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Blogs
May 1, 2012
For Miami Dolphins, Drafting Miami Hurricanes Is Too Little, Too Late
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives an F to the Miami Dolphins and the Miami Hurricanes underclassmen who left school for the NFL draft.As much I've put t ... More >>
Blogs
March 20, 2012
Dolphins Have "Zero Intentions" of Bringing in Tim Tebow, Thank the Heavens
I'm starting to think that Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland is more incompetent than he is idiotic. If he was just plain stupid, he'd probably be hot in the chase of Tim Tebow right now, and, well, we told you how we feel about that yesterday. Thankfully, according to reports the Dolphins are g ... More >>
Blogs
March 20, 2012
Joey Porter Rips Jeff Ireland: Not "What a GM's Supposed To Be"
Oh man, have we ever missed Joey Porter and his big, fat, flapping mouth. He talked himself out of town back in 2010. Porter pretty much got fired after ripping the team's management and then coach Tony Sparano. Rest assured, he still has words for Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland and sounded off about t ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2012
Miami Dolphins: The Worst Franchise in the NFL
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be. In this special edition, Luke laments the epic fall of Miami's storied NFL team.It is a tragedy what is going on with the Miami Dolphins. One of the most suc ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2012
Steeler's Ryan Clark Says "No One" Wants to Play for the Miami Dolphins
While most of America was belligerently chanting about the luck of the Irish this weekend, one Ireland was having what might have been the worst weekend of his professional life: Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland. He officially lost Peyton Manning, and then he missed out on Matt Flynn too.Now, S ... More >>
Blogs
March 16, 2012
Peyton Manning Won't Be a Dolphin: So, Um, Who Is Available in the 2013 Draft?
Peyton Manning has officially told the Miami Dolphins he won't be suiting up in aqua and orange next season. It's another embarrassing failure for owner Stephen Ross and GM Jeff Ireland, and there's even some suggestions that Manning only took the meeting with the Fins as a favor to Dan Marino. O ... More >>
Blogs
March 16, 2012
Yep, Manning Only Talked to Dolphins as a Favor to Marino
How pathetic are the Dolphins' front office? They couldn't even secure a meeting with Peyton Manning on their own and had to enlist the help of Dan Marino. Yep, despite not having played for the 'Fins for 13 years and not having any official affiliation with the team, Marino continues to be just ... More >>
Blogs
March 9, 2012
ESPN on Peyton Manning: "The Dolphins' Chances are Dwindling"
Could Miami be too big of a market for Peyton Manning? ESPN's NFL Insider Adam Schefter, citing several "sources," says that the media frenzy that greeted Manning as he arrived in South Florida may have scared him off. Schefter suggests that like Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Fisher before him, Manning m ... More >>
Blogs
February 21, 2012
The Chad Henne Era is Over for the Miami Dolphins
The Miami Dolphins will have no more Chads hanging around next season. According to the Sun-Sentinel, the Dolphins are expected to part ways with quarterback Chad Henne officially next month. He now joins the long list of Dolphins QBs who've failed to live up to the legend of Dan Marino.
