Subject: Florida Marlins

• Marlins Make a Trade… for Arthur Rhodes?

  August 1, 2008

• Retire Now, Luis Gonzalez!

  August 14, 2008

• Marlins Upgraded to a Category 5 Shitstorm

  September 3, 2008

• News Roundup

  September 24, 2008

• We Won The World Series

  October 30, 2008

• Searching for Answers

  June 4, 2009

• Wait, the Marlins Are Playing Baseball This Year?

  With all the hullaballo and hubbub over the giant tax-pit ... um ... new Marlins Stadium proposal, it's easy to forget that the Fish are still a baseball team and the new season is almost upon us. It's a shame, really. For true baseball fans, Spring Training is the best time of the year. Everyone's still a World Series contender (well, except for the Royals), the grass is green, and Joe Girardi hasn't told any owners to go fuck themselves yet.So it's ironic that the County Commission is schedule

  February 12, 2009

• Marlins Deal Kaput?

  The Florida Marlins are in desperate need of a great closer. Someone who can seal the deal with the Miami City Commission and the Miami-Dade County Commission over the team's sweetheart $630 million stadium deal. Right now the Marlins dreams of a new domed home on the former Orange Bowl site appears to be falling apart. Already facing skepticism from City Commissioner Marc Sarnoff and several county commissioners, the Marlins now have to find a way to make City Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jone

  February 27, 2009

• Marlins Balk in Overtown

  Recently, I noted the Florida Marlins were in desperate need of a good closer to seal the deal in the team's decade long quest for a new ball park. Well, they have an opportunity to get themselves one of the wealthiest relief pitchers in the real estate game to help them out. But don't expect Marlins owner Jeffrey Luria Loria to make a move.Last week, Palm Beach businessman Glen Straub offered the Miami Arena site, which he owns and which is debt-free, as the spot where the Marlins could build

  March 10, 2009

• Glenn Straub: Too little too late

  Hey Glenn Straub. I WANT to watch baseball downtown,. I WANT to TAKE the Metromover to games,But I wish you would just shut up.Straub penned a letter to the public (which you can find on the jump) defending his idea for a downtown stadium. But we've moved too far with the Little Havana stadium and I for one am sick of watching the Marlins give away every decent player who ever swung a bat for them. With the city vote yesterday voting to expand the Southeast Overtown Park West District, we have r

  March 13, 2009

• Boots With the Furrr Are Completely Unacceptable Today

  April 9, 2009

• Shear Happiness

  April 9, 2009

• Joe Six-Pack Spirit

  January 15, 2009

• Feels Like the Last Time

  Out of contention, the Marlins look to play spoiler once again.

  September 18, 2008

• Slip-Sliding Away?

  The Marlins vie for the NL East title on Super Saturday.

  August 28, 2008

• Kicking Ass, Eating Ice Cream

  This Marlins/Cubs game is all about the kids.

  August 14, 2008

• Fear the Comeback Kids

  The Marlins lead the league in come-from-behind wins.

  August 7, 2008

• Who Ordered the Marlin Roll?

  April 23, 2009

• It’s a Bear Market for Baseball

  April 30, 2009

• Will the Marlins ever win again?

  Wikimedia CommonsOur win beard is becoming unruly. We were on the top of the world, and getting everybody's attention. Regis Philbin inserted the Marlins into his daily Senile Round-up. Philadelphia sportswriters were warning fans that the Phillies had more than the Mets to worry about. "They're not a mirage and they're not going away," wrote the Daily News' Paul Hagen. "They will be a factor this season." Josh Johnson was untouchable. John Baker was suddenly the best-hitting catcher in basebal

  April 28, 2009

• Marlins Finally Win Again! Now a Reputable News Source Says They Will Win It All

  Time to shave that Rasputin-length win-beard. The Marlins are at last back in the win column after a season start that can only be described as more confusing than Charlie Crist's sexuality.via Wikipedia CommonsEven with Han-Ram on the bench, the streak ended.Somehow the Fish won 11 freaking games before they lost two and then decided to go on a seven-game sucking binge (including a three-game sweep by the Pittsburgh "Maybe Even Worse at Baseball than the Kansas City Royals" Pirates) before fina

