Kevin Garnett

Beantown Beatdown

The Heat's Winning Streak Hits 22, the Second-Longest Ever, With Victory Over Raptors

For a moment on this lazy Sunday afternoon in Toronto, it seemed as though it might all end for the Miami Heat exactly where it began. For a moment. With the game tied at 77 early in the fourth, the Heat turned on, well, the heat, blasting off on a 28-4 run to help secure a win for the 22nd straight ... More >>

Just Perfect

Heat Beat Celtics 120-107 in Season Opener, Receive Championship Rings

Aqui lo que importa es el CASH! Oh my, that is pretty. Isn't that pretty, Celtics/Knicks/Lakers fans? Look at that beautiful thing. How fuckin' glorious.Your Miami Heat received these lovely, diamond-encrusted CHAMPIONSHIP rings last night just before their 120-107 dismantling of last year's Eastern ... More >>

Miami Heat Let First-Half Lead Slip Away, Lose Game 1

Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Finals was a tale of two halves.The Miami Heat shot out of the gate strong, hitting shots, making threes and getting a huge game from *record scratch* Shane Battier!But the second half was a whole other bag of salted cock n' balls as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook did to t ... More >>

Ray Allen Considering Signing with the Heat

From being part of one big three to backing up another?Boston Celtics shooting guard Ray Allen's contract is up. If he doesn't end up back in green, ESPN New York reports that the ten-time All Star would heavily consider signing with the Heat. Apparently there aren't hard feelings that his team just ... More >>

Heat Are Eastern Conference Champions, Will Face Oklahoma City in NBA Finals

After blowing up the Boston Celtics Big Three Era (for the second straight season) in last night's 101-88 Game 7 triumph, the Miami Heat are headed to their second-straight NBA Finals. The Big Three known as LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh scored Miami's final 31 points, including all ... More >>

Miami vs. Boston Trash Talk: Our Heat Homer and Celtics Fanatic Get Ugly

Tonight, at last, it ends: Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals starts at 8:30 p.m., and it may well destroy the world as we know it. Okay, the game may only result in the destruction of a few TV sets and cars in the greater Boston and Miami areas, but it'll still be a clash of teams that aren't ... More >>

LeBron James' 45 Points Lead Heat Over Celtics, Force Game 7

Brilliant.Extraordinary.Artist.Devastator.Maestro.Cobradick.

The Heat Is Off: A Celtics Fan Finds No Foes in Miami Beach

Was I in the right place?Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals had just started, and the denizens of On The Rocks Sports Bar in Miami Beach couldn't give a shit. Well, that's not entirely true. The older woman seated to my right at the bar -- with her baby blue nails and sweaty glass of white wine ... More >>

Heat Choke Away Game 5, One Loss Away From Elimination

Holy fucking ass clenching horsefuckery, this team!!The Miami Heat had everything in its favor. A game at home. A 13-point lead in the second quarter. A 9-point lead in the third. The Boston Celtics stars struggling on offense. A chance to go up 3-2 and force Boston to win two games in a row.And yet ... More >>

Celtics Fans Planning Masked Protest of NBA Referees

Do you think Boston fans are blaming Wednesday's Celtics loss on the weak play of team's veteran core? No, of course not. They're blaming it on the refs. That's just what Boston Celtics fans do. They may have a long list of rivalries with other actual teams, but everyone knows the uniform they despi ... More >>

Heat Take Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals

The Miami Heat are three wins away from their second consecutive trip to the NBA Finals after taking down the Boston Celtics 93-79 last night.And while the rest of the world seethes in furious anger in their unbridled and irrational hatred at this news, perhaps even blaming LeBron James for that guy ... More >>

Heat Get Nothing From Bench, Lose to Bulls in OT

Holy shit bananas, that was rough.The Miami Heat dropped a gut-wrenching loss to the Chicago Bulls 96-86 in overtime last night.And while the game is meaningless in terms of overall playoff importance, it still feels like Heat fans got their collective cocks slammed in a Metrobus door. WILL SOMEONE ... More >>

Heat Loses to the Celtics at Home, Falls Three Games Behind Number One Seed

LeBron James scored a game-high 36 points last night, while the rest of the Miami Heat stood and watched as the Boston Celtics shot 60 percent from the floor in yet another listless-shit-the-bed-let's-all-go-outside-and-punt-a-litter-of-kittens-loss by the Heat.Rajon Rondo once again had his way aga ... More >>

Heat Turns In Worst Offensive Performance of Year, Loses to Celtics

​The Miami Heat has been unstoppable at home since the All-Star break. On the road, however, the team has been a big, heaping pile of ass. And that was certainly the case yesterday during their 91-72 gag reflex of a loss to the Boston Celtics.Rajon Rondo recorded a triple-double against Miami's de ... More >>

James, Wade, and Bosh to Take Their Talents Overseas

​The Miami Heat's big three are reportedly ready to pack their bags and head on a six-city international tour with a host of other NBA superstars during what would have been the first two weeks of the NBA season. Plans are still being worked out, but between October 30 and November the 9, the ... More >>

Chicago Bulls Have A Hollering Advantage Over the Miami Heat

Because this is the NBA and we do a lot of screaming around here!​Which team will win the Eastern Conference Finals won't come down to how great the Miami Heat's big three perform or how wonderfully efficient the Chicago Bulls' bench mob execute their tenacious defensive and rebounding skills. No ... More >>

LeBron James' Clutch Balls

​LeBron James has taken a lot of shit this year. Mainly because he decided to exercise his perfectly legal right to join another team through free agency. SO EVIL! And then he went and celebrated his signing with the Heat in front of the local fans with a fire works show. SO IMPERIOUS!He's also ha ... More >>

