Fidel Castro

Radio Mambi's Armando Perez Roura Calls Hugo Chavez a Dead Trojan Horse

As hundreds of Venezuelans converged in Doral to celebrate the passing of the Bolivarian revolutionary Hugo Chávez, Miami's number one Cuban exile radio provocateur, Armando Pérez Roura, spent yesterday afternoon proselytizing how Chávez's death was a major blow to the Cuban government. ... More >>

Fidel Castro Goes Out in Public: Continues to Be Not Dead

There are two great myths about Cuba: that Fidel Castro is already dead, and that they actually have democracy. Well, yesterday Castro was spotted out in public for the first time in three years to cast a ballot in yesterday's general election. Because, you know, every vote is really important in Cu ... More >>

Fidel Castro, the Kardashians Are Less Popular Than Congress (Unlike Cockroaches and Head Lice)

Who knew Fidel Castro and the Kardashians had anything in common?Turns out few things are actually less popular than the United State Congress right now. According to a poll by Public Policy Polling, Americans find head lice, Brussels sprouts, traffic jams and cockroaches more preferable than Congre ... More >>

Fidel Castro Reportedly Made Public Appearance at Havana's Hotel National

Wow, what opportune timing.After weeks of the rumor mill churning out reports of Fidel Castro's ailing health, the retired Cuban dictator has reportedly made an appearance at Havana's famed National Hotel and talked to hotel workers for about half an hour.

Mayor Tomas Regalado Zings the Marlins On Rumors of Castro's Death

Remember how the City of Miami made some controversial plans to allow protesters to gather in the Orange Bowl when Fidel Castro dies? Yeah, well, the city has never updated those plans even though the Orange Bowl was demolished and replaced with the Marlins Stadium.Don't expect the city to make new ... More >>

Fidel Castro Supposedly Releases Letter to Downplay Rumors He Had a Brain Aneurysm

ABC, one of Spain's largest newspapers, ran a story earlier today claiming that Fidel Castro had suffered a massive brain aneurysm and is slowly dying. Their source: a doctor who lives in Naples, Florida. The Cuban Government apparently decided to combat the rumors by releasing a letter today c ... More >>

Rumors Spread of Fidel Castro's Dementia As He Offers No Congratulations To Hugo Chavez

Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and Cuba's Fidel Castro are socialist brothers-in-arms, so the fact that Castro didn't issue a public congratulations to Chavez on his win in Sunday's election raised some eyebrows. Twitter took off with rumors of the dictator's death, while others theorize that Castro's heal ... More >>

Cuban Radio Is Dying Because of Aging Hardliners and Miami's Changing Market

Fidel Castro's Columns Just Keep Getting More Bizarre

Fidel Castro is apparently undeterred by American speculation about the recent brevity and downright bizarreness of his Reflection of Fidel newspaper column. The retired dictator dropped not one but two new pieces in the state media yesterday. One was some nonsense about yoga, while the other w ... More >>

Fidel Castro's Columns Are Getting Really Strange and Really Short

Fidel Castro is not known for his brevity. He once gave a speech that last for more than seven hours, and his written works never exactly skimped on their word counts either. Until recently. Castro's column, Reflections of Fidel, which is carried in virtually all official newspapers in Cuba, have go ... More >>

Fidel Castro May Have Photobombed His Way Onto Colombia's 1,000 Peso Bill

There's no denying that the guy behind the Mariel Boatlift and the Cuban Missile Crisis can cook up a damned devious trick when he wants to. But did Fidel Castro really photobomb the Colombian 1,000 peso bill?Colombia has been rumbling this week with the conspiracy theory that a young Castro's face ... More >>

Fidel Castro Asks, "What Does a Pope Do?" Pope Zings Back About His Age (Video)

​In perhaps the most important meeting of octogenarians all year, Fidel Castro and Pope Benedict XVI sat down yesterday in Havana for a brief, 30-minute tête-à-tête. During the meeting, Castro asked Benedict what exactly a pope does, while Benedict made a bit of a zinger about their old age.

Fidel Castro Has Found Jesus, Will Ask Pope For Forgiveness, Daughter Says

​Decades after his education by Havana Jesuits, is Fidel Castro starting to feel kinda bad about the whole renouncing religion and being a hated dictator stuff? According to his Miami-based daughter Alina, the Marxist in fact has "come closer to religion" as he edges stubbornly toward death. Vatic ... More >>

Fidel Castro Calls Republican Primary a "Competition of Bullshit"

​In a move that Republican presidential hopefuls will probably milk for all it's worth as they travel in and out of Miami this week, former Cuban President Fidel Castro today called the field competing for the Republican presidential nomination, "the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance th ... More >>

Fidel Castro Endorses Robot in U.S. Presidential Race

​If you ask some of your more ill-informed Republican friends they'll probably tell you that Barack Obama and Fidel Castro are like totally BFF4eva, but Cuba's ailing retired dictator isn't a big fan of Obama. Nor does he like the Republican candidates much either, or so he seems to think. In fact ... More >>

