Subject:

Jeffrey Loria

  • Blogs

    April 17, 2012

    Marlins' Reality Show Trailer Shows Ozzie Guillen Being Suspended By David Samson

    The second season of The Franchise, Showtime's baseball "docudrama" (a fancy word for reality series) isn't supposed to debut for months. Of course, this season the show is following the exploits of the Miami Marlins, and the season has already had its fair share of drama. So, Showtime is rushing a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 10, 2012

    Five Cubans Ozzie Guillen Should Praise at His Press Conference Today

    Poor Ozzie Guillen. Baseball season just got started and already the Miami Marlins skipper has inserted his foot in his mouth.The controversial Venezuelan born manager had the audacity to praise Cuban dictator Fidel Castro in an upcoming issue of Time magazine and all hell has broken loose in Miami' ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 6, 2012

    Miami Marlins Opening Day Cake: Swarovski Crystals and Guava

    Sometimes the Publix Bakery just doesn't cut it. Jeffrey Loria, owner of the Miami Marlins, commissioned an opening day cake to celebrate the April 4 inaugural game (in which they lost to the St. Louis Cardinals, by the way). About a month ago, Loria placed a phone call to the good people at Divine ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 6, 2012

    Marlins Park: Key Lime Chicken Tacos and Fresh Yogurt

    Driving down SW 17th Avenue Wednesday, you couldn't help but notice crowds gathering to christen the Miami Marlins' new stadium. Lingering about their driveways with signs that read "15 dolares" were the first local citizens to benefit from the taxpayer investment."We're expecting this stadium t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 5, 2012

    How Awkward Was Muhammad Ali's First Pitch Last Night?

    On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn't a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous -- lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night, no Marlins w ... More >>

  • News

    March 29, 2012

    Logan Morrison is the Marlins' tweeter in chief

    On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn't a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous -- lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night, no Marlins w ... More >>

  • News

    March 22, 2012

    Miami Marlins hate taxpayers

    On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn't a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous -- lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night, no Marlins w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 20, 2012

    With Politicians' Help, Marlins Are Screwing Stadium Neighbors

    ​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke rips commissioners for the looming parking and traffic problems at the Miami Marlins ballpark.With the Marlins 16 days aw ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2012

    LeBron James Steamrolled Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Last Night (Video)

    LeBron picks Loria up off the ground, after the bodyslam.​The best part of last night's game wasn't that LeBron James dropped 31 points, or that the Heat crushed Kobe's Lakers without Dwyane Wade. Honestly, the best part wasn't even when LeBron James absolutely pancaked Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2012

    Miami Marlins May Get Their Own Reality TV Show on Showtime

    ​Given the amount of, shall we say, "strong personalities" that have so far been signed by the Miami Marlins for next season, we almost have to wonder if Jeffrey Loria has been assembling the cast of a guilty pleasure reality TV show or a playoff-caliber team. Turns out he might have been doing bo ... More >>

  • News

    December 22, 2011

    Miami's top news stories of 2011

    Dude, where's my city? Miami wakes up with a pounding headache.

  • News

    December 15, 2011

    Luther Campbell loves the Miami Marlins, federal investigation be damned

    Dude, where's my city? Miami wakes up with a pounding headache.

  • Blogs

    December 1, 2011

    Billy the Marlin Reemerges as Rainbow-Colored Mutant Fish

    ​A few weeks ago, we told you that Miami Marlins mascot Billy the Marlin would return with a new color scheme, and lamented, "Hopefully we don't have to worry about an 8-foot tall orange sports fish walking around the stadium."Well, the new Billy is finally here, and its not quite as bad, and yet ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 23, 2011

    Miami On the Hook For Millions In New Taxes On Marlins Parking Garages

    ​When we recently counted down the six most absurd lies about the new Marlins Stadium, fib number one was that politicians were working for taxpayers. Even a casual glance over the deal made it clear: This $550 million stadium was a cripplingly expensive gift from struggling taxpayers to the milli ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 10, 2011

    Miami Marlins Real New Uniforms Leaked To Riptide

    ​Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>

  • News

    October 6, 2011

    The Condome: New Marlins stadium gets a rubber coating

    ​Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 4, 2011

    Miami Marlins Move Into "Condome": 5 Other Buildings That Should Be Hidden Under Latex

    ​A few weeks ago, bigwigs at the Florida Miami Marlins announced they were putting the final touches on the team's new stadium in Little Havana. The coup de grace: a rubber membrane designed to reduce the glare off its bulbous, retractable metal roof. Soon the stadium will be shrink-wrapped i ... More >>

  • News

    September 29, 2011

    The Miami Marlins must suck up to a boat salesman for a website

    ​A few weeks ago, bigwigs at the Florida Miami Marlins announced they were putting the final touches on the team's new stadium in Little Havana. The coup de grace: a rubber membrane designed to reduce the glare off its bulbous, retractable metal roof. Soon the stadium will be shrink-wrapped i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 14, 2011

