Joey Porter

Today Crap Happened? No Shit!

The Spirit of '76?

Tony Sparano Is The New Fins Head Coach

Calvin Pace Will Break Windows With His Arm In New York

The Dolphins Would Like to Invite the Naysayers to Eat a Dick Sandwich

Joey Porter's Solution To The Financial Crises: Grab A Shovel

A Cold Wet Dose of Reality to Our Collective Groins Courtesy of the Houston Texans

Dolphins Are Now Balls Deep in the Hunt

This Week in Joey Porter's Mouth (and His Popcorn Muscles)

Pats Just Going to Take It from Joey Porter

Is it even news anymore that Joey Porter runs his mouth? It's like, "I saw some birds fly, the grass is green, oxygen passes through our lungs, Joey Porter is trash-talking his opponents." It's only news if those things stop happening, or in Porter's case, the object of his derision replies in a n ... More >>

Joey Porter Cool With Pit Bull Fighting, Not Cocker Spaniel Brawls

Is there any extra duct tape lying around the Dolphins locker room? How about a ball gag? Because there are times when Joey Porter just needs to shut up. Porter was sharing his deep thoughts on the Michael Vick case and decided Vick should be given another shot in the NFL because he was abusing p ... More >>

News Roundup

Gunnery Sgt. Marcelo R. Velasco, 40, of Miami died in Iraq last week. He is the 4,202nd US Troop to be killed in this war. [Defense Link]Do these people have any sort of heart? Do they have any sort of sense of what's right for society beyond responding to their base level fears and ignorance? Plans ... More >>

Don't Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England's offense totaled 530 yards -- the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. ... More >>

Weekend Football: The Doldrums

Cold, hard reality set in last week for Miami's two most notable football squads. The Fins lost their rematch to the Pats, and the Canes saw their ACC title hopes evaporate. Hopefully they'll be able to put their disappointment behind them and not squander seasons that are, by last year's standard ... More >>

The Dolphins' Ass-Kicking Prowess Has Gone International

Holy sugartits is this a magical time to be a Dolphins fan! They're just displaying all kinds of dexterity in the ass-kicking department, as they did yesterday when they flew into Canada's Rogers Centre and delivered a beatdown to the rival Buffalo Bills. The Fins defeated Buffalo 16-3 in front of ... More >>

Joey Porter Is Packing Heat, Feels for Plax

Apparently those popcorn muscles aren't enough. In an interview aired a couple of minutes ago on ESPN, Dolphins linebacker, sack-master, and nonstop verbal diarrhea specialist Joey Porter said he feels for Plaxico Burress, the Giants wide receiver who recently shot himself in the leg at a nightclub ... More >>

Porter, Fins Lay a Beatdown on Niners

The two most vicious hits in Sunday's Dolphins-49ers defensive power struggle both came in the waning minutes of the ballgame. First, with the Niners sitting in the red zone, trying to punch in a touchdown and take their first lead of the day, a bunch of security guys absolutely destroyed some ... More >>

Two Dolphins Headed to Pro Bowl, but Not Pennington

So the Pro Bowl selections were announced and your Miami Dolphins snagged two spots on the AFC team. Beloved trash talker Joey Porter will be one of the starting outside linebackers, while Ronnie Brown will serve as a reserve running back. One of the biggest snubs? Chad Pennington, who has been havi ... More >>

Holiday Shopping for Big Shots

Gift ideas for Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter, Mayor Carlos Alvarez, and Related Group chairman Jorge Perez.

Joey Porter Resurrects the Fins, Entertains the Nation

It's Peezy time in the city.

Support Our Dolphins, and Our Troops

It's Peezy time in the city.

Holy Crap! They Won?

The Dolphins beat the Pats! Now it’s the Chargers’ turn.

