Black metal is a spiritual music for people who like to call forth Satan. Kult Ov Azazel's founding member Xaphan is a true believer, and will prove it tonight at Churchill's Pub for the first annual Black Kvlt Metal Fest "with 2 infernal stages, and 11 Kvlt bands." Here are Xaphan's top ten Flori ... More >>
Jimmy Dewayne Whipple made a series of unfortunate mistakes on Tuesday. First, he called his local police department to report that his gun had been stolen. That's a reasonable thing to do for most people, but less of a great idea when you're a felon who is not allowed to own a gun. Whipple may ha ... More >>
Across the Everglades, all our Western neighbors in Naples are talking about is a purported UFO sighting this week at a condo building pool. Because if advanced life forms traveled from billions of light years away, their first stop would undoubtedly be a condo building pool in Naples.
Hundreds of protestors marched through downtown Miami on Saturday afternoon as part of a nationwide vigil for local teenager Trayvon Martin, one week after his killer, George Zimmerman, was found not guilty of murdering him. Miami's rally, which featured a speech from Trayvon's father, Tracy Marti ... More >>
Cheap beer, affordable tickets, swanky surroundings — what's not to like about minor and independent league baseball parks?
Congratulations, we're 119th!Gallup has once again released its annual Well-Being Index, and of the country's 189 metropolitan statistical areas, the Miami-Fort Lauderdale-Pompano area came in 119th. Which still isn't that great, but it's a stark improvement from our 146th ranking in 2011.
Immokalee farmworkers and their allies started on a 14-day, 200-mile trek across Florida to protest low wages and poor working conditions yesterday.According to Naples News, about 150 people took to the streets of Fort Myers, some holding signs, a few carrying a large paper mache farm worker that ha ... More >>
Double-platinum country music recording star and the oft-tormented Mindy McCready was found dead at her Arkansas property last night, the victim of an apparent suicide. She was 37. According to a statement released by the Cleburne County Sheriff's office, McCready died of a self-inflected gunshot ... More >>
President Obama probably has the most stressful and figuratively back-breaking job in the country, right? Wrong. Scott Van Duzer, owner of Big Apple Pizza & Pasta in Fort Myers, took the back-breaking spotlight yesterday afternoon when Obama made an unscheduled pit stop at his pizza shop and Van D ... More >>
The sight of the image of America's first black president juxtaposed next to a Confederate flag may be jarring to some, but 16-year-old Lee County resident Ryan Turner, the founder of the grassroots "Rednecks for Obama" movement (or something), says the use of the images together is meant to show th ... More >>
Despite its reputation as America's premier retirement destination, a new study shows that South Florida actually isn't the smartest place for the elderly to retire. The Milken Institute's "Best Cities for Successful Aging" rankings put the South Florida tri-county area at 37th out of America's 100 ... More >>
Today, for better or worse, the Miami market has teams in each of the big four major leagues. It wasn't always that way, though, and besides the Dolphins, Heat, Marlins, and Panthers, several other professional sports teams have called Miami home. In fact, the Magic City's colorful pro spo ... More >>
Two years ago, the Miami market lead the nation in viewership of the World Cup, so you'd figure we'd be really into all international sporting competitions. Apparently not so much. NBC has released its ratings by markets, and the Miami market didn't even crack the top 20. Which is odd, considering t ... More >>
Fudge your expenses at work and you could get fired. Fudge them when you're in Congress and you'll probably get away with it.A new anti-corruption report spells out how hundreds of U.S. representatives use their positions to enrich themselves and their families. According to the report, those engage ... More >>
So, some stupid supposed-Christian out in California decided that last Saturday was going to bring the Rapture, and a lot of stupid people and stupid media outlets decided to spread his message so other stupid people could buy into it. As we all now know that Rapture never happened, but a bunch o ... More >>
This week, Churchill's Pub hosts a pair of Drugged Conscience-sponsored concerts seething with heterogenous brutality. While the label and booking agency fits under the comfortably broad punk/hardcore banner, its showcases exemplify the manifoldness inherent in the operation's extreme music deali ... More >>
It's that time of year when college students across the country take a break from their busy schedules of binge-drinking in hoodies and sweatpants in dorms and frat houses to change it up and binge-drink in bikinis on beaches. Yes, it's spring break. As always, South Florida attracts its fair sha ... More >>
