Jesus Christ

Like Cleveland Kidnapping Victims, Miami Sisters Were Nearly Saved Only To Continue Suffering

Across the nation, Americans have been gripped by the amazing escape of three young women kidnapped and imprisoned inside a house in Cleveland for a decade. Here in Miami, the horrific tale happens to bear an eery resemblance to this week's cover story, in which two sisters suffer unspeakable horro ... More >>

Florida Woman Claims Goldfish Cracker Is a Sign From God

A full 2,013 years after he apparently sent us his only son, God has decided to send his pet goldfish to Central Florida.Patti Burke, a Brevard County resident, believes that an odd imprint she found on a Goldfish cracker is actually a sign from the almighty himself.

50 WTF Quotes From Ultra 2013

"What the fuck does unicorn taste like?" Stardust. Rainbows. Maybe black-market horse meat from Miami's C-9 basin. There's really no way to know, though. Because this fabulous one-horned equine creature doesn't actually exist. Except when you're raving, raging, and tripping out at Ultra Music Fest ... More >>

LeBron Scores 17 in the Fourth, Chris Bosh Is a New Dad, Heat Takes 3-0 Lead Over Knicks

In the annals of human history, people discuss three seminal events: the discovery of fire, the invention of the submarine, and LeBron James always punching the entire city of New York in the asshole. It seemed as if Madison Square Garden would be James's undoing last night. His first three quarters ... More >>

Victoria Jackson Says New Times Profile of Her Was Lies Penned by a Socialist

​Our profile of Victoria Jackson, Saturday Night Live cast member turned Tea Party-lovin', Bible-thumpin' Fox News screamer, was published in several Village Voice Media newspapers yesterday. Jackson made clear late last night she thought it was a "hit piece" typical of the liberal media. She sent ... More >>

Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, and Mobb Deep at the Fillmore Miami Beach September 13

Raekwon the Chef and Ghostface Killah Cook Up Classic Gangsta Rap at Rock the Bells Miami

​The Wu-Tang Clan has never been modest about its skill set. With hundreds of releases tied to the Wu-Tang brand, this now-legendary '90s gangsta rap collective has always been upfront about what it brings to the table. If you know your Wu, you know nobody else cooks, serves, and keeps 'em coming ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 4: LeTurd

​Well, shit. The Miami Heat must really love blowing fourth-quarter leads, because the team did it again last night in Game 4 of the NBA Finals, allowing the Dallas Mavericks to win the game 86-83 and tying the finals.Meanwhile, LeBron James had the worst performance of his playoff career. Dwyane ... More >>

The President Is Leaving the White House: Jason Handelsman's Story at Cinema Sounds

Drawing by Jason Handlesman, AKA The President. ​The story of Jason Handelsman, AKA The President, is already interesting enough when summarized by writer and video-maker Jacob Katel: "There's something funny about a native Dade County cracker who calls himself The President and lives in a foreclo ... More >>

Doug Benson, Adam Carolla, and Wanda Sykes talk weed, girls, and Hawaiians

Kevin Hart's Booty and $100 Bottle Afterparty at King Of Diamonds This Sunday

via facebook.com/hartkevinWill Ricky Rozay kick it with Kevin Hart at KOD?​Kevin Hart's got almost one million folllowers on Twitter and regularly says shit like, "Good Morning you long titty not knowing what 2 2 is crying down your back fat foot ass bitchhesss.............P.S I love Baby Jesus. ... More >>

Heat Blow 15-Point Lead, Lose to the Knicks

​The Miami Heat blew a 15-point lead and lost 91-86 to the New York Knicks last night, thus making local sports talk radio even douchier than normal for at least another week.The loss continues a troubling trend of not being able to beat playoff contending teams, or even win a big game in the clos ... More >>

Sex and astrology at Taurus in Coconut Grove

Interview: Chef Tim Andriola Gets The 10

Tim Andriola​No use rehashing all of Chef Tim Andriola's background info, since Katel did a fine job of that in his blog post, so let's just remind everyone that this popular guy is and has been co-owner of Timó in Sunny Isles Beach since its inception in 2003. He previously kept diners happy for ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go

