Jeffrey Loria

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Blogs
April 17, 2012
Marlins' Reality Show Trailer Shows Ozzie Guillen Being Suspended By David Samson
The second season of The Franchise, Showtime's baseball "docudrama" (a fancy word for reality series) isn't supposed to debut for months. Of course, this season the show is following the exploits of the Miami Marlins, and the season has already had its fair share of drama. So, Showtime is rushing a ... More >>
Blogs
April 10, 2012
Five Cubans Ozzie Guillen Should Praise at His Press Conference Today
Poor Ozzie Guillen. Baseball season just got started and already the Miami Marlins skipper has inserted his foot in his mouth.The controversial Venezuelan born manager had the audacity to praise Cuban dictator Fidel Castro in an upcoming issue of Time magazine and all hell has broken loose in Miami' ... More >>
Blogs
April 6, 2012
Miami Marlins Opening Day Cake: Swarovski Crystals and Guava
Sometimes the Publix Bakery just doesn't cut it. Jeffrey Loria, owner of the Miami Marlins, commissioned an opening day cake to celebrate the April 4 inaugural game (in which they lost to the St. Louis Cardinals, by the way). About a month ago, Loria placed a phone call to the good people at Divine ... More >>
Blogs
April 6, 2012
Marlins Park: Key Lime Chicken Tacos and Fresh Yogurt
Driving down SW 17th Avenue Wednesday, you couldn't help but notice crowds gathering to christen the Miami Marlins' new stadium. Lingering about their driveways with signs that read "15 dolares" were the first local citizens to benefit from the taxpayer investment."We're expecting this stadium t ... More >>
Blogs
April 5, 2012
How Awkward Was Muhammad Ali's First Pitch Last Night?
On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn't a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous -- lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night, no Marlins w ... More >>
News
March 29, 2012
Logan Morrison is the Marlins' tweeter in chief
On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn't a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous -- lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night, no Marlins w ... More >>
News
March 22, 2012
Miami Marlins hate taxpayers
On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn't a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous -- lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night, no Marlins w ... More >>
Blogs
March 20, 2012
With Politicians' Help, Marlins Are Screwing Stadium Neighbors
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke rips commissioners for the looming parking and traffic problems at the Miami Marlins ballpark.With the Marlins 16 days aw ... More >>
Blogs
January 20, 2012
LeBron James Steamrolled Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Last Night (Video)
LeBron picks Loria up off the ground, after the bodyslam.The best part of last night's game wasn't that LeBron James dropped 31 points, or that the Heat crushed Kobe's Lakers without Dwyane Wade. Honestly, the best part wasn't even when LeBron James absolutely pancaked Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey ... More >>
Blogs
January 18, 2012
Miami Marlins May Get Their Own Reality TV Show on Showtime
Given the amount of, shall we say, "strong personalities" that have so far been signed by the Miami Marlins for next season, we almost have to wonder if Jeffrey Loria has been assembling the cast of a guilty pleasure reality TV show or a playoff-caliber team. Turns out he might have been doing bo ... More >>
News
December 22, 2011
Miami's top news stories of 2011
Dude, where's my city? Miami wakes up with a pounding headache.
News
December 15, 2011
Luther Campbell loves the Miami Marlins, federal investigation be damned
Dude, where's my city? Miami wakes up with a pounding headache.
Blogs
December 1, 2011
Billy the Marlin Reemerges as Rainbow-Colored Mutant Fish
A few weeks ago, we told you that Miami Marlins mascot Billy the Marlin would return with a new color scheme, and lamented, "Hopefully we don't have to worry about an 8-foot tall orange sports fish walking around the stadium."Well, the new Billy is finally here, and its not quite as bad, and yet ... More >>
Blogs
November 23, 2011
Miami On the Hook For Millions In New Taxes On Marlins Parking Garages
When we recently counted down the six most absurd lies about the new Marlins Stadium, fib number one was that politicians were working for taxpayers. Even a casual glance over the deal made it clear: This $550 million stadium was a cripplingly expensive gift from struggling taxpayers to the milli ... More >>
Blogs
November 10, 2011
Miami Marlins Real New Uniforms Leaked To Riptide
Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>
News
October 6, 2011
The Condome: New Marlins stadium gets a rubber coating
Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>
Blogs
October 4, 2011
Miami Marlins Move Into "Condome": 5 Other Buildings That Should Be Hidden Under Latex
A few weeks ago, bigwigs at the Florida Miami Marlins announced they were putting the final touches on the team's new stadium in Little Havana. The coup de grace: a rubber membrane designed to reduce the glare off its bulbous, retractable metal roof. Soon the stadium will be shrink-wrapped i ... More >>
News
September 29, 2011
The Miami Marlins must suck up to a boat salesman for a website
A few weeks ago, bigwigs at the Florida Miami Marlins announced they were putting the final touches on the team's new stadium in Little Havana. The coup de grace: a rubber membrane designed to reduce the glare off its bulbous, retractable metal roof. Soon the stadium will be shrink-wrapped i ... More >>
Blogs
August 14, 2011
Logan Morrison And His Twitter Demoted As LoMo Rips Marlins For Move
The Florida Marlins would have you believe they abruptly demoted fan favorite Logan Morrison after last night's loss to the Giants because his batting average has dipped below .250 -- an excuse so blatantly untrue that Jeffrey Loria must have been cackling in his Hamptons mansion as he helped gho ... More >>
