Erik Spoelstra

Heat Breaks Franchise Record for Home Wins, Beats Bulls 105-93

LeBron James scored 24 points and Dwyane Wade had 22, leading the Heat to a 105-93 victory over the Chicago Bulls Sunday. The win moved Miami to 36-4, breaking the prior record of 35-6 set by the 2004-05 Heat.Chalmers and Birdman Andersen both scored 15 in the win, while Carlos Boozer finished with ... More >>

The Heat's Winning Streak Hits 22, the Second-Longest Ever, With Victory Over Raptors

For a moment on this lazy Sunday afternoon in Toronto, it seemed as though it might all end for the Miami Heat exactly where it began. For a moment. With the game tied at 77 early in the fourth, the Heat turned on, well, the heat, blasting off on a 28-4 run to help secure a win for the 22nd straight ... More >>

Heat Pull Out 11th Straight, Beat Cavs 109-105

No Oscars were awarded for Dwyane Wade's fourth-quarter performance Sunday night. Just another Miami Heat win, that's all. With his team down seven with just under four minutes to go, the man they once called "Flash" played the role of superhero, scoring 11 of his 24 in the game's final five minutes ... More >>

Rejoice, Miami: Chris "Birdman" Andersen Is Now a Member of the Heat

In a move that's a longshot to fix the Miami Heat's rebounding woes but is a surefire, lead pipe lock to fix the lack of hilarious people on the Heat to write about on local blogs, the team has signed Chris "Birdman" Andersen, the heavily tatooed big man last seen leaving Denver amidst a federal pro ... More >>

Reader Mail: The TSA Is a Modern-Day Nazi Goon Squad

Ozzie Guillen Wishes He Was Erik Spoelstra

While the Miami Heat paraded down Biscayne Boulevard on Monday, hoisting their trophy from the top of double-decker buses, all Marlins Manager Ozzie Guillen could do was watch. He'd been there before. Once as a member of the coaching staff of the 2003 Marlins, and again as the manager of the Chicago ... More >>

"Whereas... LeBron James Decided to Take His Talent to South Beach": The Awesome Congressional Resolution Congratulating The Heat

It seems that Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen went all fan girl when drafting up a Congressional resolution to congratulate the Miami Heat on their NBA championship, because the thing is actually the rare Congressional measure that's a pleasure to read. It's basically a manifesto on why the Heat are just s ... More >>

29 Ways for Miami to Celebrate If the Heat Clinch the Title Tonight

If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his stupid diet meals.Miami can' ... More >>

Best of Miami 2012: 25th Anniversary

Things More Popular Than Rick Scott: LeBron James, Gay Marriage

Floridians continue to hate Gov. Rick Scott. In fact, 56 presently disapprove of his job handling, while only 31 percent approve. Things as polarizing as the Miami Heat and gay marriage are actually more popular in the state right now. Public Policy Polling decided to just ask Floridians how they fe ... More >>

If The Heat Lose Tonight, Who Might Not Be Wearing a Miami Jersey Next Year?

This is a silly, stupid little post to be writing. The Heat will of course stage a magnificent comeback tonight and go on to emerge victorious in the finals, because whatever powers that rule the universe will decide to give Miami, this muggy land of hurricanes, poverty, foreclosures and zombie atta ... More >>

Heat Choke Away Game 5, One Loss Away From Elimination

Holy fucking ass clenching horsefuckery, this team!!The Miami Heat had everything in its favor. A game at home. A 13-point lead in the second quarter. A 9-point lead in the third. The Boston Celtics stars struggling on offense. A chance to go up 3-2 and force Boston to win two games in a row.And yet ... More >>

Heat Drop Two in Boston as Series Goes 2-2

The Miami Heat went into Boston over the weekend and promptly took a giant shit all over their season, as they allowed the Undead Celtics to fight their way back into the Eastern Conference Finals and knot things up at two games apiece. Games 3 and 4 were near mirror images of each other as the Heat ... More >>

Chris Bosh Coming Back For Game 5

Chris Bosh is coming back for Game 5 of the Heat-Celtics series, according to ESPN. We haven't been this excited about anything Bosh-related since he first signed with the Heat, because good basketball lord the Heat seriously need something to get them over the hump and finish off this series agains ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Implodes as Heat Fall Into 2-1 Hole Against the Pacers

Up until last night, the story of this Eastern Conference semi-final was Chris Bosh's abdominal strain and how much the Heat would miss him. But after last night's 94-75 blowout loss to the Pacers, the story is now how Dwyane Wade magically transformed into an amorphous blob of basketball shittiness ... More >>

LeBron James Scores 17 in the Final Five Minutes To Lead Win Over Nets

Up until the last 50 seconds of last night's 101-98 win over the New Jersey Nets, the Miami Heat were flat out refusing to give a single fuck. Oh they had fucks. Had them stored away somewhere. Perhaps in a box inside a FedEx truck marked "playoffs." But they just weren't going to be giving any away ... More >>

