Hanley Ramirez

Hanley Ramirez Is Just Like You, Except More Awesome

Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla Are All-Stars

Wait, the Marlins Are Playing Baseball This Year?

With all the hullaballo and hubbub over the giant tax-pit ... um ... new Marlins Stadium proposal, it's easy to forget that the Fish are still a baseball team and the new season is almost upon us. It's a shame, really. For true baseball fans, Spring Training is the best time of the year. Everyone's ... More >>

When Tweets Lie

The Miami Herald reported Wednesday that there's a Chad Pennington imposter tweeting on Twitter. The quarterback's supposed account talked about various meals and get-togethers with teammates, according to the story. Pennington said he isn't a member of any social networking websites.But what ab ... More >>

Feels Like the Last Time

Out of contention, the Marlins look to play spoiler once again.

Slip-Sliding Away?

The Marlins vie for the NL East title on Super Saturday.

Signature Moment

The Marlins vie for the NL East title on Super Saturday.

If Hanley Hits a Homer, Does It Make a Sound?

The Marlins vie for the NL East title on Super Saturday.

Hot Fish

Hey, the Marlins are in first place! That’s right!

Who Are Those Guys?

Hey, the Marlins are in first place! That’s right!

Who Ordered the Marlin Roll?

Hey, the Marlins are in first place! That’s right!

Blame It on the Boogie

Enjoy your Marlins con salsa tonight

Don't You Just Want to Pinch Their Cheeks?

Enjoy your Marlins con salsa tonight

Marlins: Double Play Heaven

  Last time we turned to Florida Marlins baseball, we watched a mediocre team being pummeled by the best in the game. The New York Yankee fans were giggling at the ineptitude of a school of Fish that could only garner three hits. It was pathetic, But that was last night. And ton ... More >>

He Is Legend

  Last time we turned to Florida Marlins baseball, we watched a mediocre team being pummeled by the best in the game. The New York Yankee fans were giggling at the ineptitude of a school of Fish that could only garner three hits. It was pathetic, But that was last night. And ton ... More >>

Midseason Marlins: Uggh-la, Trade for Branyan, and Here Come the Phillies

Hanley is one of the best players in the league, but even Batman needs Robin.Dan Uggla has yet to recover from last year's disastrous All-Star game. He committed three errors and struck out three times in that Midsummer Classic. Since that game, he is hitting .227 with 25 homers while st ... More >>

Marlins Season Gets Uggla as Clubhouse Fight Breaks Out

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Consider Fredi Fingered

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

NeckFace's "Devil's Disciple" at O.H.W.O.W. turns heads and stomachs

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Art Capsules

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Art Capsules

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Art Capsules

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Fishing for Homers in a Hurricane

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Marlins Preview: That Silence You Hear Is Miami Preparing for Another Baseball Season

Wikimedia Commons via user Djh57. If Hanley Ramirez does some amazing shit but nobody's there to see it... it's still amazing.​They live, as quietly as cloistered monks, among us. They wash our dogs, write our blogs, prepare our taxes, and, you know, do other things people do for a living. ... More >>

Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria Went to Jared for Hanley Ramirez

​Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>

Bling Brothers

​Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>

Big League Chew

​Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>

Take Me Out

​Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a choc ... More >>

Who Trashed Hanley Ramirez's Cars?

​It's a travesty. An outrage. Mess with Jorge, Josh, or Freddi -- but don't fool around with Hanley.At 11 a.m. Tuesday, April 13, Florida Marlins wunderkind Hanley Ramirez awoke from graceful slumber to find somebody had vandalized three of his matching white vehicles parked in front of his seven- ... More >>

Who vandalized Hanley Ramirez's cars?