Castro Death Meter: Fidel More Dead Than Kim Jong Il's Dead Body, Say Medical Experts

​Pobre Fidelito. Being a dying dictator was his idea. But now Hugo Chavez has fat cancer, and Kim Jong Il went to ride his giant rabbits in the sky. Nobody's paying attention to the totally dead antics of Fidel Castro. He's like the fourth-grade girl who wore Silly Bandz before it was kewl. ... More >>

Fidel Castro Is the Only Thing Less Popular Than the U.S. Congress

​The popularity of the U.S. Congress is at an all-time low. A recent CBS News/New York Times poll shows that just 9 percent of Americans approve of the federal legislative body. How bad is that? Well, just about the only thing Americans hate more than Congress is Fidel Castro.

Fidel Castro Is Still Alive and Has a New Hat: Cuba Releases New Photos

​Like a cockroach, Fidel Castro just won't die. After the American press began printing speculative stories about Fidel's relative silence in the past few months, the Cuban government has finally released new pictures of everyone's least favorite retired dictator demonstrating the great feat of be ... More >>

Fidel Castro Quit as Communist Party Leader Five Years Ago, Just Bothered to Let Everyone Know Now

​Facing failing health in 2006, Fidel Castro transferred his presidential title and duties to his brother Raúl, but it was thought he still held onto his power as chief of the Cuban Communist Party. In a newspaper column published today, though, Castro revealed he resigned that post five years ag ... More >>

This Week in Cocaine, Castro, and LeBron

​TWCCL is a new weekly installment bringing you all the news you need on the three issues that matter most to Miamians. COCAINE: Big bust of the week: $217 million in cocaine, seized at a shipping port in Kingston. An eight-ball was found at the Kennedy Space Center. This is the second time i ... More >>

Fidel Castro Thinks NATO Will Invade Libya for Oil

​As Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi has gone straight up tyrant in his country by ordering the killing of protesters seeking an end to his rule, some of his close allies across Latin America seem to be sticking with him. In fact, Fidel Castro thinks that the protests will be used as an excuse for th ... More >>

After battling Castro, James Cason takes on Coral Gables

Fidel Castro Assassination Mission in New Call of Duty Game Pisses Off Cuba

via Call of Duty: Black Ops​Want to kill Fidel Castro? Think you've got what it takes to gun down the guy who's survived almost 700 assassination attempts, from exploding cigars to fungus-infested wetsuits to handgun wielding psychos? Now's your chance thanks to the new entry in the Call of D ... More >>

Future Perfect

Fidel Castro Takes Responsibility for Discrimination Against Gays in Cuba

​It is a rare day when Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro admits that he was wrong, and accepts blame. In a lengthy two-part interview Mexican newspaper La Jornada, which may be one of Castro's most candid interactions with the press ever, he accepts blame for the vast discrimination against homosexuals ... More >>

Fidel Castro Thinks Osama bin Laden is a CIA Agent

​We don't think anyone can accuse Fidel Castro of ever being a clear minded, rational guy, but in his old age he's apparently becoming quite the crazy conspiracy theorist. First there were his rumblings about the Bilderberg Group, and now he thinks that Osama bin Laden is actually a CIA Agent who ... More >>

Fidel Castro Now a Bilderberg Group Conspiracy Theorists

​Fidel Castro has a new favorite book: Daniel Estulin's The True Story of the Bilderberg Group, which is more or less full of conspiracy theories. Tinfoil hats are recommended accessories when reading it. Castro's three page story in Wednesday edition of communist party newspaper Granma largely qu ... More >>

Fidel Castro Death Meter

Castro Death Meter: Fidel Is Only 32 Percent Dead and Might Never Shut Up, Scientists Believe

Fidel Castro has put aside the too-old-to-care tracksuits and unearthed his old olive-green military uniforms. He has returned to his weathered rut in front of the Cuban parliament, back on television, ranting incessantly again. As Elton John would say: The bitch is back.

Paraplegic Prisoner Arrives in Miami, Castro Calls for Return of "Cuban 5"

Fidel gets emotional talking about "The Cuban Five"​Trade between the U.S. and Cuba may be reaching its nadir, but prisoner exchanges seem to be just getting started.On the day when paraplegic political prisoner Ariel Sigler Amaya arrived in Miami, a video of Fidel Castro shows the jefe supremo pr ... More >>

Fidel Castro to Appear on Cuban TV Tonight to Warn of Obama's Nuclear War

​Fidel Castro is ready for his first closeup in years. After pictures surfaced in the past few days that pro-government sources claim are of the ailing dictator making a rare public appearance, Cuban media reports Castro will appear on Cuban television tonight to promote his theory that the United ... More >>

LeBron James' Handy Miami Primer

​Hey there, LeBron, why are you riding your bicycle around Opa-Locka? What's that, you're lost and disoriented? Well, fold this handy primer into your pocket and South Florida will seem just like home, you'll see! "Cleveland rocks": "I'm in Miami Bitch" Polish: Cuban Pasty whiteness: Orange ... More >>