Heat Turns In Worst Offensive Performance of Year, Loses to Celtics

​The Miami Heat has been unstoppable at home since the All-Star break. On the road, however, the team has been a big, heaping pile of ass. And that was certainly the case yesterday during their 91-72 gag reflex of a loss to the Boston Celtics.Rajon Rondo recorded a triple-double against Miami's de ... More >>

Udonis Haslem Really Is Thinking About Running for Mayor of Miami

After last night's game against the Kings, Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra joked that Udonis Haslem will "eventually ...be mayor of this town." Turns out that Haslem has actually given some thought to a political future, and may someday actually run for mayor of Miami. Watch out, Tomas Regalado.&nbs ... More >>

Chris Bosh Is A Smooth Operator: Heat Take Down Cavs

BoshBalls!​The Miami Heat seemed to have been sleepwalking through the first three quarters of last night's game against the Cleveland Cavaliers. And all that dicking around might have cost them the game if not for Chris Bosh blowing up with his 17 fourth-quarter points.Miami was able to sustain s ... More >>

LeBron Goes Off, Heat Win, All is Well

It took three games and a half of shitty basketball, but the Miami Heat finally got their mojo working in the second half of last night's game, and eventually blew away the visiting San Antonio Spurs 120-98.With a hobbled Dwyane Wade unable to play on his birthday, it was up to LeBron James and Chri ... More >>

NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Win Championship, LeBron Has Good Shot at MVP

​It's tough to find a group of people who know the NBA more than the league's own group of general managers. For the tenth year in a row, NBA.com surveyed all 30 GMs to get their take on the state of the league, and 74.1 percent think the Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship. They also think L ... More >>

Don't Make Chris Bosh Angry

​The Miami Heat took down the tough Chicago Bulls 96-85 in an Eastern Conference Finals Game 3 that featured tough defense, gay slurs, Miami fans berating Charles Barkley, LeBron James obliterating Kyle Korver, and Chris Bosh exploding all over Chicago's face. The Heat now have a 2-1 lead in the b ... More >>

LeBron James' Clutch Balls

​LeBron James has taken a lot of shit this year. Mainly because he decided to exercise his perfectly legal right to join another team through free agency. SO EVIL! And then he went and celebrated his signing with the Heat in front of the local fans with a fire works show. SO IMPERIOUS!He's also ha ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Heat Close Out 76ers, On To Boston

​Dwyane Wade scored 26, Chris Bosh added 22 and LeBron James finished two assists shy of a triple-double in last night's 97-91 win over the Philadelphia 76ers.But, more importantly, we finally have the answer to the who should have the ball in his hands with the game on the line at crunch time? qu ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Heat Fail to Sweep 76ers

​The Miami Heat shot 39 percent from the floor, went 5-for-23 from the three-point line, got only 16 total points from their bench, zero points from their starting point guard, and 1 point from their starting center.But all everyone is going to remember from their 86-82 Game 4 loss to the Philadel ... More >>

Heat Playoffs: Late-Game Rally Gives Miami 3-0 Edge

​The Philadelphia 76ers jumped to an early lead, keeping the Miami Heat at bay for much of Game 3.And then the Heat said enough of that already and rallied their way to a 100-94 comeback win to take a commanding 3-0 series lead.The Heat should know that, although we fans like it when they win, we' ... More >>

It's The End of the World As We Know It!: Cavs Stun Heat

​It's Christmas morning for the Heat Haters Dick Biters Brigade! Because the lowly 15-58 Cleveland Cavaliers took down and exacted revenge on LeBron James and the Miami Heat last night in a 102-90 win.The Heat were outplayed and out hustled on both ends of the floor. And even though they eventuall ... More >>

Heat Avenge 30-Point Loss to the Spurs With 30-Point Win

​Just ten days ago, the Miami Heat were in the midst of a five-game losing streak that included a season sweep at the hands of the Chicago Bulls and a press conference where head coach Erik Spoelstra told everyone that his players were crying after a loss. In the mix was also a 30-point loss to th ... More >>

Miami Heat Have Yet Another Late-Game Meltdown, Get Swept By Bulls

​The Miami Heat had yet another late-game collapse, losing yet another game at the buzzer and going down to yet another playoff-caliber team when they lost 87-86 to the Chicago Bulls yesterday. And while the Heat are now 0-6 against the Celtics and Bulls, and 1-9 against the NBA's top five teams, ... More >>

Despite Late-Game Rally, Heat Lose to Boston for Third-Straight Time

​The Miami Heat entered today's game against the Boston Celtics with a chance to take sole possession of first place in the East. They also entered the game riding a pretty nifty eight game-winning streak. But those things quickly turned to the proverbial mound of cat turd as the C's held off ... More >>