  April 29, 2009

• Dear License Plate Jesus, Take Away This Swine Flu and Give Us Back Our Bea Arthur

  What a roller coaster this swine flu, excuse me, H1N1 is: First someone jumped the gun on reporting the first case in Florida, a lady traveled through Miami carrying the virus, then 20 suspected cases in Miami-Dade were sent for testing. None of those came back positive, but two others in Florida did. Last weekend Bea Arthur, the actress behind one of Miami's favorite fictional residents, passed away. No, it was not from swine flu. And, yes, Bea, thank you for being a friend. Speaking

  May 1, 2009

• Goodbye, Kath & Kim, You Strange Little Show

  When Kath & Kim debuted, we were pretty sure the show was set in South Florida. There was talk of driving on I-95 and Gloria Estefan Boulevard, and a deal was in the works to include the Marlins in an episode, but by the end of the season, the characters were talking openly about living in Central Florida. We never knew exactly where it was, and we guess the creative forces behind the show never figured out where it was going. NBC yesterday unveiled the first stage of its fall lineup,

  May 5, 2009

• Florida Flounder

  May 7, 2009

• The Other Ramirez

  May 14, 2009

• News Roundup

  LocalJohn McCain gives his support to Charlie Crist. Do you think he'll send Meghan to Florida to campaign and "get in touch" with "young people"? Please send Meghan. [NBCMiami]Two thugs attacked a man in a wheelchair and stole his necklace. The entire thing was caught on camera. [CBS4]The 'North Dade Rapist' committed suicide in jail. He was serving six life terms. [Herald]Neil Rogers, popular WQAM morning host, has been suspended for letting an f-bomb slip on air. [SunSent]A Houston Chronicle

  May 21, 2009

• Reality Check

  May 28, 2009

• Mascot Wars

  June 11, 2009

• Give Thanks -- You Almost Got Stuck Rooting for the Florida Flamingos

  All team names are far from created equal. Some basic math: Celtics > Raptors; Red Sox > Devil Rays; Colts > Texans; and everyone on a field, rink, or pitch outside of Anaheim laughed their asses off at the Mighty Ducks until they wised up and lost the Disney adjective a few years ago.via Wikimedia CommonsNothing strikes fear like the fightin' flamingos.In South Florida, we've been blessed with a fairly inoffensive batch of pro franchises (especially since Tampa Bay exorcised Satan from its name

  June 11, 2009

• Marlins Drop Game One to Red Sox 8-2

  The Florida Marlins kicked off their AL East six-game gauntlet by losing to the Red Sox 8-2 in a brisk game that lasted just two and a half hours, but was over long before that. Starter Chris Volstad, who took the loss and fell to 4-7, threw well for three innings but was greeted in the fourth by a mammoth blast off the bat of David Ortiz. That homer opened the flood gates as the Red Sox tacked on five more runs that inning knocking Volstad out of the game with all eight runs charged to th

  June 17, 2009

• WSJ Says the Marlins Are One Of the Dumbest Teams in Baseball

  You already know the Marlins aren't so hot at this whole baseball-playin' gig. Last night, they went 0 for 15 with runners in scoring position and tanked another game at Fenway Park.via Wikimedia CommonsOh, Hanley. What would Ben Stein say?But even as they sink into the depths of the NL East, the Fish probably shouldn't think about giving up that day job. The Wall Street Journal scoured the media guides of all 30 MLB teams today and ranked the clubs based on their book-learnin'. The Fish ended u

  June 18, 2009

• The Yankees Are in Town! And They Bring Their Prices With Them

  Some of the largest crowds of the season are expected at Land Shark Stadium when the Marlins take on the Yankees this weekend and the Marlins' brass hopes to earn some serious coin. Fans interested in catching a glimpse of a 2003 World Series rematch will be subjected to big ticket price hikes. According to Ticketmaster.com, every section at the former Joe Robbie (Pro Player? Dolphin? Whatever?) stadium is more expensive because of the Bronx Bombers' arrival. And some of the most dramatic incre

