Fidel Castro

Rewarding the Dictator

Castro Who?

Castro Is Dead. Or Not.

Cuban Political Prisoner Recognized

He's Back!

Fidel being Fidel: ex-dictator defends judge-kicking Cuban Olympian

Why Is Fidel Hanging Out with Russian Orthodox Priests, Anyway?

Fidel and Vladimir Gundjaev The haggard remains of Fidel Castro made headlines earlier this month for meeting with a Russian Orthodox priest in Havana. The story was newsworthy mostly because the meeting produced the first photo of the ailing Cuban dictator since early this summer. But a larger ... More >>

Castro Is Totally Dying This Time, for Reals

Hey, have you heard? Fidel Castro might totally be dying! Seriously, some guy who served Riptide a café cubano on Calle Ocho says his brother in Matanzas is tight with Fidel's chauffeur's third cousin who told him that Fidel is ALREADY DEAD.Hey, it's as reliable a source as any on the bearded one's ... More >>

Argentina Prez Says Fidel is Doing Fine

Peronist Argentine President Cristina Kirchner had a face-to-face chit chat with Fidel Castro today, and told the Government's press agency that Castro seems to be in good health. This conflicts with recent front page news that Castro is near death. She also reports that Castro watched Obama's swear ... More >>

Newspapers Planned Fidel's Death. Oops!

For the past 30 years or so, Miami newspapers have prepared for Fidel Castro's death. Soon after I arrived at the Herald in 1989, I updated a lengthy obituary of the Cuban dictator that was kept on file at the newspaper. Even then, the article's author, Guy Gugliotta, had left the paper. We scramble ... More >>

Beat Up Castro Thugs and Hang with Corrupt Miami Cops in The Godfather II

Unfortunately, Riptide is not on any free videogame press lists, but The Godfather II game comes out today. The advance reviews are favorable, but no one is claiming this is a better game than the Grand Theft Auto series (then again, what is?). In that game, however, you didn't get to beat any Fide ... More >>

House of Laughs

Just the Funny finds a home for its comedy.

The Greatest Generation

El Jefe and Hef turn 81

Our Favorite Son

El Jefe and Hef turn 81

Evil, Done Doggy-Style

El Jefe and Hef turn 81

Swine Flu in Cuba, Castro Has a Conspiracy Theory

The fear over swine flu might be dissipating now that health officials are telling us the worst could be over, but one country has just experienced its first case: Florida's nearest international neighbor, Cuba. The Castro regime hoped to keep Cuba swine-flu-free by placing strict restrictions on tr ... More >>

Castro Eats Hot Pockets

Jacob Katel Que rico es capitalismo! Funny things happen when you set three alarms at two minute intervals on your cellphone and you snooze each one. High velocity REM sleep dreams.Two days in a row I dreamt I called Castro's office to interview him for Short Order.This morning I got through ... More >>

Breaking News: Washington Couple Busted Spying for Cuba

A former US State Department employee and his wife have been busted in Washington D.C,. spying for Cuba. Walter Kendall Myers and his wife, Gwendolyn, worked for Fidel Castro for 30 years, according to an indictment handed down by the US Attorney General's office this afternoon. Myers had top secre ... More >>

Fidel Castro Rubs His Continued Existence in Perez Hilton's Face

​As GossipCop reminds us, today is the two-year anniversary of Fidel Castro's death. Well, the two-year anniversary of when Perez Hilton declared him dead, by doodling the word dead over the dictator's wrinkled forehead, in his trademark MS Paint white. Of course, a new photo of the former le ... More >>

Fidel Castro Met with Perennial C-Lister Aubrey O'Day

Fidel Castro apparently once took time out of his busy schedule of ruining Cuba to meet with reality contestant turned fame whore Aubrey O'Day. She came away from the encounter with the impression Castro was "brilliant."O'Day came to "fame" as a cast member on Diddy's reality show, Making the Band, ... More >>

Castro Death Meter: Experts Estimate Fidel Is Now Only 63 Percent Dead

Not that dead.​Could it really have been only January that Riptide, having gathered information from high-level sources within the Versailles Cafée waitstaff, declared Fidel Castro was "Totally Dying This Time, for Reals"?  Now it seems El Supremo is less dead than ever. Recent pictures show ... More >>

Fidel on Wheels

​Breaking: Fidel Castro is not dead. But he recently sat on a chair with wheels. What does this mean? We have no idea. Though experts tell us that Castro will likely die. Sometime. Eventually. Because he is mortal and pretty damn old. The photos show Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega meeting with ... More >>