    Logan Morrison And His Twitter Demoted As LoMo Rips Marlins For Move

    ​The Florida Marlins would have you believe they abruptly demoted fan favorite Logan Morrison after last night's loss to the Giants because his batting average has dipped below .250 -- an excuse so blatantly untrue that Jeffrey Loria must have been cackling in his Hamptons mansion as he helped gho ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 3, 2011

    Shocked By Fact They Don't Suck This Year, Florida Marlins May Make Trades To Suck Even Less

    ​The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>

  • News

    May 12, 2011

    Letters from the issue of May 12, 2011

    ​The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>

  • News

    May 5, 2011

    Six lies about the Marlins stadium

    ​The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>

  • News

    December 30, 2010

    Miami's dirty dozen of 2010

    ​The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>

  • News

    December 30, 2010

    Letters from the issue of December 30, 2010

    ​The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 27, 2010

    Wyclef Jean: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 27, 2010

    Carlos Bertonatti: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 27, 2010

    The Jersey Shore Idiots: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2010

    Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 24, 2010

    Jeffrey Loria: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

  • News

    December 9, 2010

    Five SoFla projects that have snorted our taxes

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 6, 2010

    From 'Cat Killer' Probe to New Marlins Stadium: 5 Biggest Wastes of Taxpayer Money in 2010

    We all love baseball, but did we all really have to pay for a new stadium when Marlins owners had plenty of cash on hand?​Anger over public spending is all the rage these days. Unemployment checks? Undeserved. The Obama stimulus plan? An abomination. Now Carlos Alvarez is facing a fierce recall c ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 29, 2010

    Former Marlins Excel in Fall Classic

    Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.​Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>

  • News

    September 9, 2010

    International Burn a Koran Day: What else can we torch September 11?

    Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.​Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 2, 2010

    Sign of the Times

    Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.​Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 2, 2010

    Sign of the Times

    Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.​Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 2, 2010

    Sign of the Times

    Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.​Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 25, 2010

    It's Official: Florida Marlins Screwed Miami-Dade Taxpayers

    ​Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>

  • Calendar

    June 3, 2010

    A Golden Ticket

    ​Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 29, 2010

    Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Went to Jared for Hanley Ramirez

    ​Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>

  • Calendar

    March 25, 2010

    Bling Brothers

    ​Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 17, 2010

    Marlins to Play Mets Series in Puerto Rico

    ​Puerto Rico absolutely loves baseball. Too bad they don't have their own MLB team yet, but hey, apparently we're willing to lend them ours for a weekend. The AP reports that the Marlins June 28-30th series against the New York Mets will be played in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It'll go down at th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 5, 2010

    Meet Your New Marlins Uniform: The Fish Drop the 'Florida' Next Year

    News flash: Your Marlins baseball club is building a new stadium that will cost taxpayers $4.7 bagillion and, far more tragically, will probably not be sponsored by Jimmy Buffett's crappy beer. via MLB.com​In happier news, they will also drop the "Florida" from their name -- as if they were ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 6, 2009

    Marlins Aren't Firing Fredi Gonzalez

    Maybe Jeffrey Loria took Tim Elfrink's advice, and stopped acting like "a world-class moron." Because according to Associated Press sources Marlin manager Fredi Gonzalez's job is safe for now.The AP is citing an unnamed AP source. The Marlins might not be ready to make the official announcement, but ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 5, 2009

    Dear Jeffrey Loria: Quit Acting Like a D-Bag and Leave Fredi Alone

    Somewhere in a New York penthouse right now, Jeffrey Loria is angrily straightening a Picasso on his wall, swigging a vintage Chianti, and cursing loudly.via Hazboy's flickrWhy wouldn't you fire the best manager in baseball?​His Marlins have missed the playoffs yet again. And Loria has decided it ... More >>

  • News

    June 18, 2009

    Letters from the Issue of June 18, 2009

    "He works full-time, attends FIU, supports a family, writes music, rehearses, and spends time with his ill father."

  • Blogs

    May 15, 2009

    Miami Team Owners Really Good at Being Really Bad

    Miami sports fans may harbor passion for their teams, but there's no love lost between the fans and the moneybags who actually own the franchises. Maybe it's because thanks to Wayne Huizenga we forgot that all owners aren't often detestable people, but Sports Illustrated points out that the cur ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 17, 2009

    Marlins Game : WBC :: Dog Poo : Kobe Beef

    I counted three Venezuelan girls in bikini's that made me want to defect on the next plane to Caracas.

  • News

    November 6, 2003

    Letters from the Issue of November 6, 2003

    I counted three Venezuelan girls in bikini's that made me want to defect on the next plane to Caracas.

  • News

    October 23, 2003

    Power to the Pudge!

    Get ready for another Marlins dismantling, but this time be prepared

  • News

    April 11, 2002

    Meet the Florida Marlins, er, Riddlers

    The team is back for another year but questions abound

  • More >>
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