Jeffrey Loria

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Blogs
March 17, 2009
Marlins Game : WBC :: Dog Poo : Kobe Beef
I counted three Venezuelan girls in bikini's that made me want to defect on the next plane to Caracas.
News
June 24, 2004
Toxic Jock Syndrome
Hank Goldberg offers Miami sports fans more than tired talk-radio shtick; the journalist backs up his on-air diatribes with hard facts and common sense
News
November 6, 2003
Letters from the Issue of November 6, 2003
Hank Goldberg offers Miami sports fans more than tired talk-radio shtick; the journalist backs up his on-air diatribes with hard facts and common sense
News
October 23, 2003
Power to the Pudge!
Get ready for another Marlins dismantling, but this time be prepared
News
April 11, 2002
Meet the Florida Marlins, er, Riddlers
The team is back for another year but questions abound
Blogs
May 15, 2009
Miami Team Owners Really Good at Being Really Bad
Miami sports fans may harbor passion for their teams, but there's no love lost between the fans and the moneybags who actually own the franchises. Maybe it's because thanks to Wayne Huizenga we forgot that all owners aren't often detestable people, but Sports Illustrated points out that the cur ... More >>
News
June 18, 2009
Letters from the Issue of June 18, 2009
"He works full-time, attends FIU, supports a family, writes music, rehearses, and spends time with his ill father."
Blogs
October 5, 2009
Dear Jeffrey Loria: Quit Acting Like a D-Bag and Leave Fredi Alone
Somewhere in a New York penthouse right now, Jeffrey Loria is angrily straightening a Picasso on his wall, swigging a vintage Chianti, and cursing loudly.via Hazboy's flickrWhy wouldn't you fire the best manager in baseball?His Marlins have missed the playoffs yet again. And Loria has decided it ... More >>
Blogs
October 6, 2009
Marlins Aren't Firing Fredi Gonzalez
Maybe Jeffrey Loria took Tim Elfrink's advice, and stopped acting like "a world-class moron." Because according to Associated Press sources Marlin manager Fredi Gonzalez's job is safe for now.The AP is citing an unnamed AP source. The Marlins might not be ready to make the official announcement, but ... More >>
Blogs
January 5, 2010
Meet Your New Marlins Uniform: The Fish Drop the 'Florida' Next Year
News flash: Your Marlins baseball club is building a new stadium that will cost taxpayers $4.7 bagillion and, far more tragically, will probably not be sponsored by Jimmy Buffett's crappy beer. via MLB.comIn happier news, they will also drop the "Florida" from their name -- as if they were ... More >>
Blogs
March 17, 2010
Marlins to Play Mets Series in Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico absolutely loves baseball. Too bad they don't have their own MLB team yet, but hey, apparently we're willing to lend them ours for a weekend. The AP reports that the Marlins June 28-30th series against the New York Mets will be played in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It'll go down at th ... More >>
Blogs
March 29, 2010
Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Went to Jared for Hanley Ramirez
Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>
Calendar
March 25, 2010
Bling Brothers
Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>
Calendar
June 3, 2010
A Golden Ticket
Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>
Blogs
June 23, 2010
Marlins Fire Manager Fredi Gonzalez and Two Other Coaches
Even after delivering a 10-4 win against the Baltimore Orioles last night, the Marlins have announced that they've fired manager Fredi Gonzalez and two other coaches: bench coach Carlos Tosca and hitting coach Jim Presley."It is never easy to make a change in managers. Fredi has been with ou ... More >>
Blogs
August 25, 2010
It's Official: Florida Marlins Screwed Miami-Dade Taxpayers
Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>
Calendar
September 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>
Calendar
September 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>
Calendar
September 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>
Blogs
September 7, 2010
Lil Wayne's Lyric Book and Five Other Things to Burn With the Koran
MyFoxOrlando.comWhy are we not surprised that Terry Jones is a 'Braveheart' fan?Gainesville pastor Terry Jones has set off a firestorm by planning "International Burn a Koran Day" for September 11 to protest the "religion of the Devil." As Jones posits on YouTube: "I mean, ask yourself: Have you ... More >>
News
September 9, 2010
International Burn a Koran Day: What else can we torch September 11?
