Houston Texans

Miami Hurricanes Once Again Have Most Alumni Selected to Pro Bowl

Another Pro Bowl, another year in which the Miami Hurricanes have more former players selected than the Miami Dolphins had current players selected.The 'Canes had six alumni selected to the star-studded game, which ties with Tennessee for the most from any college program.

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Bills

After a 37-3 drubbing at the hands of a lackluster Tennessee Titans team, your Miami Dolphins try to turn things around quickly during a shortened week and salvage what once seemed like a promising, surprising season that had Dolphins fans everywhere singing hymns, hugging one another and seeing TRI ... More >>

Titans Obliterate Dolphins 37-3 for Worst Home Loss Since 1968

So how good do you feel about Jeff Ireland and the Dolphins' talent level today?Two weeks after a convincing victory over a floundering Jets team, the Dolphins are 4-5 and facing "must win" scenarios for most of their remaining seven games in order to salvage the season after getting completely blow ... More >>

Fiona Apple Busted for Hash and Weed Near the Mexican Border

Hashish will make a lady do some crazy shit. Like give her new album a 23-word title. Say, The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do. Or maybe even make a run for the Mexican border while carrying "Criminal" amounts of cann ... More >>

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Texans Picked Up Dolphins' "Snap Count" From Hard Knocks

Did the Miami Dolphins give away valuable secrets by appearing on HBO's Hard Knocks? Well, linebacker J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans told NBC Radio's Pro Football Talk that he was able to pick up Ryan Tannehill's snap count from watching the game.The snap count! Dear God no, not the snap count! Wai ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to Texans 30-10 In Season-Opening Flop

With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tan ... More >>

Hard Knocks, Episode Five: The Bachelorette Look Like American Gladiators By Comparison

Cheer up, third-round pick/emo perpetually sad-faced tight end/ likely-illustrator-of-fantastical-scenes-involving-dragons-and-Asian-counterculture-anti-heros-during-team-film-sessions / wouldn't-make-any-other-team's-53-man-roster-except-the-piece-of-shit-Jets Michael Egnew - HBO's Hard Knocks feat ... More >>

Flo Rida and NFL Vets Give Back to Miami Instead of Blowing Cash at Clubs

Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 30-13 To End Preseason Winless, Then Crash The Team Plane

In what is typically the most uninteresting and uneventful of all preseason games, the Dolphins conducted business-as-usual by falling to the Dallas Cowboys 30-13 last night, completing the 2012 preseason with only their third winless effort in franchise history.The Fins followed up in the most appr ... More >>

Flo Rida and NFL Stars Step Up To Help Kids In Overtown and Liberty City

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives props to a local rapper and four football players giving back to the neighborhood.It's a shame more pro athletes and hip-ho ... More >>

The Federal's Smokey Texan Laundry List For Your Fourth of July

This Fourth of July, Short Order is all set to fire up the grill, call up some friends and kick it poolside with some good 'ole fashioned Texan barbecue, all thanks to a chat we had with the masterminds behind The Federal Food Drink & Provisions.Since you won't be able to go to the Federal this ... More >>

Sam Johnson Helped Groom Miami's Best NFL Stars

Alex IzaguirreLuther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell remembers the man who helped him start the Liberty City Optimist Club for inner-city kids.In 1989, Sam Joh ... More >>

Black celebs need the Marv Albert treatment

Black Celebs Don't Get Off As Easy As Kinky Marv Albert

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why he deserves the Marv Albert treatment.Two weeks ago, I was with my wife watching the Tennessee Titans play t ... More >>

B2K's Lil' Fizz Arrested For Pot Shop and the Five Wildest Rapper Weed Busts of All Time

Lil Fizz is wildly weedy. ​Aside from your standard Gucci Mane flareup, the world of hip-hop arrests has been pretty boring lately. Who cares about Ja Rule's back taxes? Thankfully, early 2000s R&B boy band vocalist Lil' Fizz (AKA Dreux Pierre Frederic) is bringing some flair back to notable ... More >>

Rick Perry: Awful politician, genius campaigner

To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Buy Own Tickets to Avoid Blackout

​Well, you can't Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has never done anything nice for fans: he's taken the costly and unusual step of ordering the team to buy out the remaining stock of unsold tickets to ensure that Sundays game against the Houston Texans isn't blacked out on local television.