Blogs
June 3, 2011
Shocked By Fact They Don't Suck This Year, Florida Marlins May Make Trades To Suck Even Less
The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>
News
May 12, 2011
Letters from the issue of May 12, 2011
The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>
News
May 5, 2011
Six lies about the Marlins stadium
The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>
News
December 30, 2010
Miami's dirty dozen of 2010
The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>
News
December 30, 2010
Letters from the issue of December 30, 2010
The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>
Blogs
December 27, 2010
Wyclef Jean: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>
Blogs
December 27, 2010
Carlos Bertonatti: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
Blogs
December 27, 2010
The Jersey Shore Idiots: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustr ... More >>
Blogs
December 26, 2010
Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>
Blogs
December 24, 2010
Jeffrey Loria: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>
News
December 9, 2010
Five SoFla projects that have snorted our taxes
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>
Blogs
December 6, 2010
From 'Cat Killer' Probe to New Marlins Stadium: 5 Biggest Wastes of Taxpayer Money in 2010
We all love baseball, but did we all really have to pay for a new stadium when Marlins owners had plenty of cash on hand?Anger over public spending is all the rage these days. Unemployment checks? Undeserved. The Obama stimulus plan? An abomination. Now Carlos Alvarez is facing a fierce recall c ... More >>
Blogs
October 29, 2010
Former Marlins Excel in Fall Classic
Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>
News
September 9, 2010
International Burn a Koran Day: What else can we torch September 11?
Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>
Calendar
September 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>
Calendar
September 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>
Calendar
September 2, 2010
Sign of the Times
Jeffrey Loria would have more World Series trophies if he wasn't a cheapskate.Watching Cody Ross rip through Major League Baseball's postseason got us wondering about former Florida Marlins who have tasted sweet success during the Fall Classic since the team won the World Series in 2003.Watching ... More >>
Blogs
August 25, 2010
It's Official: Florida Marlins Screwed Miami-Dade Taxpayers
Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>
Calendar
June 3, 2010
A Golden Ticket
Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and team president Dave Samson have been exposed for the treacherous, no good, low down, lying dogs they are. Sports blog Deadspin got a hold of the Marlins' financial information which shows the team turned a profit the last two years and that the team could h ... More >>
Blogs
March 29, 2010
Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Went to Jared for Hanley Ramirez
Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>
Calendar
March 25, 2010
Bling Brothers
Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>
Blogs
March 17, 2010
Marlins to Play Mets Series in Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico absolutely loves baseball. Too bad they don't have their own MLB team yet, but hey, apparently we're willing to lend them ours for a weekend. The AP reports that the Marlins June 28-30th series against the New York Mets will be played in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It'll go down at th ... More >>
Blogs
January 5, 2010
Meet Your New Marlins Uniform: The Fish Drop the 'Florida' Next Year
News flash: Your Marlins baseball club is building a new stadium that will cost taxpayers $4.7 bagillion and, far more tragically, will probably not be sponsored by Jimmy Buffett's crappy beer. via MLB.comIn happier news, they will also drop the "Florida" from their name -- as if they were ... More >>
Blogs
October 6, 2009
Marlins Aren't Firing Fredi Gonzalez
Maybe Jeffrey Loria took Tim Elfrink's advice, and stopped acting like "a world-class moron." Because according to Associated Press sources Marlin manager Fredi Gonzalez's job is safe for now.The AP is citing an unnamed AP source. The Marlins might not be ready to make the official announcement, but ... More >>
Blogs
October 5, 2009
Dear Jeffrey Loria: Quit Acting Like a D-Bag and Leave Fredi Alone
Somewhere in a New York penthouse right now, Jeffrey Loria is angrily straightening a Picasso on his wall, swigging a vintage Chianti, and cursing loudly.via Hazboy's flickrWhy wouldn't you fire the best manager in baseball?His Marlins have missed the playoffs yet again. And Loria has decided it ... More >>
News
June 18, 2009
Letters from the Issue of June 18, 2009
"He works full-time, attends FIU, supports a family, writes music, rehearses, and spends time with his ill father."
Blogs
May 15, 2009
Miami Team Owners Really Good at Being Really Bad
Miami sports fans may harbor passion for their teams, but there's no love lost between the fans and the moneybags who actually own the franchises. Maybe it's because thanks to Wayne Huizenga we forgot that all owners aren't often detestable people, but Sports Illustrated points out that the cur ... More >>
Blogs
March 17, 2009
Marlins Game : WBC :: Dog Poo : Kobe Beef
I counted three Venezuelan girls in bikini's that made me want to defect on the next plane to Caracas.
News
November 6, 2003
Letters from the Issue of November 6, 2003
I counted three Venezuelan girls in bikini's that made me want to defect on the next plane to Caracas.
News
October 23, 2003
Power to the Pudge!
Get ready for another Marlins dismantling, but this time be prepared
News
April 11, 2002
Meet the Florida Marlins, er, Riddlers
The team is back for another year but questions abound
More >>

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