Subject:

Jose Canseco

  • Blogs

    March 14, 2012

    Nikki "Hoopz" Alexander, Shaq's Comically Tiny Girlfriend, to Do Some South Florida Boxing

    ​EXCLUSIVE! You know Nikki "Hoopz" Alexander, the reality television star who is dating and possibly married (without a prenup! What?!) to Shaquille O'Neal and is always comically kissing him? Well, she'll be doing some celebrity boxing in South Florida, and Shaq will be the corner ma ... More >>

  • News

    July 28, 2011

    Reader comments: Judge screwed over Miami Beach's vigilante cyclist

    ​EXCLUSIVE! You know Nikki "Hoopz" Alexander, the reality television star who is dating and possibly married (without a prenup! What?!) to Shaquille O'Neal and is always comically kissing him? Well, she'll be doing some celebrity boxing in South Florida, and Shaq will be the corner ma ... More >>

  • News

    July 21, 2011

    Jose Canseco bottoms out

    New Times strikes a blow for justice against the onetime superstar.

  • Blogs

    July 15, 2011

    Ironic Quote of the Week: Library-Closing Carlos Gimenez Says Favorite Book is Fahrenheit 451

    Wikimedia CommonsFirst go the libraries...​Miamians were pissed off yesterday about Carlos Gimenez's plan to shutter 13 libraries around town. So when we saw him at a groundbreaking ceremony today, we thought we'd ask Gimenez a simple question: what's his favorite book? His answer:  Fahrenhei ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 12, 2011

    Jose Canseco Tweeted His Ex's Phone Number So We're Giving You His

    Feelings are mutual, buddy.Jose Canseco isn't sorry that he published his ex-girlfriend's telephone number on Twitter Friday night. He told us he'd do it again.We spoke with his ex. She said she's been getting so many calls and texts offering to trade her drugs for sex that Verizon called her to ask ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2011

    Jose Canseco Recruiting Former Juicers For Minor League Team

    Canseco tweeted this picture of himself Wednesday with the message "Hi lady gaga guess who." Really.​Former MLB all-star José Canseco, now the manager of an Arizona minor-league team, uses his Twitter account for a lot of things: proposing (repeatedly) to his girlfriend, complaining about his gir ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 1, 2011

    Ladies of Twitter, Is Jose Canseco Your Night In Baseball Armor?

    José Canseco needs a woman. The Cuban American baseball player, who grew up in Miami before juicing harder than a Cuisnart and winning two World Series, has lately been taking to Twitter in search of a wife. He's the total package -- a six-time MLB all-star and member of the Riptide All-Asshole Maj ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 1, 2011

    Miami-Dade May Name Street "Marco Rubio Way"

    ​Senator Marco Rubio has only been in office for a few months, but Miami-Dade County may soon name a street in his honor. Commissioner Rebecca Sosa is sponsoring a resolution that would rename a stretch of Southwest 15th Street between 57th Avenue and 67th Avenue as "Marco Rubio Way."

  • Blogs

    May 4, 2011

    Jose Canseco Has a Reality Show Concept He Wants Television Execs to Email Him About

    ​Jose Canseco spent his time on Celebrity Apprentice being as boring as possible and playing a lot of catch with Meatloaf. Then he left early, saying his father was deathly ill. Then Canseco was supposed to fight in a celebrity boxing match in Hollywood, but tried to send his twin brother Ozzie in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 11, 2011

    Jose Canseco's Got A New Brand New Gig: Low-Minor Leagues Player-Manager

    ​In his Sisyphean quest to continually one-up his latest absurd headlines, local hero-clown Jose Canseco faced a steep challenge this week: How to best his shenanigans in Hollywood, where he sent his brother Ozzie to fight in his place at a D-list celebrity boxing match?Well, here's a start: Jose ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 29, 2011

    Jose Canseco's Twin Switcheroo Gets the Crazy Taiwanese Animated Treatment

    courtesy Next Media Animation​Thanks to a strange twist of modern tabloid physics, modern-day D-list celebrity scandals and weird news stories don't technically exist until they've been re-interpreted in CGI by the borderline insane Taiwanese animators at Next Media Animation. Thankfully, we can n ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2010

    Commission Renames Miami-Dade "Wade County" for One Week in July

    ​Miami's rainmakers are stopping at nothing to keep Dwyane Wade in town. In May, the Miami Heat and a slew of corporate sponsors launched an online campaign -- wewantwade.com -- to convince the NBA MVP from fleeing to another team when he becomes a free agent in July. The website encourages reside ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2010

    Forget "Miami-Wade": Name the County After These True South Floridians

    Midwesterner.​The Dwyane-Wade-please-stay groveling continues with the county commission voting to rename our municipality Miami-Wade County. Ho-hum. It's like Miami officials have observed all of the crazy stunts Cleveland is pulling in trying to persuade LeBron James to stay a Cavalier, and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 20, 2010

    Riptide Presents the All-Asshole Major League Baseball Team

    Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>

  • News

    November 12, 2009

    Miami-based Psystar takes on Apple

    Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 21, 2009

    Is All Forgiven for A-Rod?

    Photo by Keith Allison/CC 2.0​2009 was shaping up to be one of the worst years of Alex Rodriguez's life. He was already embroiled in a public divorce underscored by rumors that he was schtupping a woman 17 years his season -- ok it was Madonna, but still. Then in February, Sports Illustrated ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 20, 2009

    Jose Canseco: Boxing Rodney King, Planning Reality Show with Michael Lohan

    Oh, Jose...​For some reason Miami-Dade still hasn't gotten around to renaming Jose Canseco Street, but Mr. Canseco is wasting no time in bringing more ridiculous schadenfreude to his already pretty shamfeul legacy. Apparently admitting to steroid abuse, appearing in such fine fare as The ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 19, 2009

    Which Florida Celebrities Will Get a Piece of the Dolphins Next?