Blogs
January 24, 2012
In Most Obvious Statement Ever, Jeff Ireland Says Dolphins Need a QB Upgrade
In remarks to the media today, Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland said, "We need a quarterback that can get us over the hump." Though he praised Matt Moore's solid and reliable mediocrity, he said the Dolphins "have to do better."Ireland is clearly a man with a singular vision and deep k ... More >>
Blogs
January 13, 2012
Jeff Fisher Picks Rams Over Dolphins
After a diva-like and dramatic decision period that a so-so coach really didn't deserve, Jeff Fisher has decided he'll be the coach of the Los Angeles St. Louis Rams instead of the Miami Dolphinsnext season . This, of course, means the Dolphins' search for a new coach is basically back to sq ... More >>
Blogs
January 3, 2012
Dolphins to Interview Jeff Fisher, Possibly Let Go of GM Jeff Ireland
With John Gruden and Bill Cowher expected to stay off the NFL sidelines for at least another season, that leaves Jeff Fisher as just about the only experienced and somewhat proven former head coach up for grabs this offseason, and the Dolphins are expected to interview the former Tennessee Titans co ... More >>
Blogs
January 2, 2012
In Jason Taylor's Final Game, Dolphins End Jets' Season
Jason Taylor played in the final game of his career yesterday. And what better way for him to go out than to bang the New York Jets' season right in its ear hole, and send them back home with nothing. The Jets, needing a win (and a little help) to get into the playoffs, came into SunLife Sta ... More >>
Blogs
December 12, 2011
Dolphins Pummeled By Eagles, Still Need A Quarterback, Possibly a New Coach Too
The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>
Blogs
November 25, 2011
Dolphins Lose On Thanksgiving Day
Your Miami Dolphins played in yesterday's Thanksgiving Day game against the Dallas Cowboys and lost, ending their three-game winning streak and putting their playoff hopes on life support with someone standing by ready to smother it with a pillow. The Dolphins defense did what it could, intercepting ... More >>
News
November 3, 2011
Reader mail: Occupy Miami article is "lame"
Your Miami Dolphins played in yesterday's Thanksgiving Day game against the Dallas Cowboys and lost, ending their three-game winning streak and putting their playoff hopes on life support with someone standing by ready to smother it with a pillow. The Dolphins defense did what it could, intercepting ... More >>
Blogs
October 17, 2011
Tony Sparano and Jeff Ireland Likely to Find Themselves Unemployed After the Season
In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, The Miami Herald reports that Stephen Ross is mentally preparing to send a pink slip to both Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano and general manager Jeff Ireland. Interestingly however, Ross apparently has a bit of "Suck for Luck" fever, and is hoping to bring ... More >>
Blogs
September 26, 2011
Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves
The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>
News
August 18, 2011
Reader mail: Perhaps this Tea Party has more kooks than usual
The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>
Blogs
August 16, 2011
Channing Crowder Rips Chad Henne, Plans to Get Drunk at Dolphins Games
Though he announced his retirement last week, former Miami Dolphin Channing Crowder says he is open to returning to the game next season after the birth of his first child. Don't expect the Fins to come calling. Bridges have been burned. He ripped both quarterback Chad Henne and general mana ... More >>
Blogs
August 9, 2011
Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>
Blogs
August 1, 2011
Jason Taylor Returns to Miami Dolphins, Again
Football's greatest on-again, off-again team-player love affair is officially back on. Jason Taylor is coming back to the Miami Dolphins for his third stint. The 36-year-old is expected to fill the team's need for a depth pass rusher. So does this mean he's officially the most popular guy on ... More >>
Blogs
July 29, 2011
QB Matt Moore Signs Two-Year Deal With Dolphins
Well, that didn't take long. According to the Oregonian, quarterback Matt Moore has signed a two-year deal with the Miami Dolphins. This pretty much ends any speculation that the Fins would sign a proven QB better than Chad Henne.