Cuban killer Luis Posada Carriles goes on trial

​Breaking: Fidel Castro is not dead. But he recently sat on a chair with wheels. What does this mean? We have no idea. Though experts tell us that Castro will likely die. Sometime. Eventually. Because he is mortal and pretty damn old. The photos show Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega meeting with ... More >>

Miami has dozens of Fidel Castros

​Breaking: Fidel Castro is not dead. But he recently sat on a chair with wheels. What does this mean? We have no idea. Though experts tell us that Castro will likely die. Sometime. Eventually. Because he is mortal and pretty damn old. The photos show Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega meeting with ... More >>

This Week's New Times Broward-Palm Beach Split the Uprights

​Just a few items we tackled in this week's New Times Broward-Palm Beach print edition.In Music: Pitbull is throwing a party on Sunday. Carnaval Miami and Calle Ocho's guest list includes T-Pain, Flo Rida, Sean Paul, Spam Allstars and a million or so of their closest friends. Someone was also gon ... More >>

Hugo Chavez Wants Fidel Castro to Be His Twitter Friend

​Hugo Chavez just found this cool new thing on the internet called Twitter, and he's only two years behind the rest of the world. He's really excited about it though, even though he's only on his second tweet, and reportedly wants the rest of Latin America's Socialist Three Stooges, Fidel Castro a ... More >>

Your Week In Fidel Castro Fantasies: U.S. Sank South Korean Ship, Wants Nuclear War With Iran

Fidel Castro may indeed be 83 percent dead, based on our crack team of unpaid but enthusiastic scientists' latest calculations, but that 17 percent still kickin' can spin a better conspiracy theory than Rush Limbaugh.(On second thought, isn't Castro basically Cuba's Rush at this point? He spends his ... More >>

Cuban News: Fidel Castro Linked To Arrested Cancun Mayor, Mexican Drug Cartel Los Zetas

Every week, exiled Cubans are pissed about something. If it's not a Los Van Van concert, it's Hugo Chavez. Protesting outside Versailles is their idea of a Glee club, and their favorite pastime is tacking on new crimes, no matter how far-fetched, to Fidel Castro's long list of offenses. ​In this ... More >>

LeBron James' Handy Miami Primer

​Hey there, LeBron, why are you riding your bicycle around Opa-Locka? What's that, you're lost and disoriented? Well, fold this handy primer into your pocket and South Florida will seem just like home, you'll see! "Cleveland rocks": "I'm in Miami Bitch" Polish: Cuban Pasty whiteness: Orange ... More >>

Fidel Castro to Appear on Cuban TV Tonight to Warn of Obama's Nuclear War

​Fidel Castro is ready for his first closeup in years. After pictures surfaced in the past few days that pro-government sources claim are of the ailing dictator making a rare public appearance, Cuban media reports Castro will appear on Cuban television tonight to promote his theory that the United ... More >>

Paraplegic Prisoner Arrives in Miami, Castro Calls for Return of "Cuban 5"

Fidel gets emotional talking about "The Cuban Five"​Trade between the U.S. and Cuba may be reaching its nadir, but prisoner exchanges seem to be just getting started.On the day when paraplegic political prisoner Ariel Sigler Amaya arrived in Miami, a video of Fidel Castro shows the jefe supremo pr ... More >>

Castro Death Meter: Fidel Is Only 32 Percent Dead and Might Never Shut Up, Scientists Believe

Fidel Castro has put aside the too-old-to-care tracksuits and unearthed his old olive-green military uniforms. He has returned to his weathered rut in front of the Cuban parliament, back on television, ranting incessantly again. As Elton John would say: The bitch is back.

Fidel Castro Death Meter

Fidel Castro has put aside the too-old-to-care tracksuits and unearthed his old olive-green military uniforms. He has returned to his weathered rut in front of the Cuban parliament, back on television, ranting incessantly again. As Elton John would say: The bitch is back.