MyFoxOrlando.comWhy are we not surprised that Terry Jones is a 'Braveheart' fan?Gainesville pastor Terry Jones has set off a firestorm by planning "International Burn a Koran Day" for September 11 to protest the "religion of the Devil." As Jones posits on YouTube: "I mean, ask yourself: Have you ... More >>
Blogs
October 29, 2010
Former Marlins Excel in Fall Classic
Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>
Blogs
December 6, 2010
From 'Cat Killer' Probe to New Marlins Stadium: 5 Biggest Wastes of Taxpayer Money in 2010
We all love baseball, but did we all really have to pay for a new stadium when Marlins owners had plenty of cash on hand?Anger over public spending is all the rage these days. Unemployment checks? Undeserved. The Obama stimulus plan? An abomination. Now Carlos Alvarez is facing a fierce recall c ... More >>
News
December 9, 2010
Five SoFla projects that have snorted our taxes
We all love baseball, but did we all really have to pay for a new stadium when Marlins owners had plenty of cash on hand?Anger over public spending is all the rage these days. Unemployment checks? Undeserved. The Obama stimulus plan? An abomination. Now Carlos Alvarez is facing a fierce recall c ... More >>
Blogs
December 24, 2010
Jeffrey Loria: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>
Blogs
December 26, 2010
Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>
Blogs
December 27, 2010
Wyclef Jean: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>
Blogs
December 27, 2010
Carlos Bertonatti: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
Blogs
December 27, 2010
The Jersey Shore Idiots: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
Blogs
December 28, 2010
Buju Banton: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
News
December 30, 2010
Miami's dirty dozen of 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
News
December 30, 2010
Letters from the issue of December 30, 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
News
May 5, 2011
Six lies about the Marlins stadium
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
News
May 12, 2011
Letters from the issue of May 12, 2011
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
Calendar
June 2, 2011
Brave Passage
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
Blogs
June 3, 2011
Shocked By Fact They Don't Suck This Year, Florida Marlins May Make Trades To Suck Even Less
The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>
Blogs
August 14, 2011
Logan Morrison And His Twitter Demoted As LoMo Rips Marlins For Move
The Florida Marlins would have you believe they abruptly demoted fan favorite Logan Morrison after last night's loss to the Giants because his batting average has dipped below .250 -- an excuse so blatantly untrue that Jeffrey Loria must have been cackling in his Hamptons mansion as he helped gho ... More >>
Blogs
September 16, 2011
Logan Morrison Files Grievance Against Marlins, Can We Get In On That?
Fan favorite and self-described "twittaholic" Logan Morrison has filed an official grievance with the Florida Marlins over his demotion to AAA last month, reports ESPN.The Fish, meanwhile, have lost four in a row due to a comedy of errors. They are 31 games back in the division with only 12 to pl ... More >>
News
September 29, 2011
The Miami Marlins must suck up to a boat salesman for a website
Fan favorite and self-described "twittaholic" Logan Morrison has filed an official grievance with the Florida Marlins over his demotion to AAA last month, reports ESPN.The Fish, meanwhile, have lost four in a row due to a comedy of errors. They are 31 games back in the division with only 12 to pl ... More >>
Blogs
October 4, 2011
Miami Marlins Move Into "Condome": 5 Other Buildings That Should Be Hidden Under Latex
Practicing safe architecture.A few weeks ago, bigwigs at the Florida Miami Marlins announced they were putting the final touches on the team's new stadium in Little Havana. The coup de grace: a rubber membrane designed to reduce the glare off its bulbous, retractable metal roof. Soon the sta ... More >>
News
October 6, 2011
The Condome: New Marlins stadium gets a rubber coating
Practicing safe architecture.A few weeks ago, bigwigs at the Florida Miami Marlins announced they were putting the final touches on the team's new stadium in Little Havana. The coup de grace: a rubber membrane designed to reduce the glare off its bulbous, retractable metal roof. Soon the sta ... More >>
Blogs
October 7, 2011
Insanely Ugly Animatronic Home-Run Sculpture Unveiled for Marlins Stadium
You thought the Marlins' rumored new logo could cause eye cancer? Well, if you value your sense of sight, you might not want to take a peek at the absolutely insane robotic structure the Marlins plan to install in their new stadium. It's like someone vomited a bunch of cliché South Florida ... More >>
Blogs
November 10, 2011
Miami Marlins Real New Uniforms Leaked To Riptide
Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>
Blogs
November 23, 2011
Miami On the Hook For Millions In New Taxes On Marlins Parking Garages
When we recently counted down the six most absurd lies about the new Marlins Stadium, fib number one was that politicians were working for taxpayers. Even a casual glance over the deal made it clear: This $550 million stadium was a cripplingly expensive gift from struggling taxpayers to the milli ... More >>
Blogs
December 1, 2011
Billy the Marlin Reemerges as Rainbow-Colored Mutant Fish
A few weeks ago, we told you that Miami Marlins mascot Billy the Marlin would return with a new color scheme, and lamented, "Hopefully we don't have to worry about an 8-foot tall orange sports fish walking around the stadium."Well, the new Billy is finally here, and its not quite as bad, and yet ... More >>
News
December 15, 2011
Luther Campbell loves the Miami Marlins, federal investigation be damned
A few weeks ago, we told you that Miami Marlins mascot Billy the Marlin would return with a new color scheme, and lamented, "Hopefully we don't have to worry about an 8-foot tall orange sports fish walking around the stadium."Well, the new Billy is finally here, and its not quite as bad, and yet ... More >>
News
December 22, 2011
Miami's top news stories of 2011
Dude, where's my city? Miami wakes up with a pounding headache.
News
January 5, 2012
Miami New Times' predictions for 2012
Dude, where's my city? Miami wakes up with a pounding headache.
Blogs
January 18, 2012
Miami Marlins May Get Their Own Reality TV Show on Showtime
Given the amount of, shall we say, "strong personalities" that have so far been signed by the Miami Marlins for next season, we almost have to wonder if Jeffrey Loria has been assembling the cast of a guilty pleasure reality TV show or a playoff-caliber team. Turns out he might have been doing bo ... More >>
Blogs
January 20, 2012
LeBron James Steamrolled Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Last Night (Video)
LeBron picks Loria up off the ground, after the bodyslam.The best part of last night's game wasn't that LeBron James dropped 31 points, or that the Heat crushed Kobe's Lakers without Dwyane Wade. Honestly, the best part wasn't even when LeBron James absolutely pancaked Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey ... More >>
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