Blogs
June 10, 2011
Dolphins Will "Definitely" Add Veteran QB, But Considering Terrelle Pryor
Terrelle Pryor won't be playing in Sun Life Stadium when the Miami Hurricanes take on the Ohio State Buckeyes, but will he be in the stadium a lot more as a member of the Dolphins? The star QB will enter the supplemental draft instead of playing another season with the scandal-ridden Buckeyes, ad ... More >>
Blogs
March 21, 2011
Dolphins Possibly Interested in Carson Palmer
While the Dolphins brass continues to damn Chad Henne with the faintest of praise, the team appears to be looking for a real quarterback solution during the off-season. With the Dolphins having only the 15th pick in the draft, a rookie QB might not be the answer, so rumor has it they might turn t ... More >>
Blogs
January 7, 2011
Dolphins to Keep Sparano as Coach: Well, This is an Awkward Mess
Tony SparanoTony Sparano will live to see another season as the Dolphins head coach as talks with Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh have apparently fallen through, according to ESPN. Which basically makes the Dolphins looks like the awkward laughing stock of the NFL. No one comes off looking good. Spar ... More >>
Blogs
January 7, 2011
Dolphins Not Just Keeping Sparano, But Offering Him Contract Extension
Jeff Ireland: Finalist for NFL's Dick of the Year award? Well, according to ESPN, the Dolphins have not only decided to keep Tony Sparano on as head coach but now they're prepared to offer him a one year contract extension. Meaning not only will he be back in 2011, but 2012 as well. This is proba ... More >>
Blogs
January 6, 2011
Dolphins Want to Make Jim Harbaugh the Highest Paid Coach in the NFL
How eager are the Dolphins and their owner Stephen Ross to get a new coach? Apparently, enough to shower Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh in ridiculous amounts of money. According to ESPN, Ross has flown all the way across the country to woo Harbaugh and plans to offer him a contract in the $7-to-$8-m ... More >>
Blogs
December 23, 2010
Bill Parcells: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>
Blogs
September 30, 2010
Bill Parcells Says He's Not Retiring, May Not Stay With Dolphins
Just before the start of the season Dolphins vice president of football shocked fans by announcing he was handing over all of his duties to General Manager Jeff Ireland. While he still remains as a "consultant" to the Dolphins and his contract with the team runs through the 2011 season, comments he ... More >>
Blogs
September 7, 2010
Jeff Ireland Assumes Control of Dolphins from Bill Parcells
It's not quite "retirement" number four for the Big Tuna, but Bill Parcells took one step out the door of the Miami Dolphins' front office today. The team announced that the now-former VP of football will step down to a consultant position, while general manager Jeff Ireland will take total contr ... More >>
Blogs
August 20, 2010
Dolphins at Jaguars Tomorrow Night: What To Watch For
If there were a word to describe the Dolphins first-team performance last week against the Buccaneers, that word would probably be ass. Dropped passes, bad quarterback play, and a crapload of offensive line penalties kept the Fins in a quagmire of shittiness. It didn't help that they had to play ... More >>
Calendar
August 5, 2010
Save the Dolphins
If there were a word to describe the Dolphins first-team performance last week against the Buccaneers, that word would probably be ass. Dropped passes, bad quarterback play, and a crapload of offensive line penalties kept the Fins in a quagmire of shittiness. It didn't help that they had to play ... More >>
Blogs
July 30, 2010
Trina Is Not Dating Dez Bryant, FYI
via 2 The Point MusicDez Bryant was on the receiving end of Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland's "was your mom a whore?" blunder. Trina, Miami's greatest lady rapper, has certainly been called things a lot worse than a whore. (She is not. She is a million-dollar girl. For sure.) However, despite recent rum ... More >>
Blogs
June 16, 2010
Channing Crowder "Couldn't Give A Damn" About Pleasing Dolphins Fans
via Deuce of DavenportGo choke on a poison apple, Crowder.With Joey Porter long gone Channing Crowder took the spot of the Dolphin's top trash talker. Now with Tedd Ginn Jr. out of the way (thankfully), The Sun-Sentinel's Omar Kelly seems worried that Crowder could also take the place of the fanbase ... More >>
News
May 6, 2010
On Mother's Day, Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland should go to the ghetto
via Deuce of DavenportGo choke on a poison apple, Crowder.With Joey Porter long gone Channing Crowder took the spot of the Dolphin's top trash talker. Now with Tedd Ginn Jr. out of the way (thankfully), The Sun-Sentinel's Omar Kelly seems worried that Crowder could also take the place of the fanbase ... More >>
Blogs
May 4, 2010
On Mom's Day, the Dolphins GM Should Go to the Ghetto
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the importance of Mother's Day and why Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland is a motherf***er.Mother's Day ... More >>
Blogs
April 30, 2010
Morons of the Week: Ron Book, Jeff Ireland, and Arizona
Some say it's the heat that causes it. Others blame Jimmy Buffett. Whatever the reason, South Florida is Mecca for this hemisphere's most devoted morons. Let's see who took the pilgrimage this week: Sorry, Ron, you've been overdue in this column for a while.5. Ron Book, who apparently thoug ... More >>
Blogs
April 30, 2010
Did Dez Bryant Tell Jeff Ireland His Dad was a Pimp?