Fidel Castro Now a Bilderberg Group Conspiracy Theorists

​Fidel Castro has a new favorite book: Daniel Estulin's The True Story of the Bilderberg Group, which is more or less full of conspiracy theories. Tinfoil hats are recommended accessories when reading it. Castro's three page story in Wednesday edition of communist party newspaper Granma largely qu ... More >>

Fidel Castro Thinks Osama bin Laden is a CIA Agent

​We don't think anyone can accuse Fidel Castro of ever being a clear minded, rational guy, but in his old age he's apparently becoming quite the crazy conspiracy theorist. First there were his rumblings about the Bilderberg Group, and now he thinks that Osama bin Laden is actually a CIA Agent who ... More >>

Fidel Castro Takes Responsibility for Discrimination Against Gays in Cuba

​It is a rare day when Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro admits that he was wrong, and accepts blame. In a lengthy two-part interview Mexican newspaper La Jornada, which may be one of Castro's most candid interactions with the press ever, he accepts blame for the vast discrimination against homosexuals ... More >>

Future Perfect

​It is a rare day when Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro admits that he was wrong, and accepts blame. In a lengthy two-part interview Mexican newspaper La Jornada, which may be one of Castro's most candid interactions with the press ever, he accepts blame for the vast discrimination against homosexuals ... More >>

Fidel Castro Assassination Mission in New Call of Duty Game Pisses Off Cuba

via Call of Duty: Black Ops​Want to kill Fidel Castro? Think you've got what it takes to gun down the guy who's survived almost 700 assassination attempts, from exploding cigars to fungus-infested wetsuits to handgun wielding psychos? Now's your chance thanks to the new entry in the Call of D ... More >>

After battling Castro, James Cason takes on Coral Gables

via Call of Duty: Black Ops​Want to kill Fidel Castro? Think you've got what it takes to gun down the guy who's survived almost 700 assassination attempts, from exploding cigars to fungus-infested wetsuits to handgun wielding psychos? Now's your chance thanks to the new entry in the Call of D ... More >>

Fidel Castro Thinks NATO Will Invade Libya for Oil

​As Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi has gone straight up tyrant in his country by ordering the killing of protesters seeking an end to his rule, some of his close allies across Latin America seem to be sticking with him. In fact, Fidel Castro thinks that the protests will be used as an excuse for th ... More >>

This Week in Cocaine, Castro, and LeBron

​TWCCL is a new weekly installment bringing you all the news you need on the three issues that matter most to Miamians. COCAINE: Big bust of the week: $217 million in cocaine, seized at a shipping port in Kingston. An eight-ball was found at the Kennedy Space Center. This is the second time i ... More >>

Fidel Castro Quit as Communist Party Leader Five Years Ago, Just Bothered to Let Everyone Know Now

​Facing failing health in 2006, Fidel Castro transferred his presidential title and duties to his brother Raúl, but it was thought he still held onto his power as chief of the Cuban Communist Party. In a newspaper column published today, though, Castro revealed he resigned that post five years ag ... More >>

Fidel Castro Is Still Alive and Has a New Hat: Cuba Releases New Photos

​Like a cockroach, Fidel Castro just won't die. After the American press began printing speculative stories about Fidel's relative silence in the past few months, the Cuban government has finally released new pictures of everyone's least favorite retired dictator demonstrating the great feat of be ... More >>

Fidel Castro Is the Only Thing Less Popular Than the U.S. Congress

​The popularity of the U.S. Congress is at an all-time low. A recent CBS News/New York Times poll shows that just 9 percent of Americans approve of the federal legislative body. How bad is that? Well, just about the only thing Americans hate more than Congress is Fidel Castro.

Castro Death Meter: Fidel More Dead Than Kim Jong Il's Dead Body, Say Medical Experts

​Pobre Fidelito. Being a dying dictator was his idea. But now Hugo Chavez has fat cancer, and Kim Jong Il went to ride his giant rabbits in the sky. Nobody's paying attention to the totally dead antics of Fidel Castro. He's like the fourth-grade girl who wore Silly Bandz before it was kewl. ... More >>

Fidel Castro Endorses Robot in U.S. Presidential Race

​If you ask some of your more ill-informed Republican friends they'll probably tell you that Barack Obama and Fidel Castro are like totally BFF4eva, but Cuba's ailing retired dictator isn't a big fan of Obama. Nor does he like the Republican candidates much either, or so he seems to think. In fact ... More >>

Fidel Castro Calls Republican Primary a "Competition of Bullshit"

​In a move that Republican presidential hopefuls will probably milk for all it's worth as they travel in and out of Miami this week, former Cuban President Fidel Castro today called the field competing for the Republican presidential nomination, "the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance th ... More >>

Fidel Castro Has Found Jesus, Will Ask Pope For Forgiveness, Daughter Says

​Decades after his education by Havana Jesuits, is Fidel Castro starting to feel kinda bad about the whole renouncing religion and being a hated dictator stuff? According to his Miami-based daughter Alina, the Marxist in fact has "come closer to religion" as he edges stubbornly toward death. Vatic ... More >>