News Roundup

LocalCat killer took two more kitty lives this weekend. [JustNews]Meanwhile, up in Broward, BSO deputies apparently think their copycat killer is just a bunch of wild dogs. [CBS4]South Beach residents: The city denies you were knee-deep in sewer water. [NBCMiami]Watergate "plumber" Bernard Barker di ... More >>

Update: Gloria and Emilio Estefan Get Minority Ownership in the Dolphins

Last month, Riptide received a vague but alarming email invitation with this headline: "JIMMY BUFFETT, MIAMI DOLPHINS AND DOLPHIN STADIUM TO HOST MAJOR CORPORATE ANNOUNCEMENT."Riptide quickly RSVPed and was treated to one of the most disturbing displays in sports history: Jimmy Buffett playing to a ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Continue Their Celebrity Love-Fest with Britto, T-Pain, Versace, and Ocean Drive Mag

Remember those good ol' days when the Miami Dolphins just played football? When Shula, Marino, and Csonka were the names that first came to mind when you imagined the teal and orange -- not Buffett, Estefan, and Anthony?via Wikimedia CommonsThis cat is much more interesting than a Joey Por ... More >>

Snowflake Returns

Remember those good ol' days when the Miami Dolphins just played football? When Shula, Marino, and Csonka were the names that first came to mind when you imagined the teal and orange -- not Buffett, Estefan, and Anthony?via Wikimedia CommonsThis cat is much more interesting than a Joey Por ... More >>

Will.I.Am Wants to Try Out for Dolphins

If you ask us, way too many of Will.i.am's dreams have come true. The Black Eyed Peas' resident shoddy producer has an ever growing ego, and now he has another modest dream: trying out for the Miami Dolphins. We say let him. Will.i.am took to some website called Dipdive... To brag about ho ... More >>

These Wagons Will Not Be Circled

If you ask us, way too many of Will.i.am's dreams have come true. The Black Eyed Peas' resident shoddy producer has an ever growing ego, and now he has another modest dream: trying out for the Miami Dolphins. We say let him. Will.i.am took to some website called Dipdive... To brag about ho ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Win: Champagne Breakfast for Everyone!

​You might recall the Dolphins lately have been getting their asses dented on a week-to-week basis. This has directly led to an 0-3 start, a last-place standing in the AFC East, and Chad Pennington's shoulder crumbling into powder before our eyes. Coming in to this week against the ... More >>

Channing Crowder On The Saints: "Probably Smelling Themselves, Rubbing Each Other's Balls"

via Deuce of DavenportThe downside of tattoos is that there's no denying when pictures like these hit the web.​The Dolphin's Joey Porter hasn't quite lived up to his trash talker potential this season, probably due to injury, but that's okay because it seems linebacker Channing Crowder is more tha ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go

​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his o ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Lose: Hauntingly Familiar

​When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that th ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Preview: Avast Ye Ass Kickers!

​So, the Dolphins clearly cannot hang with the likes of the Colts, Saints, Falcons or Patriots. We get that. But this Sunday, the Fins host what is most likely the worst team in the NFL this side of Detroit - the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And while Miami does have the better team on paper, this just f ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Preview: Win or Call It a Season

​And so we come to this. Sitting at 4-5, the Miami Dolphins face a must-win situation tonight as take on the equally desperate (and some would say equally craptastic) 4-5 Carolina Panthers. The winner will experience the sweet taste of being a .500 team for the first time this season while embarki ... More >>

Ricky Williams and His Amazing Feats of Ass-Kickery

​First things first: Ricky Williams is now officially the Ambassador of Fucking Your Shit Up and Knocking Fools' Dicks Into the Dirt after last night's brilliant 119-yard, three-touchdown performance. Many had their doubts about the Dolphins' ability to effectively run the ball without Ronnie Brow ... More >>

We Wait With Bated Breath for Michelle Spence-Jones's Next Acceptance Speech

​The best part about suspended City of Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones's preordained re-election to her vacated seat is this: She'll be able to make another acceptance speech.Her defiant diatribe a few weeks ago -- when she took office moments before being cuffed and booked on grand theft ... More >>

Miami readies for another Michelle Spence-Jones acceptance speech

​The best part about suspended City of Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones's preordained re-election to her vacated seat is this: She'll be able to make another acceptance speech.Her defiant diatribe a few weeks ago -- when she took office moments before being cuffed and booked on grand theft ... More >>

One if by LandShark, Two if by Sea

​The best part about suspended City of Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones's preordained re-election to her vacated seat is this: She'll be able to make another acceptance speech.Her defiant diatribe a few weeks ago -- when she took office moments before being cuffed and booked on grand theft ... More >>