Sean Connery's comeback role in the Jeff Ireland biopic may be on hold.Context is everything, and Sports Illustrated says they have the full conversation leading up to Jeff Ireland's now infamous question to Dez Bryant. But ESPN says it's not true! Yahoo! Sports reported last week that the D ... More >>
Blogs
April 27, 2010
Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland Asked Dez Bryant If His Mom Was a Prostitute
Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland apparently has the biggest balls ever, or the littlest amount of tact and class possible. Because normal people would not ask prospective players if their moms were whores straight to their face.Ireland and the Fins brought in former Oklahoma State wide receive ... More >>
Blogs
April 27, 2010
Ireland Apologizes to Dez Bryant For Asking if His Mom Was a Hooker
Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland is sorry for asking Dez Bryant whether or not his mom was a hooker. So sorry in fact he released a statement to the Miami Herald (which didn't even cover the outburst to begin with)."My job is to find out as much information as possible about a player that I'm considering ... More >>
Blogs
April 23, 2010
NFL Draft Live-Blog, rounds 2 & 3
Welcome back to our second night of NFL Draft Live-Blogging! Brought to you in 3D!* (*-not really, but everything else is in 3D, so why not). Tonight we'll roll through the second and third rounds, where the Dolphins hold the 40th and 73rd overall picks. Tonight's blog will be more Dolphins-cente ... More >>
Blogs
April 9, 2010
Fate of Both Jacory Harris' Thumbs and Jason Taylor Still Up In the Air
Before this ordeal, we had no idea how serious thumb surgery can be. Canes QB Jacory Harris went in for surgery on his opposing digits shortly after last season and still isn't able to throw a ball. However coach Randy Shannon says he should be doing what it is QBs do next month. There might even ... More >>
Blogs
July 22, 2009
Marc Anthony Joins the Miami Dolphins
I kid you not. The multi-million-record-selling, Grammy-toting Nuyorican salsa singer announced in a press conference yesterday that he has bought a stake in Miami's beloved Fins. The deal places Anthony alongside fellow Latin music royalty, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, who gave new meaning to the ... More >>
Blogs
April 23, 2008
More Jake Longy Goodness
I kid you not. The multi-million-record-selling, Grammy-toting Nuyorican salsa singer announced in a press conference yesterday that he has bought a stake in Miami's beloved Fins. The deal places Anthony alongside fellow Latin music royalty, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, who gave new meaning to the ... More >>
Blogs
February 12, 2008
Dolphins Axe Trent Green, Marty Booker and others
I kid you not. The multi-million-record-selling, Grammy-toting Nuyorican salsa singer announced in a press conference yesterday that he has bought a stake in Miami's beloved Fins. The deal places Anthony alongside fellow Latin music royalty, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, who gave new meaning to the ... More >>
Blogs
January 16, 2008
Tony Sparano Is The New Fins Head Coach
I kid you not. The multi-million-record-selling, Grammy-toting Nuyorican salsa singer announced in a press conference yesterday that he has bought a stake in Miami's beloved Fins. The deal places Anthony alongside fellow Latin music royalty, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, who gave new meaning to the ... More >>
Blogs
January 3, 2008
Breaking News - The Tuna Fires Cam Cameron
I kid you not. The multi-million-record-selling, Grammy-toting Nuyorican salsa singer announced in a press conference yesterday that he has bought a stake in Miami's beloved Fins. The deal places Anthony alongside fellow Latin music royalty, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, who gave new meaning to the ... More >>
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