Houston Texans

Let's Talk Free Agents: Offense

Jake Long Is Not Too Fired Up About Becoming a Dolphin The Dolphins' Schedule

Weekend Football: Streakin'?

A Cold Wet Dose of Reality to Our Collective Groins Courtesy of the Houston Texans

It Was Fun While It Lasted: Dolphins Have the Hardest NFL Schedule in 2009

All the naysayers (me included, often) think the Dolphins' roller coaster 2008 season ought to come with a few caveats: "Yeah, yeah, but Tom Brady was out the entire season... Sure, but the Jets had that old guy... Well, the wildcat won't be as effective next year... Whatever, you had an easy schedu ... More >>

Fins Swim Homeward

Let’s hope they can win on their own turf

Everlasting Sounds

Ten of the year's most timeless records

Hip-Hop Hoops

Ten of the year's most timeless records

Memorial Day Weekend

Ten of the year's most timeless records

Out of the Chute

The debut of Urban Cowboy is a rough ride indeed

The Top Texan

Houston's is brash and fresh and delivering it up your way

Rotations

Houston's is brash and fresh and delivering it up your way

In the Name of the King

The leader of a church that's drawn presidential hopefuls and the devout is enveloped in scandal.

Miami Dolphins in the Thick of It

​If we had told you before this game started that the Dolphins would only manage to score 14 points in the first half, zero points in the second half, turn the ball over three times in enemy territory, but will still win the game, you would have stabbed us in the spleen with a No. 2 pencil and gon ... More >>

Hit ’Em in the Lone Star

​If we had told you before this game started that the Dolphins would only manage to score 14 points in the first half, zero points in the second half, turn the ball over three times in enemy territory, but will still win the game, you would have stabbed us in the spleen with a No. 2 pencil and gon ... More >>

Texans vs. Dolphins Recap: A Tale of Two Halves

​That Dolphins halftime speech must have been some kind of fire and brimstone sermon. Something along the lines of Henry V's Saint Crispen's Day address. The pre-game speech, meh, not so much. It was probably more along the lines of, "Okay men, we're gonna go out there and we're gonna pull down ou ... More >>

Dolphins Playoff Hopes Still Marginally Alive, But at Least '72 Remains Unmatched

​Despite NBCMiami's sort of brilliant "Fin" headline this morning, the Dolphins playoffs hopes are still alive. Well, not really alive. Their playoff hopes are more zombie-like. It's as if the Dolphins are in a cheesy horror movie where the undead have taken over and bitten the Fins, and the team ... More >>

Could a Dolphin-less Pro Bowl Mean Local Blackout? Maybe Seven Former Canes Could Help

​Since 1980, the Pro Bowl has been played in Hawaii, and because our 50th state doesn't have a team of its own, it's been a nice opportunity for locals to catch some NFL action, even if the players don't typically bring their best game. But this year's Pro Bowl will take place in Miami, with ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Ponzi Schemer Allen Stanford Got Seriously Messed Up In Jailhouse Fight

via the Daily Mail​Allen Stanford, the would-be cricket baron who engineered an $8 billion Ponzi scheme from his Miami headquarters, bought Coral Gables castles for his mistresses, and all-but ruled Antigua as a personal fiefdom, has not had an easy go of it in prison since the fraud disintegrated ... More >>

What would immigration reform look like if the Feds got off their duffs?

via the Daily Mail​Allen Stanford, the would-be cricket baron who engineered an $8 billion Ponzi scheme from his Miami headquarters, bought Coral Gables castles for his mistresses, and all-but ruled Antigua as a personal fiefdom, has not had an easy go of it in prison since the fraud disintegrated ... More >>

NFL Investigating Club Play's Unauthorized Use of Players Images on Porn Party Ad

​Club Play is a relative newcomer on South Beach's party scene, but the Fifth Street hot spot has already hosted major events featuring sports and music stars. Unfortunately for them, they've just made a powerful enemy: the National Football League. The NFL is investigating a flyer for the club's ... More >>

Student athletes suffer the stings of concussions while lawmakers fail to help

​Club Play is a relative newcomer on South Beach's party scene, but the Fifth Street hot spot has already hosted major events featuring sports and music stars. Unfortunately for them, they've just made a powerful enemy: the National Football League. The NFL is investigating a flyer for the club's ... More >>

Just When Chad Henne Finally Gets His Shit Together, the Fins D Gets Reamed

TAWMMY BRADY IS FACKIN' GAWD!! LET'S GO SAWX!!​All the talk before this season began was how Chad Henne and the Miami Dolphins offense was just a massive pile of deer shit. But when Henne started things off last night's season opener against the New England Patriots by leading the Fins on a 12-pla ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Buy Own Tickets to Avoid Blackout

​Well, you can't Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has never done anything nice for fans: he's taken the costly and unusual step of ordering the team to buy out the remaining stock of unsold tickets to ensure that Sundays game against the Houston Texans isn't blacked out on local television.

To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

Texas-Size Whoopin'

​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

Rick Perry: Awful politician, genius campaigner

​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

B2K's Lil' Fizz Arrested For Pot Shop and the Five Wildest Rapper Weed Busts of All Time

Lil Fizz is wildly weedy. ​Aside from your standard Gucci Mane flareup, the world of hip-hop arrests has been pretty boring lately. Who cares about Ja Rule's back taxes? Thankfully, early 2000s R&B boy band vocalist Lil' Fizz (AKA Dreux Pierre Frederic) is bringing some flair back to notable ... More >>

Black Celebs Don't Get Off As Easy As Kinky Marv Albert

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why he deserves the Marv Albert treatment.Two weeks ago, I was with my wife watching the Tennessee Titans play t ... More >>

Black celebs need the Marv Albert treatment

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why he deserves the Marv Albert treatment.Two weeks ago, I was with my wife watching the Tennessee Titans play t ... More >>

Sam Johnson Helped Groom Miami's Best NFL Stars

Alex IzaguirreLuther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell remembers the man who helped him start the Liberty City Optimist Club for inner-city kids.In 1989, Sam Joh ... More >>