After ranking all 34 cities within Miami-Dade County, we couldn't help but wonder where the major cities of Florida would stack up. So we decided to answer that question ourselves, naturally. Because what fun is the internet without arbitrary rankings? So we assembled a list of Florida's most nota ... More >>
When it rains in hell, blood flows up through the ground and soaks the Earth. And the maggots in the dirt gorge themselves on the devil's plasma until their tiny ugly bodies burst. Microscopic eggs full of long haired satanists spray everywhere, and 6 days later a new generation of Black Metal fan ... More >>
Only in Florida. Every week, so many Americans mutter those words while marveling at the latest insanity to come from our state that Tallahassee really ought to put the phrase on license plates. At Miami New Times, at least a third of our work is done by those crazies. Although it helps that Flori ... More >>
For 10 years, Gainesville indie-rock outfit Holopaw has been putting out music. First through the perennial indie label Sub Pop, and more recently via Misra Records. The band dropped Academy Songs, Volume I earlier this year, which is an oddity in the era of the single track. It follows a loose sto ... More >>
North Florida Republica Rep. Ted Yoho, a Tea Party favorite, was caught on tape last week at a town hall meeting in Gainesville claiming that the tanning tax created by the Affordable Care Act was racist. He then claimed that because he went to a tanning salon twice he's now been "disenfranchised." ... More >>
If police have an X-ray machine, there's really no place you can attempt to hide contraband. No, not even there. Cynthia M. Scholes of Gainesville was caught trying to smuggle not one, but two crack pipes into jail by hiding them in her vagina.
Tuesday evening, an 18-year-old Gainesville resident named Bamboo Flute Blanchard grabbed a pocket knife and idly thought, I wonder what it would be like to take a life? Then he wandered into the bedroom where his dad was lying, opened the knife, and plunged it into his chest.
Innasense was founded in 1990 by A Man Named Scratch, last seen in Belize after saying, "Screw the tour! Let's stay here forever." (He did, however, help the band win its coveted 1991 Best Reggae Band award from Miami New Times.) Today, the group still soldiers on with core members Jimi Dred and V ... More >>
We could assemble the greatest minds the world has to offer, and we don't think anyone could come up with a reasonable answer for what the hell Anthony Edward Warn thought he was doing.Warn, 32, apparently wandered into a middle school in Gainesville while sporting a tattoo that read "Sniper" and as ... More >>
When Craig Lowe won a run-off two years ago to become Gainesville's first openly gay mayor, many hailed it as a landmark of tolerance in conservative Central Florida. But not the local county's GOP chairman. He saw Lowe's election, he says today, as a victory by a vast liberal conspiracy to use coll ... More >>
Eric Prokopi, a Gainesville, Florida resident, faces federal charges for illegally importing a nearly compete Tyrannosaurus skeleton into America along with other fossils. Prosecutors call him a "a one-man black market in prehistoric fossils."