Miami Heat Say Celtics Set the Big Three Blueprint

​The Boston Celtics are just a single game away from playoff elimination at the hands of the Miami Heat, and LeBron James would just like to say "thank you." Not for proving to be a pretty beatable team, but for providing the inspiration that three superstar players all suiting up for one team cou ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Celtics Strike Back

The Douche Strikes Back!​After roughly 5,836 days in between games, the Miami Heat finally resumed their Eastern Conference semi-final series against the Celtics in Boston. The end result wasn't as awesome as Games 1 and 2, in that the Heat got creamed pretty badly.But the good news is Erik Spoels ... More >>

Seven Reasons the Miami Heat Deserve to Finish off the Boston Celtics

​The Miami Heat travel to Boston tomorrow to try and begin finishing off the Boston Celtics in round two of the NBA playoffs. Yet, the team still can't shake it's perception of the villains, and lots of Heat haters will be rooting for the Celtics to pull off a comeback out of spite. Yet, the histo ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: LeBron & D-Wade Take Over, Heat Take 2-0 Lead Over Celtics

​Dwyane Wade did a vicious Euro-step crossover on Kevin Garnett that transcended all time and space, and left KG a smoking heap of charred douche. Moments later, Wade crossed over Ray Allen so badly, Allen simply crumpled onto the court like his spine was removed from his body.Later on, LeBron Jam ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Heat Close Out 76ers, On To Boston

​Dwyane Wade scored 26, Chris Bosh added 22 and LeBron James finished two assists shy of a triple-double in last night's 97-91 win over the Philadelphia 76ers.But, more importantly, we finally have the answer to the who should have the ball in his hands with the game on the line at crunch time? qu ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Comes First in Poll of NBA's Best-Dressed Players

​After last night's humiliating loss, it's hard to muster evidence that the Miami Heat is number one in much of anything right now, but it might be the best-dressed team in the NBA. No, we're not talking about the uniforms. Sports Illustrated polled 137 current NBA players as to who has the best o ... More >>

Despite Late-Game Rally, Heat Lose to Boston for Third-Straight Time

​The Miami Heat entered today's game against the Boston Celtics with a chance to take sole possession of first place in the East. They also entered the game riding a pretty nifty eight game-winning streak. But those things quickly turned to the proverbial mound of cat turd as the C's held off ... More >>

Nevin Shapiro: Miami's Caligula

Black Friday Reckoning

Heat Fall to the Celtics, Drop to 5-4

​"It's reality now. The chemistry isn't at the level of these good teams." So said LeBron James following the Heat's 112-107 loss the Boston Celtics Thursday night at the American Airlines Arena. The Heat have now dropped 13 of the last 14 regular season meetings to the Celtics, have fallen t ... More >>

NBA Playoffs: Miami Heat Wins Big in Game Four

​Greatness is forged through adversity: when one's back is against the wall, when one is faced with a do-or-die situation, or when someone keeps reminding everybody that WE JUST MIGHT BE WITNESSING HIS LAST GAME IN A HEAT UNIFORM!Dwayne Wade is greatness. Even when besieged with the burden of bein ... More >>

Ten Possibly Immoral Ways The Heat Could Beat the Celtics

via Keith Allison/ Wiki Commons cc2.0​Things aren't looking too good for our beloved Miami Heat in the playoffs right now. Especially after their disastrous 106-77 loss to the Celtics on Tuesday. Even an inspired performance by Dwyane Wade can't ensure a win. Sure, we'll get ho ... More >>

Game Two of the NBA Playoffs: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics: Epic Fail

​In a game that could only described as "refried ass, " the Miami Heat were walloped by the Boston Celtics 106-77 in last night's game two of the first round NBA Playoffs. The Heat managed to keep things close in the first quarter, rebounding after a slow start and even managing to take the lead f ... More >>

Here Is Kevin Garnett Elbowing Quentin Richardson's Face (And Giving The Heat A Chance To Win Game 2)

The Celtics already had Game One on lock down. All Quentin Richardson was doing was running his mouth a little during trash time. And yet enraged silly man-child Kevin Garnett couldn't keep it together. You've probably watched this highlight 15 times by now since Saturday (especially because it's ... More >>

Jason Taylor Drags His Feet on Decision

Jason Taylor is like the pretty girl at the High School prom who used to go steady with the prom king (The Dolphins), and showed up single just in case there was a chance they could rekindle it. But The Dolphins seem taken with the hot new exchange student at the moment (Brandon Marshall). Sure, the ... More >>

It's Dwyane Wade vs. the Boston Celtics in Round One of the NBA Playoffs

Listen, if you've been stashing singles every day since the beginning of the regular season for some big playoff bet, it wouldn't be entirely ill advised to go against your hometeam Miami Heat instincts and take the Boston Celtics to win in the first round of the 2010 NBA Playoffs. Blasphemy? What? ... More >>

The Guys From the Gah-den

Bring Lamar Odom Back to Miami

WikicommonsReports this morning say L.A. Lakers owner Jerry Buss has withdrawn his offer to NBA forward Lamar Odom after Odom's agent didn't contact Buss with an answer. The offer was for four years/$36 million or three years/$30 million. Apparently, Odom is holding out for a five-year/$50 million d ... More >>

Duel of the Guards

Who will be the last man standing, um, dribbling?

Shaq for Marion? Make it Happen

Garnett in Green

One of the greats, finally relevant.

Big-Bucks Benchwarmer

A straight-from-high-school phenom stays intimate with the Heat bench

Dream Team

For years Miami Senior High School has fielded one of the best basketball teams in the nation. But getting into the record books has meant tossing out the rule books.