​It's a travesty. An outrage. Mess with Jorge, Josh, or Freddi -- but don't fool around with Hanley.At 11 a.m. Tuesday, April 13, Florida Marlins wunderkind Hanley Ramirez awoke from graceful slumber to find somebody had vandalized three of his matching white vehicles parked in front of his seven- ... More >>

Meet the Mets, Beat the Mets

​It's a travesty. An outrage. Mess with Jorge, Josh, or Freddi -- but don't fool around with Hanley.At 11 a.m. Tuesday, April 13, Florida Marlins wunderkind Hanley Ramirez awoke from graceful slumber to find somebody had vandalized three of his matching white vehicles parked in front of his seven- ... More >>

The Top Five Divas in South Florida Sports

The sports world is in full freak-out mode over Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez displaying legendary laziness in botching a play and then lashing out at manager Fredi Gonzalez for benching him. Never before have scribes busted out this many synonyms for half-ass performance-- loafing, lollygagg ... More >>

Riptide Presents the All-Asshole Major League Baseball Team

Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>

Hanley Being Hanley

Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>

Diversions Readers' Poll Winners

Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>

Florida Marlins Win Two in Series With Baltimore Orioles

Denis BancroftHanley up to bat.​Your Florida Marlins last night finished their interleague series with the Baltimore Orioles. It was a series filled with ups, downs, stranded runners, bullpen implosions, and people getting fired. You know, just a typical week in the wacky world of Florida Marlins ... More >>

Our Other Big Three

Denis BancroftHanley up to bat.​Your Florida Marlins last night finished their interleague series with the Baltimore Orioles. It was a series filled with ups, downs, stranded runners, bullpen implosions, and people getting fired. You know, just a typical week in the wacky world of Florida Marlins ... More >>

Our Other Big Three

Denis BancroftHanley up to bat.​Your Florida Marlins last night finished their interleague series with the Baltimore Orioles. It was a series filled with ups, downs, stranded runners, bullpen implosions, and people getting fired. You know, just a typical week in the wacky world of Florida Marlins ... More >>

Our Other Big Three

Denis BancroftHanley up to bat.​Your Florida Marlins last night finished their interleague series with the Baltimore Orioles. It was a series filled with ups, downs, stranded runners, bullpen implosions, and people getting fired. You know, just a typical week in the wacky world of Florida Marlins ... More >>

Marlins Take Two of Three From Braves With a Pair of Walk-Offs

​Your Florida Marlins are coming off a weekend series with the NL East leading Atlanta Braves. And if you're a fan of perpetual bullpen meltdowns and shaving cream pies in the face, you're in luck! Here's how it all went down: Game 1, Marlins 7 - Braves 6: We can talk about the bullpen blowing ye ... More >>

Comedy of Errors

​Your Florida Marlins are coming off a weekend series with the NL East leading Atlanta Braves. And if you're a fan of perpetual bullpen meltdowns and shaving cream pies in the face, you're in luck! Here's how it all went down: Game 1, Marlins 7 - Braves 6: We can talk about the bullpen blowing ye ... More >>

Mike Stanton Is Your NL Player of the Week

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

Hanley Ramirez's Ginger Dye Job Has a Magical Effect on His Bat

In Hanley's head, it's always 1999.​Hanley Ramirez showed up at the Mets' Citi Field last night with a splotchy reddish dye job that made him look like the deranged love child of Sisqo and Ronald McDonald. But he had four hits in the Marlins' win, so we're guessing he'll stay with the look. Turn ... More >>

People & Places Readers' Poll Winners

In Hanley's head, it's always 1999.​Hanley Ramirez showed up at the Mets' Citi Field last night with a splotchy reddish dye job that made him look like the deranged love child of Sisqo and Ronald McDonald. But he had four hits in the Marlins' win, so we're guessing he'll stay with the look. Turn ... More >>

Astro-nomical Flop

In Hanley's head, it's always 1999.​Hanley Ramirez showed up at the Mets' Citi Field last night with a splotchy reddish dye job that made him look like the deranged love child of Sisqo and Ronald McDonald. But he had four hits in the Marlins' win, so we're guessing he'll stay with the look. Turn ... More >>

Marlins Win Nine of 11, Then Give Up 13 Runs in Two Innings

"You're trying to talk to me about earned run averages? During The War we earned all of our runs, I'll tell you that."​They were doing so well. After an atrocious June, the Florida Marlins got a new great-grandfather manager, won a long string of games and were creeping back toward .500.Then into ... More >>