Cuban News: Fidel Castro Linked To Arrested Cancun Mayor, Mexican Drug Cartel Los Zetas

Every week, exiled Cubans are pissed about something. If it's not a Los Van Van concert, it's Hugo Chavez. Protesting outside Versailles is their idea of a Glee club, and their favorite pastime is tacking on new crimes, no matter how far-fetched, to Fidel Castro's long list of offenses. ​In this ... More >>

Your Week In Fidel Castro Fantasies: U.S. Sank South Korean Ship, Wants Nuclear War With Iran

Fidel Castro may indeed be 83 percent dead, based on our crack team of unpaid but enthusiastic scientists' latest calculations, but that 17 percent still kickin' can spin a better conspiracy theory than Rush Limbaugh.(On second thought, isn't Castro basically Cuba's Rush at this point? He spends his ... More >>

Hugo Chavez Wants Fidel Castro to Be His Twitter Friend

​Hugo Chavez just found this cool new thing on the internet called Twitter, and he's only two years behind the rest of the world. He's really excited about it though, even though he's only on his second tweet, and reportedly wants the rest of Latin America's Socialist Three Stooges, Fidel Castro a ... More >>

This Week's New Times Broward-Palm Beach Split the Uprights

​Just a few items we tackled in this week's New Times Broward-Palm Beach print edition.In Music: Pitbull is throwing a party on Sunday. Carnaval Miami and Calle Ocho's guest list includes T-Pain, Flo Rida, Sean Paul, Spam Allstars and a million or so of their closest friends. Someone was also gon ... More >>

Miami has dozens of Fidel Castros

Cuban killer Luis Posada Carriles goes on trial

Fidel on Wheels

​Breaking: Fidel Castro is not dead. But he recently sat on a chair with wheels. What does this mean? We have no idea. Though experts tell us that Castro will likely die. Sometime. Eventually. Because he is mortal and pretty damn old. The photos show Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega meeting with ... More >>

Castro Death Meter: Experts Estimate Fidel Is Now Only 63 Percent Dead

Not that dead.​Could it really have been only January that Riptide, having gathered information from high-level sources within the Versailles Cafée waitstaff, declared Fidel Castro was "Totally Dying This Time, for Reals"?  Now it seems El Supremo is less dead than ever. Recent pictures show ... More >>

Fidel Castro Met with Perennial C-Lister Aubrey O'Day

Fidel Castro apparently once took time out of his busy schedule of ruining Cuba to meet with reality contestant turned fame whore Aubrey O'Day. She came away from the encounter with the impression Castro was "brilliant."O'Day came to "fame" as a cast member on Diddy's reality show, Making the Band, ... More >>

Fidel Castro Rubs His Continued Existence in Perez Hilton's Face

​As GossipCop reminds us, today is the two-year anniversary of Fidel Castro's death. Well, the two-year anniversary of when Perez Hilton declared him dead, by doodling the word dead over the dictator's wrinkled forehead, in his trademark MS Paint white. Of course, a new photo of the former le ... More >>

Breaking News: Washington Couple Busted Spying for Cuba

A former US State Department employee and his wife have been busted in Washington D.C,. spying for Cuba. Walter Kendall Myers and his wife, Gwendolyn, worked for Fidel Castro for 30 years, according to an indictment handed down by the US Attorney General's office this afternoon. Myers had top secre ... More >>

Castro Eats Hot Pockets

Jacob Katel Que rico es capitalismo! Funny things happen when you set three alarms at two minute intervals on your cellphone and you snooze each one. High velocity REM sleep dreams.Two days in a row I dreamt I called Castro's office to interview him for Short Order.This morning I got through ... More >>

Swine Flu in Cuba, Castro Has a Conspiracy Theory

The fear over swine flu might be dissipating now that health officials are telling us the worst could be over, but one country has just experienced its first case: Florida's nearest international neighbor, Cuba. The Castro regime hoped to keep Cuba swine-flu-free by placing strict restrictions on tr ... More >>

Beat Up Castro Thugs and Hang with Corrupt Miami Cops in The Godfather II

Unfortunately, Riptide is not on any free videogame press lists, but The Godfather II game comes out today. The advance reviews are favorable, but no one is claiming this is a better game than the Grand Theft Auto series (then again, what is?). In that game, however, you didn't get to beat any Fide ... More >>

Newspapers Planned Fidel's Death. Oops!

For the past 30 years or so, Miami newspapers have prepared for Fidel Castro's death. Soon after I arrived at the Herald in 1989, I updated a lengthy obituary of the Cuban dictator that was kept on file at the newspaper. Even then, the article's author, Guy Gugliotta, had left the paper. We scramble ... More >>

Argentina Prez Says Fidel is Doing Fine

Peronist Argentine President Cristina Kirchner had a face-to-face chit chat with Fidel Castro today, and told the Government's press agency that Castro seems to be in good health. This conflicts with recent front page news that Castro is near death. She also reports that Castro watched Obama's swear ... More >>