voter fraud, the Haiti earthquake and U.S. Iran-Contra affair, took to its Twitter to publicly congratulate Kim Kardashian, a basic cable reality television star who rocketed to fame af ... More >>
Blogs
January 24, 2011
LeBron James, Gerald Posner, and Rick Sanchez Make List of "50 Most Deplorable Americans"
via The Buffalo BeastEvery year we here at the Miami New Times humbly offer our Dirty Dozen of the worst locals of the year. Ever year, Buffalo's own alt weekly, The Beast, takes the concept a bit farther with the 50 most deplorable Americans of the year. Their edition this year, though, is rife ... More >>
Blogs
November 12, 2010
Five Reality Stars Who Should Stay a Billion Miles Away From the Recording Studio
Tila Tequila loves more than just the DJ....We're not really sure what inspires reality TV cast members to think that a little airtime means they're qualified to belt it out for the masses. But we don't like it. They usually have no training, no stage presence and -- what's worse -- no talent.Rum ... More >>
Blogs
November 5, 2010
Welcome Back, Lil Wayne! Homecoming Party This Sunday at King of Diamonds
It's not like you needed an announcement. But still ... Weezy F. Baby is free! After his eight-month stint on the big island, Mr. Dwayne Carter is now on another island -- a better, much prettier island called Miami Beach, where he claims residence and rules over the entire Cash Money Young Mo ... More >>
News
September 30, 2010
Five ways LeBron should embrace his evil side
It's not like you needed an announcement. But still ... Weezy F. Baby is free! After his eight-month stint on the big island, Mr. Dwayne Carter is now on another island -- a better, much prettier island called Miami Beach, where he claims residence and rules over the entire Cash Money Young Mo ... More >>
Blogs
September 27, 2010
LeBron James Embraces His Evil Side: 5 Ways The King Can Become a Super-Villain
Like Hulk Hogan before him, LeBron needs to embrace his new evil identity: "Jefe Jaime"All summer, everybody's been hating on LeBron and the Heat. First, some bitter buckeye called the team evil. Just last week, James was named the sixth most hated athlete in America. So what's a superstar t ... More >>
Blogs
July 27, 2010
Jersey Shore Star's Upcoming Single Yet Another Sign of the Pop Culture Apocalypse
via facebook.com/people/Angelina-Pivarnick/100000715887702At least one member of every reality show has to come out with a token pop single after his or her 15 minutes are over. It's a rule. So cross this to-do off the Jersey Shore cast list with the latest painful announcement. Surpris ... More >>
Blogs
April 12, 2010
No Pulitzers For the Herald, But Ex-Tropic Editor Gene Weingarten Nabs Another
The 2010 Pulitzers were announced earlier this afternoon. Shockingly, New Times was not recognized for excellence in Kim Kardashian poop jokes. Maybe next year, kids. The Miami Herald also went without any hardware this year after nabbing a breaking news photography win last year. ... More >>
Blogs
April 6, 2010
Jersey Shore Cast Arrives in South Beach -- With Angelina in Tow
Yesterday we noted the pop-culture luminaries of the Jersey Shore have arrived in South Beach and are staying at the Catalina Hotel (until their full-time pad is ready, we hear), but TMZ reports there was a bit of surprise. Angelina "Jolie" Pivarnic, who lasted only three episodes during the ... More >>
Blogs
April 1, 2010
Kim Kardashian Caught Pooping in Hotel Pool
Todd LashleyAfter she and Reggie Bush called it quits last week, Kim Kardashian needed a little post-breakup "me" time, so she spent the weekend relaxing at the Cinco Lunas hotel and resort in Miami Beach. As it turns out, the reality-TV starlet and Quick Trim pill pusher got a little too relaxe ... More >>
Blogs
March 23, 2010
Kim Kardashian's Body Guard Accused of Attacking Paparazzi
photo via GQThe Kardashian sisters aren't exactly known for being paparazzi-shy, but an incident with a photog yesterday on Miami Beach led to the police visiting Kim Kardashian's hotel room, TMZ reports.Kim and sister Kourtney were getting out of their car when a photographer claims he got a bit ... More >>
Blogs
March 22, 2010
News Roundup: Hey, At Least We've Got a Team Still in the WNIT
Sherdavia Jenkins, a 9-year-old Liberty City girl who was killed be a stray bullet in 2006, has had a park named after her. [CBS4]A public health trust will vote on a restructuring plan for Jackson Memorial Health system today. [CBS4]Even in this crappy climate for media companies, Telemundo and Uni ... More >>
Blogs
January 25, 2010
Super Bowl Pits Kim Kardashian Against Kendra Wilkinson
You can't even host a Super Bowl in Miami anymore without it having some shallow reality teevee flair. Yes, two of the E! channel's favorite buxom bimbettes will almost assuredly be in the stands at Sun Life Stadium come February 7.That's because Saints star Reggie Bush has been notably tapping t ... More >>
Blogs
January 21, 2010
WTF Florida: Orlando's Split Pants and Glitter Shine on American Idol, Real Life Batman Arrested
There's more than enough weird things that happen here in Miami-Dade, but sometimes it seems we're downright sane compared to the rest of Florida. WTF Florida is our new weekly survey of all the weirdness our Peninsula has to offer. American Idol Comes to Mickey Mouse LandAmerican Idol skipped ov ... More >>
Calendar
January 21, 2010
Super Sunday Strangeness
There's more than enough weird things that happen here in Miami-Dade, but sometimes it seems we're downright sane compared to the rest of Florida. WTF Florida is our new weekly survey of all the weirdness our Peninsula has to offer. American Idol Comes to Mickey Mouse LandAmerican Idol skipped ov ... More >>
Blogs
January 18, 2010
Kim Kardashian's Ass and Cupcakes Overshadow Ocean Drive Party