    In case you missed it, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross made it official this morning: The Fins are indeed waging the biggest celebrity love-fest in South Florida this side of Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami.via Wikimedia CommonsAre you ready for some mustache?​The Dolphins have lost 20 percent o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 19, 2009

    Shaquille O'Neal vs. The Korean Giant Who Kicked Jose Canseco's Ass

    Last month, we reported that Riptide's boxing match against Michael Lohan would still go on even though Jose Canseco got his ass kicked in Japan by a Korean giant. Huh? Y'know, you should probably just read it.Anyway, earlier this week, former Miamian-and-now-despised-jerk Shaquille O'Neal challeng ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 11, 2009

    Give Thanks -- You Almost Got Stuck Rooting for the Florida Flamingos

    All team names are far from created equal. Some basic math: Celtics > Raptors; Red Sox > Devil Rays; Colts > Texans; and everyone on a field, rink, or pitch outside of Anaheim laughed their asses off at the Mighty Ducks until they wised up and lost the Disney adjective a few years ago.via Wikimedia ... More >>

  • News

    June 4, 2009

    Father Alberto Cutie Isn't the First to Change Religions

    All team names are far from created equal. Some basic math: Celtics > Raptors; Red Sox > Devil Rays; Colts > Texans; and everyone on a field, rink, or pitch outside of Anaheim laughed their asses off at the Mighty Ducks until they wised up and lost the Disney adjective a few years ago.via Wikimedia ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 8, 2009

    The Scoop That Nobody Wanted: Jose Canseco's Man-Ram Press Conference

    Associated PressIt was so quiet you could hear a testicle shrink.Miami native Jose Canseco has made a post-baseball career out of snitching on his former teammates and getting punched in the face. This is not a dignified existence. And yet he insists on respect. Every time evidence emerges that a st ... More >>

  • Calendar

    April 30, 2009

    Punch a D-Lister

    Associated PressIt was so quiet you could hear a testicle shrink.Miami native Jose Canseco has made a post-baseball career out of snitching on his former teammates and getting punched in the face. This is not a dignified existence. And yet he insists on respect. Every time evidence emerges that a st ... More >>

  • News

    April 9, 2009

    Fishy Business

    They gave thousands to a commissioner and then won the Marlins stadium contract.

  • Blogs

    April 7, 2009

    Exclusive: Marlins Construction Group Gave Thousands to Commish Who Approved No-Bid Deal

    Joe Martinez seems a forthright and resolute guy. He was the first Hispanic elected by his peers to be county commission chairman. He publicly supported the highly unpopular John McCain for president. And he pushed to strip Jose Canseco's name from a stretch of SW 16th Street after the slugger admit ... More >>

  • Dining

    March 26, 2009

    Pork Pirates

    They'll slaughter your dinner as you watch — but don't tell the cops.

  • Blogs

    March 10, 2009

    FDA Cracking Down On Another of Jose Canseco's Favorite Substances

    via Wikimedia CommonsWe've spent so much time following the sad saga of A-Rod, that we've forgotten to check in with Miami's even more disgraced baseball star -- Jose Canseco! Last year a Sunrise-based company, Smoking Everywhere, enlisted the former slugger to tout its e-cigarette. Using a com ... More >>

  • News

    February 26, 2009

    Canseco Creams A-Rod

    Does Alex Rodriguez's latest admission vindicate a Miami trainer?

  • Blogs

    September 17, 2008

    Amy Poehler Leaving SNL, but Not Before Commenting on Jose Canseco's Balls

    Does Alex Rodriguez's latest admission vindicate a Miami trainer?

  • Blogs

    September 8, 2008

    Jose Canseco Bashed By County Commission

    Does Alex Rodriguez's latest admission vindicate a Miami trainer?

  • Calendar

    March 24, 2005

    Sa-wing Batter

    Does Alex Rodriguez's latest admission vindicate a Miami trainer?

  • City Life

    May 13, 2004

    BEST LOCAL PHANTASMAGORIA

    Does Alex Rodriguez's latest admission vindicate a Miami trainer?

  • Calendar

    January 29, 2004

    This Week's Day by Day Picks

    Does Alex Rodriguez's latest admission vindicate a Miami trainer?

  • City Life

    May 16, 2002

    BEST SMALL-TOWN PARADE

    Three Kings Parade

  • News

    May 9, 2002

    Outsider Baseball

    The spring-training stadium nobody wanted hosts the league nobody knows

  • News

    October 26, 2000

    Home Is Where the Hurt Is

    Bedsores. Medical neglect. Depression. Welcome to the bleak underworld of Miami-Dade's assisted-living facilities.

  • News

    June 1, 2000

    Boxing Banter

    An 82-year-old political heavyweight spars with a firefighter half his age, and the fans go wild

  • News

    May 22, 1997

    Right in the Middle of Nowhere

    Anyone who thinks Dade Corners is just a gas station probably thinks the Everglades is just a little wet spot west of Miami

  • Film

    December 1, 1993

    Some Like It Dull

    Anyone who thinks Dade Corners is just a gas station probably thinks the Everglades is just a little wet spot west of Miami

  • Film

    November 3, 1993

    Running on Empty

    Anyone who thinks Dade Corners is just a gas station probably thinks the Everglades is just a little wet spot west of Miami

  • News

    June 2, 1993

    Love Is in the Airbag

    A South Florida dating service puts a new twist on auto-eroticism

  • News

    November 4, 1992

    Swelter

    A South Florida dating service puts a new twist on auto-eroticism

  • News

    March 4, 1992

    Program Notes

    A South Florida dating service puts a new twist on auto-eroticism

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