Football Musical Chairs: Groh Top Candidate for Fins; USF Hires Holtz

​The past months have seen a lively game of musical chairs in the NCAA and NFL. Though the hottest action hasn't concerned Miami teams much, the effects are being felt here. The Dolphins fired defensive coordinator Paul Pasqualoni last week, and it seems like they're hoping to ... More >>

News Roundup: City Commission Gets It Dunn

After an epically long city commission meeting, commissioners chose the Rev. Richard Dunn to replace Michelle Spence-Jones after he pledged not to run for the seat in November. [Herald]Crime rates in unincorporated Dade County are down. [Herald]Sad Ponzi clown Scott Rothstein is going to p ... More >>

News Roundup: Heat Fall to Raptors, Beasley Busts a Knee

Two teens in Hialeah are charged with trying to cover up the accidental shooting death of another teen. [CBS4]Coconut Grove bar owners are gearing up for a battle to bring back the neighborhood's 5 am last call. [CBS4]McClatchy, The Herald's parent company, posted a $25.8 million profit for the four ... More >>

Three Dolphins, Five Former-Hurricanes Named to NFL All-Decade Team

​Three players who have suited up in Dolphins Teal and five who are "all about The U," have been named to the NFL's All Decade Team. Chosen by the NFL Hall of Fame selection committee, the honors were announced before last night's Pro Bowl. Much like the Pro Bowl itself, the Hurricanes are represe ... More >>

News Roundup: Joey Porter Wants Out of Here

A petition to recall Mayor Carlos Alvarez fell short by just a few thousand signatures. [CBS4]Murdered tourist Paula Sladewski's sister is back in town looking for the culprit, and the award for the killer's arrest has been raised to $15,000. [NBCMiami]Yesterday's rain and flooding caused ... More >>

News Roundup: Super Bowl Stage Collapse Injures Four

An audit criticized the waste of tens of thousands of tax-payer dollars by city of Miami workers on Government credit cards. Some how we got stiffed with the bill for a pink metallic dog collar. [Herald]A stage being built at Sun Life stadium collapsed, injuring four. [CBS4]Jackson Memoria ... More >>

Joey Porter and His Mouth Fired by the Dolphins

Derf​Joey Porter's contract has been terminated by the Miami Dolphins. This comes after Porter's very public two-week campaign demanding that the Fins either play him as a full-time starter or let him go.Late last month, Porter went on a media rampage, making stops on ESPN and WQAM, complaining of ... More >>

News Roundup: One Dead After Downtown Drive-By

Nearly a quarter of new condos in Sunny Isles Beach are empty. [CBS4]One person is dead and another injured after an early-morning drive-by shooting in downtown Miami that began on the MacArthur Causeway. [CBS4]The bodies of the last missing Lynn University students and professors have been found an ... More >>

Dolphins Sign Richie Incognito

​The Miami Dolphins have signed a one-year deal with controversial guard Richie Incognito, who was released late last year by the Rams. The deal is worth a little more than $1 million to the player with a suspiciously comic book villain-esque name.The Nebraska grad comes with a bit of baggage and ... More >>

Food News Roundup: Junk Food, Burger King, Passover, and Dream Water

"Scientists in Florida say overeaters are addicted to junk food in the same way drug addicts are addicted to cocaine and heroin." [AllHeadlineNews]"Project Downtown, an organization that started about two years ago in Miami and now has branches other U.S. cities," continues feeding the homeless. [VO ... More >>

Jason Taylor Drags His Feet on Decision

Jason Taylor is like the pretty girl at the High School prom who used to go steady with the prom king (The Dolphins), and showed up single just in case there was a chance they could rekindle it. But The Dolphins seem taken with the hot new exchange student at the moment (Brandon Marshall). Sure, the ... More >>

Channing Crowder "Couldn't Give A Damn" About Pleasing Dolphins Fans

via Deuce of DavenportGo choke on a poison apple, Crowder.With Joey Porter long gone Channing Crowder took the spot of the Dolphin's top trash talker. Now with Tedd Ginn Jr. out of the way (thankfully), The Sun-Sentinel's Omar Kelly seems worried that Crowder could also take the place of the fanbase ... More >>