Just When Chad Henne Finally Gets His Shit Together, the Fins D Gets Reamed

TAWMMY BRADY IS FACKIN' GAWD!! LET'S GO SAWX!!​All the talk before this season began was how Chad Henne and the Miami Dolphins offense was just a massive pile of deer shit. But when Henne started things off last night's season opener against the New England Patriots by leading the Fins on a 12-pla ... More >>

Texas-Size Whoopin'

Student athletes suffer the stings of concussions while lawmakers fail to help

NFL Investigating Club Play's Unauthorized Use of Players Images on Porn Party Ad

​Club Play is a relative newcomer on South Beach's party scene, but the Fifth Street hot spot has already hosted major events featuring sports and music stars. Unfortunately for them, they've just made a powerful enemy: the National Football League. The NFL is investigating a flyer for the club's ... More >>

What would immigration reform look like if the Feds got off their duffs?

Ponzi Schemer Allen Stanford Got Seriously Messed Up In Jailhouse Fight

via the Daily Mail​Allen Stanford, the would-be cricket baron who engineered an $8 billion Ponzi scheme from his Miami headquarters, bought Coral Gables castles for his mistresses, and all-but ruled Antigua as a personal fiefdom, has not had an easy go of it in prison since the fraud disintegrated ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Could a Dolphin-less Pro Bowl Mean Local Blackout? Maybe Seven Former Canes Could Help

​Since 1980, the Pro Bowl has been played in Hawaii, and because our 50th state doesn't have a team of its own, it's been a nice opportunity for locals to catch some NFL action, even if the players don't typically bring their best game. But this year's Pro Bowl will take place in Miami, with ... More >>

Texans vs. Dolphins Recap: A Tale of Two Halves

​That Dolphins halftime speech must have been some kind of fire and brimstone sermon. Something along the lines of Henry V's Saint Crispen's Day address. The pre-game speech, meh, not so much. It was probably more along the lines of, "Okay men, we're gonna go out there and we're gonna pull down ou ... More >>

Dolphins Playoff Hopes Still Marginally Alive, But at Least '72 Remains Unmatched

​Despite NBCMiami's sort of brilliant "Fin" headline this morning, the Dolphins playoffs hopes are still alive. Well, not really alive. Their playoff hopes are more zombie-like. It's as if the Dolphins are in a cheesy horror movie where the undead have taken over and bitten the Fins, and the team ... More >>

Hit ’Em in the Lone Star

Miami Dolphins in the Thick of It

​If we had told you before this game started that the Dolphins would only manage to score 14 points in the first half, zero points in the second half, turn the ball over three times in enemy territory, but will still win the game, you would have stabbed us in the spleen with a No. 2 pencil and gon ... More >>

In the Name of the King

The leader of a church that's drawn presidential hopefuls and the devout is enveloped in scandal.

It Was Fun While It Lasted: Dolphins Have the Hardest NFL Schedule in 2009

All the naysayers (me included, often) think the Dolphins' roller coaster 2008 season ought to come with a few caveats: "Yeah, yeah, but Tom Brady was out the entire season... Sure, but the Jets had that old guy... Well, the wildcat won't be as effective next year... Whatever, you had an easy schedu ... More >>

A Cold Wet Dose of Reality to Our Collective Groins Courtesy of the Houston Texans

Weekend Football: Streakin'?

Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule

Let's Talk Free Agents: Offense

Fins Swim Homeward

Let’s hope they can win on their own turf

Everlasting Sounds

Ten of the year's most timeless records

Hip-Hop Hoops

Memorial Day Weekend

Out of the Chute

The debut of Urban Cowboy is a rough ride indeed

The Top Texan

Houston's is brash and fresh and delivering it up your way

Rotations