Beloved luxury-porn mag Ocean Drive celebrated it's 17th anniversary by putting beloved amateur-porn star Kim Kardashian on its cover and invited her to host their big self-congratulatory party last Thursday at the Delano. Half the point of throwing these parties is to get publicity, but not ... More >>
Blogs
December 29, 2009
Kim Kardashian vs. Miami Cookie Doctor
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kim_Kardashian_LF.JPGKim Kardashian, 2007, in front of Slim Fast signage.Kim Kardashian is an American sex symbol.Dr. Sanford Siegal is the Miami doctor who invented his own "cookie diet."The two are at war. Dirty, paper, legal war. And they're fighting over ... More >>
Blogs
December 23, 2009
Video: Kim Kardashian Naked In Bath After Tossed Salad
We here at Short Order would like to thank the marketing geniuses over at Carl's Jr. for bringing us video of Kim Kardashian getting in a bath naked after a tossed salad.She really seemed to like it. The juice was practically running down her chin. This may be the best Kim Kardashian naked video ... More >>
Blogs
November 24, 2009
Food News Roundup: Paula Deen Ham, Kardashian Bikini, Celebrities Eat, Sobe Wine & Food, Ricky Williams and BK
Paula Deen hit in face with flying ham, "another bout of public humiliation after the Wine and Beach Festival at Miami, when her pants fell off in public." Yeah, we broke that story, but we can't find video of this one that's as good as that one. [ThaIndian] [HamVideo] [PantsFallDown]Kim Kardashian ... More >>
Blogs
November 20, 2009
Kim Kardashian Floats Into the Sunrise...Mall
Photo via kimkardashian.celebbuzz.comThere are very few things that a Kardashian can't do. They can turn forgetting to take your bc pills and unprotected sex into an adorable anecdote! They can force you into the background of your own wedding picture! And now they can materialize in Sunris ... More >>
Blogs
October 30, 2009
Jennifer Lopez, Most Evil NFL Owner Ever, Caught with Amateur Porn Star at LIV
via Kim KardashianAs Congressman Steve King reminded us yesterday, Jennifer Lopez is a horrible, horrible human being who has amongst other crimes against humanity, promoted "the sexual abuse of women, ...the n-word, verbal pornography, [and] recreational drug use." King was absolutely irate that ... More >>
Blogs
July 17, 2009
Miss California, Bruce Jenner Speaking at Florida Republican Youth Event
The Republican Party of Florida is hosting a big shindig for the youngins next month in Orlando called Drive the Discussion '09, and they have concocted one of the most spectacular three ring circus of speakers ever to grace a political stage. Olympian turned Village People musical co ... More >>
Blogs
July 14, 2009
Meet the Cast of Miami Social, You May Want To Immediately Lose Their Number, But At Least Say Hi
Top row: Katrina, Ariel, Maria, George. Bottom row: Hardy, Sorah, Michael. Miami Social is everything you hate about Miami Beach. It is the reality television iteration of guest list culture, of egotistical 30 somethings who've mistaken a sense of self for being able to get a bottle of Goose co ... More >>
Blogs
May 26, 2009
Miami Social Set to Debut Next Month
Possible cast for Miami Social: George French, Hardy Hill, Sorah Daiha, Katrina Campins, Michael H. Cohen, Maria Lankina, and Ariel Stein.Word around town is that an air date has finally been set for Miami's latest reality series (being billed as a "docu-drama"). Details from Bravo TV's Miami Socia ... More >>
Blogs
May 26, 2009
Kim Kardashian Swoons for Fontainebleau Fried Oreos
Kim Kardashian Official WebsiteScrew the South Beach Diet!In case you didn't see last night's teaser on E! or weren't invited to the launch party, Kim and clan have arrived in Miami to open up the first satellite Dash boutique and chronicle their antics for "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami," a spin-of ... More >>
Blogs
April 20, 2009
Kardashian Spinoff Set to Infect Miami
Does reality television even try anymore? Sorry we had to get Perez Hilton on this photo, just couldn't find a picture of just these two we could use. Let's see. Kim Kardashian got famous for being Paris Hilton's temporary Nicole Richie replacement, and then for her gross sex tape with Brandy's litt ... More >>
Blogs
November 17, 2008
Your Completely Shameless Celebrity Gossip Update
All of Riptide's usual channels of gathering topics for posts are clogged -- absolutely clogged -- by celebrity gossip coming out of the big Fontainbleau shindig and Vicky's Secret show this past weekend. So lest we be tempted to devote whole posts to each of these subjects, let's just get it over ... More >>
Blogs
September 10, 2008
Kim Kardashian Inspires Boyfriend Bashing
All of Riptide's usual channels of gathering topics for posts are clogged -- absolutely clogged -- by celebrity gossip coming out of the big Fontainbleau shindig and Vicky's Secret show this past weekend. So lest we be tempted to devote whole posts to each of these subjects, let's just get it over ... More >>
Blogs
January 25, 2008
The Party Crasher – Kim Kardashian Hosts Stoli Hotel
All of Riptide's usual channels of gathering topics for posts are clogged -- absolutely clogged -- by celebrity gossip coming out of the big Fontainbleau shindig and Vicky's Secret show this past weekend. So lest we be tempted to devote whole posts to each of these subjects, let's just get it over ... More >>
Blogs
September 26, 2007
A Celebration of, Well, Ass
All of Riptide's usual channels of gathering topics for posts are clogged -- absolutely clogged -- by celebrity gossip coming out of the big Fontainbleau shindig and Vicky's Secret show this past weekend. So lest we be tempted to devote whole posts to each of these subjects, let's just get it over ... More >>
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