  June 19, 2009

• I’m the Ross

  June 25, 2009

• Rush Limbaugh is Apparently the New Lead Singer of KC and the Sunshine Band

  Rush- er, KC- valiantly burps down a heart attack during his July 4 concert at Landshark Stadium Since 2007, the Marlins have held their "Super Saturday" free concerts after Saturday night home games in a ploy to get people to attend games even if not for the baseball. The concerts sometimes snare an extra 10,000 fans, and KC and the Sunshine Band were last season's biggest draw, so they brought the corporate-disco outfit back for the July 4th postgame show this year. If you've e

  July 6, 2009

• Foot Parade

  July 9, 2009

• He Is Legend

  July 16, 2009

• Midseason Marlins: Uggh-la, Trade for Branyan, and Here Come the Phillies

  Hanley is one of the best players in the league, but even Batman needs Robin.Dan Uggla has yet to recover from last year's disastrous All-Star game. He committed three errors and struck out three times in that Midsummer Classic. Since that game, he is hitting .227 with 25 homers while striking out 153 times in 152 games.  To put it into perspective, Uggla came into last year's All-Star contest looking like a budding superstar. He had hit .286 and an astonishing&nb

  July 16, 2009

• News Roundup

  The ground for the Marlins' new stadium was broken. [AP]Meanwhile, Jackson Healthy System is bleeding money with a broken financial support system. [Herald]Meet Randy Young, landlord king of the sex offenders. [NBCMiami]The teenage son of a Miami district fire chief drowned in a central Florida lake. [Herald]NASA has picked its first Cuban American astronaut. [CBS4]The mom whose home was the site of the Overtown birthday party shootings has been evicted. [CBS4]The eldest daughter of the couple s

  July 20, 2009

• Peanuts, Cracker Jack, and a Closer, Please

  July 23, 2009

• Even Without Amezaga, the Marlins Are the Most Mexican Team in the Majors

  The author at a recent Marlins game.You're forgiven if you didn't catch the news that Marlins utility man Alfredo Amezaga will miss the rest of the baseball season to undergo knee surgery. Amezaga is scrappy and versatile, the type of player that can be the glue that holds a team together through the grind of 162 games. But he's no star. That said, when we heard he was done, Riptide -- OK, I won't implicate the whole office in this -- I mourned, and for more than the loss of his stella

  July 22, 2009

• Marlins Sweep Padres No Thanks to the Offense

  Hanley has been a one-man band and without protection, teams will pitch around him.The Marlins' three game sweep of the Padres couldn't have come at a better time. The Fish had lost three devastating games to the Phillies at home and trailed last year's champions by seven games in the standings. Any more losing streaks, and the Marlins' season could have been over. But terrific pitching, timely hitting, and quality defense against the Padres now means the Mar

  July 23, 2009

• Hit the Disco Ball out of the Park

  July 30, 2009

• Satchel Paige's Years in Miami

  Courtesy of Random House​Most baseball fans are familiar with Satchel Paige, the absolutely dominant Negro Leagues pitcher who played pro baseball for 40 years. In 1948, Bill Veeck, the legendary owner of the Cleveland Indians, finally gave the 41-year-old Paige a chance to pitch in the Major Leagues. It was a year after Jackie Robinson integrated baseball, but many in the Negro Leagues -- including Paige -- believed that in a just world, the old pitcher should've been given that h

  July 29, 2009

• Rent-a-Johnson

  August 13, 2009

• Good News, Bad News

  August 27, 2009

• The Naked Truth

  September 3, 2009

• David Samson and Goliath

  September 10, 2009

• The Florida Marlins Manatees shake two tons of booty

  September 24, 2009

• The Fish Get Busy

  September 24, 2009

• News Roundup

  Are the Marlins getting ready to fire manager Freddi Gonzalez? Seems like it, even though the team finished with its third best record ever, with a pitiful payroll. [NBCMiami]Homestead is gearing up for its first art gallery walk. Every town has them now, so why not Homestead? [Herald]Florida has its first Powerball winner. Unfortunately it's not me; it's someone from Orlando. [Herald]Maybe the winner will pack his bags and head to Cuba, because apparently travel between the countries is fl

  October 5, 2009