via Flickr SanFranAnnieShould good food outweigh common decency?Some people are really serious about food. Chick-fil-A, a Christian restaurant chain, came in as the number one choice in a survey among Florida Gulf Coast University students when asked which restaurants they wanted in their student ... More >>
Funny how though Tallahassee has been in the death grip of complete Republican control for more than a decade, the state still finds itself year after year with billion dollar budget holes to close. In order to shore up this year's $3.6 billion shortfall Gov. Rick Scott, several Republican politi ... More >>
via druggedconscience.comTo the outside world, Miami isn't particularly known for its punk history. We weren't part of the first wave (New York City, Los Angeles, London), we didn't invent hardcore (Washington D.C.), and we burn through venues so fast that we've never managed to forge a long-te ... More >>
Florida really is Heaven's waiting room. According to a new study by Portfolio.com, the Sunshine State is by far the most popular destination for retirees, which has major implications as the gigantic baby boomer population continues to enter retirement age. The good news for Miamians who hate ol ... More >>
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke tackles high school football coaching salaries.Florida -- and Miami-Dade -- seriously need to change the way high school ... More >>
public domain image, via Wikimedia CommonsBobby V. The week of Rick Ross' Teflon Don release madness, a whole slew of artists were around town partying or working. One was Bobby V., formerly known as Bobby Valentino until he ran into legal trouble with a British violinist of the same stage n ... More >>
Kottkamp (right) and Crist (left) in happier times with some old guy, we think Sarah Palin's grandpa.Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp will betray the man who helped raise the former Ft. Myers-area state rep from political obscurity to, um, political semi-obscurity by announcing he's endorsing Marco Rubio f ... More >>
Famous for a different kind of suit. Heat President Pat Riley has bigger problems this summer than just trying to re-sign guard Dwyane Wade. Riley is being sued for $5.5 million by a real estate broker who says the Hall of Fame coach didn't live up to a promise he made to break him off a pi ... More >>
Photo from Paragon's website, paracr.com.How come Bill Gale didn't want to talk to a New Times reporter?In 2005, Dallas resident Richard Silverman returned from vacation in Costa Rica convinced the Central American paradise was a perfect spot for a second home. So after searching online, Silverman ... More >>
Because Floridians honor the age old tradition of democracy so-so much, the current race for the state's open Senate seat now revolves around pictures of embarrassing man hugs. This truly was our founding fathers' dream.On your left you'll find a picture Florida Governor Charlie Crist embracing t ... More >>
via MaximAren't there enough aspiring swim suit models on Miami Beach looking for a sugar daddy? So how did one Miami Beach doctor get duped into thinking he was having an internet fling with a former Maxim model only to find out that he was actually trading pictures and having phone conversation ... More >>
So after the NRSC endorsed Charlie Crist over Marco Rubio in the Republican Senate primary, a lot of people implied it was a snub to Hispanics. We thought this was silly. Crist has won three statewide campaigns in a row, is an extremely popular governor, and has a national profile. He's going to win ... More >>
Have you been swindled out of your life savings in a massive Ponzi scheme? Are you looking for the perfect way to remember all those heady days of 15 percent returns before the market collapsed? Do you just love R. Allen Stanford's manly Texas mustache? via eBay listing We suggest you buy en ... More >>
Gov. Charlie Crist has secretly been in the tank for Obama since the very beginning. First he did nothing to stop Florida's primary from being ignored by the Democrats, and even as the Obama campaign has admitted, if it counted we might be dealing with President Hillary now. Then, when it came time ... More >>
Connie Mack IV represents Florida's 14th congressional district in Southwest Florida. He recently celebrated his first year of wedded bliss to California congresswoman Mary Bono (Sonny's non-Cher wife), but the two don't really split their time between Florida and California, instead raising their f ... More >>
Snap out of it, 4/20 revelers: Florida legislators want to stomp on your buzz.
Dirty deeds and unsung honors from the Ozone Awards
Nick D'Annunzio and Tara Solomon of TARA, Ink.
Public-radio lovefest, parks and mounted police, humans as panther bait
Rising rappers get close to fans on Memorial Day -- sometimes too close
Want to know more about Jeb Bush? The machinations of Florida's Republican party? Vomiting? Get on the bus.
The pros have packed up their volleyballs and split Miami Beach.