​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his o ... More >>

A Christmas Carol: A very CGI Christmas

Q&A With Terry Woods of the Pogues, at Pompano Beach Amphitheatre This Saturday

Nine years ago (well, and before), nobody expected the original Irish punk rockers, the Pogues, to resurface together. Fans had followed the band's slow dissolution across the late 1980s and early 1990s, parallel with the personal struggles of its mad genius frontman and songwriter, Shane Mac ... More >>

Holy Hustler

Pastor Vincent Spann will save Liberty City's soul one addict at a time — if he can stay out of jail.

Marilyn Manson's "Trismegistus" Offers Shock and Schlock

The goth takes to the canvas, with mixed results.

Super Bored

How the world's biggest game spawned the world's worst halftime show

Drawn and Quarterly?

How 'bout annually? A collective of artists and writers finds it takes superhuman effort to get a comic book hybrid off the ground.

Letters from the Issue of October 23, 2003

He Said, He Said

No matter what happens between Push Button Objects and Seven, their friendship is over

God's Work

Is Mae a Christian band? Depends on who you ask.

Left of the Corporate Center

News Alert: Chefs say working for The Man sets them free

CIP VIPs

A list to nominate members for Miami's new Civilian Investigative Panel comes together in typical Magic City fashion

No Dogs Allowed

Racoon is a chill, ultrahip electronic duo from Italy -- really

Up the Academy

The Oscar telecast has, for a decade, been Gil Cates' golden moment

Slow and Low

Minnesota minimalists Low minor in chamber pop, major in Mormonism

Sagging Bull

Stiller and De Niro square off in the big-screen sitcom Meet the Parents

The Devil Makes Them Do It

Bringing the Holy Spirit to South Beach requires courage and conviction. Stamina helps, too.

Sacred Gowns

Eusebio Escobar may dream of a career as a fashion designer, but his current line is doing well: Haute couture Santería

A Miami Miracle

Divine intervention may be responsible for the hubbub around a Little Havana statue. Or maybe it's media hype.

Street Sweepers

The City of Miami's court-approved plan to deal with the homeless is one part tough love, two parts blind hope

You'll Laugh, You'll Cry, You'll Kiss $7 Goodbye

Ho Chi Minh Finds God

Myths Over Miami

Captured on South Beach, Satan later escaped. His demons and the horrible Bloody Mary are now killing people. God has fled. Avenging angels hide out in the Everglades. And other tales from children in Dade's homeless shelters.

Rotations

Inside Looking Out

Tamara Hendershot seeks out those who work their artistic magic in obscurity. The visionary art she finds is hot, but for her, buying and selling it is a labor of love.

United They Stand

Labor organizer Monica Russo helps Dade's nursing home workers form a more perfect union

Cuba Bound

Key West to Havana is a grand tradition, a boater's delight, and a lively tourist adventure. Bon voyage!

The Girls Can't Help It

Call it drag, call it nouveau vaudeville -- Little Havana's Teatro de Bellas Artes' Midnight Follies is all entertainment

Harp Breaker

James Cotton's singing voice suffers, but his harmonica says plenty

Trip to the Big House

Need to visit a loved one doing time in one of the many state prisons up near the Georgia line? Who you gonna call? Right. Prison Connection.

Bring the Noise

Cover your ears or bask in the blare. Miami avant-skronkers Harry Pussy, Rat Bastard, and Tom Smith's To Live and Shave in L.A. have launched an audacious aural assault on the senses. But is anyone out there listening?

The Surfies

Locally produced TV shows deserve to be honored for their intelligence, their wit, their impeccably bad taste. Don't touch that remote control!

Program Notes 13

A Tale of Tent City

Last spring, when Dade County united with a local charity to help the hurricane's homeless, the partnership sounded too good to be true. It was.

A Real Kick in the Pants

There's nothing but love and glory between Saigon Kick and their hometown. Yeah, right.

Pulp City