The University of Florida's Gainesville campus is starting to resemble the smelly apartment of an old cat lady. The school has been overtaken by more than 100 feral cats, and it's ignited a war on campus over what to do with them. While the school current's policy could lead to many of the cats bein ... More >>
If there's perhaps one thing the Trayvon Martin case has taught us, it's that we should all wait until more facts come to light before we make any absolute judgment. This is at least what a lot of my friends on the right have been telling me. Of course, now comes news that a drunk guy in Gainesville ... More >>
When you're a bicyclist, especially in Florida, don't trust anyone else on the road with your safety. A female bicyclist in Gainesville found that out the hard way. After the cyclist was sideswiped by a car, another woman offered to help her. Instead, she punched her in the face and snatched her ... More >>
Robbery suspect Michael Lynn PierceWhat in hell is going on in Gainesville? In the past week, two different elderly residents have been tied up and beaten by brazen robbers -- the latest in a spree of such crimes dating to last summer.Today 78-year-old disabled retiree Paul Quant is recovering af ... More >>
Jealousy is about as pretty as a bag full of used condoms.A woman in Gainesville stands accused of verbally assaulting a female store clerk at a Kangaroo convenience store, dumping a bag of used condoms on the counter, slinging one at the clerk, and, for good measure, exposing all of her private ... More >>
Fat Mike playing pool at his Vegas Punk House.Crossfade has experienced our share of punk houses. We've got stories about crossword puzzle face tattoos, a dumpster literally converted into a fridge, and losing an arm-wrestling match to a dog wearing an eyepatch and a Discharge butt-flap. One ti ... More >>
via myspace.com/assholeparadeAssholeparade in action.If Shakespeare got it right and brevity is indeed the soul of wit, then Assholeparade's Student Ghetto Violence is some Poor Richard's Almanack-level shit. Issued back in 2000, Student is the closest thing the Gainesville five-piece has to a ... More >>
Pastor Terry JonesPastor Terry Jones and his small Gainesville church known as the Dove World Outreach Center will continue with their plans to burn copies of the Koran, the holy book of Islam, on the ninth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks despite a growing backlash and warnings ... More >>
This sign proudly sits outside the Dove World Church.The Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville was all set to host "International Burn a Koran Day" to commemorate the 9th anniversary of 9/11 in all their joyous, ignorant, bigoted glee. But the City of Gainesville has denied them the proper ... More >>
This sign proudly sits outside the Dove World ChurchThe Westboro Baptist Church currently holds the title of most insane thing purporting to be a Christian church in America, but could a small congregation of horribly misguided Christians in central Florida soon be taking their pla ... More >>
Two children were swimming yesterday afternoon around 3 p.m. off Virginia Key near the Miami Seaquarium when they began to struggle. Two men heroically jumped in to save them. However, one man died trying to the save kids.The man, identified as Douglas Frank Butler, was visiting from Gainesville and ... More >>
via advocate.comThe Advocate, America's oldest and most respected gay publication, doesn't want to hurt South Beach's feelings. No, the poor place has been through enough in the past few months. What with ACLU lawsuits, hate crimes, and meddlesome New Times reporters chronicling its decline as a ... More >>
GAB via Flicker CCJust after midnight last November, Gordon and Barbara Taylor climbed into a privately-chartered, two-propeller airplane at Key West International Airport. Gordon, age 51, had a bad kidney and was on his way to surgery in Gainesville. So the small plane took off northbound in the ... More >>
Fort Lauderdale had its own alley cat bike race this last weekend, the River Rat race put on by Justin Brunetti, who does the South Florida Fixed blog. It was sponsored by the Bike Spot, Atlantic Bikes, and Keirin Cycles of Miami, and they all also donated their time by working at the race's chec ... More >>
Those of us familiar with the history of Hardcore Music know that Greg Ginn is not just the man, but a brilliant guitar god. He formed Black Flag in 1977, eventually releasing the band's records (as well as Bad Brains, Minutemen, Descendants, Sonic Youth, and lots more) on his own label SST. Blac ... More >>
Minneapolis drunken life-hating poppy punk masters, Off With their Heads are coming back to South Florida for a (gross) Monday night event at Goo, on April 20. This is one of those bands that is awesome live, puts out great records, and doesn't seem to give up on touring despite not being the ... More >>
One quick look at these two, and I'm sure you could decide which public restroom they'd feel more comfortable using. Well, a group of moral crusaders in Gainesville thinks the muscle-bound man on the left ought to be using the lady's loo while the fabulous woman on the right should be in the little ... More >>
Based on looks, I think they failed. Cute Is What We Aim For is likely the perfect 21st-century pop band. Almost purpose built for short-attention-span marketing campaigns, the four gents in CIWWAF focus so heavily on pop sheen, hooks, and scenester touchstones that it's often difficult to figure o ... More >>
What not to ask Tom Gabel of Against Me!
Read and listen at The Firefly
Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough
Altcountry newcomers send a mint julep postcard from Holopaw
December 17 - 23, 1998
Two members of For Squirrels die on the eve of the band's major-label debut
Some squirrels gather nuts for the winter. Others are nuts all the time.
Superstars fly personal jets from concert to concert. Real rock bands rent a van and go. Natural Causes is a real band. They're renting a van. And we're going with them.