LeBron-less Heat Trounced by Nuggets

​The Miami Heat suited up against Denver last night without LeBron James and his karma-fucked ankle. This was also the last game before the Heat return to the east coast where when it's 7:30, it's not actually 10:30. Mix in a dash of Mario Chalmers bricks and a Mike Miller who suddenly treats the ... More >>

LeBron James Decides Heat's Nickname is "The Heatles," Unfortunately

​Back when LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined Dwyane Wade down here in Miami there was a mini-obsession with finding the perfect nickname for them. There was talks of Miami Thrice, MV3, the James Gang, and even three-headed shitstorm. Though, we never really settled on anything, did we? Well, the ... More >>

Heat Take Down Jazz, Extend Win-Streak to Six

​The Miami Heat overcame a raucous Salt Lake City crowd and a few relentless Utah Jazz rallies and came away with the 111-98 victory against the vaunted Jazz last night. It was the team's sixth straight victory after their much ballyhooed loss to the Dallas Mavericks three weeks ago when LeBr ... More >>

Heat Fall to the Celtics, Drop to 5-4

​"It's reality now. The chemistry isn't at the level of these good teams." So said LeBron James following the Heat's 112-107 loss the Boston Celtics Thursday night at the American Airlines Arena. The Heat have now dropped 13 of the last 14 regular season meetings to the Celtics, have fallen t ... More >>

Live Blog: Heat vs. Celtics

​Have no one to watch tonight's Heat-Celtics NBA season debut with? You do have someone to watch it with but they don't provide the same award-winning rapier wit-like banter you find here on your friendly neighborhood Miami New Times blog?Well have no fear! Because the Riptide 2.0 Heat vs. Celtics ... More >>

Penny Hardaway Wants to Come Back to the Heat

​Penny Hardaway has a lot to be proud of: four times an NBA All-Star, an Olympic gold medalist, and the world's most memorable basketball puppet. What he doesn't have, however, is a championship ring. Maybe that's why he wants to come out of retirement and play, once more, for the Heat.

Pat Riley summoned forces of evil to lure LeBron to the Heat

In Miami, Greed Is Good Again, and It's All Thanks to Evil Genius Pat Riley

Terez Owens​For a city that made a mound of cocaine a must-have desktop accessory and likes its Brittos to match its Lamborghinis, this level of glossy athletic excess is only appropriate: Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, and LeBron James, three of the best ballers in the NBA, all descending on Miami to b ... More >>

Rumor: LeBron Flying to Miami Tonight; Fact: Spoelstra Likely to Remain Heat Coach

​Even with a major piece of the NBA free-agency puzzle being settled this morning, rumors continue to fly while others are put to rest. That one about Pat Riley reinstating himself as coach of the Heat? As far as Chris Bosh has heard, current coach Eric Spoelstra is staying put. That one about LeB ... More >>

Free Agency: Heat Has Already Contacted Amare Stoudemire and Chris Bosh

​The NBA's free-agency period began at midnight, which means we can finally start getting some facts to go with all of the insane rumors and mindless speculation. Our Miami Heat, which has basically put all of its eggs in this year's free-agency basket, is already hard at work trying to woo big na ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Denies He's Visiting Knicks; Meanwhile Radio Host Tweets LeBron and Bosh Coming to Miami

​This past Friday, ESPN's Ian O'Connor made a million Miami hearts sink by reporting Dwyane Wade was set to visit the New York Knicks this Thursday, the same day Chris Bosh and LeBron James were said to be meeting with the struggling franchise in the nation's biggest media market. However, th ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls: Moving On Up

​Jermaine O'Neal must be an avid reader of Riptide, because last night it looked like he was motivated by one of our posts when he led the Heat to one of its most lopsided victories of the season. The team ripped the Bulls a new one to the tune of 103-74.O'Neal got to the business of kic ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Orlando Magic: Behind the Eight Ball

​Well, it's official. Dwyane Wade needs a crap-load of help. Sure it was great to see D-Wade back in action last night after being sidelined with a strained calf since February 17. But even with Wade doing his usual routine of denting asses in a single bound, the Miami Heat continued to suffer fro ... More >>

The Heat Is Done. Now Can We All Agree the Team Drafted the Wrong Guy?

The Heat's season ended yesterday pretty much the same way it played out all year long -- as a one-man D-Wade show. via Wikimedia CommonsOops. Wrong pick.Unfortunately for the Heat, Sunday's game was one of those "Wade can't possibly carry these clowns all by himself" duds, instead of those "Holy cr ... More >>

His Blood Is Like Gatorade

Streak Busters

The Heat hosts the